• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Are marriage vows Biblical?

Joleneakamama

Joleneakamama

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Female
Disclaimer!! I wouldn't want anyone who reads this to get the false impression that I do not value marriage, or take it seriously. For the record, I think it is among the most important privileges and duties of mankind.

Since God in His infinite wisdom allowed for divorce, who are we as mortal fallible humans to go pledging our futures, when we may very well, a few years down the road, run into one of the situations God had in mind when he allowed for divorce?

With God's judgments we often read something to the effect of "...so shall you put away the evil from among you." In the Bible one can even find places where a spouse was required to do worse then divorce a partner. The law required death for anyone who violated the first commandment. Since we no longer have such laws enforced, which would end a marriage by the death of the idolatrous party, how smart is it to take a vow pledging your future life?
Given the agency of man (God did make it possible for any of us to choose to do evil) binding yourself by a vow to another mortal's future that has not yet been decided is basically agreeing to something sight unseen, or that has not yet been decided.

Most believers would break off a marriage over clear violations of scriptural law, but then why take vows that may need to be broken? Wouldn't it be better to enter into a marriage, only agreeing to be married as long as you want to be? I mean who wants a partner that is forced to stay with them? And who would want to have to choose between moral duty under current circumstances, and a vow or covenant made previously?

For all the reasons listed here, and perhaps some I couldn't find words to articulate, I no longer see taking marriage vows for life (or longer as the LDS do) to be a scriptural or wise thing to do, but rather a people (spouse) pleasing tradition, born out of pride or perhaps silly emotion.

Does anyone have a scriptural argument FOR marriage vows?
 
Vows or not, Rom 7:1-3 (if memory serves), and 1 Cor 7:?? say that you and your spouse are bound together. So vow or not would seem to make little difference.
 
Joleneakamama said:
Does anyone have a scriptural argument FOR marriage vows?
Click to expand...

Not FOR marriage vows, per se. However, it should be understood that entering into a covenant union comes with predetermined requirements, as directed/determined/defined by God, that one is essentially agreeing to.
 
I think you're asking what kind of vow (or agreement) is best suited for forming a marriage?

Traditionally (in most Christian circles) a marriage vow is considered a covenant agreement. What's a covenant? A covenant is an amazing legal vehicle: It requires the agreeing party(s) to fulfill all obligations of the agreement no matter what the other people do (or don't do). Covenant relationships are amazingly useful - it gives such peace of mind that the other party will always be there for me no matter how I mess up - and a sense of responsibility to not screw up because they'll be stuck with me! God's relationship with us a covenant (if we screw up, he keeps believing the best for us, keeps serving us, keeps forgiving us - well, at least 70 times 7 :D ). So does the Bible recommend that a covenant agreement be used in marriage relationships?


  • • I'm flabbergasted that I didn't see anything in the Moses books about marriage being a covenant relationship (mind = blown)!!
    • I found marriage described as a covenant in Malachi 2:14-16 and Jeremiah 31:31-32.
Based on these verses I don't think it's a horrible idea to use a covenant relationship for marriage however I'd want to do a lot more research before saying this broadly.
 
JustAGuy said:
A covenant is an amazing legal vehicle: It requires the agreeing party(s) to fulfill all obligations of the agreement no matter what the other people do (or don't do).
Click to expand...

This is precisely the reason I was saying that it may not be wise to pledge your future life to someone who is capable of sinning.
I have a wonderful husband, but if I had a Ted Bundy for a hubby, and he went to death row, I would not want to be tied to him by my vow (or covenant) until such time as the state finally got around to his well deserved execution!

Since the Bible talks about judgment, and a second death, it seems even God does not forgive all sins.
We are the ones required to forgive our "brother" when he asks us, until 70 times 7.

A covenant as I understand it, is a binding contract, that is in effect as long as there is no breach by either party. God doesn't break His covenants, but then He is all knowing, and knows the cost before He commits Himself. He is also all powerful, and has unlimited resources at His disposal.

I totally agree it's best for each party in a marriage to do their best regardless of whether or not the other is holding up their end, and I really don't see an "out" in marriage for two believers (nor do I want one) but making a commitment that is open ended, when we cannot see the future, still seems to me a prideful thing to do.

Does anyone here remember the story of the man returning from battle, who promised to sacrifice whatever/whoever came out to meet him when he returned home, and it ended up being his much loved daughter?
THAT is my objection to the traditional marriage vows. "Till death do you part" might be long after a partner deserves to die, and I would not want to be tied by a vow, to someone like that. And another thing. I don't want my husband's only way to get rid of me, to be by my death. I do trust his love for me, but when I think of how often men fail to have real moral strength, and when I read about dowry deaths or killings, that are supposedly happening among christians as well as Hindus and other faiths, I become very convinced that since God allowed for divorce, we should not promise more then we can guarantee. And that stops at the now moment. You can affirm your love daily, go above and beyond what you have promised and stay with your partner when they don't deserve your loyalty for your entire life. But to promise what you may have no way of making good on, doesn't make sense to me.
 
No biblical justification for marriage vows specifically. However a promise to be committed to each other following the Biblical pattern is highly desirable in my mind. In our society, when so many people decide to just live together without serious commitment, you need to know that this person actually intends to be your committed spouse. So there is a need for something to give assurance, but no biblical requirement. If we lived in a society where whenever a man and woman chose to shack up they were considered married there would be no need for such promises as the very act of taking her home would count as that promise.

The other issue here is how unbiblical our standard marriage vows are. Have a think about the standard Anglican vow for a bride:
I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
Click to expand...
Think about each point carefully. There's a lot of nice stuff there. But strictly speaking, which points actually come from the Bible?
Only "obey". And possibly "according to God's holy ordinance", as that is a promise to follow Biblical instructions.
Which is the one phrase that you virtually never hear at a wedding these days? The only one that actually comes directly from the Bible!

In the man's vows, the only point that is directly Biblical is "to love". The rest is fluff, and the "forsaking all others" bit that appears in many versions is, for him, unbiblical of course.

So I think from an emotional and practical perspective it is very desirable to make some sort of promise to follow God's instructions on marriage. But I can't support the classic marriage vows either.
 
Joleneakamama said:
A covenant as I understand it, is a binding contract, that is in effect as long as there is no breach by either party.
Click to expand...

Many Biblical covenants remain binding even though there may be breach such as:
• http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... rsion=NKJV
• http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=MSG
• http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=MSG

Other covenants don't:
• http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=NIV

I can't remember a marriage in the Bible that mentions an agreement (like Hosea's marriage to Gomer below):
• http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=MSG

But since the below two verses mention that marriage is a covenant/agreement, I agree with FollowingHim that it's wise to have a public agreement of some kind:
• http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=ESV
• http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=MSG

Remember we don't have to go-it-alone on these marriage vows! I like to remember Jesus is daily supernaturally rearranging things behind the scenes to strongly support the commitment my wife and I have made. It's a 3-way marriage vow, right?!! Jesus will do almost anything to support us as we bring out the best in our spouse(s) by loving, honoring, serving and having fun together.
 
good question, Jolene.
the reality is that we go into a covenant relationship with full knowledge that it CAN be broken, but fully confident that WE will not break it.
sadly, "life happens" and the unthinkable sometimes seems the only way forward.

I speak from experience :(

scripturally, marriage is for life. vows reflect that even if failure later happens.
to water down those vows is preparation for, and acknowledgement of, the inevitability of future failure.
 
This passage makes me question the idea of marriage vows being biblical.

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ 34 But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. 36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

Matthew 5:33-37a | ESV
 
My take away on that would not be that you shouldn’t make an oath. Rather, when you swear an oath, be very simple with the oath.

Don’t swear it on my life, or swear to God and hope to die or on your mothers grave or any of the other silly frivolous ways to prove your sincerity.

Rather when you speak an oath, make it short and sweet and to the point and let your word be your bond.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
My take away on that would not be that you shouldn’t make an oath. Rather, when you swear an oath, be very simple with the oath.

Don’t swear it on my life, or swear to God and hope to die or on your mothers grave or any of the other silly frivolous ways to prove your sincerity.

Rather when you speak an oath, make it short and sweet and to the point and let your word be your bond.
Click to expand...


“But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all”

Seems kind of hard to get around this part, IMO
 
In Jesus time they made an oath/ contract or Katubah and he never said anything against it and in fact performed his first miracle at a wedding. I do prefer the way Jewish culture does weddings. One it is a big celebration and 2 it is a contract outlining who does what and what each person is responsible for. So if swearing an oath messes you up. Think making a contract.
 
Asforme&myhouse said:
“But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all”

Seems kind of hard to get around this part, IMO
Click to expand...
But when God could swear by no greater, he swore by himself. And also made oaths to multiple people throughout scripture. I’m pretty sure those did not originate from evil.

The take away seems to be don’t swear an oath on something you have no control over. You do have control over your performance of a spoken vow. Let your yea be yea, and your nay be nay. Those are the simplest form of an oath.
 
We're getting into semantics here. I believe @Verifyveritas76 is using 'oath' as 'covenant,' whereas @Asforme&myhouse is quoting Scripture in which 'oath' is referring to 'swearing allegiance to.'

My take is that we should form covenants with each other but should not do so in a way that swears allegiance to any state or any church.
 
I think the explanation is in semantics.

A covenant is an agreement. In effect as long as all parties involved are on the same page. Covenants can be added to or taken away from as long as all parties involved agree to it. It is possible to break a covenant. Which by effect releases the other parties involved.

A vow is a contract which is in effect for the time specified. It is ridgid and can't be altered without violation. Which is why I believe there shouldn't be marriage vows. If you vow to obey than the first time you disobey you have violated that vow.
But just because one party violates a vow does not release the other party from what they vowed.

My take is that a simple low burden covenant would be the best path.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
But when God could swear by no greater, he swore by himself. And also made oaths to multiple people throughout scripture. I’m pretty sure those did not originate from evil.
Click to expand...

God is not us and has an ability to fulfill his oaths we do not.

I'd rather just follow the simply command, "Do not take an oath at all" than try to make logical justifications why we don't need to.
 
Verifyveritas76 said:
The take away seems to be don’t swear an oath on something you have no control over. You do have control over your performance of a spoken vow. Let your yea be yea, and your nay be nay. Those are the simplest form of an oath.
Click to expand...

I think you’re reading that into the text. God can swear oaths because God can keep them with 100% surety, because He is God, we on the other hand are a different matter.
 
Keith Martin said:
We're getting into semantics here. I believe @Verifyveritas76 is using 'oath' as 'covenant,' whereas @Asforme&myhouse is quoting Scripture in which 'oath' is referring to 'swearing allegiance to.'
Click to expand...

The context of the verse in question is making oaths before God ie. marriage vows, which is also the context of this thread. Covenants, are not the topic of this thread.

Keith Martin said:
My take is that we should form covenants with each other but should not do so in a way that swears allegiance to any state or any church.
Click to expand...

Again, the context of that passage, is not swearing allegiance to a state or church, but oaths made to before God.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top