Blessed are they who mourn

[P. Jagger]

I know I'm new here and don't feel like it's my place to request your prayers, but truth be told, I need them. Five days ago, I miscarried. Although I hadn't know about the pregnancy for very long, my heart is heavy. I have never had such sorrow and guilt. I have never been so lonely and uncertain. Forget the lost sheep alagory, I feel like the sheep who fell overboard, sunk to the bottom of the ocean, and got drug off by the undercurrents to parts unknown.

"Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted" - Matt. 5:4. I trust that God sees my tears and will heal my heart.

 

[NetWatchR]

PJ,

My most sincerest of sorrows. I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I may be closer than most. When we lost our first, it was devastating. You have done nothing that you should feel guilty for and you are not alone. Hang on to those you have around you and do not allow yourself to push them away. Latch onto whatever support you can find. Whatever you do, do not ignore any feelings and express them to whom you hold closest to your heart.

Share with your husband all you feel, but do not expect the same emotional response. He feels it too, but probably not the same way you do. He will also need to know how to comfort you. Even if it is simply saying, “Hold me”. Also know that you may have to force yourself to limit your time of mourning. It will never be easy to talk about, but you cannot allow it to dig a hole and bury you inside.

I'll pray for your continued comfort and talk to my wife so that she may pray on your behalf as well.

 

[FollowingHim]

Praying for you also, we've been there too. In fact, many if not most couples have to deal with this at some point. It is far more common than you realise, because people feel guilty or ashamed about it and don't talk about it openly. This means that when a woman is going through it, she doesn't know who to talk to about it, and feels she too has to hide it. The tradition in our society of not telling people you're pregnant until about 12 weeks in case you lose the baby before then just reinforces this emotionally damaging practice (these days we tell people from about the time we have a positive pregnancy test, knowing that if we do lose the baby we will need their understanding and support).

Don't feel guilty. Don't feel ashamed. Death is a part of life. Don't hide that you're grieving, but be honest with people that you are. You will probably find people you never expected have gone through this as well.

I agree with NetWatchR, your husband will be upset but not in exactly the way you are, and will need you to tell him how best to support you at this time. Speak openly with your female friends about it, and they will be able to offer you support also.

 

[P. Jagger]

I would like to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers. I am blessed to know such compassion. Ya'll have been a bigger help than you could ever know - a thousand thanks. One day I hope to be a light in the darkness for you, as you've been to me.

PJ

 

[ChrisM]

May I also offer our sincere prayers on your behalf? Sara and I lost a baby at just 6 weeks, and while men do not fully comprehend the loss of a child that is literally part of their body, I think Sara and I went through a very similar experience and did so together at every point. When we lost a son during childbirth at 37 weeks, that was seemingly a bit harder. Holding his little lifeless body in my arms still haunts me to this day, 4 years later. Sara seemed to know (( believe supernaturally) that we would not be able to revive Joshua, but my adrenaline kicked in and it was hours later before I really believed he was gone. For years we had considered pregnancy a preparation to the life of our child, but now we view things differently. We now enjoy each day of pregnancy (and we tell people as soon as we know) as a gift from God with out unborn children. We have been greatly blessed as we prepare the family for another blessing from the Lord, choose names, pray for and sing to our babies. The pain and sorrow may come and go for years. Sometimes an anniversary of the death, a "due date" that reminds us of our loss, or even just seeing another family with a newborn baby, along with a thousand seemingly unconnected situations will make me think of our precious children no longer with us. I take these times to thank God for their short lives, their impact on our family, my precious wife, each child that is still with us, and of the day when Christ will come again and receive us unto Himself. On that day, every tear will be wiped away, no more pain nor sorrow will darken our hearts and minds. I believe we will understand more fully on that day the purposes of the all knowing God of creation, and we will rejoice in His perfect plans for mankind, for eternity. What a glorious day that will be, to see Jesus our Savior and Lord face to face! 2 Samuel 12 recounts the loss of King David's son, and while that circumstance is quite different, it is interesting to see the mourning of that man of God, as he faithfully held that he would one day see his son again.

As others have said, this is truly a child that has died, a precious and unique creation of God, one that is precious in His sight, one that will touch the heart and mind of your family and remind you of the precious fragility of life. I pray that you will be drawn closer to the Lord in faith through this difficult trial. If you would like to just talk about this, my wife would gladly make time to help however she can. Our email (we share one) is cowperthwaitefamily@gmail.com.

We have a blog that we post to from time to time. It is called "Remembering Joshua" and it has a lot of helpful links, info, and shares a bit of what God has taught us. If you are interested, we hope that something we shared there would be helpful to you. http://rememberingjoshua.blogspot.com/p/getting-past-fear.html

http://rememberingjoshua.blogspot.com/p/story-of-joshua.html

 

[FollowingHim2]

I am so sorry to read this. Like FollowingHim says, we have been there. So many women have, you would not believe it. It does get a little easier over time but there are still things that will make it difficult again, other women pregnant, the due date etc. I still miss my babies and it's been nearly 5 years.

At least we can have comfort that one day we will go to heaven and our children will walk up to us and introduce themselves to us. I'm looking forward to that.

Even though this pregnancy had a tragic ending, your baby was still loved and you did the best you could to look after him/her. You did the best job a mummy could do.

Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss.