Last week I experienced something I didn't know existed. My husband loves me more today than he did when we first married. It amazes me that anyone can look at me the way he looked at me Monday night last week. I was stunned, but further, I was humbled by the intense love that another person can have for me.
I have been a second wife for about 3 years now. Recently the first wife divorced hubby, leaving a hole in our family and in our hearts. I know it hurts me, so I can only imagine how it must have hurt hubby. Recently we have begun talking about increasing the size of our family. I began talking to a woman who we are hopeful that God will add to our family. You all know I am pro-poly, so I was not prepared for the mixture of feelings at the thought of making this extreme change to our family.
My first feelings were of relief. I know that seems strange, but relief that I might sometime in the near future, have someone to share my life with. I have missed my sister-wife very much and it has been very lonely for me at times. Having a sister-wife, to me, meant never being alone or lonely. It meant that I would always have someone to turn to when I need it. I have someone to stand beside me through stress and crisis. I have someone to share, keep secrets with and go shopping with. Someone to make plans with and share my deepest emotions.
Then I got worried. My new friend is 10 years younger than I. She is thinner than I. She is prettier than I. My insecurities flared up and I worried that I might be being "replaced." Maybe hubby didn't love me as much anymore. Maybe he wasn't satisfied by me. Maybe I wasn't enough for him anymore. So, since I am a pretty direct person, I asked him. I said, "You still love me, right?" "You still want me, right?"
His answer surprised me. He told me that he loved me more now than ever before. He talked to me for a while, and had no way to express what he was feeling. The gist of it was this. He said that he loved me more now than ever before, mostly because I was willing to accept him as he was without trying to change him. He said he never realized how much it freed him to be accepted as he was.
I have said it before about men and polygyny. Many men who are polygynous have gone through life believing there was something wrong with them because they were attracted to and capable of loving more than one woman. They had bought in to the lie. They felt like they were constantly in sin. When these men discovered that polygyny was scripturally allowed, the relief in them was almost visible because suddenly they were no longer "walking in sin" but were capable of "walking with God" while still loving more than one wife. This realization has made many men on this board capable of a closer walk with God. I think that a wife who is willing to accept her husband this way, will by accepting him as he is, experience a closer walk with her hubby. By putting her trust in God, who is guiding her husband, a woman may very well experience a deeper, more fulfilling love with her husband. Because suddenly, he is safe with her. His secret feelings and desires have been exposed to his wife and by accepting him and his secrets, she has accepted a greater depth of love from him.
This week has been a challenging week for me. I have received a job offer for a job that I have wanted more than I can express. I have been packing our house getting ready to move. I have been dealing with the insecurities of the future, not having a home to go to and also my unemployment hearing. The emotions have been so mixed up that I really don't know how to answer when someone asks me how I am doing. But through it all I have been blessed to know that God is blessing me for loving my husband the way God created him.
SweetLissa
I have been a second wife for about 3 years now. Recently the first wife divorced hubby, leaving a hole in our family and in our hearts. I know it hurts me, so I can only imagine how it must have hurt hubby. Recently we have begun talking about increasing the size of our family. I began talking to a woman who we are hopeful that God will add to our family. You all know I am pro-poly, so I was not prepared for the mixture of feelings at the thought of making this extreme change to our family.
My first feelings were of relief. I know that seems strange, but relief that I might sometime in the near future, have someone to share my life with. I have missed my sister-wife very much and it has been very lonely for me at times. Having a sister-wife, to me, meant never being alone or lonely. It meant that I would always have someone to turn to when I need it. I have someone to stand beside me through stress and crisis. I have someone to share, keep secrets with and go shopping with. Someone to make plans with and share my deepest emotions.
Then I got worried. My new friend is 10 years younger than I. She is thinner than I. She is prettier than I. My insecurities flared up and I worried that I might be being "replaced." Maybe hubby didn't love me as much anymore. Maybe he wasn't satisfied by me. Maybe I wasn't enough for him anymore. So, since I am a pretty direct person, I asked him. I said, "You still love me, right?" "You still want me, right?"
His answer surprised me. He told me that he loved me more now than ever before. He talked to me for a while, and had no way to express what he was feeling. The gist of it was this. He said that he loved me more now than ever before, mostly because I was willing to accept him as he was without trying to change him. He said he never realized how much it freed him to be accepted as he was.
I have said it before about men and polygyny. Many men who are polygynous have gone through life believing there was something wrong with them because they were attracted to and capable of loving more than one woman. They had bought in to the lie. They felt like they were constantly in sin. When these men discovered that polygyny was scripturally allowed, the relief in them was almost visible because suddenly they were no longer "walking in sin" but were capable of "walking with God" while still loving more than one wife. This realization has made many men on this board capable of a closer walk with God. I think that a wife who is willing to accept her husband this way, will by accepting him as he is, experience a closer walk with her hubby. By putting her trust in God, who is guiding her husband, a woman may very well experience a deeper, more fulfilling love with her husband. Because suddenly, he is safe with her. His secret feelings and desires have been exposed to his wife and by accepting him and his secrets, she has accepted a greater depth of love from him.
This week has been a challenging week for me. I have received a job offer for a job that I have wanted more than I can express. I have been packing our house getting ready to move. I have been dealing with the insecurities of the future, not having a home to go to and also my unemployment hearing. The emotions have been so mixed up that I really don't know how to answer when someone asks me how I am doing. But through it all I have been blessed to know that God is blessing me for loving my husband the way God created him.
SweetLissa
I will be praying for you all. Moving is stressful at times for sure but it can also be a time of bonding with in the work. May it be a time of clear thought and wise use of your time. Wish I could be there to help myself!