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The Plural Man

Doc

Doc

Member
Real Person
I would like to hear from both husbands and wives, whether you are in a plural relationship or not, what are some of the characteristics of 'The Plural Man'? What I am looking for are those qualities that combine in an individual that would make him successful as the husband of more than one wife.

Biblical references would be appreciated, but not required.

Some thoughts to consider:
*temperament
*ability to provide (wealth)
*judgment
*spiritual life
*plural marriage as a calling or as a goal
*any other thoughts you might have

Blessings

Doc
 
That's a tough question, as I tend to look at this from the other end. I figure if God gives someone a second wife, He will also give them whatever skills are required to care for his wives, so I don't spend much time thinking in depth about what those skills actually are. Here goes though!

Temperament:
- Calmness. An ability to carefully and calmly consider all points of view, without getting emotional, in order to see the clear way through any dispute.
- Patience.
- Willingness to listen.

Ability to provide:
- It's not his job to provide. GOD will provide! However He will tend to provide through the man, resulting in a certain level of finances being beneficial. I wouldn't get hung up on this one. Although I would advise any man considering this to strive to be in a good financial position in order to support multiple wives and potentially many children, ultimately if this truly is God's plan He will provide. And that may be in part through one or more wives working as well.

Judgement:
- Pray for wisdom. Solomon did, and God answered his prayer. He can give you the wisdom you need for your life as well.
- Needs to be a strong leader of his family, the head of his home. Needs to understand how to do this lovingly and self-sacrificially, as a steward of his family on behalf of God, not as a tyrant. Be a strong leader, but a servant leader, doing his best to imitate Christ's leadership of the Church.

Spiritual life:
- Needs a very strong understanding of & relationship with God. He will be the head of a larger home than most and responsible for the spiritual leadership of more people than most men are. This would be the most important quality on the list.
- Humility. Needs to understand that he does NOT know the ultimate truth on every issue. Must be willing to continue to learn.

Plural marriage as a calling or goal:
- No, don't see that being important. People call so many things a "calling" that it's hard to tell what actually is from God and what is their own desires talking.
- Rather should be willing to lead and care for whoever God places in their life, whether through PM, birth, or whatever. Needs a willingness to accept responsibility for others.

Other thoughts:
- A supportive wife (if married). He has committed to lead and protect her, and must stick with this. His first priority is therefore to lovingly bring her around to the same understanding of PM that he has. If he can do this, he will have shown he is loving and understanding enough of women to be able to understand two! This can't be a mandatory requirement, because ultimately you can't control the thoughts of another, and some women do choose to run rather than be willing to discuss this. However it is strongly advisable & beneficial in my mind.

That's my thoughts tonight as a monogamist! I'd be keen to hear how some of those actually in plural marriages think about this.
 
Thanks, those are the kinds of things I am looking for. Anyone else want to jump in on this?

Doc
 
FollowingHim said:
...... I figure if God gives someone a second wife, He will also give them whatever skills are required to care for his wives,
Click to expand...
i would not take that as a given.
many men have taken second OR first wives that the Almighty has not given them. ;) and many have not treasured the mates that the Almighty has given them properly. (ok, have any of us done it properly? just talking about the real problem ones here.)
either way, we are all (single or married) invited to grow into the fullness of the character traits that are being discussed. i have long maintained that a feller should focus on being the best that he can be in order to become someone who YHWH can trust with His daughter(s).

how?
well, it is a little simplistic, but WWJD seems to cover the bases.
you guys that are the better communicaters are going to need to be the ones to spell it out. :D
 
steve said:
well, it is a little simplistic, but WWJD seems to cover the bases.
you guys that are the better communicaters are going to need to be the ones to spell it out. :D
Click to expand...
Ummm, WWJD = What Would Jesus Do? :lol: :lol:

My contribution at the moment would be to observe that being a "good provider" covers a whole lot more than money.

Seems our wives need us to provide a listening ear, with the discernment to ASK whether they are merely grousing or actually want us to try to "fix" something.

We may need to provide adequate levels of, ummm, intimacy, both as to frequency and quality. And for some men health issues make that a major challenge, or even an impossibility. Yet we love and crave the positive relationship possibilities of PM. An issue.

Children aren't the only ones who spell love "t-i-m-e". A needed provision.

Romance: We knock it as a perversion and with justification. Yet there are elements that go a long way to make a woman feel treasured. Before one of my marriages, my wife-to-be was working at Walmart. One evening, I showed up, appropriated a very visible table in the cafe area, set out a table cloth, dishes, silverware (NOT plastic), glasses, candles, a bottle of sparkling apple juice, and a covered one dish meal. Sat and waited for her to get her break. Not only did she/we enjoy the meal, but she got to enjoy the swooning attention of nearly every female employee in the store, all of whom had to come by and see what was waiting there for her, then go tell her how lucky she was, how they envied her, how they wished THEIR man ... Apparently that counts for a woman just as much as it does for a man to hear another man comment on how lucky he is in his wife. ;)

I suppose that there are others, but it's 1:45am, and I'm going back to bed. :lol:
 
This is one area where i am actually concerned about plural marriage with my husband. His ability to be a spiritual leader, his ability to be equal in his affections and love with two wives, etc. I feel that plural marriage is a blessing, and was actually the one to bring the idea to my husband. My concern is that we have had marriage problems in our past, serious ones. And my husband tends to try and rush my healing process. In his mind it out of site out of mind, so my trust of him is not always there and not always strong. Since the idea of plural marriage came up and the fact that one of my best friends is a perfect ideal second wife, and is open to this life and family dynamic with us, my husband seems to want to speed through the process. At first he was open to talking, understanding, gentle, attentive, but since he started to seemingly try to speed through with the dating and relationship building with my friend I have started to feel a little neglected. I have started feeling like he only does things or says things after I have told him something is bothering me, or that im concerned or worried, and I have had some small jealous moments. This is new to all of us, but I feel as if he only gives me the amount of attention he needs to to appease me so that I will be okay with him working on the other relationship. I just feel like it is all going to fast and he is forgetting some key areas. His relationship with God, his spiritual leadership of me, etc. I want to pray with him and read the bible with him and I want to feel special. It just feels like he is focusing so much energy on starting this new relationship that the other areas are slowly fading to the background. I have been praying and feel led to sit down and talk to my husband but am unsure how. Any advice? Can I ask for prayers please. A plural marriage and this very special family dynamic is one of the biggest desires of my heart, but Im not sure that my husband is spiritually ready to have two wives. I am having major trust issues, and he just doesnt seem to hear me.
 
I think CecilW hit the nail on the head regarding an emphasis on quality.

Doc said "What I am looking for are those qualities that combine in an individual that would make him successful as the husband of more than one wife." First, I'll eat my humble pie by reminding myself and advising the reader that while my wife and I wholeheartedly support Biblical polygyny I have but one wife. That being said and Doc's clarifying that responses are asked " whether you are in a plural relationship or not", I don't think there are any qualifiers unique to plural marriage that are not equally as important in monogamy. I often think the same could be said for celibacy. When I read Psalm 34:10 (you know you can't read just the one verse... go on, savor the chapter!) I know that the "good" promised to us is not restricted to the material. We shall not lack anything good, tangible or otherwise, IF we seek the Lord.

Aside from the obvious direction given husbands, I also offer that we are advised to be excellent stewards. For those ladies seeking the Lord in regards to joining an established family thoroughly inquire and consider the state of it. Temperament, provisional ability, judgement, and spiritual life will be evident. Gardening advice is best taken from those whose garden surpasses your own. By the way, do NOT allow chickens near your garden for pest control. The reason pests stopped eating my last garden is because the pests starved. The chickens ate and scratched it into dust.

This brings me to the point I have often found disagreeable. Plural marriage as a calling or as a goal. I offer that plural marriage is neither a calling nor should it be a goal. Formal semantics play a large part of my previous statement.
I think that callings are confirmed in the doing. We have all likely felt called, led, directed and redirected in a number of ways. I think of the prophets, and the difference between what they thought and what they were called to do. The callings resulted in action and results that glorified God. If ever I have a plural family I will know that I was called to it, because it will be one of action and results for the glory of God.
I can't fathom plural marriage as a goal. While perfectly agreeable, and in my opinion a blessing, I still can't think it a goal. If any goal should be set, it should be in regards to being an excellent steward with whatever you have and wherever you are. We can only care for what we do not have by caring for what we do have. In doing so, the good will multiply. Husbands, I didn't say your wife will multiply. Be an excellent steward, a priest of your home. When I read Mathew 6:21 (almost exclusively used regarding heaven, I know) it reinforces that my wife is a treasure, for my heart is rightfully with her as well. Should a husband come to accept plural marriage through seeking the Lord, then would not the wife do so as well if it is part of God's plan for them? Another point of clarification, I did not say "Should a husband convince himself that it is God's will he have multiple wives by seeking plural marriage and supporting scripture in order to convince his wife to be agreeable enough to get his way regardless of God's plan for them". See Proverbs 21:2 and consider your intent (you know you'll have to read the entire chapter there as well, right? Good stuff!) regarding all things.

In regards to other thoughts, I encourage exactly that. Other thoughts. Men, consider Colossians 3, but this time I suggest you stop after completing verse 17. The latter third of that chapter is often emphasized. Give the first two thirds ample consideration, let it sink in. "The Plural Man" should be as described here by Paul, just as he described the expectations of all.

Thanks for the thoughtful post Doc. I get the best from diving into scripture with careful consideration. Hope I've encouraged readers to do so as well by giving verses without quoting. For those that despise me for it, save your rage. I'll be the first to volunteer should one of the retreats have a fundraising dunk tank.

~Bryan & Family
 
My first wife pointed this thread out to me this morning and told me it was an excellent post and she said I had something I could contribute...at least I have one fan who listens to what I say :D

I firmly believe that as men our first role is the protector. Throughout the bible all of patriarchs and prophets were striving to protect what was theirs, and God supported it.

Along with my father there were three other men that helped raise me and the one trait that they all had in common that I try to emulate is ring a protector. They all encouraged it almost as the first rite of manhood in our family.

In fact the only words that my father has spoken to me in regards to living the plural lifestyle was, "You are a warrior first, everything else is second." I honestly don't know if he agrees with this lifestyle or not but he felt it was important enough to tell me to protect what is mine.

There is my contribution. Besides that I have to support everything that Followinghim and Cecil have said. You can't lead a plural life without those qualities.

I am still learning the traits of the plural man.
 
This is a very interesting thread. In My 64 years, I have come to the conclussion that there's 2 kinds of men, there's the Warriors, then there's the Merchants. The Patriarchs were all Warriors, They protected their belongings and their families, they realized all real wealth comes from the earth, and is earned by labor. Then there's the Merchants, they had rather let someone else do the labor, so they can reap the rewards of other's labor, like the parasite.
Today most people are programed to be Merchants, they go to the Colleges to learn to live without producing any valuable thing, other than to be a smooth talker of many big words that mean nothing.
In the politically correct socioty We live in today, the word "Work" as in physical labor, is a dirty 4 letter word.
When You see a man that has learned no skills to produce anything but babbies, He's not a warrior, and will flee when the going gets rough, because He's not learned to use His strength, but His mouth.
If woman wants a safe place to raise a family, She better choose a Warrior, if all She wants is hot air, get a Merchant.
A Warrior makes a stand, a Merchant agrees with whoever pays the most.
My observation of people.

Me,
 
The day will come in which I will miss the extras that are provided by the Merchants.
 
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