I wonder:
I have often heard, within our organization, of the need for ‘how-to’ advice on creating plural marriages and, esp. ‘how-to ‘ handle the interpersonal relationships between wives, children, husbands and wives, etc., in order to create a joyful, happy, successful family. As a practicing polygynist family, we are still learning the various skills we need within our home. Most important is the mutual love and need for the Lord. One must have understanding for the weaknesses of each other and have the grace, love, respect, patience, etc. for each other. Learn that each has value, gifts, experiences, and wisdom to share within the home and find your limits and strengths to share the burdens of running a home.
We three (Ron, Jan, and myself) are very strong-willed people, quite outspoken, and hold very fervent and different opinions. We each have very different backgrounds and experiences. And it took a lot of patience, understanding, acceptance, and, of course, plenty of prayer to create a (most often) joyful home. We had to learn to accept responsibility for our own actions and reactions, for our judgments of the others (“Well, that is not the way I would do it!” “I can’t believe you said, or did that…”), to really be long-suffering and tolerant, to try to treat each other with respect and love, listening for the pain, the joy, the need, etc, in each other, and to follow the golden rule: Treat others [esp. within the family] as you would like to be treated. Learn to laugh at yourself (don’t take yourself so seriously, life is too short! [Very difficult for me]) And be in prayer constantly, asking the Holy Spirit to guide and protect each of your minds and hearts from causing or receiving pain.
Ask yourself, ‘How can I help my sister-wife or husband (or, for the men, their wives) be everything they can be and what can I do for them today?’ Do not bash them over the head with this or that scripture or condemn them for their failings. Stop the judgment and condemnations, esp. toward the other members of your family, as you also have many shortcomings. Try your best to love each other through the transitions of life. And always BE KIND.
We are still learning these various skills. Every day we have new challenges and we grow as we learn what works and what doesn’t. However, we do have a deep love for each other, and that helps in the rough times.
The way that I see life is to try and be a blessing to others. I also think that we, as believers, all need to give and receive love.
And we try to live as St. Francis of Assisi taught:
Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is Hatred, let me sow Love.
Where there is Injury, Pardon.
Where there is Doubt, Faith.
Where there is Despair, Hope.
Where there is Darkness, Light, and
Where there is Sadness, Joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Until one can really understand where practicing polygynists are coming from…their trials and tribulations…and what they need to hear, the ‘how-to’s and what to expect, then all the preaching and explaining the intellectual and scholarly ‘ins and outs’ according to the law of scripture, doesn’t console them. One must practice what one preaches or then take a risk in becoming like the Pharisees (in action, perhaps not in belief). Only then will one truly be able to give practical advice to practicing families.
Some of the most ridiculous advice given to us, when our children were small, was from people with very high academic, intellectual degrees who did not have children themselves. I’m sure that all parents have experienced that. It is ironic to see at a later time how the advice changes once they have children themselves. Is it not the same within our own groups? Everything changes when one transitions from intellectual consideration of polygyny and the actual fact of living it.
Jesus taught in parables, everyday life, down to earth (where the common man lives) because He wanted all people to understand the love and truth of salvation. He lived with them and knew firsthand what they experienced. He faced the judgment of the religious leaders and did not hold their sins against them. And he gave hope to all who listened and believed.
2 Corinthians 3:6
“He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (NIV)
“He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant ends in death; but under the new covenant, the Spirit gives life.” (NLT)
“Who also hath made us able ministers of the New Testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.” (KJV)
I know the scholars will take apart and examine every word I have said, so I leave this question: How does one minister to the common person and family? I think, proceed gently, with great compassion and understanding, forgiveness of others (even of the pastors and others who condemn us), and by bringing hope and joy to the families who are hurting. Be where they are at, walk where they walk, speak the common, easily understood language of the families, and emulate our Lord as He taught and walked on earth.
I know that there are many men who wish to live this lifestyle and I know they are hurting as well. Be of good cheer, for our Lord knows the desires of your heart and He will, in His Time, grant you the desires of your heart, or He will change the desires of your heart. Wait upon Him. (Very difficult, I know, but wait and see what He will do or how He will handle your life.)
I know this to be true. I have seen His working in my life, often not as I expected, but always granting the desires of my heart. And I praise Him every day for the way He changed me and my various situations throughout my life!
(Check out Maranatha’s song “IN HIS TIME”)
Verse 1:
In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful,
Lord, please show me every day,
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say, in Your time.
Verse 2:
In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful, in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time
I have often heard, within our organization, of the need for ‘how-to’ advice on creating plural marriages and, esp. ‘how-to ‘ handle the interpersonal relationships between wives, children, husbands and wives, etc., in order to create a joyful, happy, successful family. As a practicing polygynist family, we are still learning the various skills we need within our home. Most important is the mutual love and need for the Lord. One must have understanding for the weaknesses of each other and have the grace, love, respect, patience, etc. for each other. Learn that each has value, gifts, experiences, and wisdom to share within the home and find your limits and strengths to share the burdens of running a home.
We three (Ron, Jan, and myself) are very strong-willed people, quite outspoken, and hold very fervent and different opinions. We each have very different backgrounds and experiences. And it took a lot of patience, understanding, acceptance, and, of course, plenty of prayer to create a (most often) joyful home. We had to learn to accept responsibility for our own actions and reactions, for our judgments of the others (“Well, that is not the way I would do it!” “I can’t believe you said, or did that…”), to really be long-suffering and tolerant, to try to treat each other with respect and love, listening for the pain, the joy, the need, etc, in each other, and to follow the golden rule: Treat others [esp. within the family] as you would like to be treated. Learn to laugh at yourself (don’t take yourself so seriously, life is too short! [Very difficult for me]) And be in prayer constantly, asking the Holy Spirit to guide and protect each of your minds and hearts from causing or receiving pain.
Ask yourself, ‘How can I help my sister-wife or husband (or, for the men, their wives) be everything they can be and what can I do for them today?’ Do not bash them over the head with this or that scripture or condemn them for their failings. Stop the judgment and condemnations, esp. toward the other members of your family, as you also have many shortcomings. Try your best to love each other through the transitions of life. And always BE KIND.
We are still learning these various skills. Every day we have new challenges and we grow as we learn what works and what doesn’t. However, we do have a deep love for each other, and that helps in the rough times.
The way that I see life is to try and be a blessing to others. I also think that we, as believers, all need to give and receive love.
And we try to live as St. Francis of Assisi taught:
Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is Hatred, let me sow Love.
Where there is Injury, Pardon.
Where there is Doubt, Faith.
Where there is Despair, Hope.
Where there is Darkness, Light, and
Where there is Sadness, Joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Until one can really understand where practicing polygynists are coming from…their trials and tribulations…and what they need to hear, the ‘how-to’s and what to expect, then all the preaching and explaining the intellectual and scholarly ‘ins and outs’ according to the law of scripture, doesn’t console them. One must practice what one preaches or then take a risk in becoming like the Pharisees (in action, perhaps not in belief). Only then will one truly be able to give practical advice to practicing families.
Some of the most ridiculous advice given to us, when our children were small, was from people with very high academic, intellectual degrees who did not have children themselves. I’m sure that all parents have experienced that. It is ironic to see at a later time how the advice changes once they have children themselves. Is it not the same within our own groups? Everything changes when one transitions from intellectual consideration of polygyny and the actual fact of living it.
Jesus taught in parables, everyday life, down to earth (where the common man lives) because He wanted all people to understand the love and truth of salvation. He lived with them and knew firsthand what they experienced. He faced the judgment of the religious leaders and did not hold their sins against them. And he gave hope to all who listened and believed.
2 Corinthians 3:6
“He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (NIV)
“He has enabled us to be ministers of his new covenant. This is a covenant not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old written covenant ends in death; but under the new covenant, the Spirit gives life.” (NLT)
“Who also hath made us able ministers of the New Testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life.” (KJV)
I know the scholars will take apart and examine every word I have said, so I leave this question: How does one minister to the common person and family? I think, proceed gently, with great compassion and understanding, forgiveness of others (even of the pastors and others who condemn us), and by bringing hope and joy to the families who are hurting. Be where they are at, walk where they walk, speak the common, easily understood language of the families, and emulate our Lord as He taught and walked on earth.
I know that there are many men who wish to live this lifestyle and I know they are hurting as well. Be of good cheer, for our Lord knows the desires of your heart and He will, in His Time, grant you the desires of your heart, or He will change the desires of your heart. Wait upon Him. (Very difficult, I know, but wait and see what He will do or how He will handle your life.)
I know this to be true. I have seen His working in my life, often not as I expected, but always granting the desires of my heart. And I praise Him every day for the way He changed me and my various situations throughout my life!
(Check out Maranatha’s song “IN HIS TIME”)
Verse 1:
In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful,
Lord, please show me every day,
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say, in Your time.
Verse 2:
In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful, in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time
