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When Should A Wife Separate From Her Husband?

elkanahtyler

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When Should A Wife Separate From Her Husband? P
What are the consequences of marital separation? P
Copyright © 5/31/10
This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so inclined as long as it is not changed and the author is acknowledged. Please let me know if you find any errors in this document
By L. Tyler San Diego, CA 92162-0763
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OrthodoxB ... gePolygamy
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolyg ... gynyNJesus
http://groups.google.com/group/polygamo ... s_of_tyler
http://biblicalmarriagepolygyny.yuku.com/forums/66

CONTENTS
[1] A genuinely saved believing mate of an believer
[2] A genuinely saved believing mate of an unbeliever
===========================

[1] A genuinely saved believing mate of an believer
Interesting and unusual is the ministry idea of helping wives safely and securely leave their husbands in marriages where they are unhappy, uncomfortable and feel trapped. I just hope the ladies do it the Lord's Way. By that I mean, that they get their freedom the Lord's Way, the Way of 1 Cor 7 as to separating from one's husband when he is snared in sin. In the context of marital separation, the husband is commanded to NEVER forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, divorce [Strongs 863] his wife/woman:
***1 Cor 7:11 . . . a [believing] husband/man is not to forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, divorce [Strongs 863] his wife/woman..

For the wife/woman, the Lord's Way is different in the matter of marital separation:
***1Cor 7: 10 I command the married —not I, but the Lord—a [believing] wife is not to leave, depart or separate from [Strong's 5563] her [believing] husband. 11 But if she does leave, depart, and/or separate [Strong's 5563], she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband , , ,

We have the Word in 1 Cor 5:11 But now I am writing you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother who is sexually immoral, covetous, greedy, an idolater - living according to and under the dominant influence or someone or something other than Jesus, a railer*, a reviler*, a slanderer*, a verbal abuser*, a drunkard, a swindler, or an extortioner. Do not even eat with such a person.

--------------------------------*VERBAL ABUSE* -----------------------------------

1 Cor 5 Paraphrased: 11 But, as things are, I say that you are not to associate with any one who, although a Brother in name, is . . verbally abusive <Strong's 3060 = loidoros>, . . - no, not even to sit at table [to eat] with such people.
So according to Strong's definition, do not continue to associate, socialize, fellowship or eat with one is called a believer who does the following:
1.) reviles/scolds/rails at another using harsh, unkind, insolent, disrespectful, proud and/or abusive/hurtful language/words;
2.) reviles another, subjecting another to verbal abuse/hurt, using abusive/hurtful language/words;
3.) belittles another, causing another to seem/feel little or less, using abusive/hurtful language/words;
4.) depreciates another publically, causing another to seem/feel little or less, using abusive/hurtful language/words

So the believing wife has the second best option of separating celibately from her believing husband if he is spiritually snared (2 Tim 2:24-26) and has become sexually immoral, covetous, greedy, an idolater - living according to and under the dominant influence or someone or something other than Jesus, a railer*, a reviler*, a slanderer*, a verbal abuser*, a drunkard, a swindler, or an extortioner (1 Cor 5:11), she shouldn't even be eating with him.

The wife also is instructed to exercise her option to separate celibately from her spiritually snared but believing mate for the following reasons:
***Romans 16:17 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions, dissensions and create obstacles, [spiritual] pitfalls, stumbling-blocks, and hindrances contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.

Whether or not the believing wife uses her celibate separation option because of her believing husband's sinful behavior, for sure she is supposed to initiate church discipline as described in Matt 18:15-17; 1 Cor 5:1-5,11; 2 Thess 3:6-14; Romans 16:17. The goal is that the Father will chasten (Heb 12) the snared-in-sin but believing husband so that, like the sinning saint of 1 Cor 5, he will turn back to Jesus in godly sorrow and repentance (2 Cor 7), like it did for the 1 Cor 5 snared-in-sin saint, which will ultimately lead to reconciliation and reunion (2 Cor 2), like it did for the 1 Cor 5 snared-in-sin saint. Then the believing wife has the choice of reconciling with her repentant and believing husband, or remaining celibately separated.

IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT that the wife suffering from spousal abuse follow the Word given in Matt 18:15,16,17; that first she humbly, gently and respectfully (2 Tim 2:24-26) tells her abusive mate that his abusive behavior grieves, offends, hurts and troubles her greatly, giving him the Scripture he is violating by his behavior. If she is afraid of doing this face to face, she could do it by letter or note given to him or left for him where he will get it. If she expects him to react abusively then she should safely separate from him (1 Cor 7:11) until she feels it is safe to return to him. If he continues to abuse, grieve, offend, hurt and trouble her, then she needs to humbly, gently and respectfully get a brother and sister in Christ to go with her and tell him that his abusive behavior is not acceptable and should stop. If his reaction is abusive and/or dangerous, she should exercise her separation option under the protection of the brother and sister that helped her do Matt 18:16. If the abusive husband has failed to respond positively to the Matt 18:16 intervention, then she needs to ask her fellowship group or church leadership to go with her to humbly, gently and respectfully tell the abusive mate that his abusive behavior is not acceptable and should stop. If she fears his reaction or his reaction is threatening, then she should leave with the Matt 18:17 delegation and under their protection safely separate herself from him. She should not live alone in her separation from the abusive mate since he could find her and abuse her again. She needs to stay with a family or a group and be under the protection of the men of that family or group.

I just read another account of a how a violent and abusive husband killed his wife even after being placed under a court ordered and police enfored restraining order. My http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LynnAndLossRecovery group tells of the many female victims of violent mates. I am deeply grieved by the too often recurring fatal violence of men against their own women. A woman who is being abused too often cannot appreciate the imminent danger an abusive mate puts her in and her brethren need to intervene and protect her even if she thinks it is not necessary. This is a very important part of God's Way:
to break the bonds and chains of wickedness,
to untie the restraining ropes of enslaving, oppressive and burdensome restraints;^
to set the oppressed free,
to try to help and provide justice for the needy, the fatherless, the widow and the helpless;
to rescue the poor and needy from the hands of the wicked,
to rescue those wrongfully taken off to be killed, those moving toward slaughter in the womb or outside of it;^
to uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute,
to remove every burdensome and oppressing restraint,
to share my bread with the hungry,
to give something to drink to the thirsty,
to provide housing for the poor and homeless,
to clothe the naked when I encounter them,
to help take care of the sick and imprisoned,
to see to it that bereft women and children are taken care of,
to not ignore or neglect my own familial flesh and blood,
to rid my life of scornful and accusatory finger-pointing and malicious speaking,
to offer that with which I sustain my own life to the hungry that I encounter,
and to do my best to meet the needs of the afflicted^ I encounter, even if it means we have to disobey* human laws and officials to do so.
*Acts 5:28-30; Daniel 3 + 6; Gen 39:9-11; Exod 1:16-21; 2:1-4; Rom 13:1-7 + Hebrews 11:13-16
~Eph 5:7-11: 2Tim 2:24-26; Gal 6:1
`Mat 29:19,20; Acts 20:25-35
^ Isaiah 58; Matthew 25; James 1:27; Jer 22:16; Deut 24:17; 10:18; Prov 24:11; Psa 10:14; 82:3,4; 146:9; 68:5;
Mat 25:35-45

The believing wife who choses to separate celibately from her husband needs to be aware of the fact that her separation will cause him to be tempted sexually by Satan and/or his demons, as predicted in 1 Cor 7:2,5. He might be godly enough to go the Lord's way to avoid sex sin, avoiding sex sin by marrying (1 Cor 7:1-5,8,9). To do so he, as a disciple of Christ, would have to become polygynous because he is maritally bound to his departed and celibately separated believing wife as long as they both live (Rom 7:1-3; 1 Cor 7:10,11,39). So he may choose to become polygynous and marry an additional wife, in his departed wife's absence, to avoid sex sin (1Cor7:2,5,9). The celibately separated wife then would have the choice of reconciling/reuniting with her now polygynous husband in polygyny, or continuing to remain celibately separated from him. If she chose to reconcile and reunite with her now polygynous husband and his new wife, he would have to submit to the authority God has given to her (Romans 13:1-5) over the sexual use of his body - - - -
***1 Cor 7:4. The woman doesn't have [sexual] authority over her own body, but the husband [does]; in like manner also the man doesn't have [sexual] authority over his own body, but the woman [does].

and he would have to obey the Word in 1 Cor 7 - - - -
***2 but because of and to avoid sexual immorality each man should be [sexually] having his own woman, and each woman should be [sexually] having her own man. . . 5 Do not be denying each other [sexually], unless, it may be, by consent for a time, that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer, and again be conjugally cohabiting [sexually reuniting], that Satan tempt you not because of your incontinence. . .

Where it is illegal to have more than one wife at a time, her reconciliation and reunion with her polygynous husband would have to be private, discrete and according to Romans 14, here paraphrased for application:
'1 As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. . . . 13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15 For if your brother is grieved by [your polygyny you] are no longer walking in love. By what you [do], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of [monogyny or polygyny] but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20 Do not, for the sake of [polygyny], destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he [does]. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything [including polygyny] that causes your brother to stumble. 22 The faith/conviction that you have [about living in polygyny], keep between yourself and God [privately and discretely]. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts [about what he does] is condemned if he [does it], because the [doing] is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. ' 15: 1 Now we who are strong have an obligation to bear the weaknesses of those without strength, and not to please ourselves. 2 Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, in order to build him up.

[2] >>>>>>BELIEVING WIFE/WOMAN WITH UNBELIEVING MATE<<<<<<

What if her husband is unsaved, unbelieving and he is sexually immoral, covetous, greedy, an idolater - living according to and under the dominant influence or someone or something other than Jesus, a railer*, a reviler*, a slanderer*, a verbal abuser*, a drunkard, a swindler, an extortioner; a causer of divisions and dissensions in the marriage, or a creator of marital obstacles, [spiritual] pitfalls, stumbling-blocks, and hindrances contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught in Jesus?

The Word and the Way is:
***1 Cor 7:13 Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband/man, and he is willing [consents, would like] to keep on [maritally] occupying a house, residing , cohabiting and/or dwelling with with her, she must not forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, and/or remit her husband/man. .

The full meaning of the passage should be understood this way:
If any woman has an unbelieving husband/man, and he is willing to keep on maritally occupying a house, residing , cohabiting and/or dwelling with with her, she must not forsake, lay aside, leave, put (send) away, and/or remit her husband/man. But if she does leave, depart, and/or separate, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband . . .

Plan A is for the believing wife not to leave her unbelieving husband as long as he wants to maritally live with her, but she does have the Plan B option of celibate separation if her unsaved/unbelieving husband is sexually immoral, covetous, greedy, an idolater - living according to and under the dominant influence or someone or something other than Jesus, a railer*, a reviler*, a slanderer*, a verbal abuser*, a drunkard, a swindler, an extortioner; a causer of divisions and dissensions in the marriage, or a creator of marital obstacles, [spiritual] pitfalls, stumbling-blocks, and hindrances contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught in Jesus

The believing wife who choses to separate celibately from her unsaved/unbelieving husband (who is willing to keep on maritally occupying a house, residing , cohabiting and/or dwelling with her) needs to be aware of the fact that her separation will cause him to be tempted sexually by Satan and/or his demons, as predicted in 1 Cor 7:2,5. He might be godly enough to go the Lord's way to avoid sex sin, avoiding sex sin by marrying (1 Cor 7:1-5,8,9). To do so he might unwittingly become polygynous because his believing wife is still maritally bound to him as long as he is willing to keep on maritally occupying a house, residing , cohabiting and/or dwelling with her. So he may choose to become polygynous and marry an additional wife, in his departed wife's absence, to avoid sex sin (1Cor7:2,5,9). The celibately separated wife then would have the choice of reconciling/reuniting with her now polygynous husband in polygyny, or continuing to remain celibately separated from him. If she chose to reconcile and reunite with her now polygynous husband and his new wife, who might not be too keen on the idea and force him to choose between her and the returning wife.

If her now polygynous and unbelieving husband and his new wife accept her back into the marriage, where it is illegal to have more than one wife at a time, her reconciliation and reunion with her polygynous husband would have to be private, discrete and according to Romans 14, here paraphrased for application:
'1As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. . . . 13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14 I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15 For if your brother is grieved by [your polygyny you] are no longer walking in love. By what you [do], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of [monogyny or polygyny] but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20 Do not, for the sake of [polygyny], destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he [does]. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything [including polygyny] that causes your brother to stumble. 22 The faith/conviction that you have [about living in polygyny], keep between yourself and God [privately and discretely]. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts [about what he does] is condemned if he [does it], because the [doing] is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. ' 15: 1 Now we who are strong have an obligation to bear the weaknesses of those without strength, and not to please ourselves. 2 Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, in order to build him up.

AND FINALLY THERE IS THE TIME AND WAY that the believing wife is maritally freed from her unbelieving mate:
***1 Cor 7:.15 But if the unbeliever leaves, departs and/or separates himself from her [Strong's 5563], he should go away/depart/separate/leave, [he should separate himself from her].. A brother or a sister is not [legally, morally, maritally] bound in such cases [in the Kingdom of God]. God has called you to peace.

If the believer does so leave, depart and/or separate himself from the believing wife, she is maritally free from him in the Kingdom of God and is free to get a legal divorce and marry a godly man

http://meetup.com/SanDiegoChristianPolygyny -- 17
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Poly_Poly ... And_Jesus/
http://groups.google.com/group/Biblical ... myPolygyny
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyOptio ... sWithSTDs/
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=107582071823 (poly & divorce)
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=6382095167 - -17
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2648256332 -46
http://groups.myspace.com/BiblicalChristianPoly - - 13
http://polygynouschristians.multiply.com/
http://www.scribd.com/people/documents/ ... nnie-tyler
http://www.flickr.com/groups/christian_polygyny/ -
http://www.flickr.com/groups/christian_polygamy/
http://www.shtyle.fm/community.do?cid=41185
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BlackPolygyny/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BrownPeop ... anPolygamy
http://biblicalmarriagepolygamypolygyny.webs.com/
 
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