Feeling a bit down...

[redfox]

Hubby and sw are on their 'honeymoon', and I'm not dealing with it as well as I'd like. I was okay the first two days, but today.... not so much. Just tired, not liking being alone, not sleeping well because I'm alone and I can't take any sleep meds at the moment.... which brings me to another point... I'm having surgery two weeks from today, which is also starting to get under my skin a bit. I damaged my ulnar nerve canal several years ago, and it's catching up with me. I haven't felt anything attached to the ulnar nerve for almost 3 months now, so it's time to deal with it.

Argh, just feeling frustrated and alone, and distant from hubby. You know, the old "he doesn't want to be around me" lie that's so easy to believe

Anyway, I just feel like pouting I guess Thanks for listening

 

[sweetlissa]

Redfox,
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I usually suggest that first wives plan for this time to do some things that they especially want to do, to give themselves something that makes them feel special. It isn't the same, but it can help distract you. Meanwhile do you have a friend you can talk to? Do you want to go in the chatroom and chit chat a bit?

Trust me, you are not alone.

SweetLissa

 

[redfox]

With the kids, it's not easy to get out and go do something. I'd planned to meet up with an old friend that I haven't seen since high school, but she cancelled at the last minute

I've been busy prepping for the surgery, getting some last minute sewing in since I won't be able to for a while, so that's helped a bit, but of course the kids are all being a little more cranky than usual since daddy's not around, so it's a whole mix of things. Plus I hate when hubby is away for any length of time anyway, so yeah, it's been difficult.

My mom is supposed to be calling me in a few minutes, otherwise I'd chat Thanks for the offer though

 

[sweetlissa]

I hope you have a good evening.

Lissa

 

[Anonymous]

Redfox,

I know it's easy to focus on your husband and sw being gone...together...on their honeymoon, but I would highly recommend purposely choosing to focus all your attention elsewhere, such as on your kids, a project you've really wanted to get done or something similar.

I remember the first night that I knew my husband was with Maria (his second wife). I had to really, really focus on reading the Word, praying, etc. I think that I also splurged after the kids were in bed and either read a good book or watched a movie. Eventually, sleep got the better of me and every night after that was easier.

It will get better, I promise!

 

[threecords]

our first wife is leaving us. i don't know how to react. i don't know how to be. our husband is talking about doing separate households. im lost and confused. and pregnant. and down. well i have my moments of upness, but im alone right now and it's hard to be up about our situation.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi

I wanted to post here and tell you that I wish I could help you in some way. I will be praying for you and your family. I know it must be that much more stress because of your pregnancy. I am a second wife and I have had major difficulties and lots of hard trials with my new family. I am the one that has been on the brink of leaving and once we actually had separate living arrangements for a short time. I decided that I am going to be a good wife no matter what I imagine the first wife needs to do or say or lacks. Indeed I am going to be a good Godly woman no matter what anyone else including husband and kids do, say or don't do or say! This is a very hard painful self torturing way to live but the good thing about it is that each time you get over your pride and fears more and more each day! I had lots of expectations of how the first wife was supposed to be with me- they were not bad expectations just immature and too demanding. She was not capable of acting the way I expected (She was newly pregnant, worried about how the kids were adjusting, scared her family of origin would abandon her because of me and had too much to do all the time. etc, etc.) and I interpreted that as her lack of caring for me and my interests. It took so much pain and hard internal (as well as familial) struggling to make the decision to move forward in my commitment to the family no matter what anyone else's behavior,attitude or weakness at any time in the past or in the future was. I have actually learned so much about marriage itself in this short time-much more than I ever wanted to learn in my flesh! There has actually been much more struggling between me and God about my situation. I know He would never abandon me no matter what selfish thing I would do (talking about God but also include hubby!) but I will be abandoning myself and my promise before the lord and will regret it(I really can't afford to add anymore stuff to my regret list, really!!) If I stay and persevere and act like the Godly woman I profess to be then I will never regret it! Maybe my flesh will regret it in a hard moment but those are the tests! Marriage is not about you-It's about honoring God in your relationships. It is like boot camp for your spirituality and plural marriage is like special ops training or something! I didn't know what I was enlisting for but if anyone did then no one would have won WWII I think!! Oh my I have said so much that our PR campaign here at Biblical Families for Plural Marriage may have suffered a blow or two. The point of the whole thing is "I really know how you feel" in many ways. Don't feel alone cause there are other women hanging in there with you!!