When in "the discussion" timeline to attend a retreat?

[NickF]

I'd love to get all opinions. But specifically wondering from the female perspective. Or any of the men who have led a staunchly opposed first wife through and out the other side. But I'll take any and all advice I can get TBH.

My wife is accepting of the idea of biblical marriage being acceptable to God. But by no means is she accepting of the idea of a second wife.

When in the discussion timeline do you think it would be wise to broach the idea of attending a family retreat? My earnest hope is to be gentle and lead her with understanding and patience while not beating around the bush. I really want her to see that people living this lifestyle aren't wackos and cultists. But I don't want to push to much too fast.

The first time I mentioned plural marriage was probably a decade ago. And I've brought it up a few times 4 years ago. Always in the context of "lets figure out what the Bible says about it". Because that's what my goal was, to get into God's words on the matter. We've discussed it a few times, more in the past year. She is now of the opinion that while it is biblical and acceptable to God. It's not acceptable to her. And bringing it up gets her upset now.

Not sure on how to progress, or if it's just something I need to back off and be at peace for a time.

Coincidentally there is a piece of land in East Tenn that I want to bring the family to visit this summer. Considering buying it or another nearby.

 

[Keith Martin]

Just my two cents, but I'd make my first suggestion about it as soon as possible -- but probably wait for a moment when your wife isn't already in the mood to put you in the guillotine. Be certain to mention that she will not be alone as far as being a wife who is at the Hell-No stage.

More importantly, if she does attend, your greatest challenge will be letting the process take its own sweet time while you're there. Don't abandon her, but also don't have expectations about what she's supposed to learn, how she's supposed to grow, what she's supposed to say. Let what she observes, discusses and assimilates occur at her own pace. And let her be the one to initiate conversation with you about it not only while you're there, but in the ride home and in the months that follow. As men, we like to fix things -- accomplish one thing and move on to the next -- and persuading our wives to be super cool with this is mighty tempting, but patience isn't just a virtue in regard to the process of your wife coming around from being obedient to the mistaken culture; it's a complete necessity, because what you can count on is that there is not a 1-to-1 relationship but indeed a high positive correlation between your eagerness and her resistance.

 

[The Revolting Man]

This can take a very long time. It’s hard to set definite guideposts on when and how.

My wife knew I believed in poly before we got married and it took her four years to come around. I took her to a retreat fairly early but before we got married had also told her that we would be fellowshipping with poly friendly believers. She had known about Biblical Families and my involvement since we had been dating.

The other mitigating factor in my situation is that I had promised her that I would never ask her to live poly so there was no concern in her mind when we went to that first retreat that I was trying to pull her in to it some how.

The other factor is that different women respond to retreats very differently. There have literally been women who jumped over tables to get away. Other women have been calmed and down uplifted by the experience. It’s just impossible to know.

 

[Joleneakamama]

Our family attended one retreat and very much enjoyed it. We also had several of us make a couple hotel retreats that were also very enjoyable.
I think the best thing about them is the caliber of the people and resulting discussion.....and the worship shared with other believers!

The biggest advantage (or detriment depending on perspective for woman resistant to the concept) is meeting such amazing, wonderful, normal human, BIBLICALLY minded FAMILIES!

It can quiet fears by showing how beautiful and possible it is.....and then make that unimaginable impossible life more of an imaginable possibility......creating a new set of fears.

Basically....everything is perspective and choice.