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Can you see more than one person when looking for a spouse?

So I think polygamy is probably okay but I'm still not quite sure.

I am not necessarily saying that dating/courting is the best way to find a wife. There are other methods like matchmaking, "mail order" bride sites, and arranged marriages.

Sometimes people think it is only okay to talk to one woman about marriage at a time?

If you consider polygamy okay, is it okay to talk to multiple women at the same time who you might consider marrying? Or would women who believe in polygamy still consider it offensive to talk to court or discuss marriage with two women at the same time. Are you expected to only pursue one woman at a time and then after getting your first wife you can pursue one more women?

For instance let's say you are on a polygamy matrimony site and there is one woman that you are fairly certain she is the one you want to marry the most and she is interested in marrying you, is it okay to talk to the other woman on the site, or do you only talk to her, until you have married her. Then wait until you know you are ready for a second wife, and then look for the second wife.

After you get your first wife, is the process to find a second different. Like are the wive(s) usually okay with you asking another woman out who you have just met right in front of them, because they know you are looking for an extra wife. Or do they consider it flirting because I am quite sure it is still wrong to look at the potential marriage candidate with lust, until you have her as an extra wife? For instance if a woman believes in Monogamy and her husband is at a restaurant and he likes the waiter and asks her phone number the wife will get offended. But if your wife believes in polygamy would she never get offended if you did something like that unless she saw you were lusting after the woman?

Do these questions make sense or do I need to word them better?
 
Re: Can you see more than one person when looking for a spou

Well, they make sense, but there is no manual. Certainly no Biblical mandate. So we're all figuring it out as we go.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with getting acquainted with lots of women, even at the same time. Some may well turn into lifelong friends even though you don't marry them. Nothing wrong with that.

However, what you do NOT want to do is tell Jill that you have to get married at 11 o'clock so as to have tme to get through the reception cause you're scheduled to marry Angela at 4. "Huh? Angela who? You're WHAT? Oh, H... NO!"

Do I think it advisable to go beyond friendship to courting two or more women at once? Not unless they're best friends who have decided they'd prefer to stay together by marrying the same guy. But that's my opinion.

At the minimum, you'd best be open about what you're doing if you want to build a foundation of trust. Make sure each knows about and comes to know the others you're actually courting. So if that's what you truly want to do, you're in an all-fired rush, have at it, and let us know how it works out, ok? :)
 
Re: Can you see more than one person when looking for a spou

"Can you see more than one person when looking for a spouse?"

Sure, why not?



(Cecil is correct, and there's certainly no Scriptural prohibition.)

But to elaborate a bit more...

There should be no harm done, whenever we meet with people (men OR women), treat them honestly, interact with them according to the principles of the Torah, and in general, are "known by our GOOD fruit". Whether any women that this might include are eventually potential helpmeets or not - for whatever reason - is far less important than the fact that we walk in obedience to Him.

If we do as He asks, we WILL be blessed. 'How' is ultimately up to Him...and is wonderful, regardless of how it ultimately works out.
 
Re: Can you see more than one person when looking for a spou

I have the same question but I am a single woman looking for a family to join... So is it appropriate to be talking to more then one at a time?
 
Re: Can you see more than one person when looking for a spou

Mark C said:
"it is far less important than the fact that we walk in obedience to Him.

If we do as He asks, we WILL be blessed. 'How' is ultimately up to Him...and is wonderful, regardless of how it ultimately works out.

Mark, I really appreciate your constant reminders that walking in full obedience to our Father is all that matters. It is a huge blessing to me.

Katie
 
Re: Can you see more than one person when looking for a spou

Kissie6484 said:
I have the same question but I am a single woman looking for a family to join... So is it appropriate to be talking to more then one at a time?
in my opinion it is fine, but please realize that the situation is different. i can build a relationship with two girls at the same time and conceivably marry both of them. if you start building a relationship with multiple families you are going to have to vote all but one of them off the island at some point. please let them all know that they are not the only family that you are considering.
you may not realize how deeply both a husband and wife can fall in love with a girl (and her children), but we can and do. the pain of rejection and sense of loss is there, bigtime.
having brought that pain back up, i realize that it is not so fine. contacting more than one family at a time may not be a problem, but please be very careful and open after you have weeded out that situations that are not a "fit".
it is not that we are fragile, but the fact is that the more we can open our hearts, the more vulnerable we become
 
Re: Can you see more than one person when looking for a spou

discus:
i agree strongly with all that both marc and cecil wrote
 
Re: Can you see more than one person when looking for a spou

Kissie6484 said:
I have the same question but I am a single woman looking for a family to join... So is it appropriate to be talking to more then one at a time?

A big positive for the single women looking is the option to look at many families, kick tires so to speak, and get out there and see what you like and do not like. Take your time, and I would suggest letting everyone know that they are not the only family which will take the pressure off of you and the family as well. You can always decide that you are not interested in a particular family out of a group, but when you get involved with one and only one, if you think you are not in a good match, the shift away might be difficult. The whole point is to establish friendships first, with the man and the wife, pretty important thing when the commitment is for the rest of your life. This is one time to be selfish and make sure you are getting the proper Godly union.

Whatever you do, take your time, the poly world seems to be and easy one for people to try to fit pieces together that might not really be a right for each other.
 
Re: Can you see more than one person when looking for a spou

Paul not the apostle said:
Kissie6484 said:
I have the same question but I am a single woman looking for a family to join... So is it appropriate to be talking to more then one at a time?

A big positive for the single women looking is the option to look at many families, kick tires so to speak, and get out there and see what you like and do not like. Take your time, and I would suggest letting everyone know that they are not the only family which will take the pressure off of you and the family as well. You can always decide that you are not interested in a particular family out of a group, but when you get involved with one and only one, if you think you are not in a good match, the shift away might be difficult. The whole point is to establish friendships first, with the man and the wife, pretty important thing when the commitment is for the rest of your life. This is one time to be selfish and make sure you are getting the proper Godly union.

Whatever you do, take your time, the poly world seems to be and easy one for people to try to fit pieces together that might not really be a right for each other.


Thank you:) I agree!!
 
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