I've been searching for advice on my situation and I believe you ladies have the unique perspective I'm looking for. Please share your advice if you can. Any guidance is helpful at this point.
My husband and I have been together for 6 years. I'll skip most of the details & ask for help dealing with where I am now.
We wrote up & signed a marriage contract based on biblical terms in August 2018. Financially, legal marriage didn't make sense for us and we both agreed a covenant with God was what was important to us anyway.
I became pregnant with our son in December 2019. He was in a cult and his pastor didn't approve of me or our covenant marriage (I don't worship men/pastors/self-proclaimed "prophets" & "apostles", so we didn't get along). When the pastor learned I was pregnant, he told my husband to marry his ex-gf (part of the cult), or God would take his "anointing" away and kill him. The whole church leadership was involved. He legally married the ex-gf 3 days later.
I thought this ended our covenant marriage. He says it didn't and used biblical verses to prove that God honors and blesses both marriages. This is why I'm asking a polygamist group. I can't find biblical evidence to say his legal marriage to her broke our covenant.
Even after the marriage, his cult didn't stop policing his life. His wife would call the pastor's wife daily and report on him (though they couldn't stop him seeing me and our son). They finally forced him to stand in front of the entire congregation and swear to impregnate her (the pastor prophecied twins). He didn't want a physical relationship with her. She had a lot of casual sex with men at her job when they were together & didn't want to have sex with her although he had agreed to legally marry her. He went through with the sex in Feb 2020, but felt so violated, he was finally able to leave the cult. They separated, and he began working on the divorce papers.
We continued our "marriage" and I got pregnant with our daughter.
He didn't see his wife again until Oct 2020, when he told her he filed the divorce and was serving her the copy. He was shocked to see she was 8mos pregnant & their massively emotional argument sent her into early labor. He came home with pics of their newborn son. I was already pregnant, caring for our son, working full time, and he moved back in with her. Our daughter was born in June.
So, unwillingly, I'm living out polygamy. He juggles both families. Even when the divorce finalizes next month, he intends to keep living with her to care for their son. He says she's a good "roommate".
She was aware of our covenant when they married, but believes God will save her marriage and that she is his "anointed wife".
Meanwhile, I'm feeling like an abandoned mistress and it's humiliating. I have a demanding job as an engineer for a big tech company, provide all income for my house & family, parent my 2 teen daughters (one with Type-1 diabetes), and now raise my 2yo son and 5mo old daughter on my own. He visits 1-2x a week. He used to split the week between us, but she admittedly takes waitressing shifts to limit his availability to me & my kids.
Of course, his polygamist family considers me his wife. They say our "church marriage" is more valid than his legal one. They call her "the tick" and are supporting his divorce. His wife has a history of violence, tantrums, alcoholism, and abusive behavior, neglects her children, & BPD, so his parents have supported me to not allow her around my children.
I need advice. How do I navigate this "marriage"? Is this a marriage? Can I "divorce" him from our covenant because he "cheated" by marrying her (he says, biblically, I can't). How do I deal with his relationship with a hostile, manipulative, abusive woman? Really, other than her, our relationship is great. He's my best friend and is very loving, attentive, supportive, and caring. He's a great husband and father when he's here and texts/calls me all day and night when he's not.
If you read this far, thank you! If you have any advice to offer or can answer my questions, please do. Thanks!
My husband and I have been together for 6 years. I'll skip most of the details & ask for help dealing with where I am now.
We wrote up & signed a marriage contract based on biblical terms in August 2018. Financially, legal marriage didn't make sense for us and we both agreed a covenant with God was what was important to us anyway.
I became pregnant with our son in December 2019. He was in a cult and his pastor didn't approve of me or our covenant marriage (I don't worship men/pastors/self-proclaimed "prophets" & "apostles", so we didn't get along). When the pastor learned I was pregnant, he told my husband to marry his ex-gf (part of the cult), or God would take his "anointing" away and kill him. The whole church leadership was involved. He legally married the ex-gf 3 days later.
I thought this ended our covenant marriage. He says it didn't and used biblical verses to prove that God honors and blesses both marriages. This is why I'm asking a polygamist group. I can't find biblical evidence to say his legal marriage to her broke our covenant.
Even after the marriage, his cult didn't stop policing his life. His wife would call the pastor's wife daily and report on him (though they couldn't stop him seeing me and our son). They finally forced him to stand in front of the entire congregation and swear to impregnate her (the pastor prophecied twins). He didn't want a physical relationship with her. She had a lot of casual sex with men at her job when they were together & didn't want to have sex with her although he had agreed to legally marry her. He went through with the sex in Feb 2020, but felt so violated, he was finally able to leave the cult. They separated, and he began working on the divorce papers.
We continued our "marriage" and I got pregnant with our daughter.
He didn't see his wife again until Oct 2020, when he told her he filed the divorce and was serving her the copy. He was shocked to see she was 8mos pregnant & their massively emotional argument sent her into early labor. He came home with pics of their newborn son. I was already pregnant, caring for our son, working full time, and he moved back in with her. Our daughter was born in June.
So, unwillingly, I'm living out polygamy. He juggles both families. Even when the divorce finalizes next month, he intends to keep living with her to care for their son. He says she's a good "roommate".
She was aware of our covenant when they married, but believes God will save her marriage and that she is his "anointed wife".
Meanwhile, I'm feeling like an abandoned mistress and it's humiliating. I have a demanding job as an engineer for a big tech company, provide all income for my house & family, parent my 2 teen daughters (one with Type-1 diabetes), and now raise my 2yo son and 5mo old daughter on my own. He visits 1-2x a week. He used to split the week between us, but she admittedly takes waitressing shifts to limit his availability to me & my kids.
Of course, his polygamist family considers me his wife. They say our "church marriage" is more valid than his legal one. They call her "the tick" and are supporting his divorce. His wife has a history of violence, tantrums, alcoholism, and abusive behavior, neglects her children, & BPD, so his parents have supported me to not allow her around my children.
I need advice. How do I navigate this "marriage"? Is this a marriage? Can I "divorce" him from our covenant because he "cheated" by marrying her (he says, biblically, I can't). How do I deal with his relationship with a hostile, manipulative, abusive woman? Really, other than her, our relationship is great. He's my best friend and is very loving, attentive, supportive, and caring. He's a great husband and father when he's here and texts/calls me all day and night when he's not.
If you read this far, thank you! If you have any advice to offer or can answer my questions, please do. Thanks!