Now courting

[ADHERE]

Hello everyone. I had all but given up on living PM. I had stopped looking and just prayed that if this was the Lords will for me and my family, at the right time I would find a potential. Well... The Lord has allowed me to find her. She is 29 and I am 48. My wife is the same age as me. I was on a polygyny forum, and I inbox this young lady with a question. The question was, what caused you to make the decision to want to live in a plural marriage. After she responded we kept in touch via email and text messenger and FaceTime. (Similar to Skype) We all have so much in common including our views on marriage, salvation, children, finances, etc. so we all prayed and asked the Lords wisdom and we decided to start a courtship. We all are new to this, and I do seek words of wisdom on the next stage of courtship.

Some questions I have is:

Is there a specific length of time that courtship must take place, before marriage is considered?

Provided that the courtship is successful, can there be a private ceremony with only me, my wife
And the new wife in attendance?

These are just a few question that came across my mind. Any input would be appreciated..




Thank you all.

 

[eternitee]

Congratulations

Is there a specific length of time that courtship must take place, before marriage is considered?

Is there a specific time for mono marriages? You court until the major issues are ironed out, the minor issues are dealt with or accepted as they are what they are and you are ready. Nothing is guaranteed - you have to commit to work through marriage as life throws its curve balls at you.

Provided that the courtship is successful, can there be a private ceremony with only me, my wife and the new wife in attendance?

There are very few things REQUIRED for a marriage. I do not remember any specific verses that say who has to be there beyond the groom, bride and God, but maybe someone else can chime in. Here is an article that discusses marriage requirements.

https://www.biblepolygamy.com/By%20The% ... n%20Me.pdf

I have not read it in a while, so it may not directly answer your question, however it will point you in the right direction of the verses you need to look at.

One thing to consider - will the 2nd feel like a true wife if you are unable to acknowledge her? For me it did not bother me, but I know for second wives to "really" feel married they sometimes need to have it publically acknowledged in some way. Do not let fear of others opinions drive this decision - nothing good comes from a basis of fear. If you are afraid of losing friends and family, just realize that if they would discard you over this then they are probably people you are better off without to begin with. You will be very surprised at the people who choose to stand by your side and you will never regret finding out who you can and cannot rely upon. Also remember that people's initial reactions are not always accurate - people who say "I will never accept this" may mean it, they may also come around after they calm down.

 

[ADHERE]

Thank you Eternitee... I will read the info you recommended. As for family and friends... They are so closed minded that we have decided to tell them in our own time. Our potential ask if my wife can perform the ceremony... My wife and I are ordained Ministers... And my wife said she would do it.
Thanks again and we are so greatful to have this opportunity...

 

[FollowingHim]

Have you ever found a marriage ceremony run by a minister or priest in the Bible? There isn't any. You don't need a ceremony at all to be married, the ceremony is an extrabiblical tradition. The marriage is when you unite with her as your wife, the peripheral stuff is just fluff - might be important for emotional reasons, but not for theological ones.

So, yes, if you want one your wife could run a ceremony. Or you could. Or one of the other men here could (whether ordained or not), could get married at a retreat even. Or you could dispense with the ceremony entirely.

There are no rules!

So consider carefully what Eternitee has said about the importance of public recognition, and do whatever you believe is right for the two of you. I say two because marriage is between two, this is about your second wife not your first. Same goes for courtship.

Edit: Oh, and congratulations too!

 

[ADHERE]

Thank you FollowingHim. Your words of wisdom as well as Eternitee, have given me much to consider...

 

[ADHERE]

Update: Due to unresolved issues, my new courtship has ended. This has truly been a learning experience for my wife and I. What I have learned from this experience is, if all involved has a lack of understanding of what to expect in a biblical plural family, it will be met with heartache, confusion, much misunderstanding and conflicted emotions. I'm grateful for the experience. Thank you again for all of your prayers.