Sharing and selfishness

[FollowingHim2]

These are my random thoughts while holding a baby, talking to a child, and trying to finish my breakfast at the same time.

An only child is more likely to grow up spoiled. They get all of their parents attention. They don't have to share toys with others. They don't have to learn to get along with another child in the house even though they're fighting at the moment and angry with each other.

Now replace only children with only wives.

But it gets worse, because imagine an only child being raised by a mother who was an only child, who was raised by a mother who was an only child, who was raised by a mother who was an only child.....
They're taught that it's good to be an only child and that they shouldn't have to share anything with anyone. They should get all the attention and love all of the time.

Is this the way monogomy only has changed us women? Are we all now selfish and spoilt? Have we been programmed through generations of believing that we deserve to have the full, constant attention of our husband, to then think that anyone else that wants to take some of that attention away is a cheating whore? We should be thinking of her as a sister in Christ.

My sister and I are very different people and don't always get on well. But I love her and I have very fond memories of our childhood together. We still make an effort to have a relationship, even though we live in different countries. We learnt how to share our parents attention over the years, and how to share our toys. We learnt that we had to get on with one another even when we were fighting, because we lived in the same house and saw each other all the time. I wouldn't have changed having a sister for all the world.

I wonder how many women could've had the opportunity to have one or two sisterwives, but instead pushed it away because of selfishness and having being taught they shouldn't have to share.

 

[mystic]

It's a good point, Sarah. Recently in another thread eternitee effectively smacked down the sharing paradigm, but deep-seated ideas about sharing certainly can and do come into play, and are worth examining.

 

[starlit]

I wonder how many women could've had the opportunity to have one or two sisterwives, but instead pushed it away because of selfishness and having being taught they shouldn't have to share.

I only watched a few episodes of Sisterwives. But there are a few quotes that have become stuck in my head. One was from the third wife Christine. She said she never wanted to be a second wife, because she felt (or maybe knew) that it would be easier to assimilate into the family as a third wife...because by then the first wife would be accustomed to sharing. I have talked to several single women and they all have this thought process, that it's easier to be the third wife because of the sharing issue. Maybe there is some truth to it! I wonder if there are any second or third wives that are on here that have thoughts?

 

[FollowingHim]

I wonder if there are any second or third wives that are on here that have thoughts?

No, it's impossible. Clearly second or third wives never have thoughts. If they thought, they wouldn't marry a polygamist....

 

[starlit]

I wonder if there are any second or third wives that are on here that have thoughts?

No, it's impossible. Clearly second or third wives never have thoughts. If they thought, they wouldn't marry a polygamist....

Clearly i walked into that one. I mean are there are plural wives that would like to add to this thread?

 

[UntoldGlory]

Really insightful post fh2!

 

[Cheri Q.]

[/quote]<br /><br />I wonder if there are any second or third wives that are on here that have thoughts?<br/>

starlit, I've been wondering the same. Well about thoughts on being a second or third (to complete your thought)

 

[Cheri Q.]

Sorry, I don't know how to do the copy/paste thing with previous comments lol

 

[FollowingHim]

Cheri, click the "quote" button on someone's comment, that will take you to the "post a reply" screen with their comment in the correct quotation codes. Edit from there to trim down to the bit you wanted to actually quote.
Alternatively, manual quoting is

[quote]quoted text[/quote] or [quote="fred"]quoted text[/quote]

.
The buttons to add text styles etc are currently broken, but you can easily emphasise using

[b]bold[/b], [i]italic[/i], and [u]underline[/u]

 

[Joleneakamama]

I was very impressed with this FH2, and have been trying to find time to say so.

My sympathies will usually lie with the second (or later) wife. Just like I cannot get past the golden rule where abortion is concerned, I cannot get past the golden rule with a selfish attitude on the part of a first wife.
Solomon gave the baby to the woman who cared for it, enough to give it up, and I think the husband should, in the case of a first wife being unwilling to share, go to the second wife who IS willing to share. (MY politically incorrect opinion here)

We would never as parents consent to let a child decide whether or not we had other children. We would be horrified if someone had an abortion because a child wanted to be an only, yet parents of single women, and first wives kill families that could be.....if they would only allow them.

They say all the good ones are taken, and certainly a lot of them are. I think a woman willing to be a second wife is probably a better catch then the woman who is willful, selfish, and refuses to accept another being part of the family.

Census in the states shows we are a few million men short in this country alone. This is why the world is basically playing musical men (musical chairs) with the few men willing to commit, for as long as they can keep them. There is no way, knowing this, that I could "sit on" a good man and refuse to share.

I appreciate Eternitee's not sharing point of view, and I really do get it......but I don't know of a better way of stating things.

Thanks all for a great thread.

 

[Joleneakamama]

I was very impressed with this FH2, and have been trying to find time to say so.

My sympathies will usually lie with the second (or later) wife. Just like I cannot get past the golden rule where abortion is concerned, I cannot get past the golden rule with a selfish attitude on the part of a first wife.
Solomon gave the baby to the woman who cared for it, enough to give it up, and I think the husband should, in the case of a first wife being unwilling to share, go to the second wife who IS willing to share. (MY politically incorrect opinion here)

We would never as parents consent to let a child decide whether or not we had other children. We would be horrified if someone had an abortion because a child wanted to be an only, yet parents of single women, and first wives kill families that could be.....if they would only allow them.

They say all the good ones are taken, and certainly a lot of them are. I think a woman willing to be a second wife is probably a better catch then the woman who is willful, selfish, and refuses to accept another being part of the family.

Census in the states shows we are a few million men short in this country alone. This is why the world is basically playing musical men (musical chairs) with the few men willing to commit, for as long as they can keep them. There is no way, knowing this, that I could "sit on" a good man and refuse to share.

I appreciate Eternitee's not sharing point of view, and I really do get it......but I don't know of a better way of stating things.

Thanks all for a great thread.

 

[Wesley]

Solomon gave the baby to the woman who cared for it, enough to give it up, and I think the husband should, in the case of a first wife being unwilling to share, go to the second wife who IS willing to share. (MY politically incorrect opinion here)

We would never as parents consent to let a child decide whether or not we had other children. We would be horrified if someone had an abortion because a child wanted to be an only, yet parents of single women, and first wives kill families that could be.....if they would only allow them.

They say all the good ones are taken, and certainly a lot of them are. I think a woman willing to be a second wife is probably a better catch then the woman who is willful, selfish, and refuses to accept another being part of the family.

If only it was that simple. This has been my outlook on the issue since my first wife rejected polygamy after having promised to accept it. My experience is that I lose both women when I think this way. I lose the first because she is determined to be domineering and controlling and change my behavior to suit her whims. Then I lose the second because she can't stand the thought of breaking up my first marriage, as if her leaving would fix things.

Census in the states shows we are a few million men short in this country alone. This is why the world is basically playing musical men (musical chairs) with the few men willing to commit, for as long as they can keep them. There is no way, knowing this, that I could "sit on" a good man and refuse to share.

While this seems to be true the even bigger problem in this country today is that, even though males are plentiful, men are in short supply and gentlemen are an endangered species.

I appreciate Eternitee's not sharing point of view, and I really do get it......but I don't know of a better way of stating things.

Thanks all for a great thread.

I understand Eternitee's point of view as well. Understanding and agreeing are two totally different things however. I am not a commodity to be owned or shared.

Far too many women, at least in my opinion, who are quick to say "You don't own me" are also far too quick to say "I don't share my man" as if a man were a commodity to be owned and either shared or hoarded.

 

[hannah.think]

very interesting. I will be the first wife. For some reason from what I have been reading and researching that I must be an odd one. I have no problem in sharing my husband. I have been actively looking for a sister wife. We thought we had a possibility in one that past few weeks. She new from the very start that my husband was married and that I was okay with this. But she just could not do it. I was very sad over this, yet understanding that this way of life is not for everyone.....especially since our day in age and society has everyone brain washed that this is immoral. The main person that I feel bad for his my husband, he was already starting to have major feelings for this potential sister wife.

Could it be that the reason why I am not having the normal first wife issues with this is because of my age? My age in maturity? Just wondering. I am 47 yrs old. I just know that this is what my husband and I are suppose to do....feel very called to it. I had the calling for years and fought it due to afraid it was immoral because of the church and society teachings.

 

[Wesley]

I just know that this is what my husband and I are suppose to do....feel very called to it. I had the calling for years and fought it due to afraid it was immoral because of the church and society teachings.

Personally, I think that you've hit the nail on the head right here as to why you're not having issues. I believe that acceptance of God's will is the key rather than age, society, etc. A person who wants to fight against the will of God can always find excuses to do so. Society, emotions, church-ianity, and interstellar-echoes-of-the-Big-Bang are merely a few examples of the many, many excuses that people use for avoiding God's will.

Everyone does it to one extent or another. We're all sinners and we all have our excuses for why. Each of us sins differently however so not having issues in one area doesn't mean that we don't have issues in another.

That's just my $21,768,497,324.26 worth. (Adjusted upward for inflation from two cents and worth about the same.) Your mileage may vary.

 

[hannah.think]