Please help me?

[Angelique]

Hello ! I'm new here..
I am not American but European so forgive me my faults..my English is BAD

I had or still have an online relation with a very religious married American man.
We had a wonderful time but since August he started to behave complete different.
Told me God has spoken to him and what we did was not right in Gods eyes.
He broke his vows to God when he started a relation with me.
That it was only online didn't matter.
To him, i seduced him..it was the devil that used me to let him sin!!!
So the relation is over..only friendship is all that s left and to me it don't feel that friendship will stay forever.
i fell in love and still feel love and not only friendship.

My question
Why can people think and live like he does and why can't i get him out of his cocoon?
He tells me people like you (sorry i mean it well.) will be punished in time cause you only may live with ONE wife or hubby.
And whatever i say...he keep on telling me the same.
I only want to know what i can do about it.
Go on talking to him and hoping for better times, or disappear out of his life?

I wrote my "story" because i think you all think different about a marriage with only one wife or husband.
and...i have no probs he is married.. an online relation with messenger webcam and phone and maybe a vacation that doesn't harm anyone i think..and about the future..that's in Gods hands ..

Ok for me it's bedtime right now..
Hoping i'll find some reactions tomorrow..
Maybe i did putmy question on the wrong thread..then please forgive me.

Angelique

 

[steve]

the enemy of our souls is alive and well on planet earth. he will mess up the kingdom in any way that he can. view it as a normal part of life.
kinda like crossing the street, it would be nice to be able to just walk across without any care. but the reality is that we have to be very careful to not get run down, looking both ways and being aware of the fact that a car may come around the corner after we have already looked in that direction.

i am sorry that this man has abused your trust. all that you can do is forgive him and forget him.
it will not be easy after he has captured your heart like he has, but it must be done before you will be able to find peace.


just my opinion.
in Him
steve

 

[welltan]

Interesting post and I pray that your trust for others will return soon.

It does show the potential power of the internet in peoples lives. Many of the members of this forum sometimes get together for a retreat several times a year. In almost every case our impressions of people we have met here on the internet are adjusted quickly when we meet in person. This is normal and does not mean the internet is bad, just limited. Your location may make attending a retreat difficult or expensive, but my opinion is that the internet might be an easy place to begin a relationship but not a venue for the complete relationship.

 

[Isabella]

Hello Angelique,

I think one of the problems you have is that your online paramour isn’t actually practicing ‘Polygamy’ many spouses or even ‘Polyamory’ many loves, he is probably cheating, his wife doesn’t know about his online relationship with you and it is that which makes it unethical and in that he is correct, it isn’t something that his religion approves of and you have to respect that. It isn’t anything to do with his eyes not being opened to the fact that Biblically polygamy is acceptable, the real problem is the fact that he isn’t necessarily in a strong marital position yet anyway, he either has a failing marriage or certainly a weakened one due to him doing untrustworthy things behind her back OR he
might be an untrustworthy person to begin with and don’t you think you deserve better than that?

Back away slowly and try to reduce contact with him, there are plenty of good men all over the world and if you want a Christian polygamist man, well…I am not going to offer up my suggestions there!!!!

Good luck for the future,

Bels
x

 

[DrRay777]

I whole heartedly agree with Bels. This guy was doing things on the 'downlow' and by definition was in error. You will not likely be able to convince him of the truth, because he believes in the lie. Even if you DID convince him; what then about his wife? I believe that all things are possible in God through Christ, but not all things are profitable. I believe that this relationship is not designed to work, because it was based on a lie.

If you want true love, it must be based on the truth from the beginning and directed by God. You should pray and ask God for forgiveness for your error and ask Him to cleanse your heart, lift your feelings for this man from you, (He will I promise you) and to direct you to the man He wants for you to be with. Then let Him lead you to it. You may feel ‘love' for this man, but it is not true love. Love that comes from God is pure and holy and there is no lie in it. It is a decision and not a feeling. The feelings WILL follow the decision for love that comes from God. That is how true love works and what you should look for, in my opinion. You will not find it with this man you describe, because he does not have it. One must have something before one can give it away. A person who has the love of God in their life can give it to you, not someone who does not know the true love of the Father as this man, who is a deceiver. No relationship born out of a lie or deceit will ever work, because it is built on human, demonic wisdom and not the wisdom of God, (James 3). Cut your losses and seek the will of God and He will deliver for you, guaranteed.

Blessings,

Dr. Ray

 

[sweetlissa]

What your gentlemen did is called "emotional infidelity." It is not your fault, except that you participated. He is/was to blame and by blaming you he is refusing to accept his responsibility for the lapse in judgement.

No, being married to two women is not wrong. But that is not what he was doing. He was participating in an emotional affair that was separate and secret from his wife. Most women would be offended by that because most women have a bigger problem with a husband sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings than they do about their husband having sex outside of marriage. Most women feel that the betrayal is in a husband putting himself in a situation where he can share with another woman what is meant for a wife.

On this board, most women would still agree that this was not a God honoring relationship, but one born of secrecy and darkness.

I would suggest that you stop contact with him. He thinks that any contact with you is sinful and until God changes his mind about plural marriage, that will continue to be his opinion. That means that even if he did go back to the former relationship he would still be sinning in his own mind. That would mean that your relationship would always be wicked in some manner. Until God convinces him that he is responsible for his own actions, he will continue to blame you. So does his wife and anyone else that knows of the relationship.

My suggestion is to never again involve yourself with someone that must be secret. It causes far too much pain to yourself. Your heart has been deeply hurt by this man and you deserve much more than that. You deserve a relationship with a man that can shout his love for you from the rooftops.

You are loved

SweetLissa