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So many questions...

P

Palrmine

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New to the forum and as a couple my wife and I just opened up to this calling. We're desperate to talk to like minded people though, so I hope you all don't mind answering a couple questions that scare me to death.

How do you talk to your kids about this decision? Anyone who already had teenagers when looking for wife #2, can you share a story or advice?

Secondly, what's the best way to find local groups to talk to? An article suggested to try the "Meetup" website, but I live on the west coast and all of the groups I find on there are not into faithful commitments and don't seem like positive influences when seriously considering biblical marriage.

Thanks in advance, and may God's peace be with you.
 
Thanks for the link. That is very helpful for outside the immediate family. I'm looking more for a way to reassure my teenage kids that marriage is a holy union and that they are loved, even of we are expanding the family.
 
Palrmine said:
How do you talk to your kids about this decision? Anyone who already had teenagers when looking for wife #2, can you share a story or advice?
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We blew it and didn't tell my older children at first; that was used against us later. I know other families that have been up front and others still that have been more secretive. It is always difficult.

The younger your children are, the more trusting they will be. The older they are the more problematic the situation will be. How old are your children (a general range, not specifics)?

Palrmine said:
Secondly, what's the best way to find local groups to talk to? An article suggested to try the "Meetup" website, but I live on the west coast and all of the groups I find on there are not into faithful commitments and don't seem like positive influences when seriously considering biblical marriage.
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Again, just plan on this being very difficult. You probably won't find local fellowship that will even take you seriously, let alone be able to encourage you along in your journey; that's why the BF retreats are so important. We have a Vegas retreat coming up in April; any chance you could join us?
 
Palrmine said:
It's as if promiscuity is more acceptable than poly families.
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Absolutely true in our culture.

Palrmine said:
My kids are adolescent and just turning to the teen years.
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I'd say that's good, because they're still figuring stuff out. The next question gets a little personal, but are your kids used to your doing crazy stuff for Jesus, or will this be the first time they'll be challenged re what it means to be a follower of Christ (beyond being a 'good person' as our culture understands that)?
 
Palrmine said:
New to the forum and as a couple my wife and I just opened up to this calling. We're desperate to talk to like minded people though, so I hope you all don't mind answering a couple questions that scare me to death.

How do you talk to your kids about this decision? Anyone who already had teenagers when looking for wife #2, can you share a story or advice?

Secondly, what's the best way to find local groups to talk to? An article suggested to try the "Meetup" website, but I live on the west coast and all of the groups I find on there are not into faithful commitments and don't seem like positive influences when seriously considering biblical marriage.

Thanks in advance, and may God's peace be with you.
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Rule number 1 is go slow. Then slow down before taking a major time out to slow down and think about going slower. This should give you the time you need figure out ways to go slow.

You don't have anything to tell the kids. Your wife is probably still reeling from all of this. An actual sister wife is most likely years away if she comes at all.

Find a way to go to a retreat. Meet some families living it. There is so much ground to cover with just yourself internally that there is no need to get in a hurry.
 
We homeschool so our children's worldview is set by us, not the world around us and they are already familiar with the lives of the Hebrew patriarchs. We haven't had this conversation with them yet, but they are mostly younger. But any conversation about our own future path will already have the groundwork laid by our education of them with respect to the history of family, families in the Bible, and the various approaches taken by families in the current day.

Long gone is the day when every household in the area is an intact 2 parent family; so they'll need to come to an understanding of the way of things anyway.
 
ZecAustin said:
Rule number 1 is go slow. Then slow down before taking a major time out to slow down and think about going slower. This should give you the time you need figure out ways to go slow.
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Classic Zec! :cool:
 
Palrmine said:
New to the forum and as a couple my wife and I just opened up to this calling. We're desperate to talk to like minded people though, so I hope you all don't mind answering a couple questions that scare me to death.
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The best thing to do is to attend a retreat. If you can only attend one retreat go to the big one in the summer.

Palrmine said:
How do you talk to your kids about this decision? Anyone who already had teenagers when looking for wife #2, can you share a story or advice?
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In my opinion it is best to teach them BEFORE you have a prospect. I would just get out my Bible and start going over the scriptures. You can start out just by asking them questions and see what they think about it already.

For example, maybe 2 Chronicles 24:2-3 "2 Joash did what was right in the eyes of the Lord all the years of Jehoiada the priest. 3 Jehoiada chose two wives for him, and he had sons and daughters."

Ask what they think of this verse and what we can learn about what God thinks from it.

Palrmine said:
Secondly, what's the best way to find local groups to talk to? An article suggested to try the "Meetup" website, but I live on the west coast and all of the groups I find on there are not into faithful commitments and don't seem like positive influences when seriously considering biblical marriage.
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That might have been me. I just started a polygamy support Meetup group in Austin, Texas. It is more of an experiment to see if we can actually find anyone or not.

I agree with you though. Most likely on Meetup you will only find groups that are negative influencers such as polyamory groups and the like.

In general it is almost impossible for Christian polygamist to find local fellowships, and it is a big reason that the Biblical Families ministry exists: to try to help bridge that fellowship gap for Christians who find out that they path is even more narrow than they expected when they try to follow God's will.

Palrmine said:
Thanks in advance, and may God's peace be with you.
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And you, too!
 
I picked up an expression years ago from an old friend of mine that might have some application here. Has kind of a Zen ring to it.

Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.
 
andrew said:
Slow is smooth.Smooth is fast.
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Army Special Forces live by that slogan when it comes to urban combat: “Slow is smooth.Smooth is fast". Urban combat centers around mobility—if you can't move you get pinned down, but if you move too fast, you get surrounded and outflanked.

You got to find that fluid motion.

This is probably not helpful but I knew my wife for almost 5 hrs before I told her we were going to get married a couple of months before I asked properly even though she already agreed. It was almost 2 years from when we met until we got married even though we both knew we were meant to be together that first day. Sometimes G-d Gibbs slaps you up side the head and says that's who right away but you still have to wait.
 
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There’s the rub. It’s one thing to wait in the dark and just sort of hope for something to work out. It’s another to know what you’re supposed to do but have to wait for the right time to do it.

That buddy of mine is a Marine; I wonder if that’s where he picked that up....
 
andrew said:
That buddy of mine is a Marine; I wonder if that’s where he picked that up...
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Maybe, there's alot of sayings that cross the diffrent Military branches, it's all the same culture with the same core values just diffrent uniforms......kinda like us here.

andrew said:
It’s another to know what you’re supposed to do but have to wait for the right time to do it.
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Reminds me of another Military saying, Hurry up and wait. Meaning, Be ready to move when your told but wait for the order.
 
I have worked for the government in the past. I am trained in hurry up and wait.

Off topic do a lot of people here find it offensive to type out God? I noticed it a couple times. I can follow whatever is preferred.
 
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