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UCMJ

Jennifer

Jennifer

Member
Female
Up and can't sleep because of a car that keeps driving by, so now my mind is thinking on things. My hubby told me the military codes governing adultry have become more broad, which is not a good thing! This really scares me, especially knowing how some women are these days. To further the fear, my hubby told me about an officer who was recently discharged and tried for adultry because a "second wife" got angry and decided to tell. In the case of a military family with a lot at stake, would you suggest just waiting until retirement to pursue an alternative relationship? I really want this, but my trust level is pretty much zero at this point. We have run into more emotionally unstable women pursuing this life style than emotionally stable ones. My children and I have health issues and it would devastate our family if a woman got angry and decided to get vindictive. What would you do to prevent a woman from doing this? I am assuming there really isn't a way?
 
Sleepless and paranoid may not be the best time to make decisions. You've not in poly now so I don't think you have an immediate problem (not a UCMJ legal opinion!). However, you could do better at practicing operational security (like not sharing in a public forum photos his chain of command or subordinates would recognize as his family).

Jennifer said:
What would you do to prevent a woman from doing this? I am assuming there really isn't a way?
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There really isn't. The best you can do is pray and be more picky about who you consider. Welcome to every monogamous man's burden about taking a first wife.

Although, I'm not living your experience so I don't know how unstable the women you're seeing are and I don't know you; but considering your profession, you might consider the possibility that you are more level headed than the norm among the fairer sex. All the more so since you have a strong husband to provide you emotional support in life.

Jennifer said:
In the case of a military family with a lot at stake, would you suggest just waiting until retirement to pursue an alternative relationship?
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My suggestion: let your yes be yes and no be no. He did agree to abide by the UCMJ. But I don't know how much wiggle room there is in it. Or if there may be creative ways around it.

Or put differently, how much are you willing to sacrifice to live poly?

This question has come up previously, before my time though, so I expect someone with more knowledge to chime in.
 
I’m curious, how many years till retirement? The time between now and retirement could allow the two of you a cushion. Time to study, create additional friendships in the PM world, to become more grounded in the word and possibly get additional family on board. I’ve always thought of time as a friend or enemy.

What’s your thoughts, would waiting till after retirement be like a friend to the two of you or more like an enemy?
 
Good advice from both @rockfox and @Phillip . I'd add the obvious... pray lots and let the Father lead. He won't bring fear or paranoia. He can bring the perfect match in the midst of your circumstances. Give it all up to Him and be willing to accept whatever answer he gives.

Retirement may be your goal, but may not be His... What if He brings a second but uses the circumstances to point you in a different life direction?

Just pray, trust and be really patient.

Blessings
 
Jennifer said:
I really want this, but my trust level is pretty much zero at this point. We have run into more emotionally unstable women pursuing this life style than emotionally stable ones.
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Since PM is obviously a path that God can biblically restore families to their proper order in God's eyes, I am starting to wonder if there is a genuine effort by the enemy to bring troubled individuals to such a relationship to try and destroy them.
 
First I've heard that articulated, but makes perfect sense. He tries every other means to put the kibosh on PM.
 
This is certainly a difficult decision and of course I am not Nathan and he will have to make up his own mind too. I suppose if we are smart we can lay down some safety nets to make it a tad harder for potential crazies to gather evidence. Perhaps have a rule of absolutely no pictures together and no incriminating texts messages or written communication until a line of trust has been established and crazy has been ruled out. Would it be morally wrong to hire a potential as nanny or live in tutor and keep everything business and platonic until time has shown she is a reasonable person? Sometimes you can't tell about a person until you have heavy interactions. A business relationship may reveal what we need to know.
 
Cap said:
Since PM is obviously a path that God can biblically restore families to their proper order in God's eyes, I am starting to wonder if there is a genuine effort by the enemy to bring troubled individuals to such a relationship to try and destroy them.
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I have held that opinion for quite a while, along with the idea that the evil one also draws inappropriate wannabe patriarchs into it also. Not to mention controlling first wives.
Just anybody that he can use to bring shame to the movement.
 
Also a business relationship would give the potential time to see if she can tolerate us and hopefully prevent a possible emotional breakdown on her part that would lead her to saying something in the heat of emotion that could end a career. I am not saying we are hard to live with, Haha, although some may think we are. I am just saying it could help everyone see if they can handle the situation.
 
Jennifer said:
Would it be morally wrong to hire a potential as nanny or live in tutor and keep everything business and platonic until time has shown she is a reasonable person? Sometimes you can't tell about a person until you have heavy interactions. A business relationship may reveal what we need to know.
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That’s a good plan if she is on board with it. Just keep it squeeky clean.
 
Jennifer said:
Would it be morally wrong to hire a potential as nanny or live in tutor and keep everything business and platonic until time has shown she is a reasonable person? Sometimes you can't tell about a person until you have heavy interactions. A business relationship may reveal what we need to know.
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It sounds good, but it opens you to lawsuits for sexual harassment or unpaid work.
 
Jennifer said:
Well it would have to be a real work contract with pay and W2 form.
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Unless you are already using a pseudonym and fake picture on here, you might consider protecting yourselves even now based on how much personal info you divulge in the public sections of the forum...
 
Jennifer said:
Well it would have to be a real work contract with pay and W2 form.
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Look, I'm not a lawyer, just going based off common info. The problem is people can sue for sexual harassment for the slightest things; even in proper employment situations. Even you're acting with virtue, a flirting husband could easily be construed to have crossed a legal line. Especially if she is someone interested in PM and your family.
 
Jennifer said:
Up and can't sleep because of a car that keeps driving by, so now my mind is thinking on things. My hubby told me the military codes governing adultry have become more broad, which is not a good thing! This really scares me, especially knowing how some women are these days. To further the fear, my hubby told me about an officer who was recently discharged and tried for adultry because a "second wife" got angry and decided to tell. In the case of a military family with a lot at stake, would you suggest just waiting until retirement to pursue an alternative relationship? I really want this, but my trust level is pretty much zero at this point. We have run into more emotionally unstable women pursuing this life style than emotionally stable ones. My children and I have health issues and it would devastate our family if a woman got angry and decided to get vindictive. What would you do to prevent a woman from doing this? I am assuming there really isn't a way?
Click to expand...
Jennifer I don't know there is an easy answer to this. In the flesh I say wait but spiritually if Yahweh brings the right woman then how can you say no? All gifts from Him are Good gifts and perfect. The right one won't do that you your husband. Maybe you focus on family and put it in Yahs hands. Don't try and do His job for Him. As humans we have a tendency to try and do things on our own but He needs you to rest in Him. He knows what is best for your family and maybe He is preparing all of you for the "union" preparing hearts and thoughts to be more in alignment with His will in your lives.

As a single woman I can say we aren't all crazy. Your husband just hasn't found her yet. If you ever need to talk call me, txt me I can be your friend and help through the hard times... There are so many here that understand where you are. Just know you're not alone. I am glad you are here and appreciate all you have offered of yourself. I look forward to getting to know you better.
 
Patricia C said:
Jennifer I don't know there is an easy answer to this. In the flesh I say wait but spiritually if Yahweh brings the right woman then how can you say no? All gifts from Him are Good gifts and perfect. The right one won't do that you your husband. Maybe you focus on family and put it in Yahs hands. Don't try and do His job for Him. As humans we have a tendency to try and do things on our own but He needs you to rest in Him. He knows what is best for your family and maybe He is preparing all of you for the "union" preparing hearts and thoughts to be more in alignment with His will in your lives.

As a single woman I can say we aren't all crazy. Your husband just hasn't found her yet. If you ever need to talk call me, txt me I can be your friend and help through the hard times... There are so many here that understand where you are. Just know you're not alone. I am glad you are here and appreciate all you have offered of yourself. I look forward to getting to know you better.
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Patricia, I have enjoyed our conversations greatly and really feel blessed by the support and budding friendships I have developed with the women on here.
 
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