Children and PM

[Soldier's Psalm]

I have wondered how do your children come to accept PM? Did you come into PM when they were young or older? How did the dynamics change?

 

[frederick]

My kids are all adults and they shunned me.

 

[The Revolting Man]

The younger they are the less it blows their mind. My 14 year old son didn't even blink when I ambushed him with a retreat. My stepdaughter had to be reminded that there were polygynous families there when she went. I believe she was 10. The younger kids who have gone are of course oblivious.
Some of my older children though still haven't grasped that I'm not kidding. I think most will tell you not to make a big deal about it and take them to a retreat.

 

[PeteR]

Our guys were all older teens. We had a family Bible study on Biblical roles of men and women. As we studies some of the examples from Genesis we naturally covered poly and its legitimacy before God. Most have been to a retreat and loved it.

While we are still growing and its not a regular topic or being practiced, they have zero problem when it comes up.

 

[Pacman]

Mine know where I stand on it. Although I’m sure it would be a lot for the older two (16 and 13) to handle if I ever took an additional wife.

I honestly have been starting to think that God lead me here because of them and the possibility that they will be poly... But only God knows that. Either way I think it’s good for them to be knowledgeable about it because it is biblical truth...

 

[PeteR]

Agreed with the same sense, but feel it is my/our responsibility to live/walk/example it for them so they can do it better. I.e., we are their living examples that plow the field and remove stones so they can reap a full harvest.

 

[mystic]

I can't speak directly to OP's question, but a remark from Ancient Paths brings to mind some thoughts I've had:

we are still growing and it's not a regular topic or being practiced [...]

You already exemplify biblical marriage when you attend to headship.

Polygamy is about allowance for more than one wife, not necessarily the presence of such. I never say a person is "not practicing" based on the number of wives.

 

[FollowingHim2]

I had an interesting conversation recently with our 10 year old son. The kids know PM is in the bible, they know there's nothing wrong with it. We've discussed it with them plenty of times, and shown them pictures of families with more than one wife, even video chatted with them. We discussed how some people had been kicked out of church because they believed in PM, and they expressed outrage and couldn't understand why that would happen.
But for some reason our son hadn't worked out that this would be a possibility for our family.
We were looking at the meme thread, and I saw the one where a woman had come home to her sisterwife having done all the cleaning. I said that I'd love that, wouldn't it be great if Dad had another wife? Our son was completely shocked. He said, "What? No. Why would he want another wife? I mean, isn't he content with you?" I explained everything to him of course, I said that the word content had nothing to do with it, and I do wonder if he's heard that from other family TBH. Here I thought the kids were all on board, but the thought of it actually being a reality for us was a surprise. Our children are young, and they will deal with the situation fine if it comes up, but it just shows that you have to keep talking to your kids about it, and if this is something that you're planning on doing then you need to let them know it's a possibility for your lives.

 

[The Revolting Man]

I can't speak directly to OP's question, but a remark from Ancient Paths brings to mind some thoughts I've had:

You already exemplify biblical marriage when you attend to headship.

Polygamy is about allowance for more than one wife, not necessarily the presence of such. I never say a person is "not practicing" based on the number of wives.

I love this!

 

[frederick]

Here I thought the kids were all on board, but the thought of it actually being a reality for us was a surprise.

That's a very good point FH2, and it applies to everyone, not just kids. There seems to be a disconnect between theory and practice in many aspects of Christian life/living. For example, ask any Christian father if he wants his kids to grow up to be godly kids and I am certain he'll say, Yes. But ask him what he's actually doing as a father to put Eph. 6:4 into practice and he'll struggle to give real life examples. The command in Eph. 6:4 to bring your children up in the training and admonition of the Lord is specifically given to fathers yet most fathers have no idea how to make it a reality for the kids God has given them. So yes, I fully agree with your statement below.

it just shows that you have to keep talking to your kids about it, and if this is something that you're planning on doing then you need to let them know it's a possibility for your lives.

Amen!

 

[Verifyveritas76]

Ditto what all these guys have posted. For us, it was a combination of them meeting the sweet families at a retreat as well as conversations talking about the theory of poly first. The practical side of things should be approached and discussed after the theoretical has been accepted. If you both have a good relationship and your kids know it, it will be worlds easier for them to accept that you’d never replace their mother or divorce her. Usually that is their biggest roadblock to accepting it in theory or reality. You have to understand that their security lies in your your security. Make sure that they know that you both are on the same page and moms ok with it and it will make a world of difference. This applies for external family and friends as well.

 

[rejoicinghandmaid]

My 6 children are all adults. @Verifyveritas76 is my oldest son, (not the oldest child) and he introduced the idea of PM to me so obviously you know where he stands on the subject. Two of the boys under him have both very vehemently rejected the concept when I spoke to them individually. A 4th son began asking questions about why couldn't a man have more than one wife when he was in his early teens. He and I can have an open conversation on the topic, but he doesn't want to consider the possibility for his home at this time. His very sweet wife completely disagrees with the idea. I have not even touched on the subject yet with my oldest, a daughter and her husband; however, I'm positive they will be as adamant as the two boys. The youngest daughter began giving the pat list of reasons people use as to why it is wrong when I broached the subject with her. At that point I was still so new to BF that I felt unqualified to refute her list so I decided it probably would be best to let @Verifyveritas76 talk with his sister and hopefully do a much better job of explaining than I could at that point. @Verifyveritas76's 4 children are the only grandchildren of my 15 who have an understanding of PM. I have 2 in their early 20's from my first child--to whom I've not even mentioned the topic yet, so neither have I discussed it with her children. These adult children seem to think when YHWH allows me to remarry, if I choose to be in a PM setting, it will be an unnecessary and avoidable complication to our family as it currently exists. They feel I'm viewing myself as a 2nd-class person to even consider a PM relationship. I'm thankful my Lord has brought me to a position of TRUST in Him that is outside of my children's circle.

 

[Keith Martin]

My 6 children are all adults. These adult children seem to think when YHWH allows me to remarry, if I choose to be in a PM setting, it will be an unnecessary and avoidable complication to our family as it currently exists. They feel I'm viewing myself as a 2nd-class person to even consider a PM relationship. [/USER]

I keep looking for that wonderful thread I've been encouraging you to begin, @rejoicinghandmaid: you know, the one you start by writing your very coherent argument for why most men who are preparing themselves for Biblical polygyny would make good husbands . . .

Hint hint!