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The Single Parent Family
Definition of the single parent family. The single-parent family (SPF) is one parent raising one or more children. Single-parent families historically resulted from the death of a parent. In the last 50 years this has changed due to an increased divorce rate, increased female financial independence, and a greater social acceptance of unwed parents (Sailor, 2004, p. 80).
Single parents are usually women, but as legal attitudes change more fathers are becoming single parents (Sailor, 2004, p. 79-80). Single parents can be found among all ages, races, educational levels, and ethnic groups, though African American children are statistically more likely to live in a single parent household than are children of Hispanic, Asian American, or White descent (Sailor, 2004, p. 81). The single parent must be everything for his or her child: breadwinner, cook, housekeeper, chauffeur, nurturer, tutor, cop, judge, nurse, councilor, story-teller, role model, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny. “The parent-child relationship is at the heart of the single-parent family (Sailor, 2004, p. 81).”
Strengths of the single parent family. The intimate structure of the single parent family has its advantages. If family dissolution ends domestic violence, the (hopefully) peaceful household is healthier for both parent and child (Sailor, 2004, p. 87). The new partnership of parent and child helps both develop life skills faster, and being “Mommy’s helper” can increase a child’s self-confidence and decision-making skills (Sailor, 2004, p. 87). Planning activities together stimulates critical thinking skills. Increased negotiations between parent and child build strong communication and problem-solving skills, and both parent and child often develop strong management techniques (Sailor, 2004, p. 87). The stress that might otherwise wear out a ‘normal’ relationship instead creates stronger, more resilient people (Sailor, 2004, p. 87).
Challenges of the single parent family. Single parents face many challenges. The lack of a partner means a doubled workload with no support, which in turn can lead to overload and burnout (Sailor, 2004, p. 81). Social isolation can occur when the parent has no adult companionship or time to spend with friends (Sailor, p. 82), and loneliness can lead to depression. If the parent is single because of spousal death, grief must be handled along with the extra work. With divorces, custody issues can cause stress for both the custodial parent and the child.
The lack of a spouse’s income can mean financial hardship for the SPF; one-third to one-half of mother-led SPF’s lived in poverty in the 1990’s (Sailor, 2004, p. 83). The US Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 protects parents from job loss while caring for a sick child, but the time off is still unpaid (U.S. Department of Labor-Wage and Hour Division, 2008). Unpaid child support can create more financial difficulties (Sailor, 2004, p. 83). Education can help raise a single parent’s eligibility for a better-paying job, but the parent must find time for classes! A single parent usually has two jobs already: work and home.
Single parents often have challenges dealing with children of the opposite gender. A single father may not know how to deal with an adolescent daughter’s first menstruation, and a single mother may not be comfortable teaching her son how to put on a jock strap. Such problems can affect how a child learns gender roles (Sailor, 2004, p. 85), as well as how he or she should interact with the opposite gender. Disagreements between custodial and non-custodial parent, especially when played out in front of the child, can make this problem worse (Sailor, 2004, p. 86). A child’s grief over a relationship loss can last for two years or more, affecting schoolwork, friendships, and the home involvement (Sailor, 2004, p. 84).
My opinion of Sailor’s analysis. I chose to analyze single parent families because my parents divorced when I was a teen, and many of my friends in the last 20 years have been single mothers. I can confirm the emotional strain of a marital breakup and the financial hardship that Sailor discusses. While financial assistance is available (WIC, food stamps, TANF, and cash assistance), single parents do not always qualify for it, and yet can still feel the bite of poverty.
Sailor should have expanded on the stigma assigned to parents receiving public assistance, particularly single mothers. A general bias exists against a single mother accepting a welfare check so she can nurture her children at home. She is often portrayed as lazy and promiscuous, especially if she has a social life! Single fathers do not face this stigma, perhaps because they often work outside the home and cannot get pregnant if they are sexually active. On the whole, I thought Sailor’s examination of single parent families was well done, but desperately in need of fresh data.
Applications to FLE. As a family life educator I can offer assistance to SP families, most notably by listening and directing clients to needed services. I can facilitate a support group for grieving or freshly divorced parents and their children. I can be an advocate for divorcees, guiding them through court proceedings and visitation, or teach parenting classes to help sharpen parenting skills. Service opportunities are nearly limitless, but I really see myself helping single mothers and their children build better lives for themselves as they escape abuse. That is why I returned to college.
Definition of the single parent family. The single-parent family (SPF) is one parent raising one or more children. Single-parent families historically resulted from the death of a parent. In the last 50 years this has changed due to an increased divorce rate, increased female financial independence, and a greater social acceptance of unwed parents (Sailor, 2004, p. 80).
Single parents are usually women, but as legal attitudes change more fathers are becoming single parents (Sailor, 2004, p. 79-80). Single parents can be found among all ages, races, educational levels, and ethnic groups, though African American children are statistically more likely to live in a single parent household than are children of Hispanic, Asian American, or White descent (Sailor, 2004, p. 81). The single parent must be everything for his or her child: breadwinner, cook, housekeeper, chauffeur, nurturer, tutor, cop, judge, nurse, councilor, story-teller, role model, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny. “The parent-child relationship is at the heart of the single-parent family (Sailor, 2004, p. 81).”
Strengths of the single parent family. The intimate structure of the single parent family has its advantages. If family dissolution ends domestic violence, the (hopefully) peaceful household is healthier for both parent and child (Sailor, 2004, p. 87). The new partnership of parent and child helps both develop life skills faster, and being “Mommy’s helper” can increase a child’s self-confidence and decision-making skills (Sailor, 2004, p. 87). Planning activities together stimulates critical thinking skills. Increased negotiations between parent and child build strong communication and problem-solving skills, and both parent and child often develop strong management techniques (Sailor, 2004, p. 87). The stress that might otherwise wear out a ‘normal’ relationship instead creates stronger, more resilient people (Sailor, 2004, p. 87).
Challenges of the single parent family. Single parents face many challenges. The lack of a partner means a doubled workload with no support, which in turn can lead to overload and burnout (Sailor, 2004, p. 81). Social isolation can occur when the parent has no adult companionship or time to spend with friends (Sailor, p. 82), and loneliness can lead to depression. If the parent is single because of spousal death, grief must be handled along with the extra work. With divorces, custody issues can cause stress for both the custodial parent and the child.
The lack of a spouse’s income can mean financial hardship for the SPF; one-third to one-half of mother-led SPF’s lived in poverty in the 1990’s (Sailor, 2004, p. 83). The US Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 protects parents from job loss while caring for a sick child, but the time off is still unpaid (U.S. Department of Labor-Wage and Hour Division, 2008). Unpaid child support can create more financial difficulties (Sailor, 2004, p. 83). Education can help raise a single parent’s eligibility for a better-paying job, but the parent must find time for classes! A single parent usually has two jobs already: work and home.
Single parents often have challenges dealing with children of the opposite gender. A single father may not know how to deal with an adolescent daughter’s first menstruation, and a single mother may not be comfortable teaching her son how to put on a jock strap. Such problems can affect how a child learns gender roles (Sailor, 2004, p. 85), as well as how he or she should interact with the opposite gender. Disagreements between custodial and non-custodial parent, especially when played out in front of the child, can make this problem worse (Sailor, 2004, p. 86). A child’s grief over a relationship loss can last for two years or more, affecting schoolwork, friendships, and the home involvement (Sailor, 2004, p. 84).
My opinion of Sailor’s analysis. I chose to analyze single parent families because my parents divorced when I was a teen, and many of my friends in the last 20 years have been single mothers. I can confirm the emotional strain of a marital breakup and the financial hardship that Sailor discusses. While financial assistance is available (WIC, food stamps, TANF, and cash assistance), single parents do not always qualify for it, and yet can still feel the bite of poverty.
Sailor should have expanded on the stigma assigned to parents receiving public assistance, particularly single mothers. A general bias exists against a single mother accepting a welfare check so she can nurture her children at home. She is often portrayed as lazy and promiscuous, especially if she has a social life! Single fathers do not face this stigma, perhaps because they often work outside the home and cannot get pregnant if they are sexually active. On the whole, I thought Sailor’s examination of single parent families was well done, but desperately in need of fresh data.
Applications to FLE. As a family life educator I can offer assistance to SP families, most notably by listening and directing clients to needed services. I can facilitate a support group for grieving or freshly divorced parents and their children. I can be an advocate for divorcees, guiding them through court proceedings and visitation, or teach parenting classes to help sharpen parenting skills. Service opportunities are nearly limitless, but I really see myself helping single mothers and their children build better lives for themselves as they escape abuse. That is why I returned to college.
