Hello all this is my first post on BF. I feel the Lord leading me to take another wife in His time, but FW and I are not in agreement right now. Please pray for me to be gentle, kind, and patient in all that I do towards her but firm in my conviction, and that she would grow in biblical maturity and in submission to me. Thanks so much.
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Prayer request Need prayer for me
- Thread starter Farmer Moses
- Start date
Welcome to Biblical Families!
We'll certainly be praying for you and your wife.
We have a ladies chat on Monday nights, 7.30pm Eastern time. Your wife would be most welcome to join us, though she will need to make her own account. She's also welcome to post on the forum or contact any of us ladies to chat.
We'll certainly be praying for you and your wife.
We have a ladies chat on Monday nights, 7.30pm Eastern time. Your wife would be most welcome to join us, though she will need to make her own account. She's also welcome to post on the forum or contact any of us ladies to chat.
Introduction!
Thank you Followinghim2! I appreciate the warm response but she is very anti-poly right now and has refused to even look at or read any pro-poly verses or even the ladies forum here that I sent her. She is being pretty rebellious lately in response to my asking her to get on board with me looking for a prospective wife to join our family. That's why all I can ask for is prayer right now. Maybe in the future Lord willing...
Thanks Frederick! Yeah I have been working with her more lately on her being submissive to me which she says she does in all areas except this one. I responded well you don't get to choose. We have been going back and forth for about 2 months on this issue. She has threatened to divorce me if I take another wife. There is no other woman that God has brought into my life yet so I have time. I just need to teach and grow her spiritually in the meantime and pray she has a change of heart. In other words be a patriarchal, biblical husband to her more than I have been in the past.
You are right Steve. I look at it this way...if I can't bear her burdens and be patient with her...then am I really ready to lead a second wife? I think not.
Hello Revolting man! I am sure my wife thinks I am one too lately gotta laugh sometimes in times as these when our faith is put to the test.
Welcome!
For what it’s worth, many wives take years to wrap their minds around this devastating realization. There is a lot of growth and heart changes that have to happen. She’s facing a lot of emotional things.
Yes I agree there is no hurry. I am trying to slow things down and take at least that much time or more but she keeps bringing it up like picking a scab and then we get into an argument/power struggle again. I may just have to refuse to discuss it for a period of time, but then on the other hand, if she wants to talk about it should I refuse?
Thanks for your advice and experience. Not that it would be the same for her, but if any of the women would care to chime in as to how long it took for them to come around to accepting poly for their household?
The struggle with my wife has taken years. Oddly enough, as I waited patiently for her to growth, I discovered along the way that I required far more growth in my leadership than she required in her followership. I'm saying nothing new -- because it's been said around here maybe hundreds of times -- but for the majority of us men here the value of being part of this group, and therefore of learning the truth about the legitimacy of biblical polygyny, has not been gaining additional wives but learning the truth about and implementing the type of patriarchy promoted by His Word. Listen carefully to what many here will advise you about really taking your time; very often our Father in Heaven speaks most effectively through those among us.
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What @Keith Martin has said is absolutely correct. This is a very common experience.
Focus on self-improvement, not changing your wife.
As a reality-check, remember that plural marriage is actually unlikely (you know how difficult it is for one woman to accept the idea, how much more difficult would it be to get two to accept it?). It happens, but it is unlikely to happen tomorrow and may never happen. My wife has been in agreement with me on this for many years, and yet I still only have the one wife. When I first realised this was an option I was enthusiastic about the idea that God might give me another wife tomorrow. But as the years go by I realise that God has not yet given me another wife because I am not ready for her (and she may not yet be ready for me either). It's actually got little to do with my first wife's beliefs about the idea - having her accept it didn't change the fact that it was not yet God's plan.
Focus on self-improvement, not changing your wife. Learn how to be the best man you can be. And watch her grow as you improve yourself.
A good verse to remember is below (and this is not an accusation against you, I have no idea what faults you might have, I just know you will be a flawed human like myself):
Matthew 7:3 said:
From when I actually thought this was a legit thing: 3 days.
I am not the norm.
Do not expect your wife to be like me.
I give full credit to the Holy Spirit. If it was up to me I'd probably still be fighting it 9 years later.
My wives don’t spend any time in the forums, like a lot of the women, so they won’t be responding to your question.
But what my first wife would answer is 3 years.
I would add that acceptance of the legitimacy of poly was just the first step in a very long process of growing in the knowledge/understanding of the culture. Acceptance does not equal elevated skill level. Also, as Keith said, growth on the patriarchal side of the table is a given for those who would go deeper into all that Yah has called us to understand.
All too often, people approach polygyny like getting a second car.
“I have decided to get a second, so I will just go to the second wife lot and pick out the one that suits my fancy.”
The first problem is that they are extremely rare.
The second problem is that very few of them will suit your fancy.
The third problem is that when you find one that suits your fancy, you almost certainly will not suit her fancy.
Don’t be like the many who marry in haste and repent at leisure.
Your situation is something many of us here have dealt with, or are dealing with. My wife understands that the Bible does not prohibit polygyny, and that it does treat it as lawful marriage. Nevertheless, she is strongly opposed to me practicing it, and threatened to leave if I were to do so. The fact that I would even consider it offends her.
You are among friends here, and you are not alone. I pray that you will accurately reflect your Master Jesus Christ as you lead your wife.
Yes how true...I think my first mistake once I had my red pill moment
was to assume that since I could point to all these scriptures and reasoning with logic that she would just fall in line and of course since God had revealed all this to me that naturally He would provide a SW in the next few months. But as I struggle with leading her I am coming to realize God hasn't revealed his full plan for us. It may take years of dying to self in sacrificial love towards my wife before she would come around and even longer for another one to do the same. I guess it's been years since I felt that strong compulsion by The Almighty in so long I got a little carried away . I come from a strong Reformed Calvinist background so not used to that being part of the frozen chosen lol. Thanks FollowingHim2 for your shared experience. Might I say I wish it were that simple on my end? But as your husband has said it's just half of things.So glad I found you all. You don't know what a comfort it is to me to have a community of like minded believers to pray for, encourage, and admonish me.
Your wife and my wife seem to be at the same impasse brother. She agrees it isn't wrong biblically, just that she hates it or strongly dislikes it and would divorce me if I took another. I think it is just a long trial that God will put me through in this before He makes His Will known to her. God made us to wait 10 years to build our forever home so He has chastened my avarice and ambition before and it looke like I need it again.
Wise words brother thank you for them.
5 years.