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What if you want a wife for you husband?

JesseHasQuestions

JesseHasQuestions

New Member
I am not sure how I feel about all of this yet. I don't necessarily believe it is unbiblical, but I am not completely convinced it is biblical either, or maybe it is biblical, but not one of those ideals/requirements type of things (nothing is truly required except accepting Christ's gift of salvation and repenting of your sin) and just for some people who are called to it... I'm not sure. I know I have a lot of questions. My husband and I are conservative, He is a fairly new Christian, I am not. I believe in submitting to Him, He is learning how to be head of the home... we have been married for almost 11 years and I love him dearly.

But in the last 5 years I have suffered from some severe health issues, and the things I once did with ease are now very difficult for me to do. I loved taking care of my husband. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of my step-kids when they were with us. Now there are days I cannot walk or stand because of pain, so dishes may stay in the sink (which he is fine with) but he comes home from working 16 hours and there are no meals... and often, even sex is too painful for me. He hardly ever says anything negative about it. He is very kind and loving and supportive. And we are doing everything we can to restore as much of my health as possible, but there is only so much we will be able to do given my condition. I don't need anyone to take care of me or anything, and I can partially take care of the house, but not the way it should or needs to be.

It breaks my heart to see Him not getting what he needs. We have a very happy home and life, I just wonder if we were able to find someone who fit into our family who could bring him back those joys he used to be able to have with me, but I can no longer give him? I want him to be happy! Or would this be a bad idea? Is it even biblical to entertain? I don't know lots of questions!
 
Jesse, that is a very sweet post, your love for your husband is quite evident. You're unsure about it still, you don't know quite what to think - yet you want it for your husband because you love him. That selfless attitude is a great way to start looking into this. And it's perfectly fine and reasonable to want this for your husband.

Plural marriage is certainly not required by scripture. It is however allowable. Just as monogamous marriage and celibacy are also allowable. Which of these is the right thing for you to do is between you and God.

In terms of biblical arguments on this, have you had a look at the Common Misconceptions page on this website? http://www.biblicalfamilies.org/common_misconceptions This may answer any objections that you still have, if it does not then feel free to ask about any particular issues that are concerning you. Check the Resources link at the top of this page for more information to read as well if you like.

If this is to work, your husband will need to be able to lead his home strongly and well, and be able to deal with the inevitable difficulties that arise in a plural marriage. It's a lot more complicated than monogamy, and not to be started lightly. Particularly if he is a new Christian and still learning to be the head of the home, this might not be the right time for him yet, he may need to become a solid leader of his home with just one wife before tackling the challenge of two. However if you do go down this path it may be years before God brings another woman into your lives, giving him plenty of time to learn and grow in the meantime, so that's no reason to not discuss the idea now. I would encourage you to get your husband onto this forum also. Does your husband know you are looking into this?

It's great to have you here, I'm glad you found us.
 
Thank you for your response,
I did read the common misconceptions area, but I am still not sure how it adds up to what I have studied and believed my whole life. I guess I have to pray and think and read on it more. As for my husband, he accepted Christ back in 2007, and has been leading our home since then, but his walk with the Lord has been rocky in that he has a hard time accepting that God can accept him as he is, even in his struggling with faith and mistakes. His work often keeps him away from our home we moved to just a few short years ago, and we have had a very hard time finding a new church home here. This has been very unsettling after coming from such a strong church family in Idaho where he came to accept the Lord and had, for the first time, male role models, support, accountability and friendship. Personally, considering where he starting I think he is doing a wonderful job. But he wants to be so much better and is so hard on himself :)

He has no idea I am even thinking this, and honestly I don't know what his reaction would be. I guess I just wanted to sort out some of my feelings before I even approached the subject with him. As much as I want him to be happy, to be honest I don't know if I could ever share him. I see so very little of him now with his work as it is (he works for homeland security) would he even have time for another wife? Would another woman be able to deal with this schedule? His first wife couldn't. She walked out and left him and refused to try to work it out. From what I have heard from friends who knew him then, it almost destroyed him.

I also worry about what his children would think, my family, his... our friends... It is all so confusing! How did you ever make this decision!
 
JesseHasQuestions said:
he has a hard time accepting that God can accept him as he is, even in his struggling with faith and mistakes.
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For what it is worth, many heroes of the Bible were in the same boat, yet God clearly saw them as worthwhile. Only the devil keeps accusation alive (Rev 12:10 or so). He may as well accept that God has made him into "the righteousness of God", and go on from there.

Just so we're clear, this is the voice of long, painful experience speaking, not a Bible school theology class... *wry grin*

I also worry about what his children would think, my family, his... our friends... It is all so confusing! How did you ever make this decision!
Click to expand...
Expect varying responses. Especially from the children of a first "failed" marriage. Also, expect some change in those responses over time.

Expect the topic to "tear the lid off" of your family and friends' character, and show you either the beautiful or ugly truth inside. Some you thought were rock solid BFFs will utterly reject & condemn you. Others whom you had no idea held you in any regard will step up to your defense. Some old friends will melt away. Others, truly better, will appear.

How did we do it? Slowly, carefully, with tears and fits 'n' starts. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Sometimes feeling as tho we were being dragged into it kicking & screaming. And that is just in coming to an ACCEPTANCE of this truth, much less actively ever living it!

Yet for all that, for all "the loss" that some delight in reminding us of, many of us see nothing but the GAIN! Gain in true-er friendship. Gain in a deeper understanding of and relationship to the Heart and Practice of God. Gain in truly rich experiences!

I've been involved in this movement since late '97/early '98, and have never yet had more than 1 wife in my home at once. Yet that is my testimony. Before PM, my life had lots of drama as I was involved in lots of stuff and always pushing the envelope, true. But since? It's INTERESTING besides! I wake up wondering what God is going to do in my life next?!!!

Um ... you asked if he will have time for wife2 as well as you? My observation is that good men who get involved with this find their priorities changing, and their focus becomes more on the home than it previously was. Net result seems to be time for wife2 AND more for wife1 as he becomes MORE careful to care for her heart as well. Sowing & reaping! Ya do good for another woman by "sharing" a good husband, and it bears fruit for yourself.

Not that it is always all roses, mind. But IS always interesting!

Whatever questions are still bugging you as to the rightness of this course, feel free to blat 'em out. Some loudmouth like me will be delighted to answer! :lol:

Like FollowingHim, you have my admiration and applause. I'm adding my prayers for your total healing as well. May you live long, in excellent health, to enjoy this journey.

CecilW
 
Hi Jesse and welcome:)

It would be really great if you could join us on Tuesday for ladies chat. You can ask away with as many questions as you have and we are a pretty friendly bunch of ladies.

I will more than likely not be there this week, but I try to get there as often as I can.
 
It's real-time chat, on the forum. 7:30pm Tuesday Eastern time (which is about lunchtime Wednesday for us!). My wife says it's very good, I wouldn't know! Details and a link to the chat room at the top of the main index page of the forum.
 
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