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Announcing a change in heart

Diener

Diener

New Member
Real Person
Hello all,

I am not sure where to post this, so I figured here would be good enough. I just wanted to let you all know that my husband and I had some serious discussions at the beginning of this year about adding another wife and I know now that I cannot do it. While I don't disagree with it in theory, I have serious issues whenever we start looking for one that can't be resolved without medication. Because of this, Oreslag has relented on looking for another wife. PM is not an option for us as a family anymore. So, while I agree that within the freedom that Christ gives us a man can have more than one wife and I don't think it is wrong, not all indulgences in our freedoms edify those around us. (Romans 14:15 and Galatians 5:13) After all, there is nothing sinful with having just one wife (or no wife, for that matter), either.

Thank you all for your encouragement and fellowship. I am sure I will continue to be around here from time to time, but Oreslag is the one that tends to be the poster. :)
 
Hi,

If you don't mind me asking, what are the issues? My husband and I are just starting and I find it a little hard but I know in the long run it will be re warding.

Thank you and I hope I did not offend you.
 
You're right, Diener. There is nothing wrong at all with having only one wife, or remaining single and celibate. :D As has been mentioned numerous times on this forum, it isn't for everyone, and not everyone is "called" to it. The important thing for you is what you've managed to learn out of all of your soul-searching and seeking. You have undoubtedly experienced some personal growth that is going to benefit you and your marriage, and your relationship with your sons in the long run. That's what really matters. :D
 
Diener, PM isn't for everyone. I think the most important thing is that you understand that scripturally it is ok. Whether you practice it is then up to you and God. Medical conditions can be so hard sometimes. I will pray for your healing of this, if that's ok, not so you can go and practice PM but for your freedom of illness.

I wish you all the best for the future. Please do continue to keep posting on here! Certainly no need to be in a PM or looking for it to participate :D . The more the merrier!
 
Diener said:
Hello all,

I am not sure where to post this, so I figured here would be good enough. I just wanted to let you all know that my husband and I had some serious discussions at the beginning of this year about adding another wife and I know now that I cannot do it. While I don't disagree with it in theory, I have serious issues whenever we start looking for one that can't be resolved without medication. Because of this, Oreslag has relented on looking for another wife. PM is not an option for us as a family anymore. So, while I agree that within the freedom that Christ gives us a man can have more than one wife and I don't think it is wrong, not all indulgences in our freedoms edify those around us. (Romans 14:15 and Galatians 5:13) After all, there is nothing sinful with having just one wife (or no wife, for that matter), either.

Thank you all for your encouragement and fellowship. I am sure I will continue to be around here from time to time, but Oreslag is the one that tends to be the poster. :)
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You need to be honest with yourself and where you are at. I think your doing the right thing, I also agree that PM is not for everyone. God bless you for your honesty.
 
Diener,

It is perfectly ok. It is not a requirement to HAVE or even be SEEKING to have a plural marriage to be a part of the fellowship here at Biblical Families. More often than not, it is not the PRACTICE of PM that seems to get folks in hot water with churches, families, etc....just the BELIEF alone.

You still have a home here, and your wonderful comments and participation are ALWAYS appreciated!

Blessings,

Doc
 
Thank you all very much. :)

I would be happy to answer questions, too. I will be back to address them, but it might be a few days.
 
I promised to come back and post about what my particular issues are. I want to be honest and open, but we aren't looking for a debate about decisions we have made in our personal lives.

I will start with letting you all know that for many years now (9), I have believed that PM is not sinful. I came to that realization as a result of reading my Bible. Upon talking to other Christians about it, it became apparent to me that they didn't have any good, Biblical rebuttals to this and it helped to solidify the view in my mind. When I met Oreslag, the topic did come up. I think I was the one that brought it up because I wanted to see if he was the type of man that used just the Bible to form is opinions on things or not. We found we both agreed that PM is an acceptable form of marriage to God.

We often talked about PM and early in our marriage (we have been married for almost 4 years now) I encouraged him to consider various women I liked as possible wives. None of them were of interest to him, so nothing much came of that, but I really had a very positive and open attitude about bringing in another wife. It may be that I was wrapped up in my fantasy of the ideal situation and/or person and this is why I had no problems when it was all just "talk". Plus, it made my husband very happy to talk about it, so this was also a big reason I enjoyed engaging in the fantasy of it.

I found, however, that when the prospect of fantasy becoming reality was imminent, there was great trouble in my soul. One time, Oreslag was preparing to bring a foreign woman over to the States to get to know her and see if she would be a good candidate as a possible wife. The closer and closer this event came, the deeper my sadness and the more acute the pain I felt. I kept all these feelings from Oreslag at that time because I didn't want to disappoint him and I felt I had an obligation at that point to follow through with this woman. Eventually the depression became so deep that I was considering suicide as a way out. I realized that I needed to get some help and I decided it would be better to go on medication that to commit suicide, so I finally opened up to Oreslag and told him where I was at on the inside and that I needed to have help to get through it. At this point, Oreslag decided that there was something very wrong with the situation if I was feeling this way, so he ended the relationship with the other woman and we stop thinking of PM as a viable option for us.

But, eventually the topic came up again and I ended up joining this forum at my husband's request. I still wasn't interested in PM, but as I became more involved in the forums, I thought that perhaps it was just the timing or the person that was wrong with the last try. I encouraged Oreslag to look again, and for awhile it was okay, but again as things became more and more involved, I found myself slipping back into the same depression. That is when we had our discussion at the beginning of this year about PM, but I haven't been back on the forums to really say anything about what I have been through since my posts last year. I wanted to at least let folks know where we stand on PM now, even if it wasn't a long explanation - at least, I don't think Oreslag has posted about our recent personal history.

That is as succinctly as I can put it without leaving out a lot of pertinent information. If any of you ladies have any other questions, though, I would be happy to talk to you on the Ladies Private Forums (viewforum.php?f=37). Or you can send me a private message, too, if you like.
 
Thank you for that post, it was very brave of you to be so honest about what you went through. I wish you all the best and happiness in the future.

B
x
 
God's ways are peace. When your spirit is troubled, it is a sure sign that the path you are following is not His design.

"What are you looking for?" Surely the answer to that question each and every time is to be seeking and searching for God's Will, not your own, in your life decisions.

God Bless both of you, and your marriage.
 
eternitee said:
God's ways are peace.
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No, sometimes they are war. We are in a battleground on this world, against Satan. He does not want us to succeed, so makes God's narrow way, that should be peaceful, far harder than the broad one he wants the world to follow. You can't just judge right and wrong by your emotions, and what is most peaceful and easy to do.

Diener, I also thank you for your honesty. You and your husband have been going through a very rough time as you have attempted to follow what you believed God's will was for your lives. I will be praying that He will continue to guide you in future, and give His right solution to your troubles.
 
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