Please be praying for me and my house. It's been quite enlightening to dig into scripture and pray about this. I've been aware of and endorsed biblical marriage for 20+ years, led my betrothed 13 years ago when we were engaged, to make sure we were using biblical vows for our marriage ceremony. (you can read those in my intro post) I’ll call her “Bug” She is not at all on board with biblical marriage just yet. She agrees that it is scripturally acceptable but thinks she can't handle it because she wasn’t raised that way. I agree with her. She isn't mentally and emotionally capable or submitted to God and me enough to handle something like that. She needs a LOT more time to chew on the idea and be reassured I’m not ditching her for a younger, sexier, fun model. Wish I could brag by showing pictures cause my gosh she’s super model level hotness in my eyes. So to me it's silly to feel that way, but I understand her feelings will be different than my reality. Just gotta be patient with a woman who doesn't have enough faith just yet.
So this year is all about fixing myself, not convincing her. I've been lazy and abdicated my position in small ways. I've had the wrong mindset for far too long. I thought I was being a Godly patriarchal man, but I actually haven't. I wrote a letter (didn’t give it, instead held onto it for a while to think and consider) asking my wife to get on board with me for goodness sake... Last night after sharing my letter with a friend and asking for counsel on it before giving it to her, I realized that my attitude was wrong. I shouldn't be asking for her permission and acceptance to do my job and lead the family. (duh I know) I may rewrite the letter to just encourage people and post that later.
So today over coffee I simply informed her that I had been a piss poor example of a Godly man and leader. I have repented of that and am getting my house in order. I told her that it's "my house" not hers, not “ours”. That I will be leading my sons in a study of the life of David and that I'd like her to join us. That I haven't been diligent and disciplined. I've let laziness dictate what projects got done and things have piled up. That I'm taking care of those items not to make her happy, but because it's my responsibility before God to do so. That I am expecting her to be a Godly woman. She has always had the intention to be submissive and Godly, but has been influenced by hallmark movies and hollywood way too much. For instance, she raised her eyebrows and said “our house” when I mentioned something I was going to be designing into “my house” when I built it. Nothing really overt, but if you pay attention you can see and hear those influences poking out all over the place.
She instantly responds positively if I say we aren’t doing something or going somewhere. She will come to me when she is overwhelmed with church nursery duty because she knows there’s safety in my authority and that I will step in to let church organizers know she’s not on nursery duty anymore. Things like that are commonplace. So don’t misunderstand and think I’m saying she’s a bad wife or super rebellious. I think if I put my foot down and said “We are living Plural” she would probably be broken hearted and cry but obey. But that is the last thing I want. I never want to hurt her and that would destroy her confidence and trust in me. She’s really amazing and wonderful but I realize I’ve allowed too many little darts to imbed their insidious doctrines into both of our psyches. Little worldly bits of feminism and egalitarianism. I’ve been thoroughly denounced by lots of people for being a misogynistic patriarchal abusive arsehole because I am anti-feminist. But I can still smell the feminist slime in my house. Gotta purge it all out.
She asked me if I thought it might be a good idea for her to fast next week. I said it would probably be a great thing if she sincerely wanted God’s direction. So she is going to be fasting and praying next week asking God to give her guidance and wisdom as she goes through the Bible this year. She’s going to be discussing what she reads with me and asking for me to explain things to her and clarify. I told her I wanted her to make it a point to read and pay attention to Godly women and the position she is to hold in relationship to her husband. All I did was direct what she was already doing and focus her on a particular topic. She agreed and looked happy to do so. I pray God softens her heart to Godly submission and my leadership. Even if no second wife ever happens, the fruit will be joyful and good.
I told her my focus this year is to lead and work with my boys more than I have already. And to guide her perspective and correct if she has wrong thinking about marriage and responsibilities. And that at the end of this year my goal is for her to have not a single shred of doubt about my love and commitment to care for and lead her until the day she dies. She smiled and accepted this, looked a bit relieved and happy. So unless God moves her mightily between now and August, we won’t be attending the meetup. I have a feeling she will need more time to adjust and grow in trust and submission to me and to God. That’s my main goal, not a second wife, but a first wife in total submission to God and his design for women. And of course that won’t happen if I’m not first a Man in total submission to God as my head and obeying His design for men.
So with all that said… Will you guys all be praying for us as we go about our lives this year. That God speaks clearly to us both, that we will grow in the knowledge and understanding of how God wants us to live and relate to one another. And that even if it’s hard to accept, that we will both be willing to submit to His authority and design for our lives.
In Christ,
Nick & “Bug”
P.S. *Edit* If anybody wishes to give their opinions or thoughts on this all, please don't hesitate. I have no objections to men or women giving their thoughts and opinions, and don't count it as "teaching" me or usurping authority.
So this year is all about fixing myself, not convincing her. I've been lazy and abdicated my position in small ways. I've had the wrong mindset for far too long. I thought I was being a Godly patriarchal man, but I actually haven't. I wrote a letter (didn’t give it, instead held onto it for a while to think and consider) asking my wife to get on board with me for goodness sake... Last night after sharing my letter with a friend and asking for counsel on it before giving it to her, I realized that my attitude was wrong. I shouldn't be asking for her permission and acceptance to do my job and lead the family. (duh I know) I may rewrite the letter to just encourage people and post that later.
So today over coffee I simply informed her that I had been a piss poor example of a Godly man and leader. I have repented of that and am getting my house in order. I told her that it's "my house" not hers, not “ours”. That I will be leading my sons in a study of the life of David and that I'd like her to join us. That I haven't been diligent and disciplined. I've let laziness dictate what projects got done and things have piled up. That I'm taking care of those items not to make her happy, but because it's my responsibility before God to do so. That I am expecting her to be a Godly woman. She has always had the intention to be submissive and Godly, but has been influenced by hallmark movies and hollywood way too much. For instance, she raised her eyebrows and said “our house” when I mentioned something I was going to be designing into “my house” when I built it. Nothing really overt, but if you pay attention you can see and hear those influences poking out all over the place.
She instantly responds positively if I say we aren’t doing something or going somewhere. She will come to me when she is overwhelmed with church nursery duty because she knows there’s safety in my authority and that I will step in to let church organizers know she’s not on nursery duty anymore. Things like that are commonplace. So don’t misunderstand and think I’m saying she’s a bad wife or super rebellious. I think if I put my foot down and said “We are living Plural” she would probably be broken hearted and cry but obey. But that is the last thing I want. I never want to hurt her and that would destroy her confidence and trust in me. She’s really amazing and wonderful but I realize I’ve allowed too many little darts to imbed their insidious doctrines into both of our psyches. Little worldly bits of feminism and egalitarianism. I’ve been thoroughly denounced by lots of people for being a misogynistic patriarchal abusive arsehole because I am anti-feminist. But I can still smell the feminist slime in my house. Gotta purge it all out.
She asked me if I thought it might be a good idea for her to fast next week. I said it would probably be a great thing if she sincerely wanted God’s direction. So she is going to be fasting and praying next week asking God to give her guidance and wisdom as she goes through the Bible this year. She’s going to be discussing what she reads with me and asking for me to explain things to her and clarify. I told her I wanted her to make it a point to read and pay attention to Godly women and the position she is to hold in relationship to her husband. All I did was direct what she was already doing and focus her on a particular topic. She agreed and looked happy to do so. I pray God softens her heart to Godly submission and my leadership. Even if no second wife ever happens, the fruit will be joyful and good.
I told her my focus this year is to lead and work with my boys more than I have already. And to guide her perspective and correct if she has wrong thinking about marriage and responsibilities. And that at the end of this year my goal is for her to have not a single shred of doubt about my love and commitment to care for and lead her until the day she dies. She smiled and accepted this, looked a bit relieved and happy. So unless God moves her mightily between now and August, we won’t be attending the meetup. I have a feeling she will need more time to adjust and grow in trust and submission to me and to God. That’s my main goal, not a second wife, but a first wife in total submission to God and his design for women. And of course that won’t happen if I’m not first a Man in total submission to God as my head and obeying His design for men.
So with all that said… Will you guys all be praying for us as we go about our lives this year. That God speaks clearly to us both, that we will grow in the knowledge and understanding of how God wants us to live and relate to one another. And that even if it’s hard to accept, that we will both be willing to submit to His authority and design for our lives.
In Christ,
Nick & “Bug”
P.S. *Edit* If anybody wishes to give their opinions or thoughts on this all, please don't hesitate. I have no objections to men or women giving their thoughts and opinions, and don't count it as "teaching" me or usurping authority.
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