I don't think I joined this site even a month ago, and yet already we are easing comfortably into a Plural Family lifestyle. One month ago, Mr. Froggie was not even remotely open to the idea of plural marriage, and this morning he was remarking about how right it all feels. :shock: A transition such as this only happens by the Hand of God, to be sure. (awed emoticon)
This thread is to help those who are new to the idea of plural marriage, seeking plural marriage, and those just wanting to hear about the personal journey of another novice plural marriage family. I have started a couple of other threads regarding separate aspects of this journey, but as our family combines into one, the two threads are beginning to merge as well. So I've started a new one, with a more appropriate title. I hope everyone is okay with this, and that someone will find my experience helpful and inspiring.
Mr. Froggie and i have been in a monogamous marriage for 20 years-- our anniversary is in two months. We have two teenage sons together. I have been fascinated by the idea of plural marriage for some time, thinking it might be nice to have a sister wife-- the friendship and teamwork aspect of it really appealed to me-- but when I thought of "sharing" my husband sexually, I could not cope, and would immediately dismiss the very idea.
Only a few short weeks ago that all changed. All of a sudden I was okay with the idea of my husband being intimate with another woman, with making love to another woman whom he loved as deeply as I know he loves me. What caused the sudden change? The only Thing I can think of is the Hand of God. Prior to just a few short weeks ago, I can only guess my heart and my capacity to love was not quite big enough. But God is the Maker and Changer of Hearts. God has grown my heart and given me a capacity to love that I have never experienced before, a love I never even thought was possible, a love I certainly was never capable of prior to this point. And He has done the same for Mr. Froggie.
Our new partner in marriage and parenthood is a woman I have named "Ruth," after the woman who married Boaz and loved her mother in law so much. She met Mr. Froggie at work-- we all work at the same place, in the hospitality industry-- they developed a sincere friendship, in which they talked about all kinds of stuff. They both developed a sincere Christian love for each other, residing deeply in their hearts. They stifled any possibility of physical attraction, as they both knew that Mr. Froggie was not available to any other kind of relationship other than friendship. But Ruth is a "giver." That is, she has the true Gift of Giving, and a huge heart with a lot of love for others. When Ruth heard we were struggling a bit financially (my hours were reduced when the tourist season declined), she offered to pay me to watch her children for her on my evenings off, since she works the night shift. She does earn a higher income than Mr. Froggie and I do, based upon her position, and the tips she receives. However, as a single parent of FIVE children, her resources are also limited, bless her heart. So I began watching Ruth's children and fell in love with them. Ruth's appreciation for what I was doing for her is huge. She told Mr. Froggie that she truly loved us, and would do anything to keep us in town, even if it meant paying our electricity bill. :shock: We were both dumbfounded: what had we done to make this woman love us so much? She was the one doing all the blessing and giving and loving in this friendship, and as far as we could see, we had done nothing to warrant it. We began searching our hearts to fathom this kind of love, so we could return it.
When Mr. Froggie began telling me how much he truly loved Ruth in his heart, after getting to know her over the past several months, I realized I had some growing to do. Then a little seed started to form in my heart. :idea: I had fallen in love with Ruth's children. I could see they needed more parents in their lives: a dad for sure, and another mom wouldn't hurt either.
I broached the idea of plural marriage to Mr. Froggie. At first, he would not even consider the idea. "No way," he said, "I can barely handle one wife, I certainly don't need two!" I waited a couple of days and broached it again. Same response. I kept at it for several days until one day, Mr. Froggie began telling me how much he loved Ruth, and how she is his best friend other than me, even a closer friend than the two guy friends he works with! We talked about this for two hours; the first time Mr. Froggie would even discuss the idea, much less consider it. But he still shook his head and thought I was crazy. However, he agreed that we needed to put more effort into helping Ruth and finding ways to return her love, and bless her as much as she had blessed us.
Then Thanksgiving Day came. We had plans to combine with Ruth's family for dinner. She also had invited a couple of other people who had no one to spend the day with, and sent plates out to some neighbors who were housebound. (See how special she is?) I knew she would be under plenty of stress, as she was really going all-out for this dinner. I decided to go and get her children out from under foot by taking them with me when I walked my two dogs. Ruth was showing the two middle girls (ages 9 and 10) how to do dinner, so I took the "babies" (boy and girl, ages 5 and 6). After our walk, I took the "babies" over to my house, where Mr. Froggie was roasting a turkey for Ruth, and preparing some other dishes we would be sharing. To keep the children entertained, he involved them in the kitchen "helping" him with things like basting the turkey and measuring ingredients. (He was so cute with them, too)
It was Thanksgiving Day when Mr. Froggie fell in love with Ruth's children. The babies especially had just wrapped themselves around his heart, and he found himself wanting to be their new daddy. At dinner he met the rest of the girls, and was charmed. He was willing to be a dad to them as well.
A couple of days later we were talking about Ruth and dinner, and her children, and just basking again in the wonderfulness of it. I brought up again the idea of plural marriage, and this time Mr. Froggie did not shake his head and dismiss the idea. Instead he was shaking his head because he was actually considering it, and finding himself agreeing with the idea! :lol:
So when he went to work, he set up a "date" with Ruth, for the three of us to go out together on a morning we all had off, and the children would be in school. It was awesome. We had such a great time, and Ruth was wondering why she never did anything like that before-- meaning go out with adults while the kids were in school! :shock: It was in the ladies room I brought up the idea of plural marriage to Ruth (on the advisement of the good folks on this forum). She was open to the idea, and not opposed, though she thought I was nuts, going through some sort of "mid-life crisis" or empty nest syndrome or some such thing. She was sure I would abandon the idea in a day or two, that I wasn't serious.
As days went by, I talked to Ruth more about the idea I had brought up, and managed to assure her I was serious. She started to believe me, but a big part of her held an understandable fear that I would change my mind after she allowed herself to become emotionally invested, and she and her children would be heartbroken. I visited her and talked to her every day after my work, and before hers. As the days went by, Ruth decided to take a leap of faith (literally!) and allow us to "court" her with our serious intentions. She allowed herself to experience the romantic feelings for Mr. Froggie that she had been suppressing. And he for her. And I began to fall even more in love with my husband, at realizing his own capacity to expand his heart and love an entire second family!
Okay, so Thanksgiving Day was November 24th. December 7th Mr. Froggie and Ruth had a private "date" together while I was at work, during which they snuggled on the couch and watched a movie together. They had a "very nice" day, in which they became "very close." This was also our son's birthday. We had plans to meet at a pizza parlour for a huge family dinner. And it was wonderful, and we were one family, and it was clear that Ruth had finally committed to this relationship. She was in love, and so were Mr. Froggie and I.
December 8th we went back into town for grocery shopping and errands. We ended up buying rings, to signify our commitment to each other. Mr. Froggie and Ruth were officially engaged. :mrgreen: December 9th Ruth sat her children down and explained as simply as she could that we were combining our families into one big family. The children would now have a daddy and two moms. They had the choice to call us "Mom and Dad" or by our first names. The children were excited, and started calling us "Mom and Dad" right away. (Even the teen daughter is calling us "Mom and Dad" half the time!)
So now we get to the "good stuff!" :mrgreen: Since Mr. Froggie and Ruth both work the night shift, and I work days, they are able to spend some quality time together in the mornings after work/after the kids go to school, before going to their beds and getting their day's sleep. Almost every evening after I get off work, I go to Ruth's to get some "girl time," just visiting with her. Then if she has to work that night, I take over childcare. Once the children are asleep, and the teen daughter has met her curfew, I get to go home to connect with Mr. Froggie while he is waking up and getting ready for work (this was Ruth's idea, as I had been staying the night with her children, and missing time with Mr. Froggie).
Ruth and I each get a whole day with Mr. Froggie all to ourselves, twice a week, as it fits in with our work schedules and childcare arrangements. And we now have plans to have dinner together as one family two nights a week as well, again centered around work schedules, which helps to determine who cooks. Actually, tonight will be our third dinner together this week! :mrgreen:
Yesterday was Mr. Froggie's and Ruth's days off. I had to work, so they had a "date" in the morning. They went up to a local bar to shoot some pool, as that is something they have in common and like to do together (I don't play pool). I did not expect to see Mr. Froggie at all yesterday, as he usually sleeps late on his nights off, past my own bedtime. Ruth also called me yesterday asking if the boys and I wanted to come over after she go home from shopping, and play Monopoly or something. Then Mr. Froggie surprised me by waking up early. Ruth was equally surprised when I brought Mr. Froggie over! Bummer, the teenagers all abandoned us, and the little ones were all asleep. But when teen daughter met her curfew, we all three went back over to "my" house to snuggle on the couch together and watch a couple of movies. It was so awesome! Mr. Froggie sat in the middle, and he had his "two best girls" both loving on him from either side. He thought that was just a dream come true, lol. :lol: Neither Ruth nor I could make it through the second movie, though. We both fell asleep, so I went to my bed and she went home (after Mr. Froggie woke us up, of course.) Mr. Froggie stayed up all night, as is his custom, and this morning was my own special time with him, which was absolutely wonderful, of course. He is napping now, and wants me to wake him early so he can start cooking. (see next paragraph)
Tonight we are going to the children's school Christmas concert together, so we are having dinner early. Mr. Froggie and Ruth are doing the cooking, and have a special meal planned. Ruth also said she might go with me to walk the dogs today, so we can have our "girl time" then. And this is a great way for Ruth to start getting some exercise into her life, and feel better about herself. Sunday evening we are all going to the children's Christmas play at the church, so yet again some more family time.
Ruth and Mr. Froggie have set their date to consummate their commitment to each other with a weekend getaway on January 4th. This date is significant because My wedding anniversary is February 14. Their date is 1/4--- so it will be easy to remember. There is a slight possibility that date won't be good, however (women's cycles and all), so in that case the date will be pushed back to January 11: 1/11/12-- for every five years, Mr. Froggie had just one wife, then all of a sudden he has two. :lol:
Last night I happened to use the term "marriage" in front of my younger son, who is actually pretty cool with this whole thing (he has started calling Ruth "New Mom"). He said, "I would rather we not have any ties to polygamy." So I amended my term to "covenant-promise." He nodded his head and said, "That's better." :lol:
So that's our journey so far. I will continue to share our experiences, both the good and the difficult, as this new God-led adventure progresses.
This thread is to help those who are new to the idea of plural marriage, seeking plural marriage, and those just wanting to hear about the personal journey of another novice plural marriage family. I have started a couple of other threads regarding separate aspects of this journey, but as our family combines into one, the two threads are beginning to merge as well. So I've started a new one, with a more appropriate title. I hope everyone is okay with this, and that someone will find my experience helpful and inspiring.
Mr. Froggie and i have been in a monogamous marriage for 20 years-- our anniversary is in two months. We have two teenage sons together. I have been fascinated by the idea of plural marriage for some time, thinking it might be nice to have a sister wife-- the friendship and teamwork aspect of it really appealed to me-- but when I thought of "sharing" my husband sexually, I could not cope, and would immediately dismiss the very idea.
Only a few short weeks ago that all changed. All of a sudden I was okay with the idea of my husband being intimate with another woman, with making love to another woman whom he loved as deeply as I know he loves me. What caused the sudden change? The only Thing I can think of is the Hand of God. Prior to just a few short weeks ago, I can only guess my heart and my capacity to love was not quite big enough. But God is the Maker and Changer of Hearts. God has grown my heart and given me a capacity to love that I have never experienced before, a love I never even thought was possible, a love I certainly was never capable of prior to this point. And He has done the same for Mr. Froggie.
Our new partner in marriage and parenthood is a woman I have named "Ruth," after the woman who married Boaz and loved her mother in law so much. She met Mr. Froggie at work-- we all work at the same place, in the hospitality industry-- they developed a sincere friendship, in which they talked about all kinds of stuff. They both developed a sincere Christian love for each other, residing deeply in their hearts. They stifled any possibility of physical attraction, as they both knew that Mr. Froggie was not available to any other kind of relationship other than friendship. But Ruth is a "giver." That is, she has the true Gift of Giving, and a huge heart with a lot of love for others. When Ruth heard we were struggling a bit financially (my hours were reduced when the tourist season declined), she offered to pay me to watch her children for her on my evenings off, since she works the night shift. She does earn a higher income than Mr. Froggie and I do, based upon her position, and the tips she receives. However, as a single parent of FIVE children, her resources are also limited, bless her heart. So I began watching Ruth's children and fell in love with them. Ruth's appreciation for what I was doing for her is huge. She told Mr. Froggie that she truly loved us, and would do anything to keep us in town, even if it meant paying our electricity bill. :shock: We were both dumbfounded: what had we done to make this woman love us so much? She was the one doing all the blessing and giving and loving in this friendship, and as far as we could see, we had done nothing to warrant it. We began searching our hearts to fathom this kind of love, so we could return it.
When Mr. Froggie began telling me how much he truly loved Ruth in his heart, after getting to know her over the past several months, I realized I had some growing to do. Then a little seed started to form in my heart. :idea: I had fallen in love with Ruth's children. I could see they needed more parents in their lives: a dad for sure, and another mom wouldn't hurt either.
I broached the idea of plural marriage to Mr. Froggie. At first, he would not even consider the idea. "No way," he said, "I can barely handle one wife, I certainly don't need two!" I waited a couple of days and broached it again. Same response. I kept at it for several days until one day, Mr. Froggie began telling me how much he loved Ruth, and how she is his best friend other than me, even a closer friend than the two guy friends he works with! We talked about this for two hours; the first time Mr. Froggie would even discuss the idea, much less consider it. But he still shook his head and thought I was crazy. However, he agreed that we needed to put more effort into helping Ruth and finding ways to return her love, and bless her as much as she had blessed us. Then Thanksgiving Day came. We had plans to combine with Ruth's family for dinner. She also had invited a couple of other people who had no one to spend the day with, and sent plates out to some neighbors who were housebound. (See how special she is?) I knew she would be under plenty of stress, as she was really going all-out for this dinner. I decided to go and get her children out from under foot by taking them with me when I walked my two dogs. Ruth was showing the two middle girls (ages 9 and 10) how to do dinner, so I took the "babies" (boy and girl, ages 5 and 6). After our walk, I took the "babies" over to my house, where Mr. Froggie was roasting a turkey for Ruth, and preparing some other dishes we would be sharing. To keep the children entertained, he involved them in the kitchen "helping" him with things like basting the turkey and measuring ingredients. (He was so cute with them, too)
It was Thanksgiving Day when Mr. Froggie fell in love with Ruth's children. The babies especially had just wrapped themselves around his heart, and he found himself wanting to be their new daddy. At dinner he met the rest of the girls, and was charmed. He was willing to be a dad to them as well.
A couple of days later we were talking about Ruth and dinner, and her children, and just basking again in the wonderfulness of it. I brought up again the idea of plural marriage, and this time Mr. Froggie did not shake his head and dismiss the idea. Instead he was shaking his head because he was actually considering it, and finding himself agreeing with the idea! :lol:
So when he went to work, he set up a "date" with Ruth, for the three of us to go out together on a morning we all had off, and the children would be in school. It was awesome. We had such a great time, and Ruth was wondering why she never did anything like that before-- meaning go out with adults while the kids were in school! :shock: It was in the ladies room I brought up the idea of plural marriage to Ruth (on the advisement of the good folks on this forum). She was open to the idea, and not opposed, though she thought I was nuts, going through some sort of "mid-life crisis" or empty nest syndrome or some such thing. She was sure I would abandon the idea in a day or two, that I wasn't serious.
As days went by, I talked to Ruth more about the idea I had brought up, and managed to assure her I was serious. She started to believe me, but a big part of her held an understandable fear that I would change my mind after she allowed herself to become emotionally invested, and she and her children would be heartbroken. I visited her and talked to her every day after my work, and before hers. As the days went by, Ruth decided to take a leap of faith (literally!) and allow us to "court" her with our serious intentions. She allowed herself to experience the romantic feelings for Mr. Froggie that she had been suppressing. And he for her. And I began to fall even more in love with my husband, at realizing his own capacity to expand his heart and love an entire second family!
Okay, so Thanksgiving Day was November 24th. December 7th Mr. Froggie and Ruth had a private "date" together while I was at work, during which they snuggled on the couch and watched a movie together. They had a "very nice" day, in which they became "very close." This was also our son's birthday. We had plans to meet at a pizza parlour for a huge family dinner. And it was wonderful, and we were one family, and it was clear that Ruth had finally committed to this relationship. She was in love, and so were Mr. Froggie and I.
December 8th we went back into town for grocery shopping and errands. We ended up buying rings, to signify our commitment to each other. Mr. Froggie and Ruth were officially engaged. :mrgreen: December 9th Ruth sat her children down and explained as simply as she could that we were combining our families into one big family. The children would now have a daddy and two moms. They had the choice to call us "Mom and Dad" or by our first names. The children were excited, and started calling us "Mom and Dad" right away. (Even the teen daughter is calling us "Mom and Dad" half the time!)
So now we get to the "good stuff!" :mrgreen: Since Mr. Froggie and Ruth both work the night shift, and I work days, they are able to spend some quality time together in the mornings after work/after the kids go to school, before going to their beds and getting their day's sleep. Almost every evening after I get off work, I go to Ruth's to get some "girl time," just visiting with her. Then if she has to work that night, I take over childcare. Once the children are asleep, and the teen daughter has met her curfew, I get to go home to connect with Mr. Froggie while he is waking up and getting ready for work (this was Ruth's idea, as I had been staying the night with her children, and missing time with Mr. Froggie).
Ruth and I each get a whole day with Mr. Froggie all to ourselves, twice a week, as it fits in with our work schedules and childcare arrangements. And we now have plans to have dinner together as one family two nights a week as well, again centered around work schedules, which helps to determine who cooks. Actually, tonight will be our third dinner together this week! :mrgreen:
Yesterday was Mr. Froggie's and Ruth's days off. I had to work, so they had a "date" in the morning. They went up to a local bar to shoot some pool, as that is something they have in common and like to do together (I don't play pool). I did not expect to see Mr. Froggie at all yesterday, as he usually sleeps late on his nights off, past my own bedtime. Ruth also called me yesterday asking if the boys and I wanted to come over after she go home from shopping, and play Monopoly or something. Then Mr. Froggie surprised me by waking up early. Ruth was equally surprised when I brought Mr. Froggie over!
Bummer, the teenagers all abandoned us, and the little ones were all asleep. But when teen daughter met her curfew, we all three went back over to "my" house to snuggle on the couch together and watch a couple of movies. It was so awesome! Mr. Froggie sat in the middle, and he had his "two best girls" both loving on him from either side. He thought that was just a dream come true, lol. :lol: Neither Ruth nor I could make it through the second movie, though. We both fell asleep, so I went to my bed and she went home (after Mr. Froggie woke us up, of course.) Mr. Froggie stayed up all night, as is his custom, and this morning was my own special time with him, which was absolutely wonderful, of course. He is napping now, and wants me to wake him early so he can start cooking. (see next paragraph)Tonight we are going to the children's school Christmas concert together, so we are having dinner early. Mr. Froggie and Ruth are doing the cooking, and have a special meal planned. Ruth also said she might go with me to walk the dogs today, so we can have our "girl time" then. And this is a great way for Ruth to start getting some exercise into her life, and feel better about herself.
Sunday evening we are all going to the children's Christmas play at the church, so yet again some more family time. Ruth and Mr. Froggie have set their date to consummate their commitment to each other with a weekend getaway on January 4th. This date is significant because My wedding anniversary is February 14. Their date is 1/4--- so it will be easy to remember.
There is a slight possibility that date won't be good, however (women's cycles and all), so in that case the date will be pushed back to January 11: 1/11/12-- for every five years, Mr. Froggie had just one wife, then all of a sudden he has two. :lol: Last night I happened to use the term "marriage" in front of my younger son, who is actually pretty cool with this whole thing (he has started calling Ruth "New Mom"). He said, "I would rather we not have any ties to polygamy." So I amended my term to "covenant-promise." He nodded his head and said, "That's better." :lol:
So that's our journey so far. I will continue to share our experiences, both the good and the difficult, as this new God-led adventure progresses.
