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In general, should sister wives be of similar age?

R

rob in cal

New Member
I'm wondering if there has been any research on the stability of pm when the sister wives are of similar ages, contrasted to when they are of very different ages. As someone with absolutely no experience in this subject, I'd guess that the sister wives relationship is very important for the success of the whole marriage. Furthermore, if the sister wives were of similar ages they'd be more likely to have similar interests, and being in the same "season of life" could relate to things better, than say, a 45 year old and a 22 year old. On the sexual side of things I'd guess that there would be two more advantages. With sister wives of similar ages, there wouldn't be the jealousy on the part of the older wife of "oh, he always takes the side of my younger sister wife, because she pleases him more, is prettier, is livelier etc.". Also, gone would be the thought that he took a younger wife just for an "upgrade", and the older wife feeling left out, or no longer desirable.
Anyway, just some random thoughts, I'd be interested if people on this board have some insight into this.
 
The age issue would not per se be an issue or at least not the biggest issue of concern.

The character, heart, and personality would be a bigger issue.

Plus, how a team of ladies handle their "time" with the man is more important than the ages of the ladies involved. Also can they blend in together, can they relax together, play together, serve together, and truly care for one another? Those are more important issues than mere age.

Too, a man needs to seriously consider (and talk it over accordingly) how much unity will he lead the ladies towards as a whole. Will he keep the unions totally distinct and separate or will he lead the unions he has with each to be more interconnected than separate. All of that would be higher on the scale of issues than simply the differences in physical age.
 
I agree with everything Dr Keith said, but add that it doesn't make age insignificant. Probably ... in most cases ... similarity in age makes sense.

How far should that go in being a qualifier? Up to the individual. I completely understand someone saying, "I'd rather not marry someone basically as young as my existing children." or "... as old as my mom." There may well be other issues that would complicate what is already complicated enough.

But neither does the Bible make it any sort of hard and fast rule. And if relationships develop, and are good, don't sit around obsessing about the number of birthday candles that gotta go on the cake!
 
Ok I guess I am gonna have to be the bad news bear,lol. I have seen many times where a man will marry women much younger then the next. I see how hard it is for all involved. One thinks the other is too immature and always seeks attention. The younger ones always thinks the older wives hate them or thinks that the older wife is too strict. Also I have seen where the older wife often thinks her husband no longer loves her cause he is more affectionate to his younger wive/s. Normally when there is no more then a 10 yr difference (and I am talking people over 30) I have seen things work out greatly! I have seen also men who take in wives 20 years younger then his first wife and I have seen the problems that can cause. I don't quite disagree with any thing said on this board, but you can think a person is mature or right with G*d. Then she moves in and they can become a whole different person. Remember a 19yo no matter how mature is gonna act like a 19yo at some point. If your wife is 40 she probably isn't going to be real thrilled about having a wife that young. She may also feel like a baby sitter and that can cause a lot of problems. So there is my opinion as some one raised in polygyny and one who has lived it. To me this (From what I have seen) can cause a lot of problems. Just my humble opinion
 
Age is nothing, but a number....and we were all created at the same time....making us all the same age....

I do understand your reservations about 10-20 year gaps between ages of the wives, but pray for a wife and who the Father sends is one who is for both you and your wife. Be open and you will find the most in this life.
 
The 60 year old that acts like a 19 year old is one I would want to avoid.

Sorry, but I like adults, who act like adults.

B
 
The age is NOT the main issue. The hearts are. if the ladies want to BUILD the KINGDOM and restore BIBLICAL living more than protecting their own interests age will not matter. if there are ongoing comparisons and jealousies, they are not ready for plural marriage and neither is the man. Shalom
 
nicola said:
Age is nothing, but a number....and we were all created at the same time....making us all the same age....

I do understand your reservations about 10-20 year gaps between ages of the wives, but pray for a wife and who the Father sends is one who is for both you and your wife. Be open and you will find the most in this life.
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correct Nicola
 
I totally agree Ravmoshe

:lol:

I'm going to have to post that regularly when I agree with you, I like the way it sounds
 
Tlaloc said:
Sorry, but I like adults, who act like adults.
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The expected has been proven true, extremely boring person alert :D
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You assume adulthood to be a boring state than? I don't.
I have been called many things, but boring...that is novel.

B
 
I must say that having a large gap in ages can create an generational gap which in turn can make the older feel more like a mother/grandmother to a very young wife. Especially if a couple has been married for 15+ years and is bringing in a new wife.

I don't know that I personally would want a sister wife in my home that is considerably younger than me. What could two people who are 20+ years apart possibly have in common other than God and hubby? Many young women want something totally different out of life and marriage than those of us who have been married for a long time and learned how to grow and change and submit to G-d's calling on our lives.

I must agree with the statement that "adults should act like adults" however that doesn't require being boring. It just means.... for lack of a better phrase.... act you age not your shoe size! lol
 
nicola said:
Age is nothing, but a number....and we were all created at the same time....making us all the same age....

I do understand your reservations about 10-20 year gaps between ages of the wives, but pray for a wife and who the Father sends is one who is for both you and your wife. Be open and you will find the most in this life.
Click to expand...

I can't agree with this... we were NOT all created at the same time and we are NOT all the same age.
We maybe be created in G-d's image but we would be a dead and dying humanity if we were ALL created at the same time therefore making us the same age.
 
If age ain't nothin but a number then why is Jeffs in prison? That whole age ain't nothin but a number mentallity that keeps polygyny from becoming legal cause they are worried that this is the way we think. A child doesn't have the wisdom of an adult (tho most think they do) Honestly out of every one for it here I do have a question. Who here is or was married to some one 20 yrs different from one wife to another? Most think cause I am only with Becky that I have no idea what I am talking about. You have to remember I was raised in a home with 6 mothers my mother being the third wife. My father (as I call him) also had many poly friends as well. So growing up I got the benefit of seeing what age difference really had to do with it. When Shelly was here on this earth she was my second wife and her and Beckys' age difference really did make a difference. Although I loved them both and they loved each other as sister wives there was still a lot of conflict and it was only around 10yrs difference. But now that Becky can finally talk about Shelly again she does say she felt more like a mother to Shelly not so much a sister cause Shelly had a lot of growing up to do. The whole age ain't nothing but a number is a nice thought it is only realistic for a few.
 
Honesty is a good thing with you good woman! I couldn't agree more like I wrote I have no doubt that the sister wives would love each other, but not like a sister wife but more so a mother/ grandmother figure.

Nikismom said:
I must say that having a large gap in ages can create an generational gap which in turn can make the older feel more like a mother/grandmother to a very young wife. Especially if a couple has been married for 15+ years and is bringing in a new wife.

I don't know that I personally would want a sister wife in my home that is considerably younger than me. What could two people who are 20+ years apart possibly have in common other than God and hubby? Many young women want something totally different out of life and marriage than those of us who have been married for a long time and learned how to grow and change and submit to G-d's calling on our lives.

I must agree with the statement that "adults should act like adults" however that doesn't require being boring. It just means.... for lack of a better phrase.... act you age not your shoe size! lol
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Revgill87123 said:
Honesty is a good thing with you good woman! I couldn't agree more like I wrote I have no doubt that the sister wives would love each other, but not like a sister wife but more so a mother/ grandmother figure.

Nikismom said:
I must agree with the statement that "adults should act like adults" however that doesn't require being boring. It just means.... for lack of a better phrase.... act you age not your shoe size! lol
Click to expand...
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Kudos to the pair of you! Because of my age, it will be immoral (and in some places illegal) for a man to marry a woman 20 years younger than me and a woman 20 years older than me would be older than my mother.

None of us live in closed communities, we have to live in the real world and one of the advantages of this lifestyle for women is the loving friendship and sisterly support the women are to each other, how much support can a teenager with raging hormones and ego give? It would just be like having another teenage child in the home and if you were expecting any sort of mutual support with childcare, well, that idea is shot to pieces.

How much in common will you find when you talk to your 40 year old sister wife and she doesn't even recognise any of the music/TV/fashions you like? It would be exactly like talking to your mother and who wants to live their lives always feeling like you are under another womans authority in your own home?

I can imagine it being unimportant to men, who might fancy the idea of a teenage bride BUT it is the women who will have to spend the majority of time together and if they don't have anything in common, what kind of relationship would that be?

B
 
Explain this to me... just curious here...

Even a busload of church women who go on an outing of their women's church group, leave such a testimony wherever they go of women of all ages getting along so swell together... I've heard many times that they get such comments...

Why would it be if such age-varied women happen to be attached to one man & his household that there would be no similar testimony :?:

It seems to me that the real testimony for the man in :?: is that women of varying ages in his household love one another. It is also an example for the children of varying ages if they can do so.
 
I see this from all sides. In most cases I see that the sister-wives work well together when they are near the same age because it is easier for them to share. If they have common ground and are both raising children at the same time, many hands lighten the load. But what about when a man who is a bit older (say mid 40's) and his wife is done having children, but he wants more. He is naturally going to look for a younger woman who is in childbearing age. And at that point the older wife will be in a position of teaching (or assisting) the younger wife in her childrearing.

Tit 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

This seems like a very natural way to fulfill this command from our Lord. Who better to teach a wife how to love her husband and to do her husbands will than another wife who knows the husband's will better than anyone. What an amazing amount of anxiety this woman can spare her younger counterpart.

SweetLissa
 
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