Problems with ex husband...

[mrsaustin]

I have a serious legal issue that we are having to face. When I joined my family, I moved out of state. My soon-to-be ex husband and I have been seperated (not legally) since Jan 09. He was working in the southern states. My parents contacted him to tell him of the "horrors that their daughter was involved in". When he found out that I had indeed moved (I had notified him that I was considering it), he demanded that I "remove his daughter from that situation". Now, I've been here 2 months, and he is threatening to take custody of my daughter if I do not leave my family and move back to my home state. This man has never paid one dime in child support, and has seen my daughter one time since Jan 09. He is convinced that she will remember him and take to him like water. Mind you, she considers my family her's (she is only 34 months old). He has missed over half of her life. NOW he wants back in?

Do I have anything to worry about in court? Can he take my child away from me? Can anyone offer any advice or support?

Julie

 

[livenotyesterday]

Julie- it's very hard to get custody taken away from a mother and given to a father unless there are drugs or abuse in the picture. They can't prove anything even if they make allogations. Not only that, but judges generally look down on fathers who do not pay child support. As long as you CAN prove you are providing for her mentally, physicall, emotionally (clean clothes, house, food, etc) I would say you will be just fine. Keep calm and carry on honey! It will all work out in the end.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Julie
I have to disagree with the previous commenter, atleast to some extent.
I have sat in on many custody cases when I was a foster parent. Sometimes the judge's decision made sense and sometimes they would defy logic.
Bottom line.....you need to speak to an attorney, sooner rather than later, and lay out all the facts so he/she can give you an informed opinion.
Blessings,
Fairlight

 

[CecilW]

I agree wholeheartedly with Fairlight ...

• Get the best lawyer around NOW. And while you're at it, get that divorce settled. There is your biggest vulnerability!
• Judges are human. Sometimes their rulings make sense. Sometimes they don't.

Having said that, the single fact that you are living in PLURAL family should not be determinate against you. If you are caring for the baby well, in a "2 parent home", and the father has so far made no attempt to be part of the child's life, it should be difficult for him to take custody away.

However, he should be able to force visitation rights, which are entirely separate in most states from whether or not child support is being paid. And if he takes the child out of state on visitation, you may end up with problems getting her back. Or not, depending on the laws in the respective states.

Sorry. These are the troubles of blended families, and they are the same whether your new family is PM or not. Exes intent on retaining control are a royal pain. One tends to wish that they might rest in peace -- SOON!

 

[Dr. K.R. Allen]

Mrs. Austin,

First let me say that I am so sorry to hear this. We will certainly begin to pray for you and this situation.

Second, custody battles can get ugly and I feel for your stress. So much of my time has been spent in these battles in the legal field. My heart always hurts for all involved. So often what eventually makes it into the family court room is more than just legal battles over the child, it is lives that have been hurt, broken, and even financially ruined from all of the legal fighting back and forth.

Third, a lawyer would be of great aid to you if you can find the right one. Though some today reject the idea of "professionals" in a particular field reality shows there is just such a thing and they, just like a surgeon who has exerptise in a certain field, will do you much good. We could sit down and read the law books and even medical books all day but still not be up to the same level of skill and knowledge as the ones gifted in that particular field. So I suggest you indeed talk to one and be at least prepared to use one if it comes to that point.

Fourth, be prepared that any and everything could be brought up against you. More times than I care to think about, I've seen ex-family members use any and everything they can to try and prove why one parent is not a fit parent. Normally a mature, un-biased, well balanced judge will look to the major issues and the present day circumstances. But, as already noted, they are human and some do have agendas that drive them.

Fifth, and most of all, rest and trust in the Lord. Read Matthew 6:33. Focus on doing the Lord's will in your life with your family. Examine your own heart and life and make sure no known sin is being shown to you by the Spirit. If so repent and turn from it so that you will have a clean heart (1 John 1:9) before venturing into this process. God's love works both in grace and justice. Our goal is to always be on the side of grace in his love instead of on the side of justice in his love.

And by all means let us know (either on the forums here or in private email) if we can be of any other service to you and your family.

Dr. Allen

 

[livenotyesterday]

Well from personal experince this is what I have seen. My step-sister has had numerous CPS calls in two different states and they have never taken the kids away, even when the father asked for custody. I think every case is different and I would say yes get in contact with a lawyer, but don't lose hope.