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Off the Deep End

S

Shadowjak's Dancer

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
Okay, I know this probably sounds bad, and I don't mean it so, but it is what it is:

To be completely frank, I feel a little bit like I am going off the deep end with this Biblical Family stuff, and that I am becoming like "one of those weird cultist freaks". ( I know that sounds bad, it's just this feeling I have )

I know the Scriptural arguments are sound, and this is a life I want, but I can't shake that feeling...

any thoughts?
 
It is normal and natural for a man to over think Plural Marriage when he first comes across it. Society and religious training seems to give men the feeling of oppression and when they find out about PM they tend to want to run around the field now that the prison doors have been flung open.

Just don't spend tons of time online or chatting with every PROFILE that pops up. After years in this fellowship I can say that you just need to pray and be calm and just accept that God provides, and most of the time all the actions that we do just ends up getting in His way.

You can't push this, if you do there could be some big problems for you and your wife. Just take a deep breath, start praying for your wife, your own relationship with God, and the rest will take care of itself.

It is ok for you to feel like expressing yourself in PM. Your mind is simply running through all the scenarios. Just keep busy and you will be fine.
 
I am not talking so much about "running around the field", if you mean it in a "get as many new relationships as fast as possible" kind of way. I mean "Off the Deep End" like I'm losing it, going wacko, becoming a "religious nut".

I think this feeling is due to the fact that in many church circles polygamists have always been "those weird people over there", and I went walking one day, looked up and found I was "over there"... and I liked it. It is making me feel a little nervous
 
jacobhaivri said:
I am not talking so much about "running around the field", if you mean it in a "get as many new relationships as fast as possible" kind of way. I mean "Off the Deep End" like I'm losing it, going wacko, becoming a "religious nut".

I think this feeling is due to the fact that in many church circles polygamists have always been "those weird people over there", and I went walking one day, looked up and found I was "over there"... and I liked it. It is making me feel a little nervous
Click to expand...

I think it just depends on how you approach it? Society in general is opening up and many people are accepting that people have the right to live as they choose, whether we agree with them religiously and socially or not. As we get more exposed to ideas that have been previously obscured from us we begin to see that perhaps we never really heard the whole story. So, even though Polygamists have been portrayed as "religious nutters" we are being exposed to people who don't seem the slightest bit insane to us, they just have chosen a different path. Also, many people, likes yours truly, have been interested in living the lifestyle without religion at all.

B
 
Hi jacobhaivri.

Thanks for sharing your feeling of concern about going off the deep end.

As a conservative person, I can relate to these worries, and sometimes when I read about various goings on I alternate between concern and embarrasment (for example when people try to re-badge a clandestine second relationship as biblical marriage).

Trouble is, I do not believe polygamy will ever be socially acceptable in the evangelical Christian community. And although it will likely achieve decriminalisation and social tolerance in general society, it will still be weird and looked down on.

So my position is this - if you are not prepared to be a social pariah, despised and ostracised; if you are not a strong person who can deflect criticism and continue regardless; you are not ready for biblical marriage.

Or to rephrase in a positive fashion - you need to be a person who can take a position and follow through regardless of the abuse and persecution you will receive.

It is okay if you are not ready for this, that is fine and normal.

It is okay to not proceed, or to remain a non-practising believer.

My concern is when people go forward into biblical marriage without being ready for it, and then backpedal, resulting in two damaged or destroyed relationships.

So I would say yes, your conscience is correct to perceive it as having some similarities to cults; and to proceed with caution.

ylop
non-practising believer
 
I'm going to say something totally different from everyone else.

You are going off the deep end ;) You are taking a leap of faith that most people recoil from. You are looking at a lifestyle that many people will ostracize you for. Most Christians will try to "save" you if they figure out what you're up to (btdt, lost a lot of friends in the last year who figured it out). Even your family might have serious issues with it. So to them, you're crazy. And trust me, YOU will be the crazy one. Your wife will just be the "victim". ::eyeroll::

How does your wife feel about all this?
 
My first thought was that it must feel "cultish" to actually understand Patriarchal Biblical marriage. My experience is that men either rise to the occasion or they crumble ( and then hopefully rise?) once they start understanding true biblical marraige. It is a lot of responsibiliy to lead your family in the ways of God.

Maybe someday you can come to a retreat and meet some of those "weirdos" in person. :D
 
hopefully you will not be treated as badly as they treated that wierdo guy that started this particular sect of judaism (christianity, for those in rio linda ;) )
i mean, dude, talk about not being accepted, they totaly crucified him!
 
It was 44 years ago that I made waves in our neighborhood by falling head over heels in love with a kid at school who happened to be of African descent. I don't know if it made any difference that we met in French class, spoke French to each other almost exclusively, he was a National Merit Scholar, on the football team, basketball team, track team, took third in the state in triple jump, won a full ride to Princeton, got a law degree, bloddy bloddy blah... :P

It was hard on my parents, but they allowed me to date him, and we dated all through high school until he went to Princeton. My point? Less than a half a century ago, such a thing was unheard of, even in liberal Seattle. Now, even in Alabama, interracial dating and marriage is in most places no big deal. Who'd a thunk it?

I have a feeling that eventually plural marriage will regain its former state of global acceptance because the stigmas will crumble. But even if it doesn't, those who have been able to do it well (by God's grace) will tell you that it's worth any price, especially in the personal growth department. ;)
 
Thanks for the comments, everyone. In response to your question, redfox, about how my wife feels about it all: We haven't spoken overly much on the topic, though I have put it out there. She said that she believes most guys would probably feel that way, but wouldn't say it, and thinks it's better that I am open and honest about how I feel.

I suppose most people probably think I am a nutter anyway... I am pretty conservative politically, and I like my guns ( former law enforcement officer ), so most of the extreme liberals think I am a wacko. I am a Torah Observant Messianic, so I keep both Testaments to the best of my abilities... thus ostracizing myself from a large portion of the Christian, Jewish, and even regular Messianic communities. With this PM stance, I think I am finding those who understand where I am coming from ( in ANY sphere of my life ) to be getting remarkably few, especially since I am an American living overseas at the moment...

I can handle not fitting in with other people's preconceived ideas... I suppose the root is that I am having to deal with some of my own preconceived ideas. ( Is that the first step for a recovering "Monogamy-Addict"? ;) ) If anyone out there just groaned at the bad joke... I understand.
 
I had an interesting phone call with our dear friend Cecil the other day, and he told me something that made a LOT of sense to me, something I had never considered before :idea: : He told me that he first began thinking about plural marriage clear back when he was just a little boy; he said it occurred to him that God never changes. So if plural marriage was good at one time, and God never changes, then why would it stop being okay now? :idea: That testimony really put a lot of things in perspective for me, and further confirmed that this new adventure we've embarked on is truly commissioned by the Lord, at the helm. :)

Does it feel "weird?" Absolutely! In fact, it feels uncannily similar to the feeling I had when I realized I was saved, and the feeling I had when I declared my salvation at a church baptism. :lol:
 
To be sure: God does not change...

Some of this is my personal bias. I do support Biblical PM, and wish to practice it myself, but sometimes when I read other people's posts on here, something in my mind is saying, "These people are wackos". ( I really don't mean to offend anyone, just being honest )

I am getting more and more used to the idea, though, and just accepting that is actually a rather liberating thing.
 
Not everyone here is here for the same reasons, so keep that in mind. While the practice is the same between Christian and Mormon polygamy, the goal and the religion behind it are to some purpose, different. Not everyone here agrees with me on that point, but it's fairly straightforward :)
 
redfox said:
Not everyone here is here for the same reasons, so keep that in mind. While the practice is the same between Christian and Mormon polygamy, the goal and the religion behind it are to some purpose, different. Not everyone here agrees with me on that point, but it's fairly straightforward :)
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I assume that you mean that some disagree as to whether the practice is the same? I'm pretty sure that we all agree that the goal and religion are different between what this board espouses and Mormonism.

That may be largely true. But since the guiding principles come from different sources as well (Sola Scriptura vs. the writings of Mormonism), at least some of the practice seems bound to differ here and there.

JacobHaivri , we ARE wackos, in the nicest way! :lol: Some of us homeschool. Some are vegetarians. Some prefer to live in the country and raise their own food. Some like to build houses by piling up mud (ok, that's a comical over-simplification, but still true). We get along with each other, and travel hours and hours to hang out together for a weekend here and there. And we even choose to think for ourselves (*gasp*) rather than blindly swallowing what our "leaders" tell us. According to them, that makes us Wacko.

We think it just makes us interesting. Independent. Nice. Possibly even right! We seem to have swallowed whichever colored pill the dude did in the movie The Matrix, and our lives are forevermore changed.

Welcome to the club! (Btw, do you know how dangerous it would be to try diving in the SHALLOW end?!!! :lol: )
 
The practice itself is pretty much the same, i.e. one man, several wives, there's only so many ways to go about that one ;) However the reasoning behind it, i.e. God's will, divine directive, setting up for the afterlife, etc., maybe different for different people, coming from different religious perspectives, i.e. Christianity vs. Mormonism.

Clear as mud, right? ;)

Oh, and WOOT! Homeschoolers!!! ;) No vegans here though, my husband is a professed meat-atarian ;)
 
Thanks for pointing out the ( should be clearly obvious, especially since I've read that elsewhere on this site ) point that it is different than the whole Morman vibe. That concept has just sunk in a little bit, helping me past some of my mental reservations.
It'll help!
There's nothing expressly wrong with challenging long held concepts concerning the Bible and Theology, or even our Societal Culture. The world regularly does anyway, and when believers hold onto unsound ( Biblically/ Theologically/ Socially/ Historically/ Culturally unsound ) points of view without critically analyzing whether they REALLY, REALLY DO COME FROM THE BIBLE, or just from some uninformed "tradition of men", there will always be cause to reject what mainstream Christianity says/is all about.
The World is not flat, but though "Christianity" long held that it was, it was merely a "Tradition of Men", not to be found in the BIBLE, and ideas such as this have sadly caused much ridicule and rejection of the Bible/Christianity.
Polygyny is very clearly a recognized institution in Biblical life, but it is amazing how it is utterly rejected by the mainstream Church as this horrible/evil/deviant way, whereas serial divorcing and sleeping around have permeated many Christian Churches...
 
It's funny.... most churches will tolerate divorce, adultery/fornication, gossip, etc. But good grief, bring up polygamy, and they freak.

;)
 
Jacob,

Here is something that perhaps you might find comforting, especially as it is coming from a first wife who still has the training wheels on her "first wife bike." ;) The back story is that my husband and my sister wife are going to be married this summer. She lives with us, and my husband is over-the-road for weeks at a time.

What some folks would find to be a difficult situation (having him gone so much,) actually makes it very easy for them to build their relationship, as he literally has hours to talk, and more importantly, listen. While he is being the faithful Road Warrior who works hard to support us, she is being given a miraculous opportunity to get to know him and become more and more secure in his love.

As a result, I am seeing a healing, strengthening and recovery in her that is miraculous, speedy, and heart warming.

And as far as my husband is concerned, I told him several times through tears this morning while we were on the phone for a couple of hours how utterly blown away I am by the way he is loving us both.

So, what's my point, really? If I were the adversary, what I would have done to produce a universe of wimps in comparison to our forefathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, would have been to call what God clearly calls blessed perverse. I think that's one of the reasons he is fighting it so hard. But, oh well.....read the back of the Book. We win!! :lol:

Nothing, absolutely nothing will cause a man to step up to the fullness of his destiny and potential than to lead a plural household. The "Monogamy addiction," as you describe it so well, flies in the face of building a tribe at every turn, and for the husband as the one who must give account, as well as the rest of the family members to grow into a synergistic organism that draws forth talents and giftings is "the Lord's handiwork, and it is marvelous in our sight."

Not for the faint of heart, mind you, and it will drive you to the foot of the cross faster than anything else I can think of, and that includes living in a combat zone. But, oh, this first-wife-in-training is watching a plural-husband-in-training be raised up in ways I never even imagined, and I have never loved him more. :D
 
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