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Nuts and Bolts: Money

macike

macike

New Member
One of the things I (we) have been wondering is how do some of the basic things work.

Money: How do you deal with money issues?

Does all the money go into one big pot?
Are there ‘set asides’
Does the money all go like: From each according to their ability to each according to their needs. - - - This may work well in family, bad in government.

Now my experiance is limited . . . to sister wives (seems like a fairly functional family), what I have read here and the first episode of Big Love (HBO may not watch it all and seems somewhat dysfunctional). I see that Big Love tries to deal with it, however it is still fiction.


So let us take the example of three wives:
W1 = An average job, she makes about $10 an hour ($400 a week) --- soon to be $310 a week with healthcare rules.
W2 = The homemaker one, she does homeschooling of all the kids keeps the house running, she does all the ‘child care’ while others are at work
W3 = the professional she earns $70K+ a year
H = 40K a year in something

Is there jealousy, or what. I mean in one W3 needs more money --- she buys lunches and needs professional clothes. Wereas W1 can wear jeans. How do you figure this out? Without it coming down to everyone gets $500 because it is fair.
 
This basically comes down the wisdom and government of the man/leader in the home. For an outside entity to insert an idea herein would be counter productive to the very goal of men learning how to lead with wisdom in the area of finances.

So in short this is an issue of headship. A wise and godly man will be a good steward of the resources he has with his members who are a part of his body/family.

Just as with God. All we have is his to begin with. He perfectly administers and spreads his graces around as he sovereignly sees fit, because he is the King and sovereign over all of his creation.

In the home, if the man is walking biblically, and has learned how to manage his finances he too will know how much to spread throughout the home for there to be the proper amount of graces spread throughout the sphere where he rules in love.

But, therein is a problem at times. Some men are too immature to know how to do this. What should be done if this is case? The man needs discipleship and a set of spiritual elders over him to train him, just like Paul trained Timothy and Titus who were his sons in the faith. For men to grow up and be good men they will need a man over them or a set of elders/teachers over them to help them grow.

Being more specific herein on this question runs the risk of giving a formula that would not be right for the specific family involved. Thus, the principle of Spirit filled leadership through the man is the central key to this and not a one size fits all formula on finances.
 
I only speak as a "if", not as if I have experience yet. In our home my husband is in charge of the finances. I do pay the bills, but, I do it as he directs me to. We have a budget that he makes and I stick to it. If I need (or one of the children needs) something that goes outside of it, then my husband decides if it is an expense we will take or not. Rarely does he say no. When I was working full time, he told me to do whatever I wanted with my check. I usually used it to buy the kids clothing, my clothing, gifts for my husband, and incidentals that came up. BUT, that was only because we did not need it. We are very blessed with our finances.
 
What Heather is saying I think is the most practical and biblical way.

If one wanted to do a study on finances then good ole Dave Ramsey has some helpful literature on stewardship of finances even though he would not per se be coming from a polygyny position.
 
If you look at lunches and professional clothing as "cost" of the third wife's job then it gets much easier. Think Wife 3 wants to wear a suit every day? Maybe she would be just as happy to wear jeans like her sister.

Everyone's needs should be met as much as possible. I believe that the woman who stays home is just as valuable as the ones who contribute to the bank account. In many ways the homemaker saves much money for the family by planning meals and shopping properly. The homemaker cares for the children, prepares healthy meals and cares for the home so that food doesn't spoil, meals don't get eaten out for necessity (entertainment and date nights are definitely okay) and she repairs clothing so it lasts longer. She eliminates the need to have laundry done professionally and for hiring people to clean house. If all her services were hired out we could never afford her. She is so valuable.

Wife 1 who works an average job is important too. Who says that her earnings are not important. She works 40 hours a week just like everyone else. And if the others work more, then that is figured into things too. Everyone is worth the same to Christ. Why would any wife or the husband be any more or less valuable than any other. When we are with Christ he will not care how much money we made but what we did with what HE provided us.

SweetLissa
 
We all contribute in some way to our finances. I'm an insurance agent who has been blessed to work from home to be with my baby. SW is a Baker who can work outside the home and will once she is settled. But currently bakes from home and takes private orders for cakes ect... to contribute to the household account to pay for expenses.

She and hubby worked out an amount she is to contribute and she and I will have equal amounts of "pocket money" to ourselves as well as DH.

As long as all the bills are paid and the groceries and diapers are bought that is what matters most!

Just remember what Lissa said in the eyes of Christ we are all just as invaluable as the other!

God Bless,
 
Nikismom said:
She and hubby worked out an amount she is to contribute and she and I will have equal amounts of "pocket money" to ourselves as well as DH.
As long as all the bills are paid and the groceries and diapers are bought that is what matters most!
Just remember what Lissa said in the eyes of Christ we are all just as invaluable as the other!
Click to expand...

Sound wisdom. :)
 
Nikismom said:
She and hubby worked out an amount she is to contribute and she and I will have equal amounts of "pocket money" to ourselves as well as DH.
As long as all the bills are paid and the groceries and diapers are bought that is what matters most!
Click to expand...

This makes sense to me. This is the sort of answer I was wondering about.

For most of us we have two differing sets of fiction to watch and understand about PM.
-- Big Love which is total fiction.
-- Sister Wives which is some fiction. Most of the reality shows are scripted in one way or another.

Just want to know how the real world works.
 
Biblicaly the husband gets to decide.

But if this is practiced and one of the women do not agree, it will not work will in America. And she may try to put her husband in jail.

Personally, I would give some of my money to my wives, to put in their own individual accounts and keep some of the money in my individual account for legal reasons and I would not share a joint bank account.

I think I would estimate the food cost for each wife and her children and increase the allowance each wife gets based on how many children she has. Maybe I would give a little more than the living cost of a child, as an incentive to increase child production.

So the wife who has 5 children, might get paid, 3 times as much as the wife who has one child. (5+1)/(1+1)=3

That being said, I do not know if this is what I really will do, because I do not know how much money I will have.

Secondly this might not be a workable idea, because they would probably all share food. Another alternative, would be to have each wife, give me a receipt when she shops for groceries and reimburse her for food items only. I definitely would not reimburse her for clothes, make up and jewelry because that would be abused. In fact I would try to have a no make up policy. I wouldn't avoid getting her clothes, I just would have to do something more complicated that does not avoid a free unlimited clothes shopping spree.

That being said, all this may change, as I think I will have to discuss it each time I get a new wife and listen to their inputs. This is not necessary because the man is the head of the house, but that is the way I would like to do things. Considering I am not married (as of this post), all this may radically be different then what I said.

What happens with the wives income. Will legally the husband and co-wives cannot take their money, so they will have to decide what they do with it themselves. That being said, if they want to honor God they should submit to the husband in what they do with their money. But ideally the woman should stay at home (Titus 2:5)

Remember the husband is required to provide three things, one of them being food in Exodus 21:10 and the husband is told to feed his wife in the new testament.

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—
Ephesians 5:28-29 NIV
 
What is Wife 1 does not have children with the husband and Wife 2 brings 3 children into the marriage? Should Wife 1's total paycheck go into the "household" account? Just curious! ;)
 
We havent totally worked this out ourselves because I just started working full time and first wife doesn't work for the most part. Husband makes up budget consulting us although we don't always stick to it great! We are still refining our life and our finances. We will keep ladies on seperate bank accounts for legality reasons probably. The way I figure it we are all in this together as a family. Where I came from people took care of family wether they are extended or closer or whatever. When we came here slowly everything changed through the years and it became every man for himself. Family is there to take care of you not count your income and determine your share like a bank or something! We are all in this together and so is our money!!
 
1. Legally (U.S. law) no one (husband or wife) can take any money from anyone else's (husband or wife) bank account without their permission unless it is a shared bank account or there is a lawsuit, divorce, etc.

2. Ethically the wives are expected to be obedient to their husband including financially in most situations, so ethically the wives have to obey their husbands even in regard to the money in their own bank accounts in most situations.

3. Ethically the husband is required to provide food, minimum clothes for health and survival (not for looking pretty), and marital rights to the wives

4. Ethically they all should be good parents based on God's standard of goodness including how God expects them to handle their finances as parents.

5 Ethically stealing is forbidden in most circumstances so if a husband tells a wife to give him all her property he cannot steal it from her ethically in most circumstances if she refuses. But you should remember point 2

These last 4 principles should be followed and the first principle should be followed if you do not want to risk getting thrown in jail.
 
I am not worried bout throwing my husband in jail or him throwing me in jail. I am worried about outsiders doing it due to PM but If you try to be perfect on every point you go crazy. The bank won't allow you to use money from someone elses account unless you are a cosigner on that account anyway! If my husband says "give me all your money!" I say "Well that is why we got married, to SHARE!"
 
I guess a big factor is how much the women want to share expenses for each others' children as opposed to paying only for their childrens' expenses individually.

Anyway the money needs to be divided in such a way that all the wives and children get fed and the rent gets paid that is the most important part.
 
a husband is responsible for and should watch over the money to meet needs. But he can and should decide on the best way to accomplish that.
 
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