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She's moving in!

D

Debra

New Member
Hi Ladies,

OK so after many years of accepting that we would have a pm, my sister-wife has finally arrived! :D She will be moving into our home this coming weekend. It will be the beginning of what I am guessing will be pretty much a whole new life for us. To start with she will be living with us sort of as a room-mate just until we have a marriage ceremony, which will more than likely be very soon.

So, how am I? Well I am very excited, :D and terrified :eek: at the same time. I know with all my heart she is the right one for us; gotta tell you dh and I practically hunted for a sister wife! But about a year or so ago, we pretty well gave up and gave it to God, didn't worry about it anymore, kind of put the thought on the backburner and went on with life and guess what??? God pretty much handed her to dh! Here ya go, here is the woman you are to love and care for!! and we do!! I love her, we have become great friends and are on the road to best friend/sisterly type relationship. But i have so many fears and some questions!!! Her biggest fear is hurting me!!

DH and I feel that her and I will be sisterwives, not first wife/second wife. Is this weird? Is there something special I should know or be doing as "first-wife"?

We have all decided that we want to be a family, not two families living apart from each other, (I don't want a part time husband) so she and her children will be moving into our home. We have plenty of room. Wow I am a bit nervous as to how to learn to live with another woman! Yikes, she will go in my kitchen!! :eek:

I do love her, and dh has been ever so kind and caring and careful to make sure that I feel very loved and secure, BUT there are still certain feelings that I feel I need to learn how to overcome as soon as I possibly can! I have moments of crazy jealousies :twisted: that I don't like. crazy moments of insecurities :twisted: . Thankful they are just moments and not constant. Please tell me this is normal!!! and I am not nuts :?

DH and I are very close and have been married for over 20 years, I must admit I am fearful about the day when I truly have to share him with her.
I have a very difficult being away from him for an overnight so that is something I will have to learn to overcome. :eek:

So I won't write a book here, althoughy I probably could! But if anyone has any advice or pointers or tips about anything PM I would love to hear from you!!

V is truly a great fit to DH and I, and I truly am looking forward to this, I am just so scared I won't be a good sisterwife for her!

Thanks for listening to me!!

Deb
 
Well, we have worked out most of our difficulties by being totally honest with each other. When one of us feels lonely or 'needy' we (by agreement) must talk it out before we move forward. That way, there are no hidden feelings and cuts way down on the hurt feelings (of course we all 3 have pretty forceful personalities). If one of us says 'Hey that hurt my feelings", or "I think you're being childish about that" it gives us an immediate job to stop what we're doing and work it out. We compromise all the time on lots of stuff, and it works out just fine. We mostly do things as a 'threesome' and not much 'couple' stuff for now that way we are 'forced' for lack of a better word to constantly think of ourselves as a family and not 2 separate families because from the start we didn't want that. We've found that we are the happiest when the 3 of us are doing things together.
 
Wow, how exciting! You are doing great Debra! If you are willing to ask the hard questions of yourself then you are in a great place to get some good answers. Like you said there will be things to adjust too but just take one day at a time. Learning to feel "okay" when your DH is not with you will come. I can't tell you how many first wives have told me after awhile that they really enjoy their "alone time" nights. It is just changing our thought patterns from one way to another.

I will be praying for DH that he rises to the task of learning new skills himself. A lot rests on his shoulders in making you both feel loved and cared for, and he has to be a "new" dad to the kids. Lots of responsiblity for him for sure. He needs your grace and support as he is growing and stretching.

I hope your new SW will want to get on the forums from time to time so we can get to know her. It sounds like you both are desiring to think of each other first and that is a great beginning! I will be praying for you regarding the kitchen sharing...I know that is a big one to adjust to. As Donna said, it is all about finding the right compromise that makes things work for the both of you. It requires a bit of letting go of "your way" and a willingness to try things a "new way". :)

With hope for the future,
Julieb
 
That is such exciting news!
I don't have any great advice to offer, as I'm still the first and only wife here, but I did want to say I think you guys will be just fine and wish you well as you build a new life together.
I agree with Julie, your willingness to ask those hard questions is a good thing, and it says a lot about you.
Here's wishing you guys all the best!

Jolene
 
Thank you Ladies! I appreciate your comments and thoughts.
We have almost completed the move, it has taken a bit of time and a whole lot of moving things, and rooms around and making room to fit in three more people two more cats two more dogs and a rat!! but amazingly everything is managing to fit just fine!
We are excited to move forward!
 
So... She left us. :( Things were going so well, almost perfectly. It is amazing when you know that God put you together, it all fit so well. Her reason to leave us was so out of no where, at least to us.... 11 years ago, shewas pregnant, and the father of her baby left her... he eventually went to prison for drug charges,served some years in prison, well aparently he decided he wanted her back and she said he was the true love of her life so shejust left.
I cannot tell you how hard that was... I know we were only together a few months but it all fit so well and we got along so well that truly it felt like she had always been here, V and the kids just belonged! I still believe in my heart that God brought us together, and she swore she did too; until he came back.
She ripped our hearts out and handed them back to us, it has been so very difficult, poor hubby :(
It was mid December when she left us, Christmas was so sad here.
We are now doing much better, but it is still raw in our hearts you know.
I still hope and pray that someday there is a sisterwife for us that God has picked out specially for us.... I am not sure hubby does but I am praying....
 
I am so sorry that she did that to your family!!! I think that was a awful thing to do to yall. I am so mad for you and hurt for you :twisted: :cry: . I know that you guys will find a beautiful wonderful woman who loves you as much as you love her....love MrsCaples
 
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