Your wedding day

[Patricia C]

Men: I would love to hear stories about the wedding day to your second, third, fourth.... etc. What did you do to make that day special for your wives. Did you plan a honeymoon? How did you propose? Was it big or small?

Ladies / second or beyond: will you share your wedding story with us. It isn't that first wives stories aren't special because they definitely are but when the second marriage begins is when monogamy ends. I would love to hear how as a family this day was recognized. What did you do for a ceremony if anything. Was there a honeymoon? As sisters did you do anything special together? I would love to hear your story

 

[Soldier's Psalm]

I would really like to see some action on this thread. What does a ceremony on the second and third wife look like? I imagine by the time you do the second wife you have "came out of the closet" so to speak and quite posibly have lost relationship with a majority of friends and family. That would be the case for me for sure. Do most do a big ceremony for second and third wives?

 

[MaryandJim]

As a first wife, I would like second wife to have a wedding ceremony if that is what she and hubby wants.

 

[Isaac]

The proposal and wedding to my first wife, @Sonshine, was your typical American/Christian church affair. I proposed, she said “yes”, and we had a small ceremony and reception at our church with between 75-100 people in attendance. Same as pretty much everyone does but on a very small scale due to personal preference and to keep it inexpensive.

With @Sparkles , my second wife, there wasn’t really a proposal as much as an offer of marriage that happened naturally during the course of us all figuring this out and as a result of our circumstances.

As for “make the day special”, not much. For us, the “wedding” was of unimportance, so we just had a ceremony (if you want to call it that ). My opinion is it isn’t about making one feel special as much as it is about making it official and celebrating/rejoicing with family, whatever that looks like for you and with whatever “family” means to you. To me, THAT’S what makes it special. I’ve never been one for weddings, especially the typical garbage you see today where a bride is idolized and “it’s HER special day” and such. It’s not for me, and especially since coming to an understanding of biblical marriage, even more so.

Anyway...some details...we were in between houses at the time and in a temporary one-month rental while we waited for our new home to finish being built. It was a very small thing we did, the ceremony. Partially due to our personalities and preferences, partially due to beliefs, and partially due to circumstances. The only people, other than us, that even knew were the mother @Sonshine, and the parents of @Sparkles. Neither had any desire to attend/witness/be a part of it and we didn’t invite them. It’s was to be a simple, personal thing done with just my household. The main thing that was important to me was that it was done with my family, even though it would have been easier and less awkward with just @Sparkles and I. But that was not something I ever wanted. To be honest, I don’t like being the center of attention, so being the head of the household and conducting/officiating and partaking in my own marriage ceremony felt a little weird and awkward. Especially since just recently “coming out” of the the American Christian church and all the programming and mindset that that entails. Also feeling like I had no idea what I was doing and wasn’t sure if I was doing it “right”. Haha! So I kept it really basic. @Sparkles and I simply said vows to each other in the backyard of the rental we were at with @Sonshine and our four children in attendance. We exchanged rings, with mine being the same ring I already had, just had the names of @Sonshine and @Sparkles engraved on the inside along with their respective wedding dates. I think it took all of about three minutes! VERY simple. Very private...except for the possibility of some neighbor sitting in their backyard reading the newspaper, enjoying a cup of coffee and maybe hearing two people say marriage vows to each other. Haha!!! We then went out to breakfast as a family. After that, @Sparkles and I went away for the rest of the day. Spent the night out of town and returned the next afternoon.

Sooo....yeah....there you go.

 

[Patricia C]

The proposal and wedding to my first wife, @Sonshine, was your typical American/Christian church affair. I proposed, she said “yes”, and we have a small ceremony and reception at our church with between 75-100 people in attendance. Same as pretty much everyone does but on a very small scale due to personal preference and to keep it inexpensive.

With @Sparkles , my second wife, there wasn’t really a proposal as much as an offer of marriage that happened naturally during the course of us all figuring this out and as a result of our circumstances.

As for “make the day special”, not much. For us, the “wedding” was of unimportance, so we just had a ceremony (if you want to call it that ). My opinion is it isn’t about making one feel special as much as it is about making it official and celebrating/rejoicing with family, whatever that looks like for you and with whatever “family” means to you. To me, THAT’S what makes it special. I’ve never been one for weddings, especially the typical garbage you see today where a bride is idolized and “it’s HER special day” and such. It’s not for me, and especially since coming to an understanding of biblical marriage, even more so.

Anyway...some details...we were in between houses at the time and in a temporary one-month rental while we waited for our new home to finish being built. It was a very small thing we did, the ceremony. Partially due to our personalities and preferences, partially due to beliefs, and partially due to circumstances. The only people, other than us, that even knew were the mother @Sonshine, and the parents of @Sparkles. Neither had any desire to attend/witness/be a part of it and we didn’t invite them. It’s was to be a simple, personal thing done with just my household. The main thing that was important to me was that it was done with my family, even though it would have been easier and less awkward with just @Sparkles and I. But that was not something I ever wanted. To be honest, I don’t like being the center of attention, so being the head of the household and conducting/officiating and partaking in my own marriage ceremony felt a little weird and awkward. Especially since just recently “coming out” of the the American Christian church and all the programming and mindset that that entails. Also feeling like I had no idea what I was doing and wasn’t sure if I was doing it “right”. Haha! So I kept it really basic. @Sparkles and I simply said vows to each other in the backyard of the rental we were at with @Sonshine and our four children in attendance. We exchanged rings, with mine being the same ring I already had, just had the names of @Sonshine and @Sparkles engraved on the inside along with their respective wedding dates. I think it took all of about three minutes! VERY simple. Very private...except for the possibility of some neighbor sitting in their backyard reading the newspaper, enjoying a cup of coffee and maybe hearing two people say marriage vows to each other. Haha!!! We then went out to breakfast as a family. After that, @Sparkles and I went away for the rest of the day. Spent the night out of town and returned the next afternoon.

Sooo....yeah....there you go.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.
I wonder if it is common to have a just immediate family ceremony? @Sonshine Did you have any part in the "wedding"

Is there anything you would have done differently? Did you write your own vows?

 

[Isaac]

@Sonshine Did you have any part in the "wedding"

Is there anything you would have done differently? Did you write your own vows?

She did not have any part other than being present. That’s was all she could handle and bare at the time and I wouldn’t have asked for any more than that. The ladies had rings made for each other. Kind of a “sisterwives” thing. Just a token of their love for each other. But with the rollercoaster of emotion at the time, @Sonshine wasn't in a place to give it at that time. It did follow 6 weeks later on @Sparkles birthday and brought her to tears. Many ups and downs in this journey.

Not a thing I’d do differently. Not one.

And yes, we wrote our own vows for each other. I told @Sparkles the bullet-points I wanted said in her vows, but left it up to her to personalize them.

 

[James A]

I can tell your asking a lot of questions that is good. When God gives me my first second and third wife I want to have a ceremony for at least 2 of them at a biblical families get togethor. I am waiting patiently for God to develop and bring my first wife into my life

 

[Cap]

The Snowden wedding on seeking sister wives would be a good base. Focused more on Christian beliefs but where the wives would be just as involved as the new husband and wife. A new wife is marrying the family just as much as the husband, in my view.

 

[Patricia C]

I can tell your asking a lot of questions that is good. When God gives me my first second and third wife I want to have a ceremony for at least 2 of them at a biblical families get togethor. I am waiting patiently for God to develop and bring my first wife into my life

I don't think weddings are allowed at the retreats anymore. That's not to say you couldn't make your wedding a retreat and invite everyone. It would be neat to see families at the retreat rewrite their vows to one another if they haven't done that already.

I ask the questions out of curiosity. What does it look like from the other side. How was it made special for the second? All wives want to have something special even if it is simple. Do the wives resent eachother or like sisters plan and prepare together... that is what I would want. My father never gave me away. I would like for a very special male friend to give me away in lue of my father. I just have desires I hope to have one day. Maybe...

 

[James A]

God will give you your desires you just have to wait and keep making yourself the person God wants you to be for your future hushband and any single men reading this besides me vise versa

 

[Patricia C]

The Snowden wedding on seeking sister wives would be a good base. Focused more on Christian beliefs but where the wives would be just as involved as the new husband and wife. A new wife is marrying the family just as much as the husband, in my view.

I agree. When my ex husband and I got married we were blending families so we had a unity candle ceremony. Each child had a candle and we lit our children's candles and then all of us lit one candle signifying we were coming together as one unit, no longer two. I think some type of something unifying everyone in the family would be beautiful because we are all making the commitment

 

[James A]

It is like preparing a meal but it is in this case it is your mind and spirit

 

[Cap]

I agree. When my ex husband and I got married we were blending families so we had a unity candle ceremony. Each child had a candle and we lit our children's candles and then all of us lit one candle signifying we were coming together as one unit, no longer two. I think some type of something unifying everyone in the family would be beautiful because we are all making the commitment

Sounds really good.

 

[James A]

Trust God

 

[James A]

Hope to see everyone at the retreat this year

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

Maybe things changed and I never saw it, but in this thread, we talked about ceremonies at retreats.

https://biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/weddings-receptions-and-other-celebrations.13493/

 

[James A]

Subject was that but I was covering any mindset that could of led to the post being sent.

 

[Verifyveritas76]

The proposal and wedding to my first wife, @Sonshine, was your typical American/Christian church affair. I proposed, she said “yes”, and we had a small ceremony and reception at our church with between 75-100 people in attendance. Same as pretty much everyone does but on a very small scale due to personal preference and to keep it inexpensive.

With @Sparkles , my second wife, there wasn’t really a proposal as much as an offer of marriage that happened naturally during the course of us all figuring this out and as a result of our circumstances.

As for “make the day special”, not much. For us, the “wedding” was of unimportance, so we just had a ceremony (if you want to call it that ). My opinion is it isn’t about making one feel special as much as it is about making it official and celebrating/rejoicing with family, whatever that looks like for you and with whatever “family” means to you. To me, THAT’S what makes it special. I’ve never been one for weddings, especially the typical garbage you see today where a bride is idolized and “it’s HER special day” and such. It’s not for me, and especially since coming to an understanding of biblical marriage, even more so.

Anyway...some details...we were in between houses at the time and in a temporary one-month rental while we waited for our new home to finish being built. It was a very small thing we did, the ceremony. Partially due to our personalities and preferences, partially due to beliefs, and partially due to circumstances. The only people, other than us, that even knew were the mother @Sonshine, and the parents of @Sparkles. Neither had any desire to attend/witness/be a part of it and we didn’t invite them. It’s was to be a simple, personal thing done with just my household. The main thing that was important to me was that it was done with my family, even though it would have been easier and less awkward with just @Sparkles and I. But that was not something I ever wanted. To be honest, I don’t like being the center of attention, so being the head of the household and conducting/officiating and partaking in my own marriage ceremony felt a little weird and awkward. Especially since just recently “coming out” of the the American Christian church and all the programming and mindset that that entails. Also feeling like I had no idea what I was doing and wasn’t sure if I was doing it “right”. Haha! So I kept it really basic. @Sparkles and I simply said vows to each other in the backyard of the rental we were at with @Sonshine and our four children in attendance. We exchanged rings, with mine being the same ring I already had, just had the names of @Sonshine and @Sparkles engraved on the inside along with their respective wedding dates. I think it took all of about three minutes! VERY simple. Very private...except for the possibility of some neighbor sitting in their backyard reading the newspaper, enjoying a cup of coffee and maybe hearing two people say marriage vows to each other. Haha!!! We then went out to breakfast as a family. After that, @Sparkles and I went away for the rest of the day. Spent the night out of town and returned the next afternoon.

Sooo....yeah....there you go.

A man of like persuasion! I’d probably do a couple of things minutely different, but basically the same idea and priorities

 

[Cool Wifey Jones]

I still struggle with the idea of us becoming a plural family, but I know for myself I would want my SW to have a ceremony where she felt loved and beautiful. I guess, in my head, it seems like it would have to be hush-hush and that she would miss out on what most women get to have...I love the idea of SW's exchanging rings as well, though! It adds another layer of commitment, not only to the husband, but to one another.

 

[steve]

I don't think weddings are allowed at the retreats anymore.

Yeah, that’s pretty much my fault.
I allowed my first wedding to a second wife get out of hand and it overwhelmed the retreat.
It was a nice ceremony, although it didn’t stick very well.

It would be very easy for the main purposes of a Biblical Families retreat to be overwhelmed and subsumed by the pomp, circumstance, drama and emotional overload of wedding proceedings.

Holy cow!
It’s like you were there