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Taking care of multiple babies per year in polygyny?

D

DiscussingTheTopic

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Male
If a man marries two or more women, and both wives are pregnant in the same year fairly often.

Are there special challenges to having two or more new children per year regularly?

Does the fact that there are two or more mothers two take care of them make it easier?
 
DiscussingTheTopic said:
If a man marries two or more women, and both wives are pregnant in the same year fairly often.

Are there special challenges to having two or more new children per year regularly?

Does the fact that there are two or more mothers two take care of them make it easier?
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I shouldn't think so, I think the fact that they are both going through the exact same stresses at the time can make things harder, rather than easier, pregnancy and the hormones that your body is under can make for a difficult home life for a time, even if you have very good pregnancies, however, two women having a bad pregnancy can mean that one person has to carry the burden of doing everything whilst these women cope with themselves and the baby they are carrying plus the addition stress of having to take care of the women as well. It seems like a pretty unfortunate situation from the pov of the husband of these two women. I know that Besties often have a cutsey fantasy of having babies at the same time, but they usually each have their own homes and their own husbands to have to put up with the bag of hormones that is a pregnant woman.

:D
 
To me, this is one of the most overwhelming realities of PM with 2 women in their childbearing years. In our case, SW already had 2 children from a previous marriage and we have our own 4 - our youngest being 9 months younger than her youngest. I always say, "There is a reason God made it so you can NOT have babies that close together." So, just having 2 toddlers that close has stressed me out and now, we are both expecting and will have the next two babies 6 months apart. So all together, that will be 8 children ages 8 down to newborn by the time my next is born.

So, to answer your questions specifically: The biggest challenge is the fact that you are having babies close together in a way God made it so one woman should NOT have them (unless having twins although I think that is different). There are challenges in sleeping arrangements b/c we have found babies 9 months apart cannot sleep in the same room b/c they keep each other up and wake each other up so it is very inconvenient (although all my children have been able to share rooms but being at least 19 months apart, has worked just fine). There are challenges with children so close together needing constant supervision whereas when I just have my own around, I can afford to walk away for a little bit and trust that my older ones will keep an eye on the youngest although with 2 small ones, you have to watch out for pushing, not sharing and just other undesirable behavior that at toddler stage needs constant correction to instill proper behavior. And often, the youngest one is learning undesirable behavior from the next youngest. In other words, it's just busier and more time consuming. And on the topic of sharing pregnancies: I am in my first trimester of pregnancy and SW is in her 3rd trimester. What does that mean? That means we are both totally exhausted and need way more sleep than we can get. I need a nap every day right now, but it's just not always possible with all the busyness of the 6 children that are here, homeschooling, daily life, etc.

In my opinion, having 2 mothers does not make it easier except for the fact that there is one to stay home so the other can go out and run errands without all the children although in monogamy, a mother could do that when a husband is home. That is one freedom I now have - not having to take all 4 of mine out for errands while hubby is at work. Instead, I go by myself or take 1 or 2. But overall, I am not stressed when at home with just my own 4 children that have been spaced apart properly. When one woman has children close together, eventually the older ones are able to help out. In this case, there are more younger children than older and it will be some years before the older ones can do much.

So, those are my honest feelings on the matter. And anyone reading this, feel free to pray for me because I am extremely overwhelmed with the thought of the future with all these small children. God has never given me a child until I was ready for another and my life is more stressful than ever now and I'm pregnant again. I am confused as to why God would bless me with a baby now, but I have to trust His timing is best even though it makes no sense in the natural whatsoever.
 
Which is more difficult

to be stuck at home taking care of babies while the husband is at work as a stay at home mom in monogamy

OR

to be able to leave the house while the husband is at work, because their is a second wife, but when it is your turn alone taking care of the children while your co-wife is going on errands their are twice as many children to take care of
 
DiscussingTheTopic said:
Which is more difficult

to be stuck at home taking care of babies while the husband is at work as a stay at home mom in monogamy

OR

to be able to leave the house while the husband is at work, because their is a second wife, but when it is your turn alone taking care of the children while your co-wife is going on errands their are twice as many children to take care of
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Well, I never looked at it as being "stuck at home taking care of babies" in monogamy. I love being home as a homeschooling housewife. In my ideal world, it wouldn't be a problem running errands while hubby spends quality time with children OR if you had family or trusted friends around, you would have help with your children. With all the other stressors/discomforts with PM, including more children to care for, I don't look at it as much of an advantage to have a co-wife around so I can run errands. I have chosen to try to count that blessing when I go to the gym a few times a week during naptime or whatever, but overall, does that blessing outweigh getting used to sharing a husband? Sleeping alone various nights? Accepting that hubby no longer only shares certain things with me? The challenges of having not only another woman in the home, but another personality which brings its own challenges?

I acknowledge that living PM causes a lot of death to flesh so that is not a bad thing when one desires to please God. But everything I share are all just feelings a first wife (or second for that matter) can experience as one made of dirt. As I have heard it said, plural marriage is not for the faint of heart and I'd have to agree. I have read all kinds of fluffy, romantic views of PM by those not living it and I think the topic at hand is a huge one that I haven't heard anyone talk about. I know of others on this forum who have older adult children, but perhaps we are the only family in the stage with all of the small children. Am I the only on here with the ability to speak from experience? I'd love to hear from others if there are any...it would be great to hear from someone who moved passed the initial growing pains and into the blessings from God.
 
seekHim1,

Thank you for sharing form your experience. It is nice to have reality checks like these because often for those that are not practicing polygyny things can look very cheery. Just like things look very gleeful for couples before they are wed and then realities set in. Being a husband I will pray for your husband because I think that it could get a little crazy having two wives pregnant at the same time, although that has a lot to do with his choices :), but I will pray nonetheless.

My wife and I have talked about the possibility of me having two wives pregnant at the same time. We decided that it would not be the best plan although we recognize the possibility of it happening, especially using only the timing method as schedules with two wives or more could be difficult to manage anyway. My wife and I would like to have three years between births ... for each wife because that is supposedly the healthiest amount time ... less value for more time waiting. (You can have kids much closer together then that and the kids will be fine, it just does wear on the woman's body especially if she is not getting all the right nutrients and rest that she needs.) That would be four wives max, with impeccable timing, to not end up with any of them pregnant at the same time. (Sorry I am an Engineer and numbers like that just jump out at me). Not sure that really had anything to do with this discussion.

Anyway moving on the difference about twins is that there is only one pregnant mother, not two or three. So there are not as many hormones being unbalanced. I must say though that my wife is not hormonally that bad while pregnant.
Many of the problems you run into with kids close together happen in monogamist families as well; four kids five years apart, 8 all under the age of nine, of course this would be much easier to do with multiple wives.

I come from a monogamous family of nine, the oldest is 36 and the youngest ... is 19 (Wow he is nineteen already.) I know that things became a lot easier for my mom when the older ones where old enough to be some sort of help. So the more you have in the beginning the more you will have to help you at the end. ;)

I know that right now it is great to have some of my wife's friends stop by from time to time (especially the ones that are not pregnant) because then my wife can talk to them about the baby, everybody wants to talk about the baby :) and they in no way feel like they could be competing for attention. All in all we have decided that it would best to make sure that each wife gets her own pregnancy time ... or at least most of it ... but that does not mean we will not have a few young ones closer than nine months apart ,but that is something people deal with multiples i.e. twins ... we so want twins and yes we know that often they are more then twice the work, though some people say other wise. Looking forward to posts from other people who actually have experience. :) Thanks again seekHim1.
 
For us, SW is preggy, and due in a few months. Hubby and I decided that since I finally have a handle on my fertility cycles (took 10 years and an online program to figure it out) that we will wait for me to get preggy again, so that she can have her time since this is her first. My next pregnancy will be my 9th officially, though I had two early miscarriages so we have 6 living children already.

I know that hubby doesn't want us both preggy at the same time because hormones can be a... beast. But, I look forward to helping SW with her baby, and I also look forward to having help with mine. After my 2nd was born, I no longer had the ability to lay down when I needed to or during nap time, and the ability to rest when I need to and have someone watching the children would be very nice. But I don't think it would be wise, at least in our house, to both be due near the same time. There's also the issue of hubby being able to be around for the birth, since he can't really take paternity leave for his 2nd wife.... that would raise a few eyebrows I think.

Overall, I think the wise thing to do would be to alternate as much as possible. If you've got control of your fertility, then you can time things appropriately. Another way is to exclusively breastfeed to space children, which I know doesn't work for everyone, but I have been blessed to have that ability to be infertile while nursing. It helps a lot :) Those are just my opinions though :)
 
redfox, that was a very good post about very balanced descisions
 
If I should not post this question I will delete it. If someone tells me to.

If too wives are married to the same man and both pregnant.

Can they breastfeed the baby that their husband made with his other wife just as comfortably as the baby that they gave birth to?
 
DiscussingTheTopic said:
If I should not post this question I will delete it. If someone tells me to.

If too wives are married to the same man and both pregnant.

Can they breastfeed the baby that their husband made with his other wife just as comfortably as the baby that they gave birth to?
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Yes of course you can, how else can you have had wet nurses throughout history? Breastfeeding is great, I would happily breastfeed other babies, especially babies I was helping to raise.

x
 
Yes, I think that would fall under the wetnurse category, and I believe in some cultures (mostly African or other tribal cultures) it's still acceptable for the women to share in feeding the children. Women who adopt can even make themselves lactate and feed the child they've adopted.

Personally, I wouldn't want to do it unless I had to. But that's me :)
 
Yes, it is possible but personally, I don't know if it's for me. Hubby talked about me nursing SW's baby when he/she arrives since I was still planning on nursing my youngest at that time, but once I got pregnant, my baby decided he didn't want to nurse anymore. :( Although since I am expecting again, my body will make some more milk anyway. The thing is though: your body creates milk for your specific baby, although I guess any breastmilk is better than none as far as wet nurses go. I guess I still have this divided view of the family too: my children vs. hers. Perhaps I'll get over it eventually.
 
I have been a stay at home mom in a monogomous marriage, and I am now in a home with a 9 year old, a 34 month old, 29 months, 8 months and 6 month old. Neither is easy! My sister wives were both pregnant at the same time, thankfully, I was not here yet!!! Two hormonal women trying to cope with pregnancy, raise a school age child, and care for a toddler was not a fun time for anyone. My husband now refuses to get more than one of us pregnant a year. Can't really say I blame him.

But, from my side, having sister wives here to help raise and care for the babies is a HUGE blessing!! My birth daughter is 34 months. I raised her on my own until she was 30 months. I had the help of my parents after my ex left, but before that, his trucking career left me home alone with a very colicky baby, then difficult toddler. I cannot imagine doing that alone again.
 
So, I've heard a few of you mention "planning" when it comes to not having more than one wife pregnant at a time, but what if you have a conviction about birth control? The only thing I am comfortable with is natural family planning and that isn't full-proof (well, no BC is for that matter). I have breastfed all my children for 14-18 months each (exclusively for the first 6-7 months), but I still got my cycle back with my last when he was only 4 months old. I just wonder if there are others who have a similar conviction so therefore, there is not much you can do to "control". Although, because I am so stinkin' worn out this pregnancy already, I'm feeling so weak in continuing to have more children although I always felt my womb should be the LORD's. I would never feel comfortable in having a surgery to stop having children, so the only other possiblity would be no sex - which goes against Paul's advice in the Bible. Any thoughts from others???
 
seekHim1 said:
So, I've heard a few of you mention "planning" when it comes to not having more than one wife pregnant at a time, but what if you have a conviction about birth control? The only thing I am comfortable with is natural family planning and that isn't full-proof (well, no BC is for that matter). I have breastfed all my children for 14-18 months each (exclusively for the first 6-7 months), but I still got my cycle back with my last when he was only 4 months old. I just wonder if there are others who have a similar conviction so therefore, there is not much you can do to "control". Although, because I am so stinkin' worn out this pregnancy already, I'm feeling so weak in continuing to have more children although I always felt my womb should be the LORD's. I would never feel comfortable in having a surgery to stop having children, so the only other possiblity would be no sex - which goes against Paul's advice in the Bible. Any thoughts from others???
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Perhaps, a better solution is not to avoid the pregnancy, but to figure out a way to make your body deal with the situation better.
 
I find this post an interesting contrast to the various "is it okay to use birth control" threads. For someone staring at the end of the childbirth years; I would love to have multiple babies per year arriving, but cannot imagine it happening in reality. My wonderful wife has provided many children but I wish we had more. So bring on the babies I say. The practicalities usually sort themselves out in the end. ylop.
 
ylop said:
I find this post an interesting contrast to the various "is it okay to use birth control" threads. For someone staring at the end of the childbirth years; I would love to have multiple babies per year arriving, but cannot imagine it happening in reality. My wonderful wife has provided many children but I wish we had more. So bring on the babies I say. The practicalities usually sort themselves out in the end. ylop.
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Don't you feel that is a bit selfish though? What if a sw of yours is totally exhausted and needs time for her body to recover (yes, we DO need that) and you want her to carry on because you want the babies?

I think I would prefer someone looking out for my welfare, not breeding me until I am dead!
 
Well yes I do agree with you, the wife and her health is priority one and babies secondary. It was more that I personally find the scenario of multiple wives having multiple babies so far away from my current situation that it is almost a fantasy. The odds of finding any additional wives in my culture are real low. But going back to the babies bit for a second, it is normal for human females to have babies, and most of the people on this forum are living in societies more materially prosperous than any other in history, better healthcare, nutrition, housing, the list goes on. Not making any friends here with these comments I know, but that is my perspective. ylop.
 
Isabella said:
Don't you feel that is a bit selfish though? What if a sw of yours is totally exhausted and needs time for her body to recover (yes, we DO need that) and you want her to carry on because you want the babies?

I think I would prefer someone looking out for my welfare, not breeding me until I am dead!
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I do not think it is wrong for men to want lots of children. However, that is just a starting point. From there each family needs to work out what is best for them after considering all factors.
 
ylop said:
Well yes I do agree with you, the wife and her health is priority one and babies secondary. It was more that I personally find the scenario of multiple wives having multiple babies so far away from my current situation that it is almost a fantasy. The odds of finding any additional wives in my culture are real low. But going back to the babies bit for a second, it is normal for human females to have babies, and most of the people on this forum are living in societies more materially prosperous than any other in history, better healthcare, nutrition, housing, the list goes on. Not making any friends here with these comments I know, but that is my perspective. ylop.
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No, no worries ylop, I understand, i love babies also. I was just worried about the health aspect. Pregnancy really does take its toll, I think women should have their babies when they feel ready and not any external factors, children really are a blessing, it would be horrible if they weren't going to get all the attention they need because their mother is just exhausted.

Bels
 
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