• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Struggling

S

SouthernGrace72

Member
Female
If any of you have read my introduction post, then you know I am a former SW. I am struggling with news that was brought to my attention early yesterday morning. As you may have read in the intro post, my former husband brought in a 3rd wife who blew up the family dynamic that we had. He left both the first wife and I. Divorced the 1st wife to marry the one he brought in as the third for a mono relationship. Now I find out that he has brought the first wife back as the 2nd wife and the third is now the first. I am devastated to say the least. The children are feeling a little bit better now that their mom is back but wish that dad would leave the third wife and bring me back, but the 3rd wife and the first wife, who I thought was closer to me than she really was, are threatening him that if he leaves the third wife to bring me back that they will leave with the kids and he is buckling to their pressure. I guess what I thought was a happy, harmonious home with me and the 1st was not really that at all. I am now more confused than I was to begin with, hurting, heart broken, devastated and even more lost now. I know deep down that this is what is meant for my life, but how could I have been so blind and not realize that things were not as I was seeing them. I know that God has a plan, and I trust in him to see it through. I also know that part of that plan is to be a SW again and a loving wife to my husband. I just haven't found them yet. But in good time.

All I am really asking for here is prayer, that God will grant me some peace in my heart and in my mind over all of this. Thanks for letting me vent.

Bobbie
 
I am sorry to hear that the former relationship is bringing renewed pain, but there is no need to accept as fact the idea that your relationship with the first wife wasn’t as good as you thought it was.
It appears that two wives in that family is somewhat functional, it functioned ok with you and her and it is functioning ok now with the two of them.
There is probably fear that it will become unfunctional again if three are involved, so the obvious choice is to for the first wife to say anything that will protect the status quo that tenuously exists.

In reality it isn’t a healthy family and probably will not become one. You desire a good thing, becoming a wife in a plural wife family. You are an anomaly that the right family will be blessed to have. But it can take time to find the right fit.
In the meantime, you may not be the right fit at this point for the family that YHWH will bring you to. We are all growing and changing, focus yourself to becoming the person that YHWH is calling you to be. He hasn’t abandoned you, with His help the latter part of your life will be more of a blessing to others and to yourself than the previous part.
But throw away the rearview mirror. Grow from your experience, but don’t let it continue to debilitate and consume you.

My blessings and prayers for your future.
 
steve said:
I am sorry to hear that the former relationship is bringing renewed pain, but there is no need to accept as fact the idea that your relationship with the first wife wasn’t as good as you thought it was.
It appears that two wives in that family is somewhat functional, it functioned ok with you and her and it is functioning ok now with the two of them.
There is probably fear that it will become unfunctional again if three are involved, so the obvious choice is to for the first wife to say anything that will protect the status quo that tenuously exists.

In reality it isn’t a healthy family and probably will not become one. You desire a good thing, becoming a wife in a plural wife family. You are an anomaly that the right family will be blessed to have. But it can take time to find the right fit.
In the meantime, you may not be the right fit at this point for the family that YHWH will bring you to. We are all growing and changing, focus yourself to becoming the person that YHWH is calling you to be. He hasn’t abandoned you, with His help the latter part of your life will be more of a blessing to others and to yourself than the previous part.
But throw away the rearview mirror. Grow from your experience, but don’t let it continue to debilitate and consume you.

My blessings and prayers for your future.
Click to expand...
Thank You Steve. I try not to dwell or look to the past as it can only block my future. It was just brought to my attention and struck a wrong chord in my heart is all. I still have an abundant amount of love for the children, the man and the 1st wife. I just know that I in a way I have to put it away on a shelf and let it be.....or as my daddy always told me let go and let God....
 
Heavenly father, we come before You as Your humble servants, we come before You today in the name of Yeshua, on behalf of Bobbie. She is in need of renewal. There are times when we fell helpless, when we feel weak, when we feel alone and confused. She is in these times. It is written: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6) By this we know that if we submit to Your will, Your Rauch Hakodesh will lead us to where You need us. To a place that nourishes our relationship with You and allows us glorify you with our walk. Adonai, I pray for hope. Hope that when Bobbie lays down the burdens of her past relationship, that You guide her on her path of completion. So that when she finds her future husband she is not weighed down by the past and join him in love, submission and kindness. We have faith that she will find the family which she is the missing peice of, because we ask this in the name of Yeshua. Some say that the sky is at it's darkest just before the light. We pray that this is true, for all seems dark. Bobbie needs the dawn to break and to feel your light, L-rd, and the warmth it brings. We pray that she be filled with your light from head to toe. To bask in your glory. To know that through You all will be made right in the world, as you have planned, and as You say it will be. “I am making all things new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revalations 21:3-5. Help Her to walk in your light, and live her life as faithful and loving daughter of G-d. Amen
 
Last edited:
Kevin said:
Heavenly father, we come before You as Your humble servants, we come before You today in the name of Yeshua, on behalf of Bobbie. She is in need of renewal. There are times when we fell helpless, when we feel weak, when we feel alone and confused. She is in these times. It is written: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6) By this we know that if we submit to Your will, Your Rauch Hakodesh will lead us to where You need us. To a place that nourishes our relationship with You and allows us glorify you with our walk. Adonai, I pray for hope. Hope that when Bobbie lays down the burdens of her past relationship, that You guide her on her path of completion. So that when she finds her future husband she is not weighed down by the past and join him in love, submission and kindness. We have faith that she will find the family which she is the missing peice of, because we ask this in the name of Yeshua. Some say that the sky is at it's darkest just before the light. We pray that this is true, for all seems dark. Bobbie needs the dawn to break and to feel your light, L-rd, and the warmth it brings. We pray that she be filled with your light from head to toe. To bask in your glory. To know that through You all will be made right in the world, as you have planned, and as you say it will be. “I am making all things new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revalations 21:3-5. Help Her to walk in your light, and live her life as faithful and loving daughter of G-d. Amen
Click to expand...
Thank you Kevin and Amen!
 
I am sure this is very hard on you. For what it is worth from what you have said I think clearly you are being wronged. A husband is supposed to keep his wife, not cast her out unjustly or for another.

I can not know fully your personal situation, but I do see a grain of hope in that before your story sounded like your husband went to full conventional mono mode, and yet now with this latest update he seems to still be interested in polygamy. And while it may not seem like it at the moment due to the toxic nature of the family dynamic, could this mean that the door could be open in the future for your restoration?

My only advice to you would be 1 Peter 3, to work on the purity and reverence of your own life, to work on your inner self and the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit and Lord willing your husband will come to his senses and see what a blessing that he is missing out on.
 
Kevin said:
Heavenly father, we come before You as Your humble servants, we come before You today in the name of Yeshua, on behalf of Bobbie. She is in need of renewal. There are times when we fell helpless, when we feel weak, when we feel alone and confused. She is in these times. It is written: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6) By this we know that if we submit to Your will, Your Rauch Hakodesh will lead us to where You need us. To a place that nourishes our relationship with You and allows us glorify you with our walk. Adonai, I pray for hope. Hope that when Bobbie lays down the burdens of her past relationship, that You guide her on her path of completion. So that when she finds her future husband she is not weighed down by the past and join him in love, submission and kindness. We have faith that she will find the family which she is the missing peice of, because we ask this in the name of Yeshua. Some say that the sky is at it's darkest just before the light. We pray that this is true, for all seems dark. Bobbie needs the dawn to break and to feel your light, L-rd, and the warmth it brings. We pray that she be filled with your light from head to toe. To bask in your glory. To know that through You all will be made right in the world, as you have planned, and as You say it will be. “I am making all things new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revalations 21:3-5. Help Her to walk in your light, and live her life as faithful and loving daughter of G-d. Amen
Click to expand...
Amen! Praying in agreement
 
Not everything is God's will or His plan. Sometimes things just go wrong and get off track. I'm sorry that you are going through this pain though.
 
Thanks Everyone! I took a weekend away for myself to just be. I can now say that I am happily and uncomfortably sunburnt but more at peace. As I said i still love them all but I know deep down that there will never be a reconciliation with him. I am ok with that. As for the new situation, it is a toxic mess and as they say its "not my monkey, not my circus" HOWEVER, I pray for them daily.
 
SouthernGrace72 said:
Thanks Everyone! I took a weekend away for myself to just be. I can now say that I am happily and uncomfortably sunburnt but more at peace. As I said i still love them all but I know deep down that there will never be a reconciliation with him. I am ok with that. As for the new situation, it is a toxic mess and as they say its "not my monkey, not my circus" HOWEVER, I pray for them daily.
Click to expand...
I am glad you had an opportunity to get away, rest and have some you time. It is so important to nurture yourself. I am praying for you and hope you find peace and reconciliation. Thank you for sharing with us.
Shalom and good night
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top