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Pros and Cons of Growing up with Poly Parents

Thnaks so much for posting this. The philosophy of the teenager is a bit worldly in my eyes, other than that it gives a good insight and parallels what i think my daughter is going through. I have had some issues with my daughter and my getting married. We were discussing "Big Love" the other day (I fast forwardand mute the yukky parts!) she mentioned the same thing her brother said about it "Why was it illegal back then" :) I said to her as well as to her brother "'BIG LOVE' is set in the present! It is 'illegal' now" and I went over some of the legal nuances of state sanctioned marriage and such. her brother had said, "That is stupid" but she said "Mom, you could get in big trouble!" :) I explained that if anyone was to get in big trouble(with the law) it would be my new husband. I explained how unlikely that was and how the state viewed what we were doing as "co-habitation". She was still freaked out that the laws had not changed! We went deeper into the conversation and she confessed that she thought it was "abnormal and wierd". I rebutted "So, people in the bible were abnormal and wierd, Abraham and david were abnormal and wierd?" She responded "Not people in the bible, anyway they were KINGS" I said "what does that matter, anyway some of them were not." I think that she is really coming into her own and trying to work out what she really believes about alot of stuff and this is just one issue. We have discussions about eschatology because her christian school's history teacher talkes about the bio-chip being the mark of the beast. I feel that this is also part of her trying to decide where she stands. her biological father's family has a big pull on her but not bigger than mine because no one really talks to her over there. I think Poly is "wierd and abnormal" for her because it is something that is not "cool" and at her age and in the world she frequents (unfortunately) this is important. I ended the conversation by telling her that it was ok for her to think it was wierd and abnormal. I told her she can always tell me what she is thinking and feeling and I would help her deal with it. Big relief for her! I could see it in her face! :)
 
Serenitylight really does a good post on this. Its a very positive post even though she listed the same amount of positives and negatives. The negatives almost exclusively deal with the fact that polygamy is a taboo, and the positives are very big positives.

We want to get married again before the kids get much older, but we have to take things very slowly with the girlfreind we have and we don't have any other interesting prospectives at the moment. It seems that younger is better though.
 
my dad married my 2nd mom when i was 8. it was really hard to transition it into thinking of her as mom too but it wasn't that much of a shock because my dad grew up in poly too and taught us that it was okay to do.
if you have any questions you would like to ask me you can if you want :)
 
I'm thinking the hardest thing on the children of polygamous parents comes mostly from outside the home, as in people showing prejudice towards the poly family.


What happens in kindergarten when the teacher asks the class to draw their family and a child draws 3 moms and one dad? I'm sure some of the other kids would pick at that child, and the teacher would think the drawing itself was bothersome and may try to make that child think that something is wrong with his family. The teacher may even try to contact the family and talk to the principal about it.

I'm not trying to discourage anyone from practicing polygamy because there may always be prejudice, if not against poly lifestyles then for something else. So we obviously can't always live by what others think, especially when polygamists aren't in the wrong, but the people who are prejudiced against them are. It's just something to consider before starting up a poly relationship.
 
i totally understand what you mean about the picture thing. when i was 9 and in 3rd grade, my teacher had us make heart cut-outs for mothers day and i made two. i only had 2 moms at the time. of course she asked about it and i told her i had two moms and one dad and it was going to look so glittery and special that they would hang it in their room together side-by-side. the teacher looked at me funny and said, i don't understand...so i went up to her, patted her arm and said, 'it's okay'. LOL so funny. that was it and all that came from it.

i don't see anything wrong with poly if you do it right. like my dad's family didn't do it right in the compound...that is why he doesn't talk to them anymore and doesn't talk about his old life.
 
I'm hoping that us homeschooling our children helps in this area. Of course, there are about 30 people in our tiny town that know about our belief in biblical plural marriage. Probably half of them think it's just a belief that would never come about, 3 of them are cheering us on, but I'm sure that the other half are LOOKING with volitility to see if we have another adult with us every time they see us around town. I know that we can't shelter them from everything. Although Paul & I do not regularly attend church services, the kids go to church with Pauls' parents on Wednesday nights. A couple of weeks ago, I had a feeling that I needed to ask our 4 year-old if he had told anyone at church about our family's good secret. Proudly holding up 1 finger he said, "Yes, but I only told ONE kid that my Daddy is going to marry another woman and her son will be my brother. I just HAD to tell somebody." Unfortunately, he could not remember who it was that he told, so there's no possible way for me to do any damage control with that kid's parents. Just have to leave that in the Lord's hands, I guess.

The one person that I feel could and would do the most damage to the kids is my own sister, who already takes it upon herself to actively plant seeds in my childrens' heads that they don't want to be homeschooled. I can't imagine the field day she would have with the subject of PM. Thankfully she lives a thousand miles away, but I'm sure that the distance would mean nothing if the Adversary were to use her against our family in this area. She is the one person that I DO NOT want to find out, but I guess that's another thing to leave in the Lord's hands, too.
 
DeeAnn:

Methinks that when you meet most folks from church, the main things that are running through their minds are ...

How am I going to get the rent paid on time this month?
Did I remember to turn the stove off?
Am I likely to be laid off soon? or Where the heck, sorry God, am I gonna find another job?
The car needs an oil change. Where am I gonna find money for THAT?
I wonder when the new Robyn Carr novel will be out?
Does Johnny have clean clothes for school tomorrow or do I need to run a load of wash?
What is that faraway look doing in my husband's eye? Is he interested in someone else?
I've gotta lose 5 / 15 / 50 lbs. *sigh* And do something about this HAIR!

Regardless, think of all the stress you eliminate when you simply choose to be open, with NO secrets. You have every right to tell anyone who wants to hassle you to bring their Bibles over and we'll have a study. And if they don't want to abide by THAT standard then their opinions are of no further interest to you.

You also have an absolute right to tell extended family members that they are welcome to have contact with your kids ONLY AS LONG AS they support you TO your own kids. The moment they try to undermine your family values, they will be cut off. You also have the right (obligation?) to make that threat stick.
 
That is absolutely great advice, Cecil.

I would add from my own experience that being honest and open with other folks won't necessarily make the problems go away...but it WILL certainly make a major difference when it comes to dealing with the stress!

I have no doubt whatsoever about what the Bible so clearly and repeatedly says about the issue, and no concerns about my own ability to convey that message properly and boldly to anyone who asks. I can't be responsible for what they decide to believe, of course, but I can ensure that those who approach me for information hear His Truth accurately.

How they receive that understanding is up to them. But the responsibility for your family is not.


Blessings,
Mark
 
Thanks, Cecil & Mark! What a great viewpoint!

I especially like that you, Cecil, said "The moment they try to undermine your family values, they will be cut off." Using the phrase family values, rather than belief,choice or lifestyle sets a precident that our choice is based on a standard that our family holds.
 
DeeAnn said:
the phrase family values, rather than belief,choice or lifestyle sets a precident that our choice is based on a standard that our family holds.
Click to expand...

Isn't it?

That the Bible truly IS our standard, and changes us, rather than our changing it?
That sharing is better than grasping too tightly? And the first and most important thing to share is our hearts?
That God's intent in designing families is that there be a place for everyone in one?
That God's way is simple and orderly? And unchanging / timeless?

Those who can't see it are to be pitied. Those who won't, prayed for. Those who actively try to undermine it, rejected ever so sadly, gently, but firmly.
 
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