So I have been talking about going poly with my wife (we can call her G) for years. She was completely against it, much due to my way of bringing it up with her being too pushy to say the least. Now though, we are at a point she is open to me dating/courting another woman with the intention to build a relationship that would potentially become marriage. I had come to believe before this that polygamy was ok, but not in the works for my future.
So this year our best friend (call her S) came into our lives. She is finishing college and then a phd before considering dating, so she hasn't dated anyone before. So there are several years to come before starting a courtship would be an option, if at all. The only restriction my wife has about dating women is that I am not to date our best friend S. Her reasoning is she doesn't make friends very easily, and would hate for things to not work out and their friendship fall apart. It is honestly a fear that I share as its a friendship I do not want to loose, however I believe its a risk that can be mitigated.
My problem right now is, perhaps its closed minded, I don't see anyone else as a possibility. S spent the summer living at our house. It was a really great dynamic, and she has what I am looking for in a potential wife. We didn't live in the mindset of future marriage, but it was an idea that grew in my head over the last few weeks before she left. I explained to my wife first and later to S that I had developed romantic feelings for S and was open to dating if they were. With that in mind, my wife wants to help me find someone else, because she knows I want to explore more practically if poly is right for our family, and she wants to help me get past my feelings for S. Its putting me in a strange place, because at this point I feel as though the right woman has been put there, I am just being told to have patience and wait for her to come to terms with polygamy as she completes her degree.
The idea of looking for anyone else seems like I am substituting, not even compromising but that I would go on a date and just compare why S is superior to whomever I am considering as a potential second wife. That attempting to date someone else would just be a placeholder, practice for when S is in a position professionally to be in a relationship and mentally to accept poly, if that day ever comes.
Has anyone here seen some of these components before? Objections I have to work through with my wife about risking her best friend for the potential gain of having s join our family as a wife, as well as objection of a young woman to the polygamy lifestyle, not necessarily in general, but in her own future. Not that I want to force her, but I wish there was a way to discuss it over the coming years to sway her. Additionally, I wouldn't have a serious conversation about it with S until I get through my wife's objection first. Some may say its not her place, but there is a component of being on the same page that mkes a marriage work alot smoother.
I have lots of time, and understand through the mistakes of others here, and even my own early mistakes that forcing the issue and being impatient will only blow up in my face. I just need encouragement and direction.
Thanks in advance
So this year our best friend (call her S) came into our lives. She is finishing college and then a phd before considering dating, so she hasn't dated anyone before. So there are several years to come before starting a courtship would be an option, if at all. The only restriction my wife has about dating women is that I am not to date our best friend S. Her reasoning is she doesn't make friends very easily, and would hate for things to not work out and their friendship fall apart. It is honestly a fear that I share as its a friendship I do not want to loose, however I believe its a risk that can be mitigated.
My problem right now is, perhaps its closed minded, I don't see anyone else as a possibility. S spent the summer living at our house. It was a really great dynamic, and she has what I am looking for in a potential wife. We didn't live in the mindset of future marriage, but it was an idea that grew in my head over the last few weeks before she left. I explained to my wife first and later to S that I had developed romantic feelings for S and was open to dating if they were. With that in mind, my wife wants to help me find someone else, because she knows I want to explore more practically if poly is right for our family, and she wants to help me get past my feelings for S. Its putting me in a strange place, because at this point I feel as though the right woman has been put there, I am just being told to have patience and wait for her to come to terms with polygamy as she completes her degree.
The idea of looking for anyone else seems like I am substituting, not even compromising but that I would go on a date and just compare why S is superior to whomever I am considering as a potential second wife. That attempting to date someone else would just be a placeholder, practice for when S is in a position professionally to be in a relationship and mentally to accept poly, if that day ever comes.
Has anyone here seen some of these components before? Objections I have to work through with my wife about risking her best friend for the potential gain of having s join our family as a wife, as well as objection of a young woman to the polygamy lifestyle, not necessarily in general, but in her own future. Not that I want to force her, but I wish there was a way to discuss it over the coming years to sway her. Additionally, I wouldn't have a serious conversation about it with S until I get through my wife's objection first. Some may say its not her place, but there is a component of being on the same page that mkes a marriage work alot smoother.
I have lots of time, and understand through the mistakes of others here, and even my own early mistakes that forcing the issue and being impatient will only blow up in my face. I just need encouragement and direction.
Thanks in advance
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