How do you move beyond just submission by action to complete submission of the heart when it comes to plural marriage?
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Submission of the heart
- Thread starter WifeOfHisYouth
- Start date
So, I'm gonna take a crack at this from a monogamous man's point of view, so consider the source.
I have things in my life that I do not have complete submission of the heart in. Some things are just too personal, too much, too fast. Some people are just too exhausting and too unlovable.
I can obey... but not smile. I can smile, but not mean it. I can mean it, but not be happy about it.
My heart just doesn't want none. This is not necessarily a failure. Jesus had perfect submission on the way to the cross. And yet He did not want to go. He was in great distress and asked to be let off the hook. The submission was perfect because He went without complaint to do a thing that He did not want to do. If He wanted to do it, it wouldn't exactly be submission. The cross cannot actually be desired, and it is the cross we must take up.
For a good many women, plural marriage is nothing other than the cross. How can you want what you do not want? I don't think you can. "I want" is the function of the soul, which you must lose in order to find. You must kill it in order for it to live. You must give it up entirely.
Only after you stop resisting, let yourself be led away and be tortured while everyone laughs at you, and be killed and buried without a funeral, can you experience a glorious resurrection. I have 'transcended' a few times, found the ability to love those who I despised, but not without torture. For instance, I asked "Help me love X" and for the next week "X" really goes the extra mile to be the most irritating S.O.B. on the planet every single day until all I can do is stare wide eyed at him out of raw disdain as I tried like hell to be kind to him. And then... some days later it just all goes away. I see what is precious in him and in the coming months came to see him as the only real brother I had.
Perfect submission of the heart is counting yourself not worthy of being spared even a little pain, and taking it all patiently no matter how wickedly it hurts. Asking for mercy but saying "Not my will, but Yours be done"
Says me anyways
I have things in my life that I do not have complete submission of the heart in. Some things are just too personal, too much, too fast. Some people are just too exhausting and too unlovable.
I can obey... but not smile. I can smile, but not mean it. I can mean it, but not be happy about it.
My heart just doesn't want none. This is not necessarily a failure. Jesus had perfect submission on the way to the cross. And yet He did not want to go. He was in great distress and asked to be let off the hook. The submission was perfect because He went without complaint to do a thing that He did not want to do. If He wanted to do it, it wouldn't exactly be submission. The cross cannot actually be desired, and it is the cross we must take up.
For a good many women, plural marriage is nothing other than the cross. How can you want what you do not want? I don't think you can. "I want" is the function of the soul, which you must lose in order to find. You must kill it in order for it to live. You must give it up entirely.
Only after you stop resisting, let yourself be led away and be tortured while everyone laughs at you, and be killed and buried without a funeral, can you experience a glorious resurrection. I have 'transcended' a few times, found the ability to love those who I despised, but not without torture. For instance, I asked "Help me love X" and for the next week "X" really goes the extra mile to be the most irritating S.O.B. on the planet every single day until all I can do is stare wide eyed at him out of raw disdain as I tried like hell to be kind to him. And then... some days later it just all goes away. I see what is precious in him and in the coming months came to see him as the only real brother I had.
Perfect submission of the heart is counting yourself not worthy of being spared even a little pain, and taking it all patiently no matter how wickedly it hurts. Asking for mercy but saying "Not my will, but Yours be done"
Says me anyways
The same way you would submit in a monogamous marriage. Just do it...
Practically speaking submission sucks. It's hard to be submissive when your heart or mind doesn't want to. I often find my lack of wanting to submit is due to unclear expectations, a lack of trust or my own pride. What is the true issue behind not wanting to submit? Unfortunately it's not one and done, it's a continuing act of love. When I feel frustrated or have a hard time with a decision to submit I go to a truth. For me -His banner over me is love. I also know my husband's banner over me is love. His character has proven that to me. To stay under this banner I have to choose to let go of ideals, dreams and desires. It's HARD to stay there IF we don't begin to line our heart and thoughts with truth. Act on it, work on your heart and thought life, and do your best for today. When we see our actions(submission) please our husband it plants a little seed in our heart. I would like to say submission is a heart issue, but it's not. It's a decision. You have to decide. In the decision and action of submission, keep your heart soft. Don't become a hard hearted,bitter, submissive woman. Choose love by submission, just today...
Sometimes our hearts desires and actions of submission don't line up, but with consistent action and prayer about the situation things fall into place in there own time.
Practically speaking submission sucks. It's hard to be submissive when your heart or mind doesn't want to. I often find my lack of wanting to submit is due to unclear expectations, a lack of trust or my own pride. What is the true issue behind not wanting to submit? Unfortunately it's not one and done, it's a continuing act of love. When I feel frustrated or have a hard time with a decision to submit I go to a truth. For me -His banner over me is love. I also know my husband's banner over me is love. His character has proven that to me. To stay under this banner I have to choose to let go of ideals, dreams and desires. It's HARD to stay there IF we don't begin to line our heart and thoughts with truth. Act on it, work on your heart and thought life, and do your best for today. When we see our actions(submission) please our husband it plants a little seed in our heart. I would like to say submission is a heart issue, but it's not. It's a decision. You have to decide. In the decision and action of submission, keep your heart soft. Don't become a hard hearted,bitter, submissive woman. Choose love by submission, just today...
Sometimes our hearts desires and actions of submission don't line up, but with consistent action and prayer about the situation things fall into place in there own time.
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Boom. Right there.
Beautiful, red headed, and (in my totally unbiased opinion) wise! Still trying to figure out how I got so blessed! Like it a lot.
So often, we husbands feel like Jesus calling out to Peter during the storm to walk on water. That was an act of submission and faith...but it was his decision to do it. It's hard for a wife to just say, "yes my husband, even though I can't see the end from this beginning, I know God is dealing with you in your heart to accomplish visions he has given you....I will submit." So much of submission is a faith issue, really.
Thank you all for your input. I guess it's not so much the submission by action (I am following his lead in this and am putting one foot in front of the other daily) I moreso meant how do I get to the joy part in my heart about walking the path of plural. At times I'm hopeful, and other times, I'm just plain sad. Yes, I am still submitting but I guess at times I feel like I'm still struggling in my heart. Like above
hits it spot on. I don't want to be that!
Joy is a concept that I struggle with as well. I wish you the best!
Based on my experience at work, I was going to say through prayer, expressing deliberate gratitude.
Then I remembered Philippians 4:6-7 "by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving... the peace of God... will guard your hearts..."
Then I remembered Philippians 4:6-7 "by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving... the peace of God... will guard your hearts..."
Don't know if this will help anybody, but I think the goal is to become self-less. In other words, in both the domains of emotional satisfaction and self-righteousness, the goal is not to feel good or think highly—the goal is to not be concerned with how you feel or think at all.
The minute you start thinking about whether you're joyful enough, or righteous enough, or anything enough, you have already lost. To the extent you quit thinking about it at all, you find that your spirit is much lighter.
The minute you start thinking about whether you're joyful enough, or righteous enough, or anything enough, you have already lost. To the extent you quit thinking about it at all, you find that your spirit is much lighter.
Especially joy. No matter our state of affairs, we are to be content...not necessarily "joy"ful.
The lie of certain smiling televangelists and others is that we must be 100% happy and smiling all the time. Bull-oney. It's not a sin to get a little down now and then. Serving others and getting out of our own shadow is a prescription for a little more joy...less self/more others does wonders for the soul!
Elijah, Jonah, Job... All men of God who got a bit depressed at times.
There's also the question of perspective or focus:
Sometimes it's the reminder of why we're doing the things we're doing that keeps us going.
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Sometimes it's the reminder of why we're doing the things we're doing that keeps us going.
I guess that is an area that satan snags me.. I'm walking the mourning process and when I get down then he makes me feel bad for being down, that I'm not joyful in my submission. I guess it is ok to feel sadness at times, it is just what I do with it that matters.
Y'all are so encouraging.
Y'all are so encouraging.
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."
In an illustration rather less dramatic than enduring the cross, just consider a good workout at the gym. Is our focus on how tired we are, or how much our muscles are going to hurt tomorrow, or how sweaty we are or how ragged we look, or whatever, or is it on how much stronger we're going to be, or how much better we're going to look in a swimsuit, or on how much longer we're going to live, or whatever.
Or mowing the lawn, or studying for an exam, or dieting, or whatever. We either focus on the 'horrible' short term loss or self-denial or pain, or we focus on the benefit that comes from enduring the short-term sacrifice.
This is going to come across as a shameless plug, but I don't care. The truth is that one of the best reasons to attend a BF retreat is so you can be in a room full of supportive people and spend time with the ones who can say "yes, I remember what it was like to go through that, and I'm glad I persevered, because I'm better for it and it was worth it".
Final thought: Every mom can relate to the pain of childbirth and the joy of having a child. We go through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff. Keep your eyes on the good stuff.
David wept so much, he drowned his pillows! Some modern psychologists might even describe him as possibly having clinical depression (chronic bouts). Imagine his sorrows? Kids all screwed up, and always on the run. But even though he might pass through the valley of the shadow of death, he would fear no evil for his personal shepherd had a rod and a staff that would comfort him.
"Look to my coming, at first light, on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the East."
No, wait... wrong book. Never mind me.
This one is worth quoting it all Mojo so I'll expand your quote if you don't mind
Psalm 30:5b "...in the evening weeping stays the night, in the morning outburst of joy!"
and verse 12 I wanna add as a favorite "You turned my mourning to line dancing for me, you opened up my pathetic depression garb and you wrapped me up in happiness!"
I think it's hard for us men to empathize fully with what the early stages are like for ladies but I have seen a good feminine example I can share.
When my 2nd wife was struggling she often would redirect it all to our Father, she saw these painful times and the pain of submission at times as opportunity to expand spiritually. Whenever she felt the jealousy or other negative emotion related to our family relationship she redirected that as an offering to G-d to help her grow.
When she cried she turned it into prayer time... always. Her tears became her burnt offering and her sighs her thanksgiving to the L-rd. That's why I call her "esheyt chayil", woman of valor and now she has mostly overcome those difficulties...
She was amazing before but I have seen her spiritual growth; it's just tremendous. We are all growing but witnessing this transformation in her character has inspired me to try better and seeing how she is so submissive to me embarrasses me when I think on my own character that it really drives me to be better. That's the power submission has on a man.
The power of submission strengthens the man and empowers him to love his wives more. It's truly a beautiful thing and when my wives submit to me fully I feel all the stress of the world just melt away.
This may sound weird, but if you can try it; I think it will help. The next time you have a difficult submission or negative emotion to deal with, try thanking Abba Father for it. Thank Him for this wonderful opportunity to grow and demonstrate your love for G-d. It's easy to submit when it's something we wanna do anyway; it's only hard when we don't want to and that's the real goldmine of growth. Try saying "L-rd I'm so grateful you have given me this challenge to overcome for your Kingdom's sake. Fill me with your righteous joy that I have discovered such an opportunity like this." Then list off all the things in your life you are grateful for. Think of the beautiful daughter of G-d clothing He will wrap you with in Heaven.
May our Father fill you with strength to be the Proverbs woman of valor you are meant to be.