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PM on purpose? Or PM naturally?

T

tedjohnson

New Member
I was talking with a great friend today about the pros and cons of a man being involved in PM because he finds himself naturally falling in love with another woman during the course of events in his life (a 'surprise of the heart' occurs), or because he intentionally sets out to find and take another wife(s).

Which is better?
1. Just "let it happen" and deal with it as it comes?
2. Or, be conscious, intentional, and pursue the taking of another wife(s) on purpose b/c marriage is "good" and of God?

And which is better for the wife(s) of this man?
1. Just letting it happen seems to be submitting to the providence of God, and there is a purity and innocence to it all when it happens like this. However, the wife(s) may feel exposed and "out in the open" with this man b/c he isn't "guarding his heart" or being intentional with the "well springs of life" that flow from it.
2. Being intentional in the pursuit of other women might leave the wife(s) feeling like they're not enough or that the husband isn't happy (especially if the wife is wife #1 and already struggles with jealousy, fear, the intimacy and/or social factor), or that it leaves them dealing with pain and jealousy as the husband continues to actively date/court in order to pursue another wife(s). However, this man is clearly in control of his heart, intentional, guarded, and open and honest to his wife(s). The wife(s) know his heart is good, faithful, and is not seeking to replace, but add, and is based in the scriptures that marriage is good.

Pros and cons to each?

Would love some feedback.

- Ted
 
i prefer to try to follow my Lord's leading.
sometimes i even do it well ;)
 
Being new to the forum I will say that I am married to a single wife and that we both have an understanding of PM and have a desire for it. that being said I am not activly hunting a second wife, if God places an eligiable woman in my path. I intend to seek Gods will concerning her but am content with the wife I have. Another would be welcome but she will first and formost become part of our family befor she could be considered as a wife. I desire to have a home that is based upon outreach not simply to potential wives but to as many people as we can afford to help.So My opinon is
1. Just "let it happen" and deal with it as it comes?
 
I think it is very straightforward.

It depends on the circumstances.

In the case of marrying the first wife

I think in some cases a man should seek out a first wife, and in some cases he should get married when he just happens to find the first woman he wants to marry, etc.

I think the same would apply with the second, third, fourth, etc. wife
 
I'm feeling this should be something that is a little of both.

A husbands heart should be guarded and his ear tuned to the call of God on his life. If in the pursuit of another wife he finds nothing...then so be it... and if he finds the one God has in mind then Great... His wife is prepared, because she knows his heart is right with God, she feels secure in her own marriage and KNOWS that he is not seeking an "affair" but a godly sister wife to add to their family.

I know that the bible speaks of wives submitting to their husbands as to the Lord...But a husband has such a greater task of LOVING his wife/wives as Christ loved the church...As we all know Christ died for the church.

So tell me.... wouldn't you want to guard your heart and LOVE someone worthy of dying for instead of allowing things to just happen and risk satan contaminating something that is meant to be sacred?
 
What a small God you have that cannot be sovereign over both parts of a man's life!

Wait... what kind of man follows his desire over what he believes is right and what scripture says, thinking he is committing adultery?

Now... I think the man that comes to a conviction that polygamy is biblically valid and seeks another wife is moral while the other is not.

Spontaneity or emotion does not equal God's work or some higher spirituality!!! Everything is providence. The issue is, are you using God's Word to inform your decision and consulting others for wisdom.

I would think it would be best to work this out with the first wife before pursuing or falling in love with another!
 
I think a man actively searching for a sw may cause your first to feel that she is not enough for you. If it happens on it's own, she will not feel that way. I think that sometimes we men must minister to what the Lord has put in front of us first and formost. The Lord adds to his church as he sees fit.
 
To be honest, I have never understood how people can "accidentally" fall in love. I am not saying it cannot happen, but to me loving someone is an intentional act.
 
SeekingGrace said:
To be honest, I have never understood how people can "accidentally" fall in love. I am not saying it cannot happen, but to me loving someone is an intentional act.
Click to expand...
you are obviously more sane than i am :D
 
I didn't intentionally "fall in love" with my husband. It just kinda happened. One day I realized that I loved him.

I think that is what is meant by "accidentally falling in love".
 
Of course, hubby sees the whole love thing like you, Steve and G! Makes this whole poly thing that much more interesting!
 
It MUST be a calling from Yahushua Himself or it is destined to end in the flesh! I know. BUT a man must ask a prospect, cause if he does not let her know his CALL she cannot respond. Shalom!
 
I think it is best for a husband to talk with his wife about PM before finding a SW and expecting his FW to just accept it. Then I think it should just naturally happen.. When the Lord brings someone into your life you follow up.. If they are just meant to be friends then thank God for bringing you and your wife a friend. If it naturally starts to grow into more then that then you pray about it just like we all should do when making any decision, esp one as big as that. The only difference I see in taking a second then in taking the 1st is that now you have a helpmate to help you through this big decision. Remember that God gave Eve to Adam because he seen Adam had a need and she was created to help him with that need so in this time you should be able to lean on your wife and consider that you are one. If it is Gods plan for you to marry this person it must also be Gods plan for your wife to have the according relationship with her. That being the case, if you could trust your wife when she said she believed it was the Fathers will for her to marry you then you must feel she also has a relationship with God and she should also feel you both are to marry this woman.

Here is where it gets sticky, For all those who were married before they found the truth of PM, they have to be released from a vow the Father said not to make. God tells us to not vow by anything accept to him because we don't know what he has in store for us.. The Bible tells us to honer our vows. Most mean when they get married took a vow to their wife to "only" love and be with her for the rest of their lives. The husbands that took that vow as a man and under the headship of a husband can't just say I'm not honoring it because that would completely compromise his position as headship and leader of Gods union. So those that took that vow in front of the witnesses that are called to hold you to it needs to ask the person they made the vow to (the wife) to be released from it. We all make mistakes because of choices made without present knowledge, even leaders. If the wife wont free you from that vow then she obviously don't agree with PM so it wouldn't have worked anyways.. There is no cause for divorce from a wife because she wont release you from a vow you willfully made but you will have the rest of your days here to try and help her understand that she is hindering the both of you by binding you to her and not allowing you to be free once again to serve God with all your heart mind and soul as one with your wife...
 
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