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The modern woman's search

Joleneakamama

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Female
I was going to follow this change in topic from this thread, but decided the topic might warrant a new thread.

Then, you take a woman and ask her to marry a man who already has a wife???

But would she buy a car nobody else drives?

To use your analogy about cars, most women have been taught that to even think of driving someone else's car would be to break the commandment of stealing, even if the owner allows it. The most typical answer I've received from other pastors and laymen is that polygyny is breaking the commandment of adultery, and adulterers have no place in heaven...no joke!

It is obvious, once one understands biblical marriage, that the modern search parameters women are using, are radically different from what a woman in biblical times would have had.

I have at times over the years read craigslist personals, and even posted a few times. (It's cheap entertainment folks) I remember one Christian woman's post was titled "Looking for my Boaz," and I remember thinkin' "Lady, you will never find a single Boaz!" LOL:rolleyes:

I realized too there is another way to take this thread title......even if I do deny searching...... .....um anymore. :rolleyes: :D;)

Here is a post I wrote years ago that attempts to point out the insanity that is modern dating (non)morality.

Sane or insane, which are you?

They say that the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing you've always done, and expecting a different result. I think there are a lot of insane women out there, who keep sorting through the losers and players over and over again, hoping they'll find one who is different.

Proof of the insanity is that most of them are looking for a wonderful, ready to commit, family minded man, who is still single, and is OVER every other relationship he has had. The kind of man any woman would be proud to have by her side, but who no other woman has snatched up yet. LOL Yeah right!

Honestly, the family minded men who know what commitment means, are still with, and are committed to, the first woman they loved. And the kind that get over someone they love, will get over you too someday.

Maybe God knew what He was doing when He let women marry the best men out there, even if they already had a wife or two. A leopard can't change his spots, and many of the men still "available," are for obvious reasons, and will likely not change no matter how much you kid yourself about how much he loves you, and what a great catch you are.

The bad news is we are about four million men short in this country alone, and that is not counting all the gay men, or men who want to do the "fun thing" but not the
"family thing."

The good news is there are women out there (like me) who are married to one of the good ones, who are very willing to share him with a co-wife and be a supportive best friend to the lady.
You don't have to sort through the leftovers. God provided enough good and godly men.....we just need to share.

If you are willing to give up the insanity reply to my post.

Please put "I'm sane" in the subject line.

Good luck in your search. We're only four million men short. You might find a keeper in the men still available.

Here is another of my old posts titled ...
Anyone for country life?
If a good old fashioned country guy is what you are looking for, if you want an old fashioned life raising children and livestock and a garden in the summer time, if you prefer horseback riding or hiking in God's country to a day at the mall, then here is the critical question.

Can you be objective about something that perhaps goes against the way you were raised, programed and conditioned to think??????

No one wants to admit they have been more or less programed, but how else do you explain the insanity of women choosing an available loser over a man that time has proven is a good and loving husband and father, who has a wife that would LOVE a co wife to share in all the ups and downs of raising a family?

You would never choose a contractor with a lousy record to build your house, someone that has walked off of jobs when he got in over his head, why settle for that kind of man when you are talking about building a future life?

The advantages are many, but not often thought of by the single ladies looking for someone.
If you are willing to consider a different kind of happily ever after put something in your reply that shows you read the whole post.


Please be aware, I am a straight, happily married wife who is seeking a friend in a co-wife.
If you have questions, please feel free to ask. If this is not your thing I wish you well in your search.

Thanks for reading.

One more because copy and paste is so easy! Lol

What if?

You could have the kind of man you always wanted and hoped to meet, and more then you expected too. I mean what if you could have a capable country guy, who is family oriented and loved kids, the kind who is honest, dependable, God fearing and clean living.... AND another best friend to help you with the domestic side of life who would always have your back?
What is a great roll model for your sons worth? Do you want the kind of man by your side that you will be able to look at in ten years and still feel like you are the luckiest gal around to belong with him? Would you appreciate the kind of man who likes to talk with you about anything and everything? The kind who values your opinions and wants your input?
I know just such a man, as he has been my best friend and hero for a number of years. I also know myself and am convinced that I am not the jealous sort, and would appreciate another best friend for life in a co-wife.
I am capable, have a wide variety of interests, and am good at most of what I do. I have been told I would be a tough act to follow. I am also understanding, and non judgmental, very apt to make allowances for someone. I like to teach too, so if you have an interest in something I can help you with, I am more then willing.

I see many women willing to date a man who has children, why not a man with children who's mother is still in the picture, and who models, with their father, a healthy relationship for those children? Do you like to see two people who care about each other walking hand in hand? It always puts a smile on my face, why not make that a regular part of your life?

We both like to learn, and can think outside the box. We like the outdoors and being self reliant. Very family oriented, we like the time we can spend together with our children.

What I'm proposing is an uncommon life in this modern world. Most women are not thinking straight and think that a man who is over every other love he has had is a better bet, or perhaps the man who has managed to play the field and have multiple relationships without ending up with any 'baggage' is preferred?

If you are willing to be friends with a woman who has an old fashioned idea of what family could be, or would like to meet my wonderful husband, reply to my post.
Please, to ensure a reply, change the subject line to something that shows you read the whole thing.

And good luck in your search. We're only four million men short in this country. Maybe you'll find a wonderful, family minded, ready to commit SINGLE guy, who will do right by you. One can always hope....but it might not be wise to bet your life on it.

Please understand. I am a happily married, straight wife, who is seeking a friend in a co-wife.

Yes, real people would reply, and some of them were friendly, and even encouraged me with their simple non judgmental acceptance of who I am. Never met any in person, and definately haven't bothered with posts like this in years. But once upon a time, I did.
The most hilarious thing that happened back then, was a woman my husband had already met in real life, who even seemed interested in him!!. ... replying to yet another post I wrote. She was a high school English teacher, who missed what she wasn't looking for, that the post was written by a wife looking for a co-wife. She never responded, and I doubt she knew who we were. Kinda funny huh?
 
Wow Jolene! We agree again! That is awesome stuff.

Are you sure we agree mojo? I mean, I would never have called what I wrote awesome. :p
Great post!!

Thanks muchly you two, for the kind words. It's nice to think my outdated old posts are still good for something.:)
 
Loved this post,highlights brilliantly why breaking from the norm and indeed thinking outside the societal box we've been forced into for so long,could actually be what will save and restore family the way that God intended.
 
@Joleneakamama - Thank you for sharing. You have hit on what I think is a very important point that somehow doesn't get talked about enough. We live in a world where women don't think there are any "good men" out there who aren't already taken. As you stated, we are short men compared to women, but for a women who is a follower of Christ it gets worse than what you've expressed here. According to Barna Research, there is a 22% gap in churched men vs. women - that's about 13 million people! In some non-American churches the ratio is 9:1. YIKES!

God expected the Israelites not to intermarry with the heathen nations who were not following Him, but yet today we easily hand our daughters over to heathen men who aren't following God. Though it's not as applicable to this thread, it's just as bad that we our men are marrying "foreign" woman and letting their hearts be led astray. Though we aren't doing a good job of insisting that our children marry within the body of Christ, we would fail miserably at this if we did insist that this occur monogamously. Why? Our young ladies would go unmarried and (without the intervention from God) the church would die out through attrition as our Christian young women die as old maids without ever knowing a man.

Think how much better it would be if we encouraged our daughters to look within the church to find the best example of a husband they could find and make themselves known to him. Is he married? I think those would indeed be the most sought after in this scenario because they are proven in their ability to be godly heads. Would single men who are followers of Christ be able to find wives too? Of course, but frankly, I think they would be less sought after in these scenarios, at least from the parents' perspective, because they are a less safe gamble for their daughter.

Related to this, I have heard it said that the command to populate the earth is no longer applicable and even discouraged due to perceived over population. Really? Did God ever encourage the Israelites to quit making babies? I don't remember seeing this in the Bible. In fact, it seems to me that it was seen as a blessing to be fertile. If Christians today were a nation, we would be in dire straights due to population growth, a critical factor in the success of a nation. Now, to be clear, I don't believe the church only grows through births, but the it sure doesn't hurt to have robust Christian families. If our churches encouraged such things proven men within the church would become a hot commodity as the women sought men who could provide godly headship and provision.
 
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@Joleneakamama - Thank you for sharing. You have hit on what I think is a very important point that somehow doesn't get talked about enough. We live in a world where women don't think there are any "good men" out there who aren't already taken. As you stated, we are short men compared to women, but for a women who is a follower of Christ it gets worse than what you've expressed here. According to Barna Research, there is a 22% gap in churched men vs. women - that's about 13 million people! In some non-American churches the ratio is 9:1. YIKES!

God expected the Israelites not to intermarry with the heathen nations who were not following Him, but yet today we easily hand our daughters over to heathen men who aren't following God. Though it's not as applicable to this thread, it's just as bad that we our men are marrying "foreign" woman and letting their hearts be led astray. Though we aren't doing a good job of insisting that our children marry within the body of Christ, we would fail miserably at this if we did insist that this occur monogamously. Why? Our young ladies would go unmarried and (without the intervention from God) the church would die out through attrition as our Christian young women died as old maids without ever knowing a man.

Think how much better it would be if we encouraged our daughters to look within the church to find the best example of a husband they could find and make themselves known to him. Is he married? I think those would indeed be the most sought after in this scenario because they are proven in their ability to be godly heads. Would single men who are followers of Christ be able to find wives too? Of course, but frankly, I think they would be less sought after in these scenarios, at least from the parents' perspective, because they are a less safe gamble for their daughter.

Related to this, I have heard it said that the command to populate the earth is no longer applicable and even discouraged due to perceived over population. Really? Did God ever encourage the Israelites to quit making babies? I don't remember seeing this in the Bible. In fact, it seems to me that it was seen as a blessing to be fertile. If Christians today were a nation, we would be in dire straights due to population growth, a critical factor in the success of a nation. Now, to be clear, I don't believe the church only grows through births, but the it sure doesn't hurt to have robust Christian families. If our churches encouraged such things proven men within the church would become a hot commodity as the women sought men who could provide godly headship and provision.

Oh snap! ..... @aineo drops the mic! Bravo!
 
Loved this post,highlights brilliantly why breaking from the norm and indeed thinking outside the societal box we've been forced into for so long,could actually be what will save and restore family the way that God intended.
It has long bothered me that so many people, including ministers, and grandmothers, just parrot that old phrase "There is someone out there for everyone." I would not accuse such people of lying, but the statistics certainly tell a different story! My sis in law takes the faulty position that her prayers being answered, and God providing a believing husband for her, means He would do that for any other woman. But I look at the gender ratios, and hear so many stories of men who failed to be moral, or providers (sad stories about women too, but that's another discussion) and I feel like asking the "someone's out there" crowd what THEY think God was thinking when he made so many "extra" women?

My other frustration is people limiting their search to their particular denomination. My hubby's dad told him "Whatever you do, don't marry a mormon!" I was attending a Christian church when we met, but I was more Mormon then not. I'm glad I didn't put him being a mormon on my list of qualifiers, and I'm glad he was willing to go against his dad's advice!
I have a wonderful cousin who is over 30 and unmarried. I had an aunt die in her 50's a virgin who never had a family, and another friend from my childhood die at 42, unmarried (virgin) with no children. They did have health challenges, but I think they just didn't want to keep living lonely, and their nieces and nephews, loved as they are, are no substitute for having their own children.
If it was "Not good" for the man to be alone, I think it is worse for the women, who were created to help a man, to be alone!
According to Barna Research, there is a 22% gap in churched men vs. women - that's about 13 million people! In some non-American churches the ratio is 9:1. YIKES!
Bob Halstrom shared that the ratio of men to women in churches goes from a few extra at prime early marrying age (18-25?) To as many as four women for every man in the 60+ age group.
I got the four million from his polygamy study, and as I remember It was four million marrying age women (don't remember how he defined that) that men don't exist for, if we all paired up monogomously, in the United States alone.

This is why modern dating and marriage is a bit like playing musical chairs with the "available" men who are willing to marry.
Polygyny is the only option that makes marriage possible for all of the Christian women.
 
Great points, but I'll admit that when I see ratios of "men to women in churches" I cringe a bit...

I came out of what I refer to (having been raised in Presbyterian, United Methodist, etc) - as pagan catholic-lite 'churches' and rejected for many years. Lots of reasons; I didn't know about the 501c(3) "another master" back then, or how YHVH was His real Name, and it was removed, or that His moedim (appointed times/feasts) were repeatedly commanded to be kept "forever," but the same men who decreed "there can be only ONE [wife]" (less for gay priests) had gotten rid of His real Holy Days 17 centuries ago, etc.

One of my repeated one-line summaries of the "Sermon on the Mount" for years has been that "you have heard it said, but I tell you," says the Messiah, is a polite way of pointing out that the Torah Made Flesh was again calling such men hypocrites. Repeatedly, 'the church' seems to want to tell people what God SHOULD have Written, if He was only as smart as they pretend to be.

So, yeah, I'm more "hard core". I believe we are now in times where we MUST learn to walk in obedience to His Word, as Written. The alternative, says Rev. 18:4 (and MANY other places, from Lev. 26 and Deut. 28-30, to almost all of the prophets) is exile (where we are now) to "plagues". To "come out" is the remedy, and I believe it precedes the 'Greater Exodus' still to come. Polygyny will not be a successful option for those not willing to 'come out of' a whole BUNCHA things in 'the world.'

I know from experience, personal and ministry, that people can change, can "wake up," can "come out of her," and make t'shuvah ("return" - to Him). But unless both a woman and her potential covering are willing to submit themselves to His Word, as Written, and what it REALLY says, as opposed to what they've heard, it's gonna be a tough trip. (And that I know from experience, too... ;) )
 
Instead of lowering standards for what passes as a potential mate,we can go for the gold by simply broadening our views.Simply put,but sensible and logical.It takes a village to raise a child they say-or perhaps in this case a sw or two lol-the modern family stereo type clearly isnt working and it is failing our children.The numbers of single women in the US without a husband are staggering.Some may be called to singlehood,but that still leaves an awful lot of ladies out there who will end up as old spinsters living with a cat(not that I mind cats per se: ))
 
Great points, but I'll admit that when I see ratios of "men to women in churches" I cringe a bit...

I don't disagree @Mark C, but it's probably the best measure to demonstrate the differences in churched (whether traditional, house churches, or otherwise) people. It might be inaccurate for unreported churches, but the circumstantial evidence I see in my day-to-day world indicates it might be worse.
 
Repeatedly, 'the church' seems to want to tell people what God SHOULD have Written, if He was only as smart as they pretend to be.

I think of the verses in 2 Thes.2 where a son of perdition is described who "Opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or is worshipped; so the he as God sitteth in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God.

To me this describes most of what is called our government, and of course government churches do nothing to help.
We agree that the solution is to come out, and separate from all the evil that they do, at least change your heart and mind, if you are unable to completely separate from the Babylonian captivity we are in.

There is comfort for believers in recognizing that the end time prophesies and deliverance of Israel applies to Israelite Christians, that are, to a large extent, unaware of who they are.
Micah 4 echoes Isaiah, and to me describes the United States, including the religious diversity that is here (v4) Of course it has not all been fulfilled, but when Jesus in the synagogue told them,(Luke 4) after reading the beginning of Isaiah 61 "this day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears" he stopped at a deliberate point in mid verse.

We still fit the description of the latter day land of Israel that gets invaded in Ezekiel. So someone is gonna have to explain that, and a whole lot of other scriptures, to change my mind about who we are!

If I am right, we can look forward to Him delivering us from our captivity, (Micah 4:10) and being able to see His kingdom being established here first. (Micah 4:8) The scripture likens the coming battle, and fight for truth to labor. I know something about that, and one thing I'm sure of is it HAS TO BE DONE! No matter how much you dread the thought, you know that when it's time, you just have to do it, because it will not go away or get better any other way. (Have a couple ten pounders and you quickly decide sooner is better then later!! LOL)

I know many see things differently. To me, what one believes matters little, it is the why, or the foundation of the belief that is important. This is why I'm always willing to discuss why I believe what I do.
 
I follow a fellow on Facebook who is working with sex trafficked and homeless girls in the Philippines. He's doing an amazing job there. He posted recently asking whether the trinity was accurate and exactly what the bible said about it. Well people went ape at him. He was told that he was questioning the very foundation of Christianity, and because he was doing that he was not a Christian, couldn't possibly be doing YHWH's work, and he lost supporters. People stopped giving him money to help these children because they thought he had a bit of doctrine wrong. And the thing is, he said afterwards that he wasn't even saying the trinity wasn't real, just wanting to look deep into scripture as anyone should with anything they believe so they know what they're saying to others. I mean, this guy is evangelising day in and day out to the most poor of people and he needs to know what he's teaching them is right.
The point of all this is to say that there will always be people who don't question. There will always be those who don't let others question. And I don't think there's anything we can do to help them. They are stuck in their safe little boxes of what they understand Christianity or marriage to be. They don't want to be shook up.
People talk about whether you need to be called by YHWH or whether you choose Him. I believe I was called. I think that others need to be called too. Called out of the 'Christianity' that they believe. Called out of their understanding of marriage. Then they need to be willing to follow that call. And until those things happen there's not a thing you can do to convince someone that YHWH agrees with PM. They have blinkers on that we can't remove. Women will die as spinsters with cats until they're willing to ask the questions and follow the call. Churches will kick us out. Christians will hate us. But we're all here because we listened to YHWH. Forget tradition, forget church doctrine, we need to be listening and hearing the word of the one true God.
 
Called out of the 'Christianity' that they believe. Called out of their understanding of marriage. Then they need to be willing to follow that call. And until those things happen there's not a thing you can do to convince someone that YHWH agrees with PM. They have blinkers on that we can't remove. Women will die as spinsters with cats until they're willing to ask the questions and follow the call. Churches will kick us out. Christians will hate us. But we're all here because we listened to YHWH. Forget tradition, forget church doctrine, we need to be listening and hearing the word of the one true God.

Wow, Sarah. These few sentences are powerful.
 
And here we go....

@FollowingHim, would you want to take from about VV76's comment about Law and Commands down and start a new thread? For those that want to continue this discussion in the direction it's headed?

Otherwise let's just all force ourselves to get back to @FollowingHim2's remarks and @aineo's positive response and pick it up from there.
 
Instead of lowering standards for what passes as a potential mate,we can go for the gold by simply broadening our views.Simply put,but sensible and logical.It takes a village to raise a child they say-or perhaps in this case a sw or two lol-the modern family stereo type clearly isnt working and it is failing our children.The numbers of single women in the US without a husband are staggering.Some may be called to singlehood,but that still leaves an awful lot of ladies out there who will end up as old spinsters living with a cat(not that I mind cats per se: ))
Cats rule
 
Dogs drool.
 
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