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Question about domestic violence

S

StudentMom

New Member
Hello all,
This question is probably going to get a few people heated up, but it is a risk I must take as I gather information for my paper. I apologise in advance for any emotional or mental distress caused by my question. Upsetting/offending people is not one of my agendas; I am merely trying to educate myself.

I have only begun to read about plural marriages, and already the subject of domestic violence, child abuse, and fraud have come up from the 'naysayers'. From the horror stories some of them tell, they do have some serious questions to consider, especially here in the United States, where we are so concerned about "liberty and justice for all".
My questions are:
1. What recourse does a woman in a plural marriage have, if her husband abuses her?
2. Are children raised in a plural family 'programmed' or 'required' to marry polygynously?
3. How often do such marriages fail?
4. How do you answer charges of child abuse in polygynous marriages?
5. Some people accuse polygynous women of welfare fraud, for collecting welfare benefits as 'single' mothers, because they aren't 'legally' married to their children's father. Is this really going on? If it is, would you agree with the charge of fraud?
6. Does the religious fundamentalism that supports polygyny also support domestic violence? In other words, is it 'ok' in 'God's' eyes for a man to beat one of his wives in order to 'chastize' or 'correct' her?

Again, I realize that some or all of these questions may alarm or offend some. That is why I flagged it with the 'flame' icon: fair warning. Again, I do NOT seek to accuse or offend anyone. I'm seeking information from both sides as I prepare to write my college paper. I want to give everybody a chance to sound off. Thank you for your time.
 
1.I believe that women in plural marriage actually have more recourse than normal. Because there are other wives, they may be experiencing the same thing or they may be sympathetic. Abusers tend to isolate their victims. It is hard to isolate someone in a household full of other women and children.

2. I don't believe that anyone on this board feels that their children must be polygynous.

3. I don't have any statistics on marriage failure rates among polygynous people, but it can't be any worse than monogamous marriage.

4. At Biblical Families we love children and we are very protective of them. We would not tolerate anyone abusing their child if we knew about it.

5. Welfare fraud is not something that I have heard of in Christian polygamy. It is what gets most FLDS sects into trouble eventually.

6. Patriarchy is a man submitting to God and his wife or wives submitting to him. A Godly man should never react to his helpmeet with violence. A husband should lead. Submission is a gift from the wife to the husband, not something he can demand. If "correction" needs to be done, it should be done in private, with respect and love.

You have not offended me. Asking questions is not offensive. The things you listed are actually stereotypes that we are trying to break.

SweetLissa
 
1. Unless she lives in a cult where she is controlled (which our family is not one of them), I would think she has the same options any abused woman would have including the option to leave the husband.

2. In our family, we are raising our children to value being single first and foremost based on what the Apostle Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 7. But overall, they will be taught that being celibate, monogamous or polygynous are all acceptable to God...as they already know just from reading the Bible. If anything, I would not want them to live a lifestyle that will cause them more problems unless they really feel God has called them to it.

3. I wouldn't know.

4. None going on here but how does one answer the charges of all the child abuse in all the monogamous marriages? Abuse is wrong and there are probably wrongdoers in monogamy and polygyny...but that doesn't mean that parents across the board in either group do such a horrible thing.

5. Monogamous single mothers do this all the time just in living with a boyfriend but still receiving child support, food stamps, etc. so if we're going to get into this, I think it should be across the board - not just for those in polygyny. Some would argue that if the government has a problem with single mothers in polygyny doing this, then perhaps the government should recognize all marriages in plural families to alleviate this issue. If a second wife is considered a wife, then there would be no way she could get government assistance.

6.Oh my word no. I do not see anything in the Bible that says it is OK for a husband to abuse his wife...that would totally go against the New Testament command for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, loving your neighbor as yourself, not returning evil for evil, the list goes on.

I think these are all great questions and I don't think anyone will be offended. I hope I don't sound smart in my answers. I know you're only asking the questions that most ask, so I'm in no way trying to sound snippy with you. I hope you find all you need on here and that you can share your finished product with us! :)

Heather
 
Many of these failures are, of course, also present in monogamous marriages too, but I have no information on how it stacks up as for as statistics goes.

What you are talking about here is related to fundamentalist Mormon polygamy (FLDS, etc) and not Christian polygamy. That is only natural has most people's perception of polygamy in this country is from that example. As far as I know there are no Christian polygamy communities and so we are normalized. By that I mean that Christian polygamists are part of the normal community. So for example an abused woman in a Christian polygamous relationship has the same recourse in the event of abuse that any other abused woman in our society would have. She does not have to jump the compound wall in the middle of the night.

Part of the problem is that outlawing polygamy drives the FLDS communities underground. That exasperates the problems of abuse in that it hinders normal methods for dealing with these issues.
 
I will only make a brief shot at the first question, for reasons that longer-term readers here will understand. (And the archives in such threads as "Dealing with the Beast" will help make clear.)

1. What recourse does a woman in a plural marriage have, if her husband abuses her?

In post-Biblical Amerika, virtually ANYTHING can be called "domestic violence" - even when there is no hint whatsoever of any physical act, or even verbal "abuse". Mere accusation is sufficient to charge someone with a crime, and destroy lives and relationships -- and once any accusation is made, no discretion exists -- even if the accuser repents, makes an admission of error, and asks for the charges to be dropped.

"Recourse" is not the issue, in other words. The pendulum has swung, and the balance is toward destruction. (And sadly, things like warrants, privacy, and first amendment protections no longer apply.)

The "prince of this world" and those who serve him really do hate God, His Word, and His concepts for marriage. It is important that both husbands and wives who choose to serve Him remember that "friendship with the world is enmity with God". We really cannot serve two masters. Those who enter into patriarchal marriages really do need to understand Who their true Protector really is.
 
StudentMom said:
My questions are:
1. What recourse does a woman in a plural marriage have, if her husband abuses her?
2. Are children raised in a plural family 'programmed' or 'required' to marry polygynously?
3. How often do such marriages fail?
4. How do you answer charges of child abuse in polygynous marriages?
5. Some people accuse polygynous women of welfare fraud, for collecting welfare benefits as 'single' mothers, because they aren't 'legally' married to their children's father. Is this really going on? If it is, would you agree with the charge of fraud?
6. Does the religious fundamentalism that supports polygyny also support domestic violence? In other words, is it 'ok' in 'God's' eyes for a man to beat one of his wives in order to 'chastize' or 'correct' her?

Again, I realize that some or all of these questions may alarm or offend some. That is why I flagged it with the 'flame' icon: fair warning. Again, I do NOT seek to accuse or offend anyone. I'm seeking information from both sides as I prepare to write my college paper. I want to give everybody a chance to sound off. Thank you for your time.
Click to expand...

I read an article the other day that mentions that there is one large-scale scientific study of poly parents that's in progress right now. I'm assuming that the word "poly" in the context of the article may mean or refer to people who practice any poly lifestyle, i.e. polygamy, polyamory, and whatever other poly types of relationships. Here's the link:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/209164/page/2 (the study is mentioned in the 1st paragraph and being done by Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist). You may have to look elsewhere for more on the study.
 
I found Elisabeth Sheff's (a sociologist) profile on the Georgia State University faculty and staff section. I think her study on poly parents may be focused primarily on polyamorous families. I'm thinking that some of the results can still apply to polygamous families though. I might email her myself to ask if she has published any of her research and if she knows of any studies on just polygamy, and if so where.


Her profile:
http://www2.gsu.edu/~wwwsoc/4324.html

Currently Dr. Sheff is collecting and analyzing the second wave of data in a longitudinal study of polyamorous families with children, including some respondents from her initial sample and expanding the sample to encompass a larger and more diverse group of participants.
Click to expand...
 
1. What recourse does a woman in a plural marriage have, if her husband abuses her?
Plural, mono, dating, walking down the street, dad beats on you, mom does it, next door neighbor.. whatever! In this wonderful country we live in recourse is the same. Someone lays a hand on you, do the right and responsible thing for YOU. Call the authorities, file your claim, SHOW UP FOR COURT AND TESTIFY. If you don't, that person will do it again to you or someone else. Someone who is abusing anyone, does not deserve to have their freedom. So this particular question has no baring on a relationship being plural. It's a question or personal safety and self worth.
2. Are children raised in a plural family 'programmed' or 'required' to marry polygynously?
Last time I checked all human beings were born with a brain. And no one can be 'programmed' to do anything. You can guide a child in the direction you want them to go to, but unless that child feels in their heart that poly is what THEY want.. there is no way they will be in a plural marriage. I'm a perfect example. My family is dead against it. It was hammered into my head "ONE MAN, ONE WOMAN".. I tried it too.. failed desperately. It's not for me.. so no matter how much you'd like your children to live a specific way. All you can do is be supportive of their choices and love them no matter what that choice is.
3. How often do such marriages fail?
I don't believe anyone has ever bothered to learn enough about Christian Polygyny to have statistics. It's a different dynamic than mono marriages and it would be nice if there were more resources for those families who do have a hard time.
4. How do you answer charges of child abuse in polygynous marriages?
Child abuse can happen in ANY family. And as far as I'm concerned my answer is the same as question 1.
5. Some people accuse polygynous women of welfare fraud, for collecting welfare benefits as 'single' mothers, because they aren't 'legally' married to their children's father. Is this really going on? If it is, would you agree with the charge of fraud?
Well, the government cannot have it both ways. If they don't allow the women to marry their husbands, they are technically and legally single mothers. So fraud charges are … well fraudulent on the government's part. However, my PERSONAL belief is, if you choose this lifestyle, you should NOT be a burden to the government.
6. Does the religious fundamentalism that supports polygyny also support domestic violence? In other words, is it 'ok' in 'God's' eyes for a man to beat one of his wives in order to 'chastize' or 'correct' her?
I don't believe you will find anywhere in the Bible where God says it's OK for anyone to abuse anyone. The husband is the head of the home and he submits to the Lord and the wife submits to him. Correction comes out of love, NOT abuse or violence.
Vanessa
(Currently being courted by James and Laceylee)
 
Women in polygamous relationships would have the same ability to walk out the house as in Monogamous relationships. As far as I know the laws of physics do not change when a man marries a second wife, although I could be wrong.

So maybe the man has a shotgun or something to stop a woman in a polygamous relationship from leaving. A man could also have a shotgun to stop a woman in a monogamous relationship from leaving.

6. Does the religious fundamentalism that supports polygyny also support domestic violence? In other words, is it 'ok' in 'God's' eyes for a man to beat one of his wives in order to 'chastize' or 'correct' her?

It depends on your religion in the OT Christian men are forbidden from violence against their wives, Christian men are not allowed to abuse their wives by refusing sex either.

"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself [a] with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty.
So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

[a] Malachi 2:16 Or his wife

If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights.
Exodus 21:10 NIV

“If a man who has married a slave wife takes another wife for himself, he must not neglect the rights of the first wife to food, clothing, and sexual intimacy.
Exodus 21:10 (New Living Translation)*
* May not actually be a translation but a paraphrase

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.
1 Corinthians 7:3-6 NIV

Biblegateway.com

Actually if a wife starts to beat her Christian the husband might not be allowed to hit back.

Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.
Lamentations 3:30 NIV

But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
Mathew 5:39 NIV

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Ephesians 5:25 NIV

So Christ died on a cross and husbands are supposed to love their wives in the same way. I do not think Christ hit the soldiers back even though he could have killed them all.

My take on Mathew 5:39. Now if someone is attacking you it might be okay to be a Martyr. But if someone is attacking someone else I think it is okay to use violence to stop violence.

It seems to me that Muslim men are allowed to hit their wives and are allowed to refuse sex to punish their wives based on Sura 4:34. However I do not know the Muslim religion, the Quran and Arabic well enough to know if Muslim men are really allowed to beat their wives or if this is a misunderstanding of mine.

Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.

http://quranexplorer.com/Quran/Default.aspx

Now if a Christian man married a Muslim woman he would not be allowed to beat her, because he has to follow Christianity not his wife's religion.
 
Interesting questions. They are, however, rather stereotypical of what people think a polygamous relationship is like. I can't blame you though, because a year and a half ago, I would have thought the exact same things!

Child abuse is sinful and wicked, no matter what the marital (or non-marital) status of the parents. Welfare fraud is wrong whether you live with a polygamous husband, boyfriend, etc. Wife abuse is sinful and wicked whether you have one wife or five wives. Etc, etc, etc.

None of the concerns referenced in your questions have anything specifically to do with polygamy, but are problems in any type of relationship. Unfortunately, the stereotype of what polygamists are like tends to feed these beliefs.

I think it would be very helpful for students such as yourself to research and publish the truth about Christian polygamy, so that the frustrating stereotypes can be put to rest once and for all.
 
...They are, however, rather stereotypical of what people think a polygamous relationship is like....
None of the concerns referenced in your questions have anything specifically to do with polygamy, but are problems in any type of relationship...
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Excellent points, Katie!

Unfortunately, this same use of deception, of ascribing problems to the things ordained by YHVH which are in fact only the curses associated with rebellion to Him, is a primary -- and obviously effective -- tactic of the Adversary. Solomon noted (in Ecc. 8:11) that wicked men generally fail to associate the fruit of their wickedness with their own actions, because of the delay before fruit ripens:

"Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil."

It should come as no surprise to us, then, that those who refuse to believe His Word also tend to deny the consequences of rebellion to Him. The best way for us to combat the lie remains to walk in obedience, and be known by our own fruit.
 
StudentMom said:
1. What recourse does a woman in a plural marriage have, if her husband abuses her?
Click to expand...
That depends on the society. In the USA, I would say more recourse. If she was mad enough, imagine the damage she could do by reporting her husband for bigamy and abuse.

StudentMom said:
2. Are children raised in a plural family 'programmed' or 'required' to marry polygynously?
Click to expand...
As far as the Bible and Biblical marriage, no... though people do as they like. FLDS seem to do that at times... though that's not Biblical marriage anyway.

StudentMom said:
3. How often do such marriages fail?
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How often does a dating relationship fail? How often does a monogamous relationship fail? How often do friendships fail? How often to kids disconnect from their parents? We live in a society that fails at being human. No matter what the statistics may be, at least we're trying to fix it. And we've got a whole world against us in our attempts at that.

StudentMom said:
4. How do you answer charges of child abuse in polygynous marriages?
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Depends. Did mommy go to jail for serving her son peas two days in a row because he refused to eat them the first time around?

StudentMom said:
5. Some people accuse polygynous women of welfare fraud, for collecting welfare benefits as 'single' mothers, because they aren't 'legally' married to their children's father. Is this really going on? If it is, would you agree with the charge of fraud?
Click to expand...
According to God, they are married. According to the government, they are not. If the government wants to accept their marriage, they can feel free to take away their "benefits". If they don't, then in their eyes there is no marriage, and there is a single mother. If they want to give benefits to single mothers, they can go right ahead and give them to those in the marriage they refuse to accept. After all... they are single according to them. So it's not fraud.

I don't know how much it's actually going on... nor would I do it myself.

StudentMom said:
6. Does the religious fundamentalism that supports polygyny also support domestic violence? In other words, is it 'ok' in 'God's' eyes for a man to beat one of his wives in order to 'chastize' or 'correct' her?
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Religious fundamentalism? Which "religious fundamentalism? Islam? That one was mentioned.
DiscussingTheTopic said:
It seems to me that Muslim men are allowed to hit their wives and are allowed to refuse sex to punish their wives based on Sura 4:34. However I do not know the Muslim religion, the Quran and Arabic well enough to know if Muslim men are really allowed to beat their wives or if this is a misunderstanding of mine.

Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great.

http://quranexplorer.com/Quran/Default.aspx
Click to expand...
You are correct. They are allowed to beat them. However, when talking to those of the western world attempts are made to reject or lighten this, so as to help spread Islam. Many western Muslims actually believe that it's wrong. Many just pretend that it is.

In their "holy" book, it is said that they can refuse sexual relations and beat their wives. In the English translations they add the word "lightly". It's not really in there, but that helps when dealing with westerners. In their "sermons" they sometimes teach that that means to hit her with a toothbrush or something small like that, and that it's just something to make them feel shame. That is, however, nonsense invented to appease the conscience of westerners.
vivendoavida said:
Last time I checked all human beings were born with a brain. And no one can be 'programmed' to do anything. You can guide a child in the direction you want them to go to, but unless that child feels in their heart that poly is what THEY want.. there is no way they will be in a plural marriage.
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Actually, Islam programs people quite well. And women are forced into polygamy by it quite frequently. But then the husbands aren't exactly loving or good, whether monogamous or not. There are exceptions though, of course.


The "religious fundamentalists" of the LDS have their own opinions in regards to this. But as for those of us that follow the Bible and Biblical Marriage, you tell me. Is it loving to refuse sex to your wife? Is it loving to injure her? Do you see that anywhere in the Bible? I don't.
 
RE: "Recourse" against abuse
(whether real, imagined, or simply perjured)


You are correct, Sadan, but most folks in are simply unaware how Draconian the situation has become in the former republics as they have descended into police state extremism.

Domestic violence "laws" in the US now make it trivial to destroy families and lives. All it takes is an accusation, or in many states only a single call to '911'. A child can do it, or even an anonymous neighbor. And SOMEONE WILL be ARRESTED. "Restraining orders" go into effect immediately (no trial or "due process" applies in most cases, and not even "discretion" on the part of a 'prosecutor' or cop is permitted in many states!)

Lawyers take their pound (or ton) of flesh, the system claims another family, and the damage is done whether or not the charges are ever dropped or the case(s) dismissed.

(And - since we live in a nation where the Constitutional prohibition against ex post facto laws is as much of a dead letter as the First and Second Amendments -- don't forget that "arrest records", plea bargains, and gun prohibitions are forever -- regardless of what the Liars may say. OH - and don't forget "no fly" lists, Customs prohibitions, and TSA Security interrogations!)



..All it takes is to dial three numbers on any phone. And you don't even have to hit "ENTER".
 
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I have never met my own daughter because of my wife and the damage she can so easily do (and is just itching to do). In this sick world, the best liar wins. Family means nothing. Fatherhood means nothing.
 
Mark C said:
Domestic violence "laws" in the US now make it trivial to destroy families and lives. All it takes is an accusation, or in many states only a single call to '911'. A child can do it, or even an anonymous neighbor. And SOMEONE WILL be ARRESTED. "Restraining orders" go into effect immediately (no trial or "due process" applies in most cases, and not even "discretion" on the part of a 'prosecutor' or cop is permitted in many states!)
Click to expand...

Well, from my own personal experience with this, I can say this is an exaggeration (atleast where I live). I worked with C.P.S. for six years, in addition to being a licensed foster care provider. It's not "THAT" easy to get a restraining order. There has to be some kind of proof (documented injuries, eye witness accounts, etc.). As for child abuse allegations, it is quite common for single accusations (one person calling CPS accusing another of abuse) to be ignored. The truth is that CPS doesn't always have the resources to investigate every claim. If a child is removed, the trend is for the child to be returned to the parent/parents at some point. Truthfully, the vast majority of kids that were placed with me were returned to either their parents or other family members. If possible, reunification is the goal. I saw this first hand. You should also know that in some areas, agencies will no longer accept an anonymous complaint (this is relatively new and I support it).

Obviously, there will be people who don't follow the rules or work in the best interest of the family. And some counties are better / worse than others. Abuses by agencies, social workers and law enforcement happen. "An accusation" or "a single call" will TYPICALLY not result in the absolute mayhem you described.(please keep in mind that 911 is for emergencies and the authorities will have to respond to those calls, an arrest may be made if there is an actual basis for the complaint).
Blessings,
Fairlight
 
Unfortunately, Mark C speaks from personal experience concerning the domestic violence "laws".

It is somewhat reassuring to hear that there are agencies that aren't quite so over-the-top in ther aggressive tactics towards accused parents and spouses.
 
Fairlight said:
If a child is removed, the trend is for the child to be returned to the parent/parents at some point. Truthfully, the vast majority of kids that were placed with me were returned to either their parents or other family members.
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I'd like to know how it became so trivial to "remove" a child from their home, their parents, their family. You speak as if "eventually" returning children to where they belong justifies stealing them away to begin with.
 
Mark C wrote:
Domestic violence "laws" in the US now make it trivial to destroy families and lives. All it takes is an accusation, or in many states only a single call to '911'. A child can do it, or even an anonymous neighbor. And SOMEONE WILL be ARRESTED. "Restraining orders" go into effect immediately (no trial or "due process" applies in most cases, and not even "discretion" on the part of a 'prosecutor' or cop is permitted in many states!)
Click to expand...

Well, from my own personal experience with this, I can say this is an exaggeration (at least where I live)...It's not "THAT" easy to get a restraining order.
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Exception noted, Fairlight. And it is notable that in this instance, California is not yet evidently as totalitarian as some other states. But please understand that what I wrote is NOT 'opinion', much less 'exaggeration'.

Check out the states where so-called "DV" statutes explicitly allow NO "discretion" whatsoever on the part of either police or prosecutors, as Colorado and several others now do (and other states consider adopting such "model" legislation). An immediate restraining order is automatic, following the phone call and PRIOR to ANY so-called due process (court hearing) WHATSOEVER.

And the obvious violations of what were once the Constitutional protections associated with prohibited "ex post facto" laws and First Amendment usurpations are not exaggerations, either.
 
sadanyagci said:
I'd like to know how it became so trivial to "remove" a child from their home, their parents, their family. You speak as if "eventually" returning children to where they belong justifies stealing them away to begin with.
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I don't know anyone who views this as "trivial" ! It's very serious and always sad. If you could have seen the children that were placed with me, you might understand why I feel this way.

"Jennifer"...her mother was a drug addict and a prostitute. Her father was a predator. Her earliest memories were of her parents taking her on drug "runs". As a result, she had some extreme behavioral issues. Jennifer is 21 yrs. old now and considers me her mother.

"Rachel"...CPS received 35 calls on this child before they even bothered to investigate. When they did, they found her living in a filthy environment, cigarette burns all over her body, underweight, obvious signs of S.A., siblings in the same condition. She was 10 years old. She also had extreme behavioral issues. Rachel was adopted by a social worker but remains in contact with her bio mom and siblings.

"James"...Abused and beaten (documented photos) to the extent that he developed extreme anger issues and would try to kill animals & pets when he was upset (I had to have my pets locked up when he was with me). James went to live with an older brother.

"Brianna"...4 yrs. old. Abused by her father, who also was selling guns out of his home illegally. He would hide the guns under Brianna's bed. She and her siblings had open access to the guns and a social worker found one among her toys that she had taken and was playing with. Custody was given to her grandparents.

"Lacey"...6 years old. Both parents were drug addicts. Her father was in prison and her mother had died of AIDS. Her father died in prison of AIDS. Her aunt received custody but was mentally ill , there were no other family members that wanted her or felt they could take her.

These are just a few of the kids I had placed with me and none of them was "stolen". I am sure that abuses happen, I've even seen a few myself...but they don't represent the majority. These kids all had to be removed for obvious reasons. If they had been left with their parents, many of them could/would have wound up dead. It's not a perfect system but what are the alternatives for these kids ?
Blessings,
Fairlight
 
I suggest the following verses be meditated on in response to government officials that kidnap children without evidence.

Anyone who kidnaps another and either sells him or still has him when he is caught must be put to death.
Exodus 21:4 NIV

If a man is caught kidnapping one of his brother Israelites and treats him as a slave or sells him, the kidnapper must die. You must purge the evil from among you.
Deutoronomy 24:7 NIV

Of course we must remember this is about Israelites. Israelites were always allowed to bride-nap non-Israelites virgins in times of war.

When you go to war against your enemies and the LORD your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife.
Deutoromomy 21:10-11 NIV
 
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