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Good husband defined?

GloryGirl

GloryGirl

Member
So there's another thread talking about what makes a man manly or a woman feminine. It got me to thinking, beyond following the passage in Ephesians 5 which instructs husbands on valuing and caring for their wives, what makes for a good husband. Like so many things, I think it depends, in this case on the wife/wives. For example we can all agree that to be a good husband, a man needs to be the leader of his home, but what kind of leader?

I personally think I have the best husband in the world, but that doesn't mean he would be the best husband for every wife, even if every wife were Godly.

So, what essential qualities make an excellent husband?
 
>inb4 all the men start shamelessly describing how they see themselves.

I'll bite though:

Wise - Able to discern what his wife needs

Longsuffering - Able to give her what she needs even when circumstances are not optimal.

Mission Driven - Able to pursue a worthy goal not directly related to being a good husband. Which I regard as essential to being a good husband. God created women to help men, but help them do what? In my view, a good husband figures that out.
 
Someone correct me if I'm wrong here but I had always thought that there was no word used in the bible for "husband". It's just a man who took a wife.

There doesn't seem to be a difference between being a good man and being a good husband. A good husband is a good man with a wife.
 
ZecAustin, you just had to cause trouble didn't you. ;) Though I have to say that you are right that it takes a good man to be a good man with a wife. Or at least a man who desires to grow into a good man.

As for me, I guess I desired a man that knew himself well, had compassion when needed and firmness when needed. I probably also found Nathan's tendency to "not follow the rules" attractive, and frustrating. I love following the rules....if he was strong enough to not "follow" then I could trust in his ability to protect me no matter what. He is also very smart and a quick thinker which pushes me to be a better thinker myself.
 
I'd posit that a man can be a good man but not make a good husband. Perhaps a "good enough" husband, but she specifically mentioned an "excellent husband". Lets not forget, some are called to be single. People have their gifts. Not being good at a particular thing doesn't make one a bad man.
 
While there are a lot of attributes we can find, I like two biblical references: Galatians 5:22-23 (the Fruit of the Spirit) and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Love is ...")

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, 5 doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; 6 doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
 
There is a status change with a woman when she becomes a wife. She changes from a virgin (in an ideal world) to a woman who is wifed. There is no corollary for men. There is not a concept of male virginity outside of Paul's categories of eunuchs.

I would go so far as to say (every one stretch out their eye rolling muscles) as that there is no such thing as a married man because the concept of marriage is so tied linguistically with this idea of lordship. Don't get mad at me, I didn't write it.

So you can talk about the attributes of a good wife, those things that are specific to a married woman as opposed to an unmarried woman. It is much harder though to find a Biblical concept of husbanding separate from regular masculinity.

I could be wrong. I have a very singular focus in this area and am very prone to miss things.

Moriah was inspired by this post to look up the word husband on biblebub.com. It was jaw dropping (to us) what she found.
 
ZecAustin said:
Moriah was inspired by this post to look up the word husband on biblebub.com. It was jaw dropping (to us) what she found.
Click to expand...

Don't leave us hanging like that. I am not familiar with biblehub.com, but it looks as if there are multiple ways to look up a word. Can you tell us what you are referring to? (Excuse me if I am being dim.)
 
Zec, if a man is a plumber that doesn't change him either. He's still just a man, who happens to work as a plumber. But he might be a really good plumber, or a terrible plumber, somewhat separate to his general qualities as a man. In the same way, a good man may happen to have no wife, or happen to have a wife - and he might be more or less able to take care of that wife, again separate to his qualities as a man. If you consider "husband" as a job in life, rather than an identity, that would probably be more useful and put us all on the same page so we can actually address the question at hand - which is, as I understand it, "what qualities make a man good at taking care of / shepherding / husbanding a wife?". Many of those qualities will certainly be the same qualities that make him a good man - but that isn't necessarily the entire answer.
 
aineo said:
Don't leave us hanging like that. I am not familiar with biblehub.com, but it looks as if there are multiple ways to look up a word. Can you tell us what you are referring to? (Excuse me if I am being dim.)
Click to expand...

I think she just looked it up in the Strong's and then looked at the concordance. The word isn't a noun, at least in the Old Testament. It's a verb and it is used broadly. I strongly suggest you look it up. You actually know the word already. You will not believe what word it is though and I will not rob you of the shock of finding it out. Prepare to be challenged.
 
FollowingHim said:
If you consider "husband" as a job in life, rather than an identity...
Click to expand...

I do not. I admit I'm getting a little off topic herd and I know this thread was started in all good faith and with good intentions but I sincerely believe this concept of equivalency that defines the modern pair bonding is where we went wrong originally.

But I am splitting hairs and getting bogged down in semantics. The underlying sentiment is correct. There are attributes that make certain men more successful at marriage than others and it is worthwhile to know what those are.

The deeper debate about the nature of the spiritual significance of the relationship between man and wife should be its own thread.
 
GloryGirl said:
So, what essential qualities make an excellent husband?
Click to expand...

I've always thought ballroom dancing was one of the best metaphors for marriage. A good lead will provide a framework for his partner. He will use his strength to literally guide her where he wants her to go. By giving resistance, propelling her or receding he can move her precisely and effortlessly and without a word while still giving her room to improvise and elaborate her movements. Its a beautiful thing and I encourage every couple to take ballroom dance lessons because of how much it can teach both partners.
 
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Thanks Zec, that's basically my point regarding semantics vs intent.
There is more than one Hebrew word translated "husband", so your point on this really is quite unclear Zec, you do need to be more specific than that. 'iysh, ba'al, ra'ah...
 
FollowingHim said:
Thanks Zec, that's basically my point regarding semantics vs intent.
There is more than one Hebrew word translated "husband", so your point on this really is quite unclear Zec, you do need to be more specific than that. 'iysh, ba'al, ra'ah...
Click to expand...

I'm not sure I should. This may be meat someone has to cut for themselves.None of those words jump out at you though? The definitions and other occurrences especially are eye opening.

Rather than be coy though, the word baal was what really caught my attention.
 
Ba'al simply means Lord. When you call YHWH Lord, you're calling Him Ba'al. A husband is a wife's 'Lord', as in, head, ruler etc.
 
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