Honest question. What if the man who wants to take you in is 5’3”, 250 pounds, missing three front teeth and has acne, but he’s a very Godly man? Would you marry him?
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True or false: single women are either arrogant and prideful or needy with baggage
- Thread starter KarenJeanLovesYHWH
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A lot of women say that, but in actual practice they don’t. I’m not saying you wouldn’t, but many women won’t.
Is your child’s father still alive? I think that is what is being alluded to. Unless the father is dead, then the child does have a father. An orphan is a child whose father had died.
A statement that should not be made by any wife, nor should husband allow it to be said. I ask my wives to instead of saying I will not, to instead say I would not want to do X, would you allow me to do Y instead? Or could I please not have to do X. Presented in that manner the husband is more likely to consider the request.
But
regardless Scripture doesn’t say take care of the fatherless “as long as it’s easy and everything seems to be okay”. It’s says to provide.
My sons father is dead and my daughters father is not on the birth certificate and never been in her life.
A biblical example of how the widow can be redeemed by a godly man is in the example of Ruth. She comes to Boaz in complete humility, not expecting or demanding anything of him, but simply asking him to cover her. In that culture, becoming his wife meant she was giving herself completely over to his authority.
I would prefer not to but I would to be a liar if I said I wouldn’t, because I’m reality I definitely would. Hopefully we could do something about fixing his teeth but hey, that won’t stop me from marrying a righteous man. Looks mean nothing. 250 can be lost through my cooking for him if he’s willing and if he’s not, then I would have to pray and speculate as to sin is the reason for his weight but I still wouldn’t disqualify him from marriage due to appearance.
It kind of seems like you want to be provided for on your terms by the man you want.
I myself
I myself look to fulfill the prophecy “I will provide my own raiment and food only let me be called by your name”.
My intention Is not what the man can do for me but rather what I can do for him. If my strengths are aligned with causing him increase and profit.
So he needs to be fixed? But he needs to take you as you are?
That is an excellent attitude!
Edit: Be clear about this when you approach a godly man, not demanding, but asking with gentleness and humility and honesty.
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Absolutely not! My original post describes myself as having baggage or burdens that I am carrying and in need help with. I am coming from a place of trauma and in need of deliverance and sanctification. Of course I would need orientation and training as to family dynamics.
A woman is completely transformed when entering into a covenant with a man, a raw gem refined in the Refiners fire.
Your son is a fatherless orphan. Your daughter is not an orphan or fatherless biblically. I understand that it’s possible to be a de-facto orphan if the father outright refuses to have anything to do with the child and can’t be made to.
He was physically abusive to the point of going to jail. He was recently reincarcerated for beating his current child’s mother. He will never be in our lives and I’m sure he’ll happily sign away his rights even though he’s not on the birth certificate and Durant have any anyways.
I wish that this was a more common understanding, too many statements begin with “I am a grown woman, and you are not going to…….”
An interesting mixture of metaphors
A gem gets cut to bring out its beauty, metals are melted down and refined.
Very true. Thank you for my linguistics errorI wish that this was a more common understanding, too many statements begin with “I am a grown woman, and you are not going to…….”
An interesting mixture of metaphors
A gem gets cut to bring out its beauty, metals are melted down and refined.
. A gem is cut and metal is refined and praise YHWH we are likened unto both. And fascinatingly it usually takes both to make a completed work of adorning jewelry. Each person bears fruit, some fruit is barley and bringing forth its fruit easily. Some of our fruit is wheat and takes a threshing and separation . Some of our fruit is like the grape, taking much nurturing and then crushed in the great wine press.
i look forward to producing much fruit for my Michpaca but I will have to admit, we may be facing more wine press moments than desired.
Karen,
I hear you.
I frequently take offense when I read about some men’s judgements of single women. I was a very lost single mom of 3 girls when my husband found me and I am eternally grateful that he took away my reproach.
I recently had the privilege to meet Dr. Gina Murray at the ladies retreat in Charlotte. There is an excellent interview that she and her husband did on YouTube. They talk quite a bit about what, I think, is a unique perspective on single women (and possible biblical solutions but I can’t speak 100% to that as I’m not a scholar
). The part about single women can be found around 1hr 15 min mark. I pray it might be a helpful resource to you as you wait upon the perfect timing of the LORD.
~ Moriah
I hear you.
I frequently take offense when I read about some men’s judgements of single women. I was a very lost single mom of 3 girls when my husband found me and I am eternally grateful that he took away my reproach.
I recently had the privilege to meet Dr. Gina Murray at the ladies retreat in Charlotte. There is an excellent interview that she and her husband did on YouTube. They talk quite a bit about what, I think, is a unique perspective on single women (and possible biblical solutions but I can’t speak 100% to that as I’m not a scholar
). The part about single women can be found around 1hr 15 min mark. I pray it might be a helpful resource to you as you wait upon the perfect timing of the LORD.~ Moriah
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Others places to bull over plig life? Good to know
Sounds like an honest question in good faith as well as you're genuinely looking for what is going on in the plural or wannabe plural marriage guys minds. So I will try to give an honest and good faith answer. Not sure if all of it will be good or bad or perhaps indifferent but will swing on one man's honest.
No arguments found on this part...everyone needs work.. fairly sure some could cite chapter and verse on the topic.
For my own part it would come down to the individuals and what sort of baggage we are talking about.
Would (I will go with the hypothetical I here just for narrative purposes) I be taking on a lot of fiscal debt? Would I have my family threatened by and by extension need to deal harshly with an ex or ex's be they covered in prison tattoos or whatever other stereotypical image one can imagine? Would the children be fast friends and happy to be siblings? For me personally that as well as the relationship with my wife is actually more important to me...not that my potential love for a new wife is unimportant but in the end my family’s happiness comes way before my own.
Would I have a vibe with her and the ability to communicate beyond the level of acquaintance who happen to share a bed half the time?
On that subject, is this hypothetical wife who is interested in me for some odd reason looking for the grand romance from movies and bodice ripping romance books or is she looking for a companionesque marriage or somewhere in the middle?
I have my own preference but frankly as I previously mentioned, needs of the family come first, so is she good for the family?
Is she the type to leave at some point in the future? How is her mental health? How is her physical health? What are he legitimate views upon the power balance within the family? Part of that being, will she follow me where I lead...even if she doesn't share my beliefs and long term plans at the outset? Can I trust her to not lie to me and to show me her true self rather than a facade? Can and will she give me more children? If not, is she willing to accept that being a father is the best thing I have ever achieved in my life...with being a husband running second? That it is my strong goal to have more children and that if I marry another woman who can not give me more children, then she will have to be on board with another wife who can grow the family with children.
These are just a few questions that come off the top of my head and are by no means all but a few examples.
ack! That bloody term. I hate the ludicrous notion that has grown up around the idea of a 2nd+ plural wife. The presumption is that this fictional person is the lynch pin for the whole marriage, the key to happiness and not only the girl that will entice the angels to sing but also crowd the dance floor on the head of a pin.
No thank you. That is to my mind a toxic notion that come to us from the polyamory ie swinger dinks.
Not all of us interested in growing the family need their marriage fixed or saved by some new women, no matter what qualities she brings to the table. Plus...to be honest...most woman in the circumstances you describe are not wealthy and are not inviting the new husband and family to live in her mansion and take weekends on the yacht. Most are normal people of normal means...which means they have ups and downs and struggles like anyone who is single and a parent. So rich or middle income or whatever, the chances are that the new wife is coming to the new family with some bags and odds and sods. Pitching her lot in with the new family and feeling pressure even if none is ever implied, that she should be up to speed and perfect puzzle piece to slot into this new family. Having been through the process, believe me in this.
Anyway...no unicorns. Blaaaaah
For me this goes back to the original extended blather I said about it all being about the individuals and how people mesh.
That said, let me give you some perspective from the couples side of the search.
It doesn't matter how much good will, good faith or authenticity and honesty you bring to the table. The women think they are spoiled for choice because they are somehow special and above any but some pretend vision they have in their minds eye...or they have been deluged with game players/degenerates/lunatics/creepers/scammers or what have you...or they themselves are playing games as fantasists who want to talk about sex constantly...or they Frequently have a combo of anxiety, depression and a few other lower level mental health problems. So maybe they like the idea and will create a profile and think it would be great and right path in life but are too scared.
Doesn't really matter what the reason. Women as a broad sweeping rule just don't reply.
So, I 100% get your frustration and understand how difficult the process is for single women, it is no bloody picnic on this side. Most couples call it a day after a while, presuming that the wife was in earnest about being good with polygamy in the first place.
speaking of picnics, I should do that soon. The boy would enjoy it and my wife and I could sit on a blanket with a bottle of wine while he scampers
I imagine that is a lot of men's fantasy whether they will admit it or not. I am happy to be honest about the fact that I am not nathered about age qua age. That said, I really do want more kids that I father. See above re best thing in my life.
At the same time, I am a talker and a teacher by nature and I really enjoyed teaching a younger sharp as a tack wife new ideas and watching her grab on to them and start sprinting with the concept. The whole sharing new/old with a young woman can be very happy making. Does she have to be younger? Nope...sense of wonder and whimsy not tarnished or all banged up without hope of being reconditioned...meh, not so much there. Need a feeling of being somewhat full of life.
Can help fix a lot of things but a new family should not have to pull all of the weight if that makes sense.
Glad you jumped in and shared. Hope you don't mind the extended blather. Who knows. Maybe some of it might be usefulIt’s prideful thinking and it grieves me that not more men are looking to “rescue” us daughters of Zion from the dark valleys of Babylon.
Anyways, just some thoughts I hope to edify
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oh my yes
if we are placing orders, I would like to tick the box for a really nice smile that lights me up. While we are at it, could she come factory equipped with a good attitude and the desire to follow her husband/family wherever that may go be it good bad or boring(dant dant daaaah)
not uncommon at all.
counter question though. Does she wish to mature? Does she wish to put the family above herself or any one person's desires in the moment? Is she willing to love and be loved?