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How are we treating our husband?

sweetlissa

sweetlissa

Member
Real Person
Female
When Biblical Families started, I believed it to be about improving relationships. At the first retreat I attended someone said, "if a wife is well loved in her marriage then there won't be any room for jealousy because she will feel so secure it won't matter if there is another woman involved." I have not seen a lot of evidence of this happening and sometimes I wonder why.

Well, I have some tough questions to ask... but with only the most love in my heart for all the ladies out there.

How do we treat our husbands?
1. How do we greet him when he comes through the door at the end of the day?

2. Do we still get all excited at the thought of a date?

3. Do we make ourselves attractive for him?

4. Do we make him feel special?

5. Do we remember the things he likes and do them?

6. Do we honor him in our words, thoughts, and deeds?

7. Do we support our husbands when he makes a decision (whether or not we agree with the decision)?

8. Do we react positively when he wants to be affectionate?

Love begins with us. If we want our husbands to honor us, we must first honor him. And not in hopes that he will honor us back but just because it is what Christ told us to do. If we want our husbands to be affectionate then we must make sure he knows how much we want that. If we want our husband to come home from work and have a good attitude, we must meet him at the door and be glad that he came home. Be grateful for how he works to meet your needs. Again, not because of how much money he makes but because Christ tells us to be grateful.

Lets try to remember what it was like when we first met our men. Lets pretend to be dating again. Remember how you jumped when the phone rang (or when he texted you?) Remember how you tried on three or 12 different outfits to find just the right one? Remember how you cleaned your house so he would only think the best of you? Lets try to let all that excitement back into our marriages.

SweetLissa
 
I am consistently surprised at the idea that by being fragrant, available and 'helpful' we can all keep our man!
When are people going to realise that going back to 50's ideals is not the answer? Attraction and relationships is far more complex than any sort of 'Leave it to Beaver' play acting. How many times have we seen a man leave a well groomed devoted wife for a toothless, less than hygienic, but interesting I am sure.....woman?
Thing is men, as well as women, have traits they look for, no amount of fragrance and being helpful is going to keep someone interested in you if you are not what they actually want, desire or are interested in.

B

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMb8Csll9Ws
 
Isabella,
I am not suggesting going back to the 50's. I am suggesting that by nurturing our relationships we have a much better chance of being and staying satisfied.

I am a college graduate, a professional and I work for a living. My opinion at dinner parties is welcome and valid. I do not get caught up in the 50's as you suggest.

But I look good every day because my husband is attracted to me and I feel good about it. I wear nice clothes and I try to stay physically fit. I try to be excited to see him because it keeps things fresh and exciting.

I think that we can live in the present day and also have a satsifying relationship with our husbands. I also believe that he does the same things for me. But that is his responsibility and it is not my job to tell him to do so. My post was about remembering our relationship as it was in the beginning so that we can maintain that fresh "in-love" feeling.

Many men have gone astray because their wives have stopped caring to do things they way they like to have them done. Many men have stopped going home because there was no one there who cared whether they did or not.

SweelLissa
 
SweetLissa (Sweet Silly)

I agree with what you said about pleasing our husbands. Have you ever noticed that some husbands don't care as much about keeping up their appearance or cleaning up. I mean during my workout, I look over at the couch watching my husband watching me while he is drinking a beer and watching hockey. :lol: So, not only is he doing what he wants while I'm laboring away to keep myself fit, he is thinking about another type of workout in mind. ;) Also, when I'm scrubbing the tub and he is looking on from his computer room, he is thinking other thoughts as well. I'm I the only women on this board married to a "caveman" with three points: feed me, respect me, and pleasure me? All I know if I do those three things, he treats me like a queen.
 
lutherngirl,

you are not the only one married to a "caveman"! LOL My hubby will go for DAYS without shaving....even though he is very hygenic. He Likes to sit back on the couch watching tv while I do things around the house,however he plays with the baby and does help around the house when it is really needed.

But no matter what I'm doing he is thinking about "it".. men are men... and I agree that we should encourage our husbands and ourselves to keep our love fresh in our hearts and homes!

I am NO June Cleaver.I only own 3 dresses... most days I'm in sweats and a t-shirt when my hubby comes home, I tend to not always have the kitchen cleaned up right when dinner is finished. I have a messy desk that happens to be in the dining room. But my hubby gets a hot meal each evening and pleasant smile, and a kiss when he comes home and a family/ wife who tries to show him how he is appreciated.
I agree that We could bring back those first days and let ourselves and our hubby's keep being exciting, loving, and respectful!... IMHO
 
Ok how is this for irony.

I DO wear very feminine clothes, I like long skirts and dresses. I am not fond of jeans or anything big bulky or masculine looking...I like to bake and host. If I could I would have a tea party every day.

Buuuuut this is who I am, who I have always been, I like spoiling and indulging who love. I wouldn't get along with someone who values a sharply powered, high powered career woman because that is not who I am.

I think it is fair enough to ask 'What can I do to make my partner happy?' but I also think it does well to remember that not everyone values the same things that you might do everything 'right' according to some arbitrary standard but still end up alone. That the only way to know what your partner needs is to ask, and communicate your needs in return. A family that is able to be open, honest and vulnerable in front of each other and respond positively to their loved ones needs will cope with whatever is thrown at them.

B
 
I have no argument with you there. Starting this thread was merely a way to get women to look at where their relationship has gone.

Have we started to take our mates for granted? Not saying anyone has, but asking the question. I have seen many marriages that go stale because the people stop caring about pleasing each other. We women want romance with our husbands (some of us do, some of us don't) and we sometimes complain that our husbands are not attentive enough to us.

So I asked the question....
What are we doing to get his attention? I used to do negative things to get attention, because that was all I knew how to do. I figured having him angry was better than having him oblivious. But then I tried an experiment.

I spent my time on the way home from work anticipating the joy of walking into his arms. The joy of having dinner with him. The joy of our quiet space and a simple walk with the dogs. Instead of coming home and being bored and lonely for the evening, I noticed things started to change. Could it be my attitude?

Now, he greats me at the door when I come in. He thanks me for making dinner. He helps me clean up the kitchen. He invites me to go on the dog walks with him. He is kind, conscientious and solicitous. He asks me what movie I would like to see. And he loves to be with me. He sends me texts telling me he misses me. He calls me just to hear my voice. And he really goes out of his way to show that he cares.

No, he isn't perfect! But it is a lot sweeter than arguing. And much nicer than quiet resentment that builds over time. And who wouldn't love to have a romance every day of their lives?

To me, if I feel this way every day of my life, then I won't mind if another woman feels this way every day of her life too. As long as I don't suffer in the bargain. To me, that is what biblical marriage is all about. My hope is that we can all have wonderful marriages, with or without multiple wives. I know that God put us on the earth for his pleasure. Surely he would rather see us enjoying our marriages rather than enduring them.

Just Sayin...

SweetLissa
 
Hi Ladies,
I had to chime in on this one.
My married life is so different from previous marriages I've had.(Yep, been married more than this time). I think we both have learned what to do and what not to do to make our marriage a happy and successful one. I think we both fo out of our way to make the other feel special. So, I'm going to take Lissa's initial questions one by one here.
1- We both own our own businesses, and work different days of the week. Which ever one of us is home when the other comes home goes outside to meet the one coming home. There's always a hug and a kiss before we ask"Can I help you carry anything inside?" We are glad to see each other at the end of the day and are truly glad that the other is home safe and sound with us.
2-Thursday night has been our date night for the last 4 years. Sometimes we go out, sometimes we stay in. Sometimes it leads to romance, sometimes it doesn't. But everyone who's a part of our lives knows that Thursdays from 6 pm on is our time and they'd better not bother us unless someone has died! Yes, we both still get excited about date night.
3-This is a tough one. Hubby's idea of attractive(in a female) and mine are quite different. For years I did the big hair, the make up, and the whole "girly" thing. He has finally convinced me(it took about 6 years of the 12 we've been together) that he thought I was prettiest without make up and with my hair just clean and combed. So with rare exceptions I don't wear make up anymore or do much more than wash my hair. I do rely heavily on Miss Clarol, but he likes it blond.
4-In my mind making him feel special is the easiest thing I do. His first wife treated him like a child. His mother treats his father like a child. Both his brother's wives treat them like children. You know the type of woman I'm talking about here, the kind who expects her husband to ask if he can go watch the game at a friends house, or to ask if it's ok if he goes to play golf on Saturday. It took him a long time to get out of that mind set. He used to ask me also, and I finally told him that I wasn't his mother and he didn't need to ask for permission. Now he says things like,"If we don't have anything planned for Saturday I'm going to go play golf with Bob" or "I know you have a movie to watch on Sunday afternoon, I'm going to Jo's to watch the game" That's just one example of course, but in his mind it's huge. He can be a man and he feels special because I'm "letting " him.
5-I guess this is the area where I fall the shortest. For those of you who don't know he spoils me terribly. He pays all the bills, he helps with domestic stuff without being asked(nagged), he allows me the freedom to do pretty much what I want,he does the lion's share of the cooking and, he puts the seat down. If I cook one of his favorite meals, or make sure he has a full pitcher of lemonade or iced tea he thinks I'm a hero and goes on and on about it like it's some really huge deal. And I'm silently wondering "is that it? Is that all it takes to please you?"
6-I like to think that yes, I do honor him.
7-About 10 years ago when we were first together I was still working a full time job. I was a regional manager for a major vitamin chain, working about 80 hours a week. He had just retired from a major car company and had time on his hands. He took over most of the domestic duties in our life and I was the major bread winner. I was so tired from working so much, and dealing with the stress, then having to come home and pay the bills and figure out what to do and how to do it. I was close to a nervous breakdown. One night I took the stack of bills and the checkbook and put them in his lap and said something along the lines of "I'm not doing this anymore" That led to a very honest and open discussion of other stuff in our life. At the end of the night we'd decided that there could only be one decision maker in the family, and that it was going to be him. Now having said all that I want to add two things. The first one is that he's proven over the years that he is capable of making good decisions, so I have no problem continuing in this way. The second thing is that we decided this together. He didn't just announce that he was the head of the family and that God had given him leadership and I was expected to follow his lead and support him no matter what opinion I may have. I'm pretty sure if he'd done that we wouldn't be together now or have the wonderful marriage we do have. I'm too stubborn and had taken care of myself far too long for that attitude to have flown with me.
8-For this answer I'll just go back to my comment in question number 5. He puts the seat down!!!!! What women would say no when he wants to be affectionate if she has a guy who does that.
Clyde
 
AMEN Clyde!!!

Mine puts the seat down too!

I love the way you took that into consideration.

I took a page from my grandma's book with my husband.(my grandparents have been married for 54 year)

Pray together, Show him respect, encourage him, show him you care about yourself enough to look decent for him... So I try to do those things!

I pray for him and with him.
 
Mine puts the seat down, too! So, I guess he isn't the caveman I thought he was. :lol:
 
I have heard some people say that women should put the seat back up after we are done with it. But since we have dogs, we usually try to close the whole lid so they can't drink out of it.

SweetLissa
 
Respect for each other without all the heavy handed 'I'm the boss' stuff goes a long way in our house. We view ourselves as a team.
 
Isabella said:
How many times have we seen a man leave a well groomed devoted wife for a toothless, less than hygienic, but interesting I am sure.....woman?
Click to expand...

Well with the obvious exception of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles.....I think most men seem to be very visually oriented. Typically (or stereotypically) a man will leave a woman for a more attractive and perhaps younger woman. I haven't seen too many men leave an attractive wife for a "toothless, less than hygienic" woman.
Blessings,
Fairlight
 
Fairlight said:
Isabella said:
How many times have we seen a man leave a well groomed devoted wife for a toothless, less than hygienic, but interesting I am sure.....woman?
Click to expand...

Well with the obvious exception of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles.....I think most men seem to be very visually oriented. Typically (or stereotypically) a man will leave a woman for a more attractive and perhaps younger woman. I haven't seen too many men leave an attractive wife for a "toothless, less than hygienic" woman.
Blessings,
Fairlight
Click to expand...

I have seen it about, besides, younger and more attractive don't always go hand in hand. It is the culture of youth that often fools us into believing that they are not mutually exclusive.

The Prince of Wales is an interesting one because, his first wife was the interloper, he was in love with CPB years before he met Diana, they were forbidden to wed because she had a history..

At the end of the day, a young pretty well groomed virgin could not erase the memory of the older, experienced, less attractive, horsey woman who married someone else. Perhaps they were really meant to be? Perhaps it was true love?
Or perhaps, they just have more in common and he doesn't mind her dirt stained Jodhpurs and course country attitudes (apparently she has a filthy sense of humour!) because, he loves her.

I am not romantic enough to think that 'Love conquers all' but I do think that if you love someone and you are well matched, than you need not worry that your underwear is colour co-ordinated.

B
 
Isabella said:
I am not romantic enough to think that 'Love conquers all' but I do think that if you love someone and you are well matched, than you need not worry that your underwear is colour co-ordinated.
Click to expand...

Yes, I agree with this also.
Blessings,
Fairlight
 
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