• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

So many families... Not sure what to do.

livenotyesterday

livenotyesterday

New Member
So, there a few families that are persistent on talking to/connecting with me. It's kind of hard when people are talking about marriage, honeymoons, rings, etc. the second day you are talking and haven't even met. I'm not sure why people rush into things. It's also hard when men compare their first wife, to their possible second. Any suggestions on dealing with this? I'm not ready to jump into a marriage when I'm still trying to get through school and all that stuff. I'm completely positive this is what I want, but does it have to be tomorrow? It's also hard trying to pick out the sexual-minded men and the religious-minded men. This is just as complicated/frustrating for a single gal as it is to a couple, I'm sure. I know almost instantly what couples I am interest in, and which I am not. There are A LOT contacting me, daily. Hm..
 
Livenot,

Welcome to this site. Prayer is the answer to every situation. Especially ones that are seeming a little overwhelming. After you have heard from the Lord, honesty in a Christian manner is the next step. I'm kinda new to the site and have never attended a retreat; however, I hear that going helps you get to know more like-minded Christians.

Michelle
 
Hi again Sara! Yes, unfortunately you are going to run into those who you "probably don't want to be associated with" to put it delicately. I know you're on Facebook too, and that may present its own issues. I'd urge you to use discernment and caution in who you talk to - run from those who would push you, or discuss anything inappropriate. Also, if any person from the Biblical Families forums has contacted you inappropriately, or keeps contacting you when you choose not to respond - Biblical Families staff would like to know about that - we've seen abuse and manipulation by men in the past, and it's not what we are about.

I'd encourage you, and other single women reading this, when you are ready to consider joining a family, to think about what may be a much better method, that puts you in control, and put safeguards in place for you. Namely, the new http://www.biblicalfamilies.org/introductions.php service.

Please feel free to contact me anytime.

Hope for the future,
Julieb
 
I have to agree with Julieb about this. Any behavior that you would not accept in a "normal" dating experience, please do not accept in a polygamous relationship. And just because someone posts on this site doesn't mean he is someone you can trust. People can say anything on the internet, mostly because of the anonymity.

And frankly, if you aren't ready for a relationship then you aren't ready and people should be respecting that from you. You have a lot of irons in your fire and you are very young. Now is the time for building friendships and growing your relationship with God. It is a time for you to know who you are and to understand God's plan for you. You have the next 60 or so years to look forward to.

God bless you

SweetLissa
 
I dated my husband for 1 month and he asked me to marry him. After 18 years I can say its the best decision I ever made. I knew in my heart he was the one for me. I think the best thing is to not court several families at once which is what alot of ladies do. We focused only on each other when we dated...this should be no different.

Mrs. Kscouple
 
kscouple said:
I dated my husband for 1 month and he asked me to marry him. After 18 years I can say its the best decision I ever made. I knew in my heart he was the one for me. I think the best thing is to not court several families at once which is what alot of ladies do. We focused only on each other when we dated...this should be no different.

Mrs. Kscouple
Click to expand...

Very good! We in the Western Culture actually tend to think that a long drawn out courtship is the answer. However, the statistics do not bear this out. Scripture does not give us any clear examples either for that matter. Take a look at each example in Scripture, and you will find that your own sensibilies will rise up against them -especially viewing them from a Western paradigm. I know of many marriages that have had long drawn out courtships and end in divorce. I have known people who have married almost immediately - in one case, less than a week, and lasted over 40 years. Does this mean put caution to the wind? Of course not!

I think this should be talked about some. Why does a marriage last when the couple knows each other only for a short time? Why does a marriage break up so easily even after a long courtship? Taken it to the next level, why doesn't Scripture specifically address it? Or, does it address it, but we don't like what it is communicating to us? Granted, sometimes a long courtship brings to surface character flaws. However, many hide a host of character flaws very well for years, but then they come out after marriage! I have some ideas, but when are some of "your" thoughts on these questions?
 
Ok, this is the Ladies Only forum, but a site administrator breached it, so I'll drop off 2 cents then shut up.

My first wife and I were good friends for 6 years before we married. She divorced me after 21 years over the fact that I believed in PM, though not yet practicing.

2 years later, once I was becoming resigned to remaining single, and not too worried about PM, a PM friend 2400 miles away called and asked me to talk to a lady 450 miles away who he'd met online who really needed someone to talk to. I reluctantly agreed, little knowing that there should have been big warning signs "God At Work"! 6 weeks later, we met for about 2-3 hours. Another 6 weeks later, I went and got her out of a deteriorating bad situation and offered my couch. We've been together ever since (nearly 7 years), through really stormy and delightfully smooth sailing times. Legally married now, big story.

Point? It isn't a "connect the dots" or "follow the recipe" thang. It's pure "Go to God, make SURE you're ready for His leading, then follow" thang. Not dragging 2 steps behind. Not hurrying one step ahead. Directly in Big Pappa's footsteps! HE won't lead you astray!

And relax. Get comfy. Make some really GOOD popcorn (buttered, with garlic powder, cayenne pepper, brewer's yeast, and Italian seasoning on it). And watch the show that God is creating out of yur life. Guaranteed good! Guaranteed interesting! Guaranteed to be rated "E" for everyone. Cast and directed by God Himself!
 
CecilW said:
Ok, this is the Ladies Only forum, but a site administrator breached it, so I'll drop off 2 cents then shut up.
Click to expand...

ooooopppps... *I will now humbly slip back into the BF forest with my head covered, hoping that no one will see me* :oops: Sorry ladies!
 
Thanks every one for your kind advice, ;)

I have not (yet) since had a problem because I'm generally too busy to get on. The only problem I've had is this guy kept banning me from sisterwives and yahoo and then would try to talk to me, but he was upset because I didn't talk to him enough? I don't understand that either. I just don't have the time right now (school in the a.m. for an hour, then work, and then straight to school till 10p.m.!) to be sitting on yahoo messenger talking. I even neglected to respond back to you all who are the kindest people there are. I suppose I should stear clear of men like that too. I might be going to the Las Vegas retreat, depending on where and when every thing is happening. I'm flying to Vegas with my niece and my roommate, but my roommate doesn't really want to go because she wants to see her family, and I am hesitant to go any where in Vegas alone because everything is so far away. Any way, I am just rambling on. Thank you all to the wonderful advice, and I'm definitely going to try and listen (and maybe call!) to the ladies night on the radio, thing. Thanks everyon!
 
On this subject, I will say I am no expert, but I do have some ideas. (Shame on both you men for poking your noses in where they don't belong, ;)

I believe that people get comfortable and then bored. Once complacency moves in it is easy to fall into complaining and finding fault. Not every complacent marriage ends in divorce, as long as both people are equally complacent, they can go on this way for years. (equally yoked?)

Once one member of the marriage wakes up and sees that they have been complacent, often they try to fix things. Not both parties to a marriage see the situation the same way and the second member of the marriage is happy with the complacency. (no longer equally yoked)

The member that tried to fix things can either 1) fall back into complacency, 2) keep trying to fix things, 3) decide to take drastic measures.

I think that often this complacency happens during courtship if it goes on for a long time. On the other hand if people marry early in their courtship, the complacency has not set in. The marriage is fresh, new and exciting. There is something to look forward to every day.

I think that there are people who go through life with this exciting feeling. When two of those people get together, watch out world! Likewise people who are equally complacent are going to stay together until something rocks one of them.

I know a couple who were married for well over 50 years. I say were because the wife just recently died. For the entire 28 years that I have known them, they have lived wholly separate lives that only meet when they attend functions together that revolve around the groups that they belong to. Otherwise, she had her domain and he had his and they never entered each others worlds without a good reason.

So was it a good marriage? I don't know. It produced 3 children, who cannot be called successful or even people who love God. It produced 3 grandchildren who have never been to church or heard about God. It basically was dead. No fruit, no faith but lots of dead works. But because it lasted over 50 years, people called it a success.

My parents have been married for 50 years. They do everything together. When one inhales the other exhales. They raised 4 kids. We are all fairly successful. There are 6 grandkids. Some of us are believers, some are not. But we all live in the world and add to it. We all "participate" in our marriages and we all learned from example. The example was not always good, but it always was. My parents lived their lives intentionally and with purpose. They taught each of their children to do the same.

I don't know what the key is. If I did, I would write a book and appear on Oprah and become a millionaire.

SweetLissa
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top