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Ever feel not good enough?

sweetthing26

sweetthing26

Member
Okay so I guess today kinda marks a point at which I don't know if I am strong enough to practice PM. I am feeling like I might not ever be good enough to be a SW because I am very extroverted and some have said that this personality type will not work in PM because of the discretion that is involved in PM. Then again I may just be having a second thought moment and I will be okay in the morning? I just want to know if any other ladies struggle with this feeling?
Liz
 
Well Liz,

I'm a very open and outgoing woman however I know that in order to keep my family life harmonious there must be some discretion. My hubby is actually at a cross road right now as our orginal choice for a SW has returned and asked for the chance to be a part of the family and he has started to develop feelings for a new person.

I have no issues with either woman however I have voiced my opinion to him and he knows how I feel.

God must be trusted in every aspect of PM and if you are feeling because you are an extrovert that you can't be in a PM I think you have to look at your priorities. If you were led to the right person could you be discrete? Could you be trusted to not tell everyone you meet that you are involved in a polygnous relationship?

Those are some things you may need to consider.
 
Thanks Nikkismom,
I guess I was just feeling a little down when I wrote this out. I know that I could and would have to be discrete about the lifestyle and if he is the right husband for me that will be easy.Also guess I was just caught up in the emotion of being a woman for a moment and let it get the better of me.I actually am not really given to emotion so for me to actually write this post was hard.
I am more the strong silent type but who knows this maybe a time of God molding me for that family that awaits.
Liz
 
Aww, hang in there. Honestly, not every family *must* be super discrete or anything. Your extroverted personality will fit somewhere and the right family is out there for you. Not every man has to avoid public displays with his wives. Much of this has to do with the family, the situation, and even the geographic location. Small towns might mean more discretion whereas large urban areas in "trendy" cities mean the ability to be more open without the neighbors freaking out.

Not often talked about, but one aspect will depend on the degree of "religious" of your family as well. That is, if the women are dresses only, head covering, all acapella hymns... Wellll... They stand out anyway and so with polygamy that will up the ante. However, a more relaxed fairly blended into society family will not stand out so much anyway. Attending a tiny church means that you probably cannot attend church as a family. However, sitting in a large to mega church, nobody would notice really.

I also have considered this issue as I'm a bit of a livewire, very outgoing and transparent sort of person, so for me secrets and deception does not work well. Most people won't ask and as long as you don't go around saying "Hi, I'm Alice, I'm a polygamist", most people will tend to leave you alone and see what they want to see anyway.

It takes all kinds so do not let yourself try to change who YOU are... If it is meant to be, God will show you to the right family and it will be the perfect fit for you. That is all that matters. We all have our matches out there somewhere. :D

~Becca
 
Liz,

You are not alone in the struggle with pm. It is something that shouldn't be taken lightly. I'm glad that my husband is taking things slow and still not knowing if this lifestyle is for us or not. I was the one to research the topic and bring it up with my husband. The way I feel about it now compared to then is completely different and changes from day to day.

I believe if you trust in the Lord and be yourself there is a man or family out there for you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts; it really helps that we can bring our concerns to a loving forum like this.

Blessings,
Michelle
 
Thanks Becca and Michelle,

I know that I am just taking it day by day and everything is so very up in the air right now.I kinda as a single woman feel alone some days because it is just me and the fact that I do not have a family that would be very supportive should I enter a PM.So I guess really things are starting to get to me as things are setting in.

Liz
 
Yeah, those issues start to rear their head don't they? How will your family react, will you be treated differently, etc. Believe me, we have all been there.

I kind of read between the lines of what you were saying, thus the "public" issue. Sorry if I was off base with that. But, that to say I totally understand what you mean if I read that correctly. What woman wants to hide her marriage and not be able to kiss her husband in public or hold hands... That is part of our emotional nature. I can honestly say that me personally could not do that, it would be so painful. So many of you single girls have the rough end of the stick on that one and it just isn't fair. Some women can adapt to that and some can't, which is why I feel family choice becomes so important for singles based on all factors that are most important. No girl should have to give up her core essence just to live Plural. While I am pro PM, I will state up front I don't feel it is more holy or right or desireable than a monogamous marriage or remaining single. It is simply a preference.

So, if you reach a point of deciding it isn't for you, that's okay and I hope you will stick around anyway as a friend to all of us here. ((Hugs))

~Becca
 
We are very fortunate to live in a place where polygamy is actually semi-legal so we do not need to be as discreet as some others. I do not have to hide the fact the I have polygamous beliefs and even though I am the only wife so far, my friends know of my beliefs and accept me for who I am. I am also quite extroverted and sometimes I find it quite amusing how new friends react when they find out, (just like when I tell them I have 8 children) but even if they disapprove, they still respect my beliefs.
 
I do not believe there is a set kind of person you have to be for PM to work, but also you must take into consideration the family and that you can't let the cat out of the bag for them if it is not warranted. I am recently married to a man who introduced me into PM and I am not very hush hush but neither is he. I have let me whole family know, friends and even just a few people at work but the one's from work like to talk....so I will not do that again.
I believe when you start to see someone or you get involved within a family you must learn to adapt to the way they are living and if that is not letting people know or just being hush hush then it is something you need to do for the families sake. You might be more open to telling your family about it and they are not ready to introduce you to theirs. It is all about give and take and with PM I agree it might be easier being open in certain places as to where it is not in others. I do wish you luck in your journey and just have faith that when the time is right you will find the right person, or family.

God Bless
KW
 
If PM is right for you, then I believe the Lord will lead you to just the right family. I think everyone who has responded has given you great advice and insight, so I don't really have much to add, except to tell you to just always be true to yourself, seek the Lord first in all areas of your life and he will put you right where you need to be :)
 
Hey there,
I used to be very open. But a few times of things backfiring in my face made me think twice about what I say to whom. It is just that I have decided that certain levels of friendship get certain levels of my life. I have worked with the same people for almost three years and have not shared this with them at all. But I share with people from this board all the time.

SweetLissa
 
Am new here. But i would like to share something.
I met a man so many years ago, and we became very good friends. I tried to connect him to my cousin but he did not like her. Instead he said he liked me. Any how we began to talk and one day he told me he had a wife in the US . . . Wow! He went on with the story, on one of his ministry journeys to Africa , he met a young widow and the Lord told him that was his wife. It was my first time to hear of the Lord showing someone a second wife. I tried to talk to him about different topics wanting to see if he is cultish in any way, or if He has some wrong doctrine somewhere. The more i talked to Him is the more i realised that He has a very deep relationship with God. . . And that He truelly loved God and sought to obey the Father in heaven. A very careful man, full of the Holy Spirit.
So that is when my journey of seeking to know about plural marriages began.
It has been on and off but i know i belong to a plural family.

My family may not approve of it. . . But that is not mine to worry about.

I have a feeling even if i were a first wife, i would still look for a second wife for my husband.

Am still single , in my mid thirties. So Help me God!

African Cinderella.
 
Well as I am now living PM it has eased a lot of my fears about not being good enough. My hubby and sisterwife are amazing and encouraging and I love them both very much. I know that at times I still have my doubts but I think that everyone does at some point.
Liz
 
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