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The Polygynous Family
Definition of the polygynous family. Polygamy is the marriage of one person to two or more people at the same time: the opposite of monogamy. Polygamy includes polygyny (one husband with multiple wives), polyandry (one wife with multiple husbands), and polyamory (multiple spouses of both genders) (Bowker, 1997). Polyandry is rare, limited to a few indigenous groups such as the Nayar and Todar of India/Nepal (Bowker, 1997). Polyamory is also rare. Polygyny, however, is well documented in the US and around the world. I will therefore focus on the polygynous family form.
American polygynists are usually Christians, Fundamentalist Mormons, or Muslims: all faiths that view the husband as the head of the family. Estimates place the American polygynous population at around 50,000 people (Turley, 2004), but this only counts Fundamentalist Mormons, not Muslims or Christians. Muslim polygynists in the US number roughly 20,000 people, most of them recent African immigrants (Useem, 2007). I could not find statistics on Christian polygynists, but they do exist, with their own communities and online support groups.
Polygynists don’t legally ‘exist’ in America and few studies have been done, so statistics are hard to find, but inferences can be made from existing information. Polygynists belonging to various Mormon or Christian groups are usually white and middle-to-upper class. They form their own communities, such as the Yearning for Zion ranch in Texas and Centennial Park in Arizona, although some families set up their homes in ‘regular’ neighborhoods, where neighbors turn a blind eye (Hewitt, 2008, p. 131). American Muslims may be of Arabic or African decent, and are usually middle-to-upper class (Useem, 2007).
In Mormon and Christian polygynist families, the entire family usually shares one house. Parents have separate bedrooms, children may share rooms, and the family will share common spaces. A house thus arranged looks like a commune, with the wives (called “sister-wives” or “co-wives”) managing the house, grounds, and children, and the husband working at a regular job (Cnystrom, Mark C, PolyPride, SeekHim1, SweetLissa, and Vivendoavida, Seekers Forum, 2010). Christian and Mormon polygynist families function as large nuclear families (Sailor, 2004, p. 76), or as extended families (Sailor, 2004, p. 75). Muslims, however, keep their wives separated, providing each with her own living quarters and visiting each in turn (Useem, 2007). A Muslim polygynist woman’s dwelling looks more like a single-parent family with a visiting father (Sailor, 2004, p. 80-81).
Strengths of the Polygynist Family. In a patriarchichal culture, a man with more wives usually has more children and more status. A communal setting for wives can mean a better division of labor. Co-wives have reported strong personal bonds, sometimes even being closer to each other than to their (shared) husband (Cnystrom, Mark C, PolyPride, SeekHim1, SweetLissa, and Vivendoavida, Seekers Forum, 2010). Multiple wives can help each other raise children, juggling schedules and providing maternal affection and support as needed. If wives also work, their shared incomes benefit the household. Polygynous marriages can provide another benefit-spiritual comfort-as the family practice defines salvation (for Fundamentalist Mormons) and provides a legitimate outlet for what would otherwise be an adulterous affair. Where women outnumber men, sharing a husband may seem an acceptable option to living alone (Cnystrom, Mark C, PolyPride, SeekHim1, SweetLissa, and Vivendoavida, Seekers Forum, 2010).
Challenges of the polygynist family. American polygamy in any form was criminalized by two acts of Congress in the 1800’s (Davis, 1992). To avoid prosecution, modern polygynists usually have one legal wedding, and then numerous ‘church’ weddings that the state does not recognize. Children of such subsequent marriages are considered illegitimate, and partners entering into such marriages cannot claim any of the legal rights of married persons (Nolo, 2010).
Large families must be housed, fed, clothed, and transported; this is expensive. Christian and Mormon wives can help support their families if they work outside the home, but the Quran insists that the Muslim husband & father provide for his family, not the wife (“Woman and Inheritance in Islam”, 2006).
Polygynists face many stereotypes, which are often reinforced by biased media coverage. They are portrayed as sex-crazed older men that want to monopolize and swap young wives; as female slaves that can’t think for themselves; as child molesters; as rapists; as wife batterers; and as welfare frauds (Jay C., Mark C., PolyPride, and SeekHim1, Seekers Forum, 2010). While many of these crimes have been documented in polygynist marriages, the same can be said for monogamous relationships! Statistics for monogamous domestic violence outnumber the number of polygynous marriages in the USA, but we do not call for the elimination of monogamy (National Domestic Violence Fact Sheet, 2010). The stereotypes are biased and unfair.
Jealousy between co-wives is reported, but usually involves co-wives competing for the husband’s attention and economic support (Al-Krenawi, Slonim-Nevo, & Graham, 2006, p. 87).
Studies done on polygynous Bedouin-Arab families (in the Middle East and Africa) have shown that the form creates stress for all involved. Bedouin women reported “low self-esteem, depression, and psychological distress” (Al-Krenawi, Slonim-Nevo, & Graham, 2006, p. 87). Children in polygynous families (both Bedouin-Arab and South African) showed significant problems with attention span, performance in school, and problem-solving abilities (Al-Krenawi, Slonim-Nevo, & Graham, 2006, p. 87). Men in such families complained of stress, low marital satisfaction, and poor father/child relationships, but not low self-esteem. Having many wives and children are a source of pride in their culture (Al-Krenawi, Slonim-Nevo, & Graham, 2006, p. 87).
My opinion of Sailor’s analysis. I chose to analyze polygyny for the same reason a man climbs a mountain: because it exists. Sailor does not discuss, nor define, nor mention polygynous families. I find the absence striking. Homosexuals do not have full marriage rights in America, and homosexual erotic relationships were (until recently) illegal, yet Sailor gives their family forms full coverage and urges us to consider them legitimate (Sailor, 2004, pp. 132-137). This disparity either shows deliberate bias or ignorance of the subject of polygyny.
Sailor does define subcultures, and notes that these different groups can be based on “race, ethnicity, religion, national origin, age, geographical area, occupation, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation” (2004, p. 12). She notes that as minorities, members of a subculture are usually subjected to stereotyping by the dominant culture, and have historically been disenfranchised. She uses the homeless, welfare recipients, and Native Americans as examples (2004, p.12-13) but could easily have mentioned the Mormons—the 1800’s anti-polygyny laws specifically targeted the Mormon Church (Davis, 1992).
Sailor discusses religion, noting that it “affects the values, beliefs, and morals of individuals, families, and communities”, as well as contributing to a person’s identity (2004, p. 27). Polygyny is closely tied to religion. While Sailor promotes an anti-bias community, with respect for ethnicity and religion in her list (2004, p. 15), current American law shows a disparity regarding religious practice. It is legal to engage in serial marriage and divorce, fornication, and homosexual relationships (all considered sins by the dominant Protestant Christian culture), but honest plural marriages are ‘barbaric’ and illegal. Objections to polygyny are rooted in an ethnocentric belief in egalitarianism, a belief not espoused by the world’s major religions (Pollitt, 1999, p.10). Life in a bias-free community requires accepting, or at least accommodating, alternate family forms—not ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist.
Applications to FLE. I will never be in a polygynist relationship, but I might end up serving polygynist families as an advocate. I believe the subject deserves public and scholarly debate and a re-examination by our legal system. The topic is being addressed, but by the secular media only: in the news, in documentaries, in talk shows, and in drama.
The Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (an offshoot of the Mormon Church) have been making headlines since their prophet, Warren Jeffs, made the FBI’s Most Wanted List in 2006 (as an accomplice to rape of a minor-he was convicted in 2007). The FLDS Yearning for Zion Ranch became news in 2008 when it was raided by Texas authorities, and over 400 children were taken from their parents in front of news cameras. These children ended up in foster care for months.
Polygamy in general is also appearing in TV shows. The Learning Channel’s 2008 documentary, “Forbidden Love: Polygamy”, featured interviews with several FLDS polygynist families. Some of these same people later appeared on “Oprah”. The CBS series “Criminal Minds” 2008 episode “Minimal Loss” put an investigative team in a polygynist cult. HBO’s series “Big Love” features a polygynist Mormon family, and is in its fourth season. The new SyFy series “Caprica” features a pagan high priestess in a polyamorous marriage. I could go on, but I’ve made my point: polygamy is being presented for the American public to think about.
I believe America will become involved in a heated public debate for the legalization of polygyny, and perhaps all polygamy. I want to be prepared. I might work as an advocate in a shelter for polygynist women and their children, or as a pro-legalization counselor for the ACLU. I can see myself doing either job! These people’s rights are being ignored, even trampled on, by the law. That bothers me as a Christian, as a citizen, and as a woman.
Definition of the polygynous family. Polygamy is the marriage of one person to two or more people at the same time: the opposite of monogamy. Polygamy includes polygyny (one husband with multiple wives), polyandry (one wife with multiple husbands), and polyamory (multiple spouses of both genders) (Bowker, 1997). Polyandry is rare, limited to a few indigenous groups such as the Nayar and Todar of India/Nepal (Bowker, 1997). Polyamory is also rare. Polygyny, however, is well documented in the US and around the world. I will therefore focus on the polygynous family form.
American polygynists are usually Christians, Fundamentalist Mormons, or Muslims: all faiths that view the husband as the head of the family. Estimates place the American polygynous population at around 50,000 people (Turley, 2004), but this only counts Fundamentalist Mormons, not Muslims or Christians. Muslim polygynists in the US number roughly 20,000 people, most of them recent African immigrants (Useem, 2007). I could not find statistics on Christian polygynists, but they do exist, with their own communities and online support groups.
Polygynists don’t legally ‘exist’ in America and few studies have been done, so statistics are hard to find, but inferences can be made from existing information. Polygynists belonging to various Mormon or Christian groups are usually white and middle-to-upper class. They form their own communities, such as the Yearning for Zion ranch in Texas and Centennial Park in Arizona, although some families set up their homes in ‘regular’ neighborhoods, where neighbors turn a blind eye (Hewitt, 2008, p. 131). American Muslims may be of Arabic or African decent, and are usually middle-to-upper class (Useem, 2007).
In Mormon and Christian polygynist families, the entire family usually shares one house. Parents have separate bedrooms, children may share rooms, and the family will share common spaces. A house thus arranged looks like a commune, with the wives (called “sister-wives” or “co-wives”) managing the house, grounds, and children, and the husband working at a regular job (Cnystrom, Mark C, PolyPride, SeekHim1, SweetLissa, and Vivendoavida, Seekers Forum, 2010). Christian and Mormon polygynist families function as large nuclear families (Sailor, 2004, p. 76), or as extended families (Sailor, 2004, p. 75). Muslims, however, keep their wives separated, providing each with her own living quarters and visiting each in turn (Useem, 2007). A Muslim polygynist woman’s dwelling looks more like a single-parent family with a visiting father (Sailor, 2004, p. 80-81).
Strengths of the Polygynist Family. In a patriarchichal culture, a man with more wives usually has more children and more status. A communal setting for wives can mean a better division of labor. Co-wives have reported strong personal bonds, sometimes even being closer to each other than to their (shared) husband (Cnystrom, Mark C, PolyPride, SeekHim1, SweetLissa, and Vivendoavida, Seekers Forum, 2010). Multiple wives can help each other raise children, juggling schedules and providing maternal affection and support as needed. If wives also work, their shared incomes benefit the household. Polygynous marriages can provide another benefit-spiritual comfort-as the family practice defines salvation (for Fundamentalist Mormons) and provides a legitimate outlet for what would otherwise be an adulterous affair. Where women outnumber men, sharing a husband may seem an acceptable option to living alone (Cnystrom, Mark C, PolyPride, SeekHim1, SweetLissa, and Vivendoavida, Seekers Forum, 2010).
Challenges of the polygynist family. American polygamy in any form was criminalized by two acts of Congress in the 1800’s (Davis, 1992). To avoid prosecution, modern polygynists usually have one legal wedding, and then numerous ‘church’ weddings that the state does not recognize. Children of such subsequent marriages are considered illegitimate, and partners entering into such marriages cannot claim any of the legal rights of married persons (Nolo, 2010).
Large families must be housed, fed, clothed, and transported; this is expensive. Christian and Mormon wives can help support their families if they work outside the home, but the Quran insists that the Muslim husband & father provide for his family, not the wife (“Woman and Inheritance in Islam”, 2006).
Polygynists face many stereotypes, which are often reinforced by biased media coverage. They are portrayed as sex-crazed older men that want to monopolize and swap young wives; as female slaves that can’t think for themselves; as child molesters; as rapists; as wife batterers; and as welfare frauds (Jay C., Mark C., PolyPride, and SeekHim1, Seekers Forum, 2010). While many of these crimes have been documented in polygynist marriages, the same can be said for monogamous relationships! Statistics for monogamous domestic violence outnumber the number of polygynous marriages in the USA, but we do not call for the elimination of monogamy (National Domestic Violence Fact Sheet, 2010). The stereotypes are biased and unfair.
Jealousy between co-wives is reported, but usually involves co-wives competing for the husband’s attention and economic support (Al-Krenawi, Slonim-Nevo, & Graham, 2006, p. 87).
Studies done on polygynous Bedouin-Arab families (in the Middle East and Africa) have shown that the form creates stress for all involved. Bedouin women reported “low self-esteem, depression, and psychological distress” (Al-Krenawi, Slonim-Nevo, & Graham, 2006, p. 87). Children in polygynous families (both Bedouin-Arab and South African) showed significant problems with attention span, performance in school, and problem-solving abilities (Al-Krenawi, Slonim-Nevo, & Graham, 2006, p. 87). Men in such families complained of stress, low marital satisfaction, and poor father/child relationships, but not low self-esteem. Having many wives and children are a source of pride in their culture (Al-Krenawi, Slonim-Nevo, & Graham, 2006, p. 87).
My opinion of Sailor’s analysis. I chose to analyze polygyny for the same reason a man climbs a mountain: because it exists. Sailor does not discuss, nor define, nor mention polygynous families. I find the absence striking. Homosexuals do not have full marriage rights in America, and homosexual erotic relationships were (until recently) illegal, yet Sailor gives their family forms full coverage and urges us to consider them legitimate (Sailor, 2004, pp. 132-137). This disparity either shows deliberate bias or ignorance of the subject of polygyny.
Sailor does define subcultures, and notes that these different groups can be based on “race, ethnicity, religion, national origin, age, geographical area, occupation, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation” (2004, p. 12). She notes that as minorities, members of a subculture are usually subjected to stereotyping by the dominant culture, and have historically been disenfranchised. She uses the homeless, welfare recipients, and Native Americans as examples (2004, p.12-13) but could easily have mentioned the Mormons—the 1800’s anti-polygyny laws specifically targeted the Mormon Church (Davis, 1992).
Sailor discusses religion, noting that it “affects the values, beliefs, and morals of individuals, families, and communities”, as well as contributing to a person’s identity (2004, p. 27). Polygyny is closely tied to religion. While Sailor promotes an anti-bias community, with respect for ethnicity and religion in her list (2004, p. 15), current American law shows a disparity regarding religious practice. It is legal to engage in serial marriage and divorce, fornication, and homosexual relationships (all considered sins by the dominant Protestant Christian culture), but honest plural marriages are ‘barbaric’ and illegal. Objections to polygyny are rooted in an ethnocentric belief in egalitarianism, a belief not espoused by the world’s major religions (Pollitt, 1999, p.10). Life in a bias-free community requires accepting, or at least accommodating, alternate family forms—not ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist.
Applications to FLE. I will never be in a polygynist relationship, but I might end up serving polygynist families as an advocate. I believe the subject deserves public and scholarly debate and a re-examination by our legal system. The topic is being addressed, but by the secular media only: in the news, in documentaries, in talk shows, and in drama.
The Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (an offshoot of the Mormon Church) have been making headlines since their prophet, Warren Jeffs, made the FBI’s Most Wanted List in 2006 (as an accomplice to rape of a minor-he was convicted in 2007). The FLDS Yearning for Zion Ranch became news in 2008 when it was raided by Texas authorities, and over 400 children were taken from their parents in front of news cameras. These children ended up in foster care for months.
Polygamy in general is also appearing in TV shows. The Learning Channel’s 2008 documentary, “Forbidden Love: Polygamy”, featured interviews with several FLDS polygynist families. Some of these same people later appeared on “Oprah”. The CBS series “Criminal Minds” 2008 episode “Minimal Loss” put an investigative team in a polygynist cult. HBO’s series “Big Love” features a polygynist Mormon family, and is in its fourth season. The new SyFy series “Caprica” features a pagan high priestess in a polyamorous marriage. I could go on, but I’ve made my point: polygamy is being presented for the American public to think about.
I believe America will become involved in a heated public debate for the legalization of polygyny, and perhaps all polygamy. I want to be prepared. I might work as an advocate in a shelter for polygynist women and their children, or as a pro-legalization counselor for the ACLU. I can see myself doing either job! These people’s rights are being ignored, even trampled on, by the law. That bothers me as a Christian, as a citizen, and as a woman.
