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"Nothing About This Is Easy"

nathan

nathan

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This thread is to discuss Andrew's April 2017 newsletter article, "Nothing About This is Easy".
Read it here, if you haven't.

(BTW, if you are signed up at this forum, you GET the BF newsletter in your email - if you are not seeing it, it's almost certainly because it's going to Junkmail, or Gmail's Promotions category, or similar. Or maybe you just don't want to see it... nah, that can't be it! Go search your email for newsletter@biblicalfamilies.org, then whitelist us! Here's the last 20 newsletters)
 
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I wish I had some way to help kick start this conversation but all I would be saying is "Gosh that Andrew is smart." Which is true but not very interesting, except maybe to Andrew on a glum day when he needs a little pick me up.
 
That was absolutely brilliant! I think the most important thing to note is that the person writing this article is not someone who is just OK with the theory of this. Nope, he is seriously practising this, has 3 wives, and has had them for quite a while (not sure exactly how long, sorry Andrew!). He is obviously very wise and has leaned much over the years. Well worth listening to.
Ginny, who is one of Andrew's wives, wrote a great post on here too that I think relates to this. http://www.biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/a-letter-from-the-front-line.13122/
Basically, if you're intending on being in a plural marriage, then you need to be prepared to go into it full force and work hard. This is not something to be lazy about. It's not something to give up on easily. And you WILL have those thoughts about giving up, because it's a spiritual battle and Satan loves nothing better than to infiltrate and split up plural marriages. Or any marriages for that matter. Like Ginny said, you're going to the front line, and you want to be as prepared for that as you can be.
Andrew, I particularly loved the scriptures dotted through your article. Let us all begin with scripture, and if we lose our way then come back to it, because it will guide us through everything.
 
As I was re-reading this today, the following stuck out to me:

If you’re on the discussion forum on the website, you know that my tagline is a movie quote. A son asks his father how far they’re going to continue on their course of action. The father’s response is, “The question is not how far? The question is: Do you have the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far as is needed?” That’s an appropriate quote for anyone considering plural marriage, because if you’re not “all in”, you’ve already lost. Men, are you willing to do whatever it takes to keep your family together, build it up in love, and take responsibility for the consequences of all your decisions (including your indecisiveness or inaction)? As the U.S. Army Rangers pledge to each other, are you willing to “shoulder more than your share of the task, whatever it may be, one hundred percent and then some”?​

Ladies, you don’t get a pass. As your husband will be tested in ways he cannot foresee in his ability to lead his family according to God’s direction, you will be tested in ways you cannot foresee in your willingness to follow where he so leads. The important point is that everyone is resolute and settled in their minds about doing whatever it takes to get to the finish line together. “All in”.
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I think Christians considering marriage should all be taught this, whether they ever live in polygynous relationships or not. I suspect that the men who have been led by the Spirit to pursue a polygynous life have a significantly stronger understanding of this than the average man, yet I can tell you that in my own experience I didn't realize how immature my understanding of this necessary commitment was when I first began to study on polygyny.
 
Spot on, @aineo . ^5 In fact, we coined an expression at the North Carolina summer retreat last year: If you have a biblical marriage, it can scale; if it can't scale, it's not a biblical marriage. The point is that we can't allow the world to frame this as "monogamy is one thing and polygamy is something else". The biblical principles of marriage apply to all marriages, and the unwillingness/inability to scale up reveals a flaw in the understanding or application of biblical principles to the first marriage.

@FollowingHim - Samuel, whenever you're back in the saddle we need a high five emoticon! Please?... :cool:
 
We loved the article and the premises in it. We had just been discussing these items. There's a movie called "Knight and Day" with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. She sometimes questions what he's asking her to do and he has this saying and raises his hand to shoulder height palm down "With Me?"...lowers hand "Without Me?". Things always go better "With Me". (It's one of our family sayings now:)).
 
K&D is a fun watch, and you raise an interesting point.

A lot of guys trying to be the "head of the home" (in my experience, YMMV) rely too much on their positional authority. "I'm right because I'm the authority here; the bible says so!" Cruise could legitimately make the claim he was making—that Diaz was better off sticking close to him than running off on her own—because it was true. We guys should focus more on being the kind of guy a girl is obviously better off sticking close to, instead of insisting that they owe us something regardless of whether they're actually better off with us or without us.
 
I love that movie. There is a scene where Diaz wakes up after being drugged, and they've been captured by the bad guys, Cruise is tied up, hanging upside down, and swinging backwards and forwards in front of her. Even then he's completely optimistic, telling her that everything's fine and he's going to get them out soon. The situation seems impossible, but somehow he manages it and when she wakes again they're both safe. Even when it seemed impossible, he was still the right guy to be with, he was still 'safe', and he was still a leader.
 
@andrew You're exactly right on. The King role generates all kinds of unfavorable characteristics in anybody. When we understand that we are just the trustee, and the beneficiary can petition for relief, it changes how we behave and act towards those in our care.
 
Great article, soo true!!! We are all just trustees in roles. The whole creation belongs to Him.
Really like the thought " unwillingness/inability to scale up reveals a flaw in the understanding or application of biblical principles to the first marriage" Very well said.. In modern times, family and mindsets are more broken than it seems. When you transition to plural, you see the big cracks in the building, like turning on the light.
 
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