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Unbelievers

M

marry-ella

Member
In the past 6months I have had 3 men profess that they would turn to Jesus to date me? The first was a man trying to relocate to my city and had recently moved to a neighboring small community. He asked for some friendly direction. I walked him a local hot chocolate shop with free Internet service and showed him the most useful website. Directed him to all of the local boards that are around and not easly found. I answered some questions and as always with me we discussed God. He then wanted to take me out. He was shocked that I wouldn't even consider going out with a non-christian. He couldn't believe that he would have to be a christian to kiss me? Now why he though kissing wasn't a big step? Any way I spread the Gospel to him in my exuberant way and said a prayer for him and sent him on his way. Then again another man approached me at a bus stop moving from another town (I see a trend) openly confessing to being a flirt complimented my body. We had a friendly conversation that of course lead into "your not a christian". He new as soon as I said I was a christian he was out of the game. he said that christian girls always turn him down. Turns out that he has a thing for christian woman and is always finding them. The last of our conversation was polite and clear that I wasn't going to be his girl but that he would keep going for good Christan women. Attend church and become a christian. (I must give props to a pastor at a vineyard church in a different city who once replied to my "like the like me from the way I say hello" with "witness to them")

Recently a Married man started e-mailing me. So is my nature I asked about God. Here was his response.

About religion, you are wandering if we are christian. Well the thing is that we don't go to church. We believe in something but we are not sure yet. We think that people that go to church and believe in god seems to be more secure, less anxious, more happy. Certainly we would like to be like that too but we have not yet found our way. We are certainly open to hear more about that.
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Interesting all men that hear I would only date a christian even if not interested in me have the same response. But I'm a good person.
I see an invitation to witness but am at a loss as to how to do this. I will pray of course. Does anyone have any ideas?
 
IMHO, no matter where he lives, there are likely to be churches nearby. So the logical question would be, "Then what's your holdup? Pick a church and talk to the pastor. If you don't find what you need, check out another. Have an adventure seeking God." and perhaps, "Figure it out, then e-mail me. I want my man to be the priest of my family. I'm not looking to be the priestess." -- if that is the way you feel, of course.

Sorry, but I've seen and heard way too many men with your bus-stop aquaintance's mentality, just less honest about it. Christian women are explicitly targeted by lots of "players". Understandably. Jesus in the heart IS attractive.

Sadly, I've also met some female players who were using "being Christian" as camouflage. *sigh*

Having said all that, exuberance is good. Don't let anything extinguish it!
 
This is only my personal opinion, of course, and I am not a pastor. As a 38 year old single woman, I definitely have different opinions about these types of issues than I did when I was younger. It is natural for men to initiate and for women to respond, but I think that first of all you are not obligated to respond to every man who approaches you and secondly, that just because a man approaches you does not mean it was intended for you to witness to him. I believe that for single women the extent of our minstry to men lies in our modest dress and Godly behavior. I think that if the situation absolutely calls for it, it may be appropriate for you to redirect a man to a Godly man that you know or a pastor for counseling about spiritual matters or prayer, but (as a friend of mine calls it) "mini skirt evangelism" is not appropriate in my opinion.

1 Corinthians 7: 34 says, "...the unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit..."


What does this look like practically? I'm not sure I have the answer to that but someone else reading this thread may. I think that focusing on your relationship with God and with other Christian women who encourage you in the Lord should be your first priority. Let purity have the first word...Let your modest dress speak for itself. God will provide another way for these men to come to Him.
 
marry-ella said:
Should I tell him I am insucure and don't to church :roll: :? :arrow: :|
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Is it true? If not, don't say it. You don't want to start a path or trail or whatever of falsehoods in your soul. Even to toss someone off. It scars you. Better a simple, "Good luck. And may I suggest that you resolve your religious issues BEFORE seeking a sister wife?"

Of course, if it is true, that's a different subject, worthy of further discussion here. 'Cause you ARE secure in your Father's hands, whether you do or don't know it. *grin*
 
Your right of course but sometimes I do feel insucure and I don't go to church I don't want to go to church I've tried that I my trust has been broken potentialy to the point of only reconsiling on the day I meet God. There is an odimatic asumption that I am a church goer though. Am I to duduce that I shouldn't witness to the man who says that he would be willing to hear about it?

Minni Skity evangilism????
hmmm well I can wear a turtel neck it never changes
I think what you said was important however and very helpful. You are right I don't have to talk to every man that approches me. The bus stop guy I should have avoided the first one I think was very empowering. It gave me something to do that felt like closer to an awkard situation and kind of lit a fire under my but. I like to go of about Jesus. How he is infact the only god. And yes I really do beleive that :D
 
Hi M-E.

I have seen over the years a believer marry a non-believer because they thought they could convert the other person - wow - have I seen some pain. I have also seen where a believer will marry a person that they met, who started to go to church because they wanted the believer. They then were "converted" because they wanted a believer, and boy, was it a mess when they got married. If one converts because they want to date someone, their motives are too mixed. They should be consistantly practicing true, Biblical Christianity for some time if a believer is planning to marry a new convert.

Out of all the people that I know where a believer married a non-believer in hopes of the spouse converting (which is many), I have only seen one end up well.

So. I said that to say that say that one should avoid "dating evangelism" like the plague. You may end up truly loving someone, and getting married, and discovering a life full of untold pain.

Now, I am a realist. So, I will not say that merely because one marries a person that claims to be a believer that this automatically makes things right too, for this certainly is not the case. However, one would still have a better chance in a good marriage by marrying a believer - if you were a gambling person.

As far as church goes. Remember, church is God's program. Yes, even the broken churches you have been a part of and perhaps have been hurt at. Just like there are dysfunctional families, there are dysfunctional churches. Look around some. God has a place for you.
 
This is all super helpful. Okay okay your all right don't presue a relationship with the unbeliever. I was just wondering now at this point should I send him on his way with the message of Christ and if I do how should I do that. I have left this man hanging, I mean I haven't replied. I will keep praying on the issue. (I'm a recent convert Da Pastor and I think I'm rip for the picking :D ) I have heard several sermons on this subject on line and I think that your experience only confirms that it isn't a good idea. Church never mind I will wait for the pain in my chest to stop and the social panic attacks to subside. I get literally sick to my stomach and almost lost my lunch For Real over the matter. I have already come from a many broken families I don't have what it takes.

God bless all of you, I hope this is touching someone else considering non-beleivers.
 
Marry-Ella

I am sorry that you are so nervous about all this. Is it the Christianity that makes you nervous or the polygyny aspect of it? I mean are you a baby Christian? If you are, then my advice would be to not worry about romantic relationships until you have a firm footing in who you are in God's kingdom and in what he does in you. I know that is easier said than done, but with so much inside you changing, it would be nice to just concentrate on your spiritual relationship. A woman I knew years ago used to say that Jesus was the best husband she could have ever asked for. That he left her wanting nothing and he didn't even leave his dirty clothes on the floor. How is that for the perfect man?

Faithful Servant hit the nail on the head when she said it is not your duty to minister to these men. I am almost certain that they are using your beliefs to find something to talk to you about and to win you over. How could a new Christian pass up an opportunity to spread God's word to another sinner? When I was a brand new Christian, I reached out to an inmate at a local prison. He had written a letter to the church asking for some nice Christian woman to write to him. I felt it was my duty to reach out to him. Well, after a few letters, they got XXX rated. I cautioned him that it wasn't very appropriate for him to write to me that way. He apologized and after a few more letters he went right back to the XXX behavior. Eventually I had to stop writing to him altogether because every time I read his letters, it put my own grasp on God's word at risk. I didn't have a firm enough understanding to fight off the lust of the flesh which was truly what I was battling against.

If someone truly wants to study about God, feel free to give his name to any Christian man you know. Even one on this board if you want. They would love to help bring a lost soul to salvation and teach him the whole word of God from the beginning. My hubby, dapastor loves to disciple people and I know that there are others here as well.

Above all, right now, when you are fragile, is no time for you to be emotionally involved with any man. Somehow, the men in our lives always end up taking priority from the other things and we forget what we were working on to begin with.

SweetLissa
 
Jumping right in with more bright ideas ...

While I, too, have never seen "miniskirt evangelism" work out well, i.e. the woman is the Christian and the non-believer man is interested, I HAVE seen the inverse work a few times, where a solid Christian man provided a loving stable husband's covering, and the woman was, over time, drawn to Christ and emotionally healed. For whatever that is worth. But is one of the strongest proofs to me that God's patriarchal order does exist and isn't reversible by the will of man.
 
Once I had 2 people come to me for pre-marital counseling. The female was in her late 20's or early 30's. She was a committed and faithful churchgoer and a single mom. She had run away from the Lord and had a couple kids in her time of rebellion - and the sperm-donor had never offered to marry her. Now several years later she had returned to Jesus, and dedicated herself to following Him.

HOWEVER

The guy she brought in was not a believer and had zero interest in attending church, as Sunday was his fishing day.

I asked her - what her relationship to the Lord meant to her. She gave me an eloquent and genuine reply.
I asked him - and I respected his honesty - but he just saw no reason to have any sort of real belief.
"How does that make you feel, that the most integral part of your life you cannot share with this man?"
"It makes me feel bad."

Duh.

"You have kids right?"
"Yes, two girls."
"And someday they will become curious about romantic relationships. Will you encourage them to seek out men who don't believe?"
"No."
"Then how are you modeling that for them now - when you are yourself dating an unbeliever?"
No answer.


Sad situation. I think she dumped him though. Attractive girl - just lonely and not a lot of viable options. I think she feels like she is "damaged goods", which is not the way God sees her.


Where are the godly men?
 
What makes me nervous? I am a newer christian and maybe having a stack of bad christian experiences have made it hard on me but I've been a polygamist since before I knew what the word meant I have never been a Monogamist. I have never let a romantic relationship take president over god NEVER. I was engaged right out of becoming a christian and I told him that all a woman needs is god and had a debate with his wife about it. It is straight up idolatry to put a man before god. Never have in my short Christian life Sweet Lisa that is good advise, for someone else.

Where are the godly men exactly. Not in Nelson.

I wanted to know how to respond to him I went ahead and wrote him my reply. It was a last communications reply. I didn't know what to say about the fact that he was interested in god and him and his wife were willing to hear more. I like that this became a conversation about unbelievers and believers as I feel it is a more general important topic as apposed to focusing on something personal. However please do not present this argument to me directly and remember I wanted to know what to say. The mini skirt evangelism advise made me think it wasn't a good idea to go in preaching Jesus as his focus would be on my preverbal mini skirt. I was not drawn to marry an unbeliever. Got it, Get it, Good.
 
Marry_Ella,
I think that perhaps you were taking this discussion too personally. After your first post, the conversation can go anywhere it wants to. There is no telling whether each person was talking directly to you or just speaking from their own experience. Please try to understand that once you get a lot of replies, people forget what the first post was all about. It is kind of like that game we used to play when we were kids where we would whisper in one person's ear and they would whisper and all the way around the room the story would be completely changed. When you read these posts, you take what you want from them and leave everything else. Someone needed to read it, whatever it was.

SweetLissa
 
NO Lissa you asked what made me nervous I am not taking this to personally please let the conversation get carried away I think I just wrote I liked that it went in that direction? correct?
 
And since we don't know you we can only give answers that occur to us. We don't have all the information at our disposal. And when we don't answer in a way that suits you, you seem to be offended. Please don't be offended by people who are trying to help.

SweetLissa
 
Report this postReply with quoteRe: Unbelievers
by sweetlissa on Mon Oct 12, 2009 6:42 pm

Marry-Ella

I am sorry that you are so nervous about all this. Is it the Christianity that makes you nervous or the polygyny aspect of it? I mean are you a baby Christian?
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Marry_Ella,
I think that perhaps you were taking this discussion too personally. After your first post, the conversation can go anywhere it wants to. There is no telling whether each person was talking directly to you or just speaking from their own experience.
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That was directly at me. I think you are taking it to personal. I liked this post I thought it went well sorry you are so offended.
I really should have clarified that I sent this letter long befor your post, with some very good ideas in it but answered me again and wanted an immediate response.
 
This seems like a good way to kill a topic that was going in a general direction. Believers marring Non believers. Lets explore that if any one is willing. Just purely intellectually of course. I have heard many sermons on the point and would advise myself to not be yoked with an unbeliever. However. I was thinking about Hosea and his wife. What a mess but it was direct from god. Ruth wasn't a believer but married a believer and became a believer with amazing faith and a book in the bible. However we have God sending for a believer Rebeka for Isaac? I don't know what do YOU THINK ???????
 
My belief (and what I've seen in life) tells me that the more things people have in common, the better the quality of the relationship. This is just practical. You both see eye-to-eye on parenting? Nothing to argue about. You both see eye-to-eye on financial matters? Nothing to argue about. Etc. Agreement is very condusive to unity.

The opposite is also true. Huge differences can be a breeding ground for disruption and dischord. Not saying it's impossible, just saying it's asking for a really difficult road.

On spiritual matters the same is true. THis is one of the big reasons why it was forbidden to marry "heathen" women in the OT. And why "equally yoked" is referenced in the NT (although that can be applied to may things besides marriage).

My 2 cents.
 
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