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Three evil sisters

blugrniz4u

blugrniz4u

Member
In my parents house, my siblings and I were taught that these three evil sisters - Jealousy, Envy, and Strife - were not to be tolerated and were not welcome in the house.

We were taught to treat each other with kindness and respect. The role model for that was how our father treated our mother.

We were taught to be happy and proud of each others accomplishments and rewards, because it took hard work and dedication to achieve them. The role model for that was how our mother treated our father.

Our parents were not bible thumpers nor were they holy rollers..they believed that their children should be taught and trained in the ways of God. After our evening prayers, daddy would talk with each one of us kids and ask us if we upheld the ten commandments during our journey that day. He did this every single night until we moved out of his house.

As I understand the meaning of the word 'jealous' it shows ownership or possession of. So when God says that he is a jealous God, it makes sense to me because we who are born again are now grafted onto the vine and have become children of the promise with God as our Heavenly Father. As our Father, he takes offense when someone tries to pound the stuffing out of one of his children, therefore his jealous nature would take over when He deals with the person hurting his child.

When a person is learning about poly it is vitally important to find a mentor who is currently living the poly life, not just yakking about it in theory. Theory and real life are two horses of a whole other different color.

The mentor can help the newbie navigate the Word and show that the three evil sisters have no place to hide and fester on this wonderful journey.

Build a new paradigm - it takes practice learning to stand your ground while being gentle and loving.

The idea of seperate homes is the worst idea -- you have no husband and no sisterwife. The whole point of living poly is love and sisterhood. Your SW is not your rival -- if that is your thinking then your home/family is doomed.

There are no guarantees in life, except that things happen for God's best reason. Have faith and learn to live. Trust your husband -- if you don't, who will???
 
i think that john pretty much said itr all :)
 
blugrniz4u wrote:
When a person is learning about poly it is vitally important to find a mentor who is currently living the poly life, not just yakking about it in theory. Theory and real life are two horses of a whole other different color.
Click to expand...
You hit the nail right on the head.

My lovely Navajo Princess and I have been talking a whole lot with Ron H. and his two ladies, who live in Phoenix, about a 5-6 hour drive away. He is one of the two best role models for the poly lifestyle that I know. (I'm sure that there are others, but I don't know them.)

It would be a great thing to have an event, no children allowed, where we who are trying to build a new paradigm (as you so aptly put it) can learn from families like Ron and others. Those who have failed at living a poly lifestyle should be allowed to attend and learn, but not teach the rest of us as if they are good role models...and I'm sure that Nathan, Dr. Allen, and other leaders in BF know who those men are. (Maybe, if they can be honest about it, they can share some of their failures to help the rest of us avoid the same mistakes.)

(About having kids at BF events: I love kids, but there are some things that are not appropriate for little ears to hear - and they can also be a distraction at a teaching session like this...but for most BF events, bring the kids! The more the merrier! This paleface is grandpa to half of the Navajo Nation and I love it!)

Those of you who were at the last Conference in NC: I learned more practical "how-to" information during the Sunday afternoon and evening informal "bull sessions" than I learned from all the other classes and sessions combined. (That includes my own two teaching sessions, and I learned a whole lot of theoretical information while studying in preparation for them! :o )

Ideally, it would be somewhere near Gallup, NM. :D
 
blugrniz4u said:
In my parents house, my siblings and I were taught that these three evil sisters - Jealousy, Envy, and Strife - were not to be tolerated and were not welcome in the house.

We were taught to treat each other with kindness and respect. The role model for that was how our father treated our mother.

We were taught to be happy and proud of each others accomplishments and rewards, because it took hard work and dedication to achieve them. The role model for that was how our mother treated our father.

Our parents were not bible thumpers nor were they holy rollers..they believed that their children should be taught and trained in the ways of God. After our evening prayers, daddy would talk with each one of us kids and ask us if we upheld the ten commandments during our journey that day. He did this every single night until we moved out of his house.

As I understand the meaning of the word 'jealous' it shows ownership or possession of. So when God says that he is a jealous God, it makes sense to me because we who are born again are now grafted onto the vine and have become children of the promise with God as our Heavenly Father. As our Father, he takes offense when someone tries to pound the stuffing out of one of his children, therefore his jealous nature would take over when He deals with the person hurting his child.

When a person is learning about poly it is vitally important to find a mentor who is currently living the poly life, not just yakking about it in theory. Theory and real life are two horses of a whole other different color.

The mentor can help the newbie navigate the Word and show that the three evil sisters have no place to hide and fester on this wonderful journey.

Build a new paradigm - it takes practice learning to stand your ground while being gentle and loving.

The idea of seperate homes is the worst idea -- you have no husband and no sisterwife. The whole point of living poly is love and sisterhood. Your SW is not your rival -- if that is your thinking then your home/family is doomed.

There are no guarantees in life, except that things happen for God's best reason. Have faith and learn to live. Trust your husband -- if you don't, who will???
Click to expand...
AMEN and AMEN!!! I never thought about it that way... three evil sisters, thanks for sharing!
 
blugrniz4u said:
In my parents house, my siblings and I were taught that these three evil sisters - Jealousy, Envy, and Strife - were not to be tolerated and were not welcome in the house.

We were taught to treat each other with kindness and respect. The role model for that was how our father treated our mother.

We were taught to be happy and proud of each others accomplishments and rewards, because it took hard work and dedication to achieve them. The role model for that was how our mother treated our father.

Our parents were not bible thumpers nor were they holy rollers..they believed that their children should be taught and trained in the ways of God. After our evening prayers, daddy would talk with each one of us kids and ask us if we upheld the ten commandments during our journey that day. He did this every single night until we moved out of his house.

As I understand the meaning of the word 'jealous' it shows ownership or possession of. So when God says that he is a jealous God, it makes sense to me because we who are born again are now grafted onto the vine and have become children of the promise with God as our Heavenly Father. As our Father, he takes offense when someone tries to pound the stuffing out of one of his children, therefore his jealous nature would take over when He deals with the person hurting his child.

When a person is learning about poly it is vitally important to find a mentor who is currently living the poly life, not just yakking about it in theory. Theory and real life are two horses of a whole other different color.

The mentor can help the newbie navigate the Word and show that the three evil sisters have no place to hide and fester on this wonderful journey.

Build a new paradigm - it takes practice learning to stand your ground while being gentle and loving.

The idea of seperate homes is the worst idea -- you have no husband and no sisterwife. The whole point of living poly is love and sisterhood. Your SW is not your rival -- if that is your thinking then your home/family is doomed.

There are no guarantees in life, except that things happen for God's best reason. Have faith and learn to live. Trust your husband -- if you don't, who will???
Click to expand...

AMEN!!! Thank you so much for this!
 
blugrniz4u said:
The whole point of living poly is love and sisterhood.
Click to expand...

Over all an excellent post!

As a practitioner and not just a theorist, I would add a couple of things. ( I was surprised that no one challenged this.)

The mother is comparison.

The primary focus must be the relationship of each wife to the husband! Granted, to live under one roof, a good and loving sisterhood relationship would make it easier; however, each wife must maintain their relationship to the husband, regardless of their relationship to each other, or the living arraignments involved.
 
Jim an Apostle said:
each wife must maintain their relationship to the husband, regardless of their relationship to each other, or the living arraignments involved.
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Living arraignment? I’m sorry this cracks me up. Silly autocorrect, I’m sure...
On a serious note, “the mother is comparison” would you expound on that?
Also, are your wives on the forum? The reason I’m asking is, I would really like to glean more info from the women who are living as plural wives.
 
Well loved wife said:
Living arraignment? I’m sorry this cracks me up. Silly autocorrect, I’m sure...
On a serious note, “the mother is comparison” would you expound on that?
Also, are your wives on the forum? The reason I’m asking is, I would really like to glean more info from the women who are living as plural wives.
Click to expand...

Ha! arrangement

Ah Comparison yes!

The envy and jealousy sets in through the process of comparison. Through comparison, one will sense that things are not equal in one way, or another. If there is not a counter-balancing situation that is recognized, an over-all feeling of unfairness can set in. The one who feels slighted, whether real or imagined, begins to get jealous/envious and the complaining will soon follow. If that does not bring the desired result, then of course, strife is next.

Scenarios like this will be magnified in a plural marriage, and things that would not be an issue in just friendships (vs. sister wives) can become WW III in a hurry. In a monogamous marriage, a wife may become
envious of what she sees in the marriages around her, as well; but the magnification of PM is almost unbelievable. Especially in our modern westernized culture, I see PM as requiring amazing maturity and growth on everyone's part. Each wife must trust the husband, and work on her own marriage, and simply avoid the trap of comparison. The husband should be reasonably fair. But not everything can be totally equal all the time. A wife who falls into the comparison trap, may begin to repulse the husband, rather than attract him. If her relationship with her husband and his treatment is satisfactory, what the other wife gets should be, for the most part, irrelevant. I understand this is a new, and possibly hard, stance for our today PM wives. As much as possible, each marriage must stand alone as though it was monogamous.
​
O
ne of the wives should not become the one who does all the housework (unless that is her choice and part of the family arrangements, and she has other benefits that compensate her). Each family has to find their own balancing equation. One thing that I try to implement is the concept of 'ebb and flow.' The pendulum may swing a bit here and now, but I strive to keep an overall balance. There are very few things in life that will require an individual to 'step up' to a mature Christian life to the degree that plural marriage does.​
 
Jim an Apostle said:
There are very few things in life that will require an individual to 'step up' to a mature Christian life to the degree that plural marriage does.
Click to expand...
The whole post is right on, but that is the cherry on top.

The enemy of our souls fears and hates this truth and will fight against anyone trying to live it much more than they experienced previously.
 
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Comparison's sister is competition.

Competition can be innocent and well meaning at times, but often leads to strife. Each wife must accept their individuality and differences and realize that some of them are their advantage. Some of them may also be their weakness but the husband can love each of them as individuals and is probably not looking for dubplate wives as much as he is looking for different wives. Jesus is the only 'perfect One' being all things to all people.

The father is Suspicion!

Suspicion not only of actions but ultimately Suspicion of motive becomes the driving force to bring rejection into the heart of another. This is not unique to PM and applies to all relationships but PM is a magnifier. If doubt of good faith takes hold, then every action and deed becomes suspect. Every person in the relationship must have faith of good and right motivation and intention.

The Grand fathers are Insecurity and Fear.

Insecurity and Fear may be lurking over past hurts that have nothing to do with the current relationship but PM can cause then to surface and inflict their vengeance on the present relationships.

Forgiveness is Key
Everyone will make mistakes at times.

Perfect Love and becoming perfected in Love is The goal.
Submission to the Head i.e. the husband and to Christ becomes paramount.
Trust must be maintained. Keep the voices of doubt out!
Remember Satan will seize every opportunity to cause disruption! We wrestle not against flesh and blood..​
Keeping Confidence that the husband or the sister wife did not enter PM for the wrong reason can be hard at times.
Hopefully the Husbands judgment is better than that; he married you didn't he? Whether you are a first wife or an additional wife you must trust that He has the best interest, of the family as a whole and of you as an individual, at heart.

I'll never forget Andrew's FW testimony at a retreat. She said she thought she was a loving person until she lived in PM for a while. PM will test your love quotient like nothing else.
 
Amazing post. Should be pinned in the 'How to do PM' area.... more than one book wrapped up in this short page.
 
This is an amazing post, there is a lot of GREAT info here.

Remember when YaHWeH is blessin', the devil starts messin'
 
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