Hello Everyone!
First, let me say that I find the OP an interesting question and I appreciate the many facets that have been discussed on this issue. Nonetheless, I would like to present an answer to the OP that I do not believe has been discussed fully. What does the LORD God Almighty want from you? What is His plan for you and the woman (or man for you gals out there) you are considering marrying? Above all, “What is His will?”
We have all seen the results of so many marriages that have been thought out so wisely by our own reasoning, based on our desires, rather than seriously stopping and saying, “Not my will be done, Lord, but rather, let Thy will be done.”
I realize actually finding out His will and doing His will can, and in most instances, will be difficult. I am coming from a perspective of experience here. My past plural marriage was entered into because I thought it was God’s will. What I learned in that devastating 15 years was truly a school of hard knocks! It took me a long time to fess up, so to speak, to the Lord and really ask Him if, indeed, it was His will that I married that man. I held my breath and kinda cringed up my face with one eye shut waiting for His response. Deep down somewhere, I knew the answer already. I had begged the Lord for that man, and at the time, the Lord told me He was giving him to me. I took that to mean it was His will. But 13 years later, I truly stopped to ask Him the truth; beyond what I wanted, what I longed for in that man, the intimacy I coveted, etc., and I was told the truth and a very hard saying it was! He said, “No. I gave him to you because you begged Me for him.” Just like a kid begging for more candy, and a father knowing it would make their tummy sickened, but gave it to them anyway because they needed to learn a lesson, the Lord allowed me to learn a very, very hard lesson. It cost me 15 years of my life to understand and come clean with the Lord. What I learned was, “Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it!” and “to ALWAYS pray in honesty and willingness with quietness of heart before the Lord, no matter what the circumstances you may gain or lose, that HIS will be done not your own!”
After the breakup of that plural marriage, I found myself in the backside of the desert alone for 10 years. I lost pretty much everything, and I finally came to a place of prayer in which I said, “okay Lord, YOU bring the husband to me that YOU have for me. I surrender!” From that point on, my life began to change completely. One month later, the Lord brought that man to me…the one HE had for me. There was no question that He orchestrated our meeting and what followed. The Lord presented to me a crossroads, so to speak. Would I accept what He brought to me…the husband HE had for me? I recognized that the LORD Almighty had presented me with a choice. I knew it was Him. I knew it was His will, though I admit I had my guard up. It was not because of some type of physical or chemical attraction between this man and me or some super spiritual connection that brought us together. And…I have to admit…after my past experiences, I examined every movement this man made upon our meeting and hours of talking in private. I watched every flinch of his eyes, and examined every answer to my questions posed very, very carefully. I was just waiting to see if he would go astray. Honestly, it was a test. Would he be the man of God I knew the Lord had presented to me? I really needed to see that in him to put my heart and Spirit at rest. I do not think there is anything wrong with verifying what you believe to be from the Lord as truly Him, and that is what I did. This man passed with flying colors…to my amazement, actually, and to my relief!!! Nonetheless, even in my excitement of being brought together under supernatural circumstances, which obviously showed me the Lord had something up His sleeve, I held back, as did this potential husband and his wife. We earnestly prayed, “not our will be done, Lord, only Thy will be done here. Please make this path clear that we may honor You and You alone.”
Three days after meeting him (though I had heard of him and knew his wife through the Bible college and church we all attended 25 years prior), I knew in my heart what the Lord wanted me to do. It was actually very different than I expected. The Lord gave me the words to say to him. They were this, “offer him your hand to lead.” I did not know what he would say or do. I only knew that this was what the Lord’s will was for me to do. Prior to actually saying that to him, I did go to his wife and asked her if she was good with me doing what the Lord had asked of me. She gave me the green light, and I was very appreciative of that. It confirmed in my heart that she, too, knew this was the will of the Father. So, after only knowing this man for three days, I asked him to take a walk with me so we could talk. Unbeknownst to me, he, too, had gone to his wife. He told her that he believed a commitment between him and I would happen that night and asked her if she was in agreement with him going forward. She also told him that she agreed. That night, as we chit chatted on a swing I had eyed out earlier, I bravely and nervously, “offered him my hand to lead.” In that moment of silence that seemed like an eternity, and one of which I had no idea what he would say, I sat there and waited. I thought maybe he would say, “Well, okay, we will court for a year and see how it goes.” I really didn’t know what to expect, and I was willing to accept whatever his proposal of our future relationship would be and allow him to lead the way. To my amazement, he just said, “Yes. I will.” He held my hand and we went before the Lord and committed our lives to Him and to one another. Then, he turned to me and gave me our first little kiss on the lips. My heart was flip flopping. I had no idea what the future would hold with this man, but I knew that I knew that I knew I was in the Lord’s will! Because I knew this was orchestrated by the Almighty, I trusted love would grow between him and me as we journeyed on the path the Lord had laid out before us.
It has been 19 months as of yesterday since we sat on that swing together and vowed our lives to the will of the Father and to one another. We were betrothed for eight months before our wedding, and during that time, we stayed celibate until our wedding night. I am very thankful that we walked righteously before the Lord in that and establish a relationship based on what the Lord clearly laid out in His Word. That was really important to all three of us. Since our betrothal 19 months ago, we have gone through lots of trials and changes. There were a lot of things I had to work through from my past. Some of those things were very hard and I am still on the journey toward freedom. My husband never left my side the whole way. Even during the times I was pulling away out of fear, he never let go of my hand. He held tight to his commitment to take my hand and led me, and I am so very thankful for that. Our love has grown in leaps and bounds through many toils and trials along the way. He has been my saving grace in so many ways, and I am very thankful to the Lord for sending me a man of God that I can honor and cherish till death do us part! Our first wedding anniversary is coming up here on August 12th! Some days I seriously doubted we would make it to our first anniversary, but I held onto one thing through it all…I KNEW it was the Lord’s will for us to be together and that HE is the one who put us together…it was HIS will…and though the enemy shook me like a rag doll at times, I never lost sight of that one thing! I trusted the Lord to see us through and that victory has be such a delight to my soul and spirit!!!
My point here is that we can come up with a million reasons why to marry or not marry…but beyond all that stuff, and there is plenty of it as is listed in the previous posts… “What is the Lord’s will?” If you do not know, my advice is…DON’T DO IT UNTIL YOU DO!!! Look around at the lives that surround us. How many divorces and devastated families do you personally know of? I bet there are plenty. Why is that? I believe it is because, and I am speaking from experience, they were not walking in the will of the Father…most likely from the very beginning of their considerations. I realize the enemy is clever and not all cases were due to this; but I would dare to say that many were…and many gave up on their commitments as well when it was the Lord’s will!
I would present to you, JustAGuy, that you would seek and find a place in your relationship with the Lord where you are quiet before the Throne and ask your Heavenly Father what and who He wants to be part of your journey with Him…find out what His will is and lay your own will down at His feet. The foundation stone of a relationship must be built on the Solid Rock. Vow to do it right. Vow to stay pure in your relationships, in your betrothals until a public or private marriage ceremony with close friends and/or family occurs. Set your face like flint to do the will of the Lord in your life…not your own will…because I guarantee you, if you don’t, it will cost you more than you can see at this time in your life. I truly hope this gives you a perspective that you will prayerfully consider.
May the Lord bless you all!
In His Love,
Deborah
:lol: )
