• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

FEAR

Chaplain

Chaplain

Member
Real Person
Here is a topic that I hope all will reply to. It is open to those who are wishing to live in a Bibical family way but I am wishing to hear from those of you who are already living in a Bibical family way.

The questions are as follows:
1) What was your greatest fear or fears in becoming a Bibical family?

2) How did you over come this fear / these fears?

3) What is your greatest fear or fears that you are now living in a bibical family?

4) How are you overcoming and handling these / those fears?



I know for me, going into and hoping to form a Bibical Family with "J", is that I will fail to give praise and honor to the Lord always for allowing me to form such a family. Also, that I will fail to be the godly man that Chaplains Rose and "J" both need for me to be. Another is that I will fail to provide for and meet the needs for both Rose and "J". I also fear that one will think that I love the other more, when in fact I will strive to love them both the same. Just as I do my children. My love for Rose is of a different kind of love than my love for "J", yet I love them both equally. Rose and I have been married for almost 29 years and our marriage is on a solid foundation to where all I need to do is look at her in various ways or do something in a certain way and she knows what I wish, want or am trying to tell her, just as her with me ( most of the time :D ) but with "J", I need to be a bit more "animated" or "vocal" in order for her to understand what it is I am trying to say or do. In other words, I may act goofy around "J" just as I did when Rose and I were courting :lol: but that does not mean that I love one more than the other.

update---well duh!!!! I realized that I did not answer my own questions. For me, well I pray a lot about my fears. I seek His direction, and try and lay those things that are out of my control at His feet. Rose and I do talk about various issues and have done so from the start after I "dropped the bomb" on her.
 
1) What was your greatest fear or fears in becoming a Bibical family?

2) How did you over come this fear / these fears?

3) What is your greatest fear or fears that you are now living in a bibical family?

4) How are you overcoming and handling these / those fears?

1 I was afraid that my current wife would hate me and that her and I would live out our days in a loveless marriage because I prayed for a second wife.

2 We are still overcomeing those fears. I think shareing our fears and allowing each other to voice those fears in a safe and non-judgemental way helps alot. We disscuse what would be better in our lives with moe wives and we discuss what we see might go wrong.

3-4 Not quite there yet only got the one wife so far.
 
Hello my name is Tammy I am new to this site and new to this life style. My husband and I have considered branging a friend of our in to our marriage and I can definitly see where fear would come into the picture. we have know clara for about 20 years now and I love her personally with all my heart she is a very dear person to me. but almost every day there are those little thought that like to pop into your head saying you are going to lose him, or he doesn't love me (especially because I have gain some weight) anymore. you know all the old fears, now in my heart I know that is not true I know that my husband loves me if not I know we would not still be to gether with every thing we have been through in our life together.The lord blessed me when he sent Tom my way, but I know that him and clara have alot of history with each other. they knew each other before we ever met. right now I try to give it all to god. I sit down every day to ask him to make me strong and show me how to deal with what I know are thoughtf from satan that he keeps popping it to my head.and of course it is hard to do that because it is my nature to worry about every thing and nothing at all. I always want to try and fixevery thing but I know that the only one that can fix the way I am feeling is my lord and savior. I know he has already started because he brought me to this site where I can meet other people that believe the way I do. it is so hard to live this way when you have no one else to talk to that feels the way you do but the lord has brought me to ya'll so thank the lord for all of ya'll. God bless you.
 
Thank you for this topic Chaplin, and thanks for everyone who answers, I hope many more do.

We're in the same stage as Six so 3 and 4 are NA for now.

For Anndrea
1) The biggest concern is what people would have to say about us and what our lifestyle does to our kids.

2) Knowing she is the right person will be the biggest thing to ease that. When you know someone is right for you it doesn't matter what other people say.

For myself (Jair)
1) The biggest fear was that I would find something out that showed what we where aiming for was wrong after we made the decision. I wanted to be sure our intent was right and worth fighting for (because we all have to fight for it)

2) To overcome that we delayed for about a year before we actually looked for someone. I studied the whole scripture and much of Christian history and philosophy. As I studied it became apparent this was a good goal, and as I've studied since then I've seen extensive evidence that it's not only a good way of life, but something that must be done as an example of accurate understanding of scripture.


P.S.

It's really very helpful to be able to discuss things in the now in addition to studying the past. I second Tammy's thanks that we can talk here openly and safely.
 
the last post that I read said that
"As I studied it became apparent this was a good goal, and as I've studied since then I've seen extensive evidence that it's not only a good way of life, but something that must be done as an example of accurate understanding of scripture."

can you tell me why you believe from what you have found in Scripture that it must be done as an example of accurate understanding of Scripture. my wife and I are having a really struggle with becoming a Poly family and tonight she said that she was trying to be obedient to God and i told her that she did not have to live this life of Polygamy to be obedient she was obedient when she repented of her sins and trusted Christ, she has a past Mormon background so i don't want her to think that she has to live like this to go to heaven. so can you help someone new to understand what you meant by this statement

Thank you
 
I would of course be happy to elaborate on what I mean, I'll try to be concise, but I also want to be thorough, so I'm sorry if the reply post is long.

I'd like to start off with the scriptural acceptance of polygamy as a foregone conclusion. If that is unacceptable I will always discuss particulars, but given where we are talking I feel that is fair.

I could have said what you quoted better if I said, "but something that we must do as an example of accurate understanding of scripture." I would assert that scripturally one may be celibate and devote ones life to the lord, or one may marry, and weather they marry a who or a whom is up to them. In actuality God has a plan for each person, so while marrying, polygamy, and celibacy are all valid options, each person has only one path for their life. My wife has wanted close female companionship as may occur in polygamy since before we ever got together. I am able and willing to administrate a large family. It would be irresponsible of me to say we can't look for someone else, given who my wife and I are the only expedient, fulfilling choice is polygamy. The only reason for us not to be poly is social pressure, and I am not at leisure to bow to that.

If any man is not inclined, or any woman doesn't want it, then it is clearly more expedient to be happy with you're family as it is.

If that's all you meant, then you have you're answer. If you want me to explain why accepting polygamy is important to an accurate understanding of scripture then I continue below.

The works of Tretullian are a relic of the early church (c 3rd-4th century) and when they where initially written many of them where against the church at large. Tretullian was a member of a gnostic group called the Montanists, people today say they are a lot like ACOP churches, and they have some superficial similarities, but they where very different in origin and much much more extreme in their views. They believed so firmly that Christ was returning at 500 AD that Tretullian's own writings say that its evil to marry and foolish to have children because the world will end so soon.

The montanists where a big group, and big enough that when Tretullian got a chance to work with the Catholic church (all the non heretical Christians of the day) they took him up on it. In order to reconcile montanist with the church many comprises where made. The long term result of this is that Tretullian was enshrined as a saint after his death, and his works, even those against the church, became integral to church doctrine. One of his works is On Spectacles, which unilateral condemns theatre, arts, and sports, going so far to say that people cheer sporting events only because they are demon possessed. The work that concerns us here though, is On Monogamy.

This work is to my knowledge the earlies Christian work favouring monogamy, very close to one of the earliest in existence. In this we can see some very fine quotations.

"“Good,” he says, “(it is) for a man not to have contact with a woman.”(Quoting an epistle) It follows that it is evil to have contact with her; for nothing is contrary to good except evil."

"“Better (it is) to marry,” not adding than what it is better. This done, then, it becomes not” better;” and while not “better,” not “good” either, the condition being taken away which, while making it “better” than another thing, in that sense obliges it to be considered “good.” Better it is to lose one eye than two. If, however, you withdraw from the comparison of either evil, it will not be better to have one eye, because it is not even good."

And then he goes on for a paragraph elaborating on how marrying is only just better than going to hell.

This mutilation of scripture and utter contempt for marriage and women is the foundation of monogamy today. It's not only the oldest work on monogamy that I know of, its the oldest that Tretullian knew of as well. In his 17 chapter treatise he not only devotes one whole chapter to dealing with the fact that no one ever heard of monogamy in scripture before, but large portions of 6 other chapters as well. " He (Tretullians opponent) sufficiently, of course, sets before us that He will bring such (teachings) as may be esteemed alike novel, as having never before been published..." and this Tretullian concedes, no one before him had written in favour of monogamy from scripture. His explanation for this? He was inspired by the Paraclete (Holy Spirit) to give people this new revelation of God's law, and he says this several times in different ways.

This heretic and misogynist founded mandatory monogamy, and since then its been an excuse for separating families ( many colonial missionaries), killing Jews (Rabbi Hannings {sp?} Law), promotion of prostitution and generally an excuse for abusing the 'less holy' women. Since the 19th century monogamy has been hailed as great for womens rights, but tell the women of 1780 that and they wouldn't agree. Martain Madan's work laments of how much worse European Christian women are treated compared to the women of Islam. His opposition beat him by saying marred women can't work so they aren't worth marrying if you can avoid it.

There's a lot more of mandatory monogamy hurting women, hurting society, and hurting scripture, thats just a quick run down. Because there is so much damage caused by the twisted mono only view I am obliged to oppose it as I am able, and my family is able by becoming polygamist. If my wife didn't want (and I mean want it, not just be ok with it or feel obliged to it) it, then we would have no business looking for it. I would still have to stand against mandating monogamy as I was able, but she matters more than all that.

I hope that covers what you asked about. Tell me if it didnt.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top