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How to reset your wife when she's falling apart

Poodles

Poodles

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How to reset your wife when she's falling apart
You can find them in every grocery store, office, playground and drop off lane at the local elementary school.
The women who wipe their children's tears away, who selflessly serve day after day with little or no appreciation, who juggle working and parenting and sleepless nights and endless guilt, who love their husbands fiercely, who continually look after everyone's needs except their own. They are the women who quietly run the world.
And, if you're a woman reading this article, "they" probably means you.
I know the look in your eye. I know what it feels like to give everything and never feel like it's enough. I know what it feels like to wake up and wonder how you'll ever make it through the day. Please know that you are not alone.

To the husbands, we need you.
We know that we can not walk the path of life alone. When we fall, we need you to catch us, and help us stand tall. We need you to wipe our tears away and hold us so tightly that it's almost difficult to breathe. We need you to comfort us when life becomes too hard to bear.
To the incredible men who love us, I know that it is hard to know what to do. I know that sometimes the right words are difficult to find. We want to help you help us. I asked women from all over the world to share their thoughts about how husbands can help their wives reset when they are stressed or overwhelmed. I hope these ideas are helpful to you:

1. Be aware of her responsibilities
Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don't, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweigh her time and energy. Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices.

2. Get involved BEFORE she burns out
The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don't wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

3. Be an active participant
It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household.

4. Stop trying to fix her problems
Just listen. That's all you need to do.

5. Hold her
Find something to keep your kids preoccupied, and then take your wife into your arms and tell her how much you love her. Hold her closely and let her cry into your shoulder. Comfort her the best way you know how.

6. Let her talk for as long as she needs
Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

7. Be a partner
Marriage is committing to share a life together. To carry one another's burdens. To cry with one another. To support one another through difficult times. Marriage means being one another's confidant, lover and friend. You aren't just two people living together. You are a beautiful union of two people who covenant to love each other forever.

8. Provide her hope
Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she's hit rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

9. Be useful
Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? Does the dog need to be walked? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don't wait to be asked. Just do it!

10. Give her a day all to herself
Nothing feels better than getting a manicure, pedicure, hair cut, massage, and a new outfit. Let her sleep in, take a hot bath, and spend some quiet time alone. Support her and take over her day-to-day tasks, so she can have time to take care of herself.

11. Pray for her
Right before you go to bed, kneel down next to your bed together, hand in hand, and pray. Tell God how much you love your wife. Let him know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He see her.

12. Ask her what you can do to help
Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She'll appreciate it more than you will ever know. Because, you know what? She loves you too, and she is grateful every day for what you do for her.

From an article by Katelyn Carmen

I saw this post, re-posted it, and now pass it on to you. Whether or not you are in a plural or single marriage or thinking of getting married, these suggestions could help you in your relationships.
(I edited #3 and #4)
 
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To the husbands, we need you.
We know that we can not walk the path of life alone. When we fall, we need you to catch us, and help us stand tall. We need you to wipe our tears away and hold us so tightly that it's almost difficult to breathe. We need you to comfort us when life becomes too hard to bear.
To the incredible men who love us, I know that it is hard to know what to do. I know that sometimes the right words are difficult to find. We want to help you help us.
Click to expand...

As tears stream down my face. Yes.

Thank you for sharing this.

Never have I had so much to work thru in my heart as I do now, and never have I had such a need for support and love from my husband to help me walk this path.
 
I have issues with this post and honestly agonized for over an hour a response. Finally, out of respect for Poodles and not wanting to poop on her post (too much), I'll just make this little snippet.

In general, this appears all good, but i think if you really analyze each individual statement and validate it's worth based on biblical principles you'll see Mrs. Carmen's typical Egalitarian claptrap pretty clear. Lists like these are everywhere and yet if you look at the content itself, where's the call for leadership? It's not there. What bothers me is the assumption of the tired fearless woman warrior who needs support of the man who's not doing enough to help. The whole thing is about making her feel better about how she is, not whether she should change. It's about supporting what she's doing, not whether she should not be doing something. It's about what more he needs to do to make her feel better. Man up and be her helper!

Oh, and #3 and #4 got jumbled up during copy/paste....
 
NetWatchR said:
I have issues with this post and honestly agonized for over an hour a response. Finally, out of respect for Poodles and not wanting to poop on her post (too much), I'll just make this little snippet.

In general, this appears all good, but i just think if you really analyze each individual statement and validate it's worth based on biblical principles you'll see Mrs. Carmen's typical Egalitarian claptrap pretty clear. Lists like these are everywhere and yet if you look at the content itself, where's the call for leadership? It's not there. What bothers me is the assumption of the tired fearless woman warrior who needs support of the man who's not doing enough to help. The whole thing is about making her feel better about how she is, not whether she should change. It's about supporting what she's doing, not whether she should not be doing something. It's about what more he needs to do to make her feel better. Man up and be her helper!

Oh, and #3 and #4 got jumbled up during copy/paste....
Click to expand...


I appreciate your response to my post. However, when she is overwhelmed by life, including doing whatever the husband wants her to to do/be, just having him holding and understanding where she is coming from, encourages her and gives her strength to go on. I honor and obey my husband because I want to and I love him, and it is what God expects. I become overwhelmed at times and he is there to hold me, listen, and care for me. I also believe God wants that. Ephesians talks about the man's role as well as the wife's role. As he loves her as Christ loves and treats the church, by helping, holding, and listening, the wife, most often, will respond in the manner expected by God.
This article does not mean that the wife is always a basket case, or wants to be in charge, rather just when she breaks down after trying to be all things to all the family including the husband. She needs to go to God and she needs her husband to be there as God is there encouraging and loving her.
Being a patriarch does not mean he can not be loving and understanding. The best leaders are those who lead by inspiring those who follow. Good morale comes from the leaders. Good leaders lead by example and by listening to those who follow. But good leaders must always make the final decisions.
The wife is the helpmate to the husband. And he is to love and lead her.
And, oh by the way, she will want to change as she feels secure in his love.
Just my thoughts.
 
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I didn't take it at all that he is not doing enough, but as an encouragement to speak to my husband when I'm feeling overwhelmed with life instead of holding it in and letting it eat me up. It was a reminder that he listens, that he loves me and that he will point me back to God when my world is crashing down. A reminder to run to him, let him embrace me, instead of running from him.

I feel like her points are a sweet reminder to men of things that show us you care- not saying they need to be done often, but on occasion it refreshes our hearts. (Not that men even HAVE to do anything, because you don't) But, sometimes even the simplest task such as emptying the kitchen trash can before being asked once in awhile is enough to lighten my overwhelmed heart.

But I understand the woman is the helpmeet and the man is the leader.
 
This so wonderful because I so feel this way, which is what scared me more when the subject of a sister wife came up! I felt like, what I do for you, and my dedication and all my love is not enough! Then I thought what if he is more attentive with the second wife and I still feel the same because now I will get less attention because we just added some one else!
 
Poodles said:
I appreciate your response to my post. However, when she is overwhelmed by life, including doing whatever the husband wants her to to do/be, just having him holding and understanding where she is coming from, encourages her and gives her strength to go on. I honor and obey my husband because I want to and I love him, and it is what God expects. I become overwhelmed at times and he is there to hold me, listen, and care for me. I also believe God wants that. Ephesians talks about the man's role as well as the wife's role. As he loves her as Christ loves and treats the church, by helping, holding, and listening, the wife, most often, will respond in the manner expected by God.
This article does not mean that the wife is always a basket case, or wants to be in charge, rather just when she breaks down after trying to be all things to all the family including the husband. She needs to go to God and she needs her husband to be there as God is there encouraging and loving her.
Being a patriarch does not mean he can not be loving and understanding. The best leaders are those who lead by inspiring those who follow. Good morale comes from the leaders. Good leaders lead by example and by listening to those who follow. But good leaders must always make the final decisions.
The wife is the helpmate to the husband. And he is to love and lead her.
And, oh by the way, she will want to change as she feels secure in his love.
Just my thoughts.
Click to expand...
FollowingHim2 said:
@Vanessa , this thread may be interesting to you. http://www.biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/im-not-enough.13280/#post-144587
Click to expand...
Hi there Sarah it is Vanessa, so reading what you sent me and the article Poodles posted I felt better. But then a question came up in my head after a situation i experianced. I think you mentioned that you don't have a sister wife yet? sorry if I got that wrong, but I wonder if you knew of anybody who has experianced having a sister wife that is there best friend? I also wanted to ask you or anybody else out there how you felt with having your best friend as the potential second or third wife? I ask all this because I feel like maybe this is the direction I am being led to. I am really torn by my best friends reaction when this was presented to her. She didn't say no to praying about this direction, and at one point admitted that she felt this might be her future, but as time has moved foward she goes back and forth, and now i think she is not liking me in the picture, as someone who would share her husband with her! So now I fear that this situation has just become one big mess
 
Yes, that's right, I don't currently have a SW. Best friends can work, Poodles was best friends with her SW before she came into the family I believe. I have heard of other women being friends, but not best friends. My best friend is my husband, so that kind of rules out that idea for me ha ha!
In your current situation I would say to go really slow. You all need to be at the right place before this goes forward. Trust your husband, that he will make the best decisions and know when or if this other woman is ready to enter the family. It's really common for women to come into the knowledge of PM and flick back and forth with it for a while, sometimes even years, and that's going to be happening for both of you for a wee while.
 
All are supposed to be best friends, that is how it should work. Remember how the body of Christ is supposed to be modeled and there it is. Christ's structure is our standard. Good post..
 
Oh snap ... Poodles drops the mic!

Love it! I cried!

Read this at 7:40 am as I'm being taxied back to my depot to clock off duty after working 14 hours all through the night while my precious wife and babies are all home sleeping... Thinking of my absolutely amazing Proverbs 31 wife and all she does with tears in my eyes. A wife of noble character who can find? Pshhh.. this guy right here lol! Praise Hashem for blessing me oh so richly with an incredible helpmate!

I've been working 70+ hours a week and am so absolutely exhausted. She lets me sleep when I'm home because dispatch may call me right back to work as I'm on call 24/7.... When I'm home my clothes are always clean and ready for me, dishes always clean, house in order, the older children showing me what they have been learning with homeschool teacher mommy, toddle and baby cared for and happy... the list goes on and on!!!

Lately we've been saying to eachother, "I miss you!"

This one hit me hard this morning... thank you so much Poodles! Bless you!

-Rusty
 
Been stuck in the hamster wheel of routines, chores, getting past mom's death, etc.. Finally saw a crack in the wheel and decided to say hi.. Been good, how about you?
 
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