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Get ready to marry before dating instead of dating now?

D

DiscussingTheTopic

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Do you think it would be wise to prepare on self-improvement until I feel I would be ready to be married before I even look for someone to be married. I think a lot of people look for someone to be married, but if they got married to the person they are dating right now they would not be ready.
 
most definitely

(in case you needed a second opinion)
 
I think any man worth his salt should be thinking of his future ability to love and support a wife (if he wants that out of life). Not investing time in dating until you are more "prepared" is probably good but I have to say that I have heard too many stories about how men and woman have righteously set themselves for this task only to bump into a person they end up falling head over heals for.

Maturity in all areas of our lives is a continual race to be run, is it not. Even after getting married maturity hopefully continues on. I encourge you to focus on being the best you and leave the wife thing to God.
 
DiscussingTheTopic said:
Do you think it would be wise to prepare on self-improvement until I feel I would be ready to be married before I even look for someone to be married.
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One more vote for yes.
 
One vote for a yea and things to consider.

Three frogs on a log, one decides to jump, how many are left? ANSWER: 3, there was no action taken.
We can be frozen into thought instead of action. While I think mental/ spiritual preparedness is key, the real way to prep is to submit completely to God's will and to know that you are walking in His will. God told His people to step into the river and then He would stop the water. Their prepping was done by walking in faith.
 
Of course you should prepare. Marriage is hard work. Growing up all my adult superiors said that marriage is 50% on your part and 50% on your spouses part. Then I got married then reality of what marriage was really about hit me like a ton of bricks. I was putting in my 50%, but still I knew it could be better. So it wasn't till I was putting everything I had into my marriage and I mean I really had to give it my all then it became sweet as honey. Before my husband and I married he prepared me, but I do wish that I could have had more preparation and especially from my parents. In all our lives we will always reap what we sow. If you do something half-mule doing whatever it is we are doing; a project, a speech.... What ever it may be you won't get very good responses or you'll get a bad grade. To me marriage is the same if you are lazy in your marriage you'll get what you put into it.

~Asia
 
CharityNeverFaileth said:
Of course you should prepare. Marriage is hard work. Growing up all my adult superiors said that marriage is 50% on your part and 50% on your spouses part. Then I got married then reality of what marriage was really about hit me like a ton of bricks. I was putting in my 50%, but still I knew it could be better. So it wasn't till I was putting everything I had into my marriage and I mean I really had to give it my all then it became sweet as honey. Before my husband and I married he prepared me, but I do wish that I could have had more preparation and especially from my parents. In all our lives we will always reap what we sow. If you do something half-mule doing whatever it is we are doing; a project, a speech.... What ever it may be you won't get very good responses or you'll get a bad grade. To me marriage is the same if you are lazy in your marriage you'll get what you put into it.

~Asia
Click to expand...

Unweighted (Average?) model
0.5*(0.5+0.5)=0.5 each person accounts for 50% and contributes 50% of what they can results in half maximum
0.5*(1+1)=1 each person accounts for 50% and contributes 100% of what they can results in maximum

Weighted (Average?) model
0.5*(0.5A+0.5B)=0.25A+0.25B half maximum
0.5*(A+B)=0.5A+0.5B maximum

(0.25A+0.25B)/(0.5A+0.5B)= 0.5

assuming one person can contribute A contribution points and the other B contribution points if each contributes half of what they can they will get half as much as if they contribute all of what they can

I am ignoring interaction effects and using a simplistic model

Assuming they can only contribute between 0% and 100% and not negative
 
I think Asia's point is that if you try to measure how much you put into the marriage, and put in only your "fair share", things aren't going to go well. It is only when you forget about what is fair, and ignore all numbers, just doing everything you can to make the marriage work - then you will have success.
 
Unweighted (Average?) model
0.5*(0.5+0.5)=0.5 each person accounts for 50% and contributes 50% of what they can results in half maximum
0.5*(1+1)=1 each person accounts for 50% and contributes 100% of what they can results in maximum

Weighted (Average?) model
0.5*(0.5A+0.5B)=0.25A+0.25B half maximum
0.5*(A+B)=0.5A+0.5B maximum

(0.25A+0.25B)/(0.5A+0.5B)= 0.5

assuming one person can contribute A contribution points and the other B contribution points if each contributes half of what they can they will get half as much as if they contribute all of what they can

I am ignoring interaction effects and using a simplistic model

Assuming they can only contribute between 0% and 100% and not negative
Click to expand...

I am sorry, but I do not follow your logic and I don't know what your point stance would be at. Look all I am saying is that throughout life you will always get what you put into it. You don't give it your all then you won't get the best results, but if you do it to the very best you know how and practice and get even better than your best then you'll get better and better rewards each time. And to me marriage should be no different. In my book a marriage should be 100% of what you put into it and 100% of what you spouse puts into it then you'll have something truly to be desired and love that will last.
 
Unweighted (Average?) model
0.5*(0.5+0.5)=0.5 each person accounts for 50% and contributes 50% of what they can results in half maximum
0.5*(1+1)=1 each person accounts for 50% and contributes 100% of what they can results in maximum

Weighted (Average?) model
0.5*(0.5A+0.5B)=0.25A+0.25B half maximum
0.5*(A+B)=0.5A+0.5B maximum

(0.25A+0.25B)/(0.5A+0.5B)= 0.5

assuming one person can contribute A contribution points and the other B contribution points if each contributes half of what they can they will get half as much as if they contribute all of what they can

I am ignoring interaction effects and using a simplistic model

Assuming they can only contribute between 0% and 100% and not negative
Click to expand...
dtt,
clearly marriage is nothing but a theory to you.
no heart.
no life.
i am so sorry.
In my book a marriage should be 100% of what you put into it and 100% of what you spouse puts into it then you'll have something truly to be desired and love that will last.
Click to expand...
yep, just put in 100% and it might work.
because one person's 100% is not going to be the same as another person's 100%. in fact, what is 100% for me today may only be 50% of what i am capable of 6 months from now.
marriage is about giving, not about matching what the other/others give/gives.
 
yep, just put in 100% and it might work.
because one person's 100% is not going to be the same as another person's 100%. in fact, what is 100% for me today may only be 50% of what i am capable of 6 months from now.
marriage is about giving, not about matching what the other/others give/gives.
Click to expand...

Steve,

Thank you, my love, for having the heart in our marriage/family that you do! That statement alone speaks volumes of why I married you! I truly hope your statement here goes deep into all the hearts trying to make their families and relationships successful and shine in the Lord.

With Love in Him always,
Deborah
 
I think everyone here is misinterpreting what I am saying. What I am clearly saying is that you have to give marriage your all regardless if it is 100% or 250% everyday you have to give it your all. And I don't know maybe putting percentiles as a bench mark was a mistake cause everyone is focusing on percentiles instead of the heart of my message. My message is that you have to give it your all. Your correct maybe you can only do 50% one day, but another day 100%, but the point is that at the end of the day you will feel satisfied that you gave it your all. Isn't this what G-D would want out of all of us. You reap what you sow.

2 Corinthians 9:6 "But this I say, He which that soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully." KJV

Galatians 6:7 "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." KJV

Give marriage you all. Thank you and that is all.
~Asia
 
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