My Husband Will Not Work

[Doc]

I had a woman forward this question to me on Facebook. I would like to hear your advice and responses:

I know what the Bible says about men who do not work-provide for their family, but not sure what scripture says about the spouse and what they are to do in that situation. My husband does not work or is willing to work. He has reversed our roles in our household, not by my choice but by his actions. What am I supposed to do? What are my options Biblically?

Blessings,

 

[sweetlissa]

I found her blog and I don't see her mention whether her husband is a believer or not. That would be interesting to know. But at the very least this man needs to talk to a Biblical Counselor and he needs to be talking to God. I don't know how I feel about the rest of the situation but it is clear to me that he is not honoring God with his behavior which tells me he either isn't a believer, has fallen away from his belief or is struggling with something else. Once those things are dealt with the other stuff will be easier to address.

Another aspect is this. Is the woman giving an accurate version of the story? We know that there are two sides to every story (at least) and the truth is somewhere in between those two sides. So it would be interesting to get his perspective on this.

 

[The Revolting Man]

Unfortunately I don't know that she has much direct recourse. I think scripture makes it pretty clear this man is not a true believer but that doesn't really open up any avenues of action to her. Obviously she can pray for him, limit what she provides and how much she works and what tasks she abdicates to him, which will limit his excuses and take his little fig leaf of respectibility. Other than that, she's kind of stuck. Why did she marry the bum?

 

[cnystrom]

Does she work? Maybe she should stop. Refuse to assume the male role. If he gets hungry he might decide to work.

 

[sweetlissa]

According to the blog they have been married for 29 years. This is a new situation (relatively speaking). So obviously at one point he was not a bum. Which is why I believe he has something going on deeper than just not being willing to work. Having a wife who criticises all the time and people making comments about his manhood are not likely to help him or her. I have never found that it helps a situation to belittle the other person. That isn't Godly at all. Jesus may very well have told the man "if you don't work, you don't eat," but he would not have been mean.

 

[Shimon]

This can be a tough one all around. If they have been married 29 years, he is likely in his 50's at least. There could be all kinds of reasons that he's not working. For instance, I am 57 years old. Two years ago, the mental health agency that my wife and I owned failed due to the economic slowdown. Too many clients were out of work and had lost their insurance. My wife was able to find work in another state, so we moved. I have not been able to find work, but I have several strikes against me. First and foremost is my age. Few companies are will to hire someone who is eligible to retire in less than 10 years. Second is the fact that I can no longer walk very well and use a cane to get around. I'm waiting for my insurance to approve double knee surgery. Third is my weight. Being unable to exercise as much as I used to and having been on prednisone for over a year, combined with my diabetes, my weight has shot up. I am just not very attractive to employers at this point. Fortunately, I am still contributing to the household income thru my military retirement.

That doesn't alleviate the frustration that I feel because I am unable to support my wife as I once did. If we did not have a good relationship with good communication, it would be easy for my wife to feel like that woman does. She knows how bad I feel about the situation and that as soon as I am able, I will find a way to start bringing in an income again.

Perhaps that couple could benefit from some Christian counseling. If they could open up their communication, perhaps the issues she is so frustrated with could be resolved.

Dave